RFL Week in Review 99-05

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Radioactive Forlorn LettuceWeek 5October 12, 1999
**** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ****
3 TEAMS TAKE LEAGUE LEAD

Tim's Y2K Bugs, Clark's Bladerunners, and JoePa's Black Sox all surge to the front at 4-1 with hard-fought victories this week. Losses by Kevin's DCIAC, Wally's Crazed Beagles, and Wang's Ferocious Undies drop them into a group of 7 teams at 3-2 (including scoring leader UWSSM).
Tim's Y2K Bugs are now the Steamroller frontrunner - being the highest scoring 4-1 team.
Gary's 12 Angry Men and Stan's Enid Furth Harmony continue as the lone winless teams. Gary had a shot at a weakened UWSSM, but came up short. Stan lost a heartbreaker - in many ways - to the Black Sox.
The top scoring teams: UWSSM (38.4) and Y2K Bugs (34.6)
The lowest scoring teams: Brian (13.8) and EFH (14.2)

MICHIGAN, MINNESOTA LOSE. NEDNEY ON THE LOOSE

On Judgment Day Saturday, Michigan was knocked off by Michigan State, and Minnesota was upset in OT by Wisconsin. Both the Wolverines and the Golden Gophers had been undefeated prior to those stunning defeats. Now... Michigan and Minnesota face uphill climbs to a Rose Bowl berth.
At the end of training camps, the AZ Cardinals obviously put their faith in a strategy made popular (?) by Tim Purwin, RFL Draft Expert. The Cardinals went through the first 4 weeks of the '99 season with 2 PK's - thinking that someone might actually trade something of value for Nedney or Jacke. Against SF on a Monday Night, the Cardinals in fact lined up both kickers on the opening kickoff to try to trick the Niners. The ploy fooled no one, no NFL GM took the trade bait, and the Cardinals finally dropped Nedney.
The Arugula Division went 4-0 against the Leafy Division - cementing the fact that the Leafy Division is the most lifeless division in the League.
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #5!


STANDINGS
Team WLGBPFPASTK
Romaine Division
Y2K Bugs 41-173144W1
Don't Call It a Comeback 321160106L1
Wide Open Beavers 321111113W3
Men in Brown 232137175L1
Iceberg Division
Bladerunners 41-12297W3
Restored Romanians 321170149W3
Crazed Beagles on the Run 321127105L2
Brian's Bums 14369131L3
Team WLGBPFPASTK
Leafy Division
Ferocious Underwear 321147120L1
Team Desai 232103120L1
12 Angry Men 05491156L5
Enid Furth Harmony 05471136L5
Arugula Division
The South Side Black Sox 41-119103W1
Upper West Side Stomp Mongers 321192129W2
Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits 321159135W1
Jock Itch United 232112144W1

WEEK 5 IN REVIEW

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
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Don't Call It a Comeback 22
Bladerunners 26

Clark's Bladers run their record to 4-1 as Brett Favre begins his come-from-behind campaign for RFL MVP. Kevin's DCIAC suffers from a mysterious, last-minute ailment to Natrone - resulting in a Robert Parish from the RB slots. Rumor has it that Clark's buddy Tonya Harding was spotted lurking about the DCIAC locker-room around the time Natrone was declared a "no go" for Sunday's game.

manning 9 oxendine 0 gbrown 0 thigpen 6 holt 0 gonzalez 0 husted 7
favre 12 enis 0 dillon 6 dedric 0 rod 6 brady 0 vinatieri 2
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Men in Brown 23
Restored Romanians 49

Army-Navy, Nebraska-Oklahoma, Minnesota-Minnesota St, Vesh-Joebob... all rivalries knee-deep in steeped tradition. Vesh's Restored Romanians write the latest chapter in the history of this series by whomping Joebob's MiB. Isaac Bruce's 27 was all the Romanians needed to overcome the surprising points from Collins and Mathis. MiB's delusions of granduer - based on Az-Zahir Hakim's flash in the pan Week 4 performance - were quickly deflated.
Both of the Romanian TE's were out on bye's. Carrot Top filled in.

stoney 0 tallen 0 collins 6 hakim 0 mathis 6 egreen 0 gramatica 11
hobert 3 cmartin 0 bettis 6 ibruce 27 conway 6 carrot X vanderjagt 7
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Y2K Bugs 38
Crazed Beagles on the Run 37

A special Monday Night Madness to settle the coming out of perhaps the best new rivalry in RFL. Both Tim and Wally are usually somewhat silent, but both come ready to rock-n-roll on Sundays. Both the Bugs and the Beagles get HUGE PK points in this game, but on Monday night... Fred "0 points" Taylor was a no-show and Jimmy Smits only needed 2 points for a Beagle victory. Smits came up 79 yards short, so the Y2K Bugs were able to hold on to their 1-point victory!
Scrub L for Wally (1-1 in scrub games).

flutie 12 ghill 0 phillips 6 harrison 6 mccaffrey 0 sloan 0 longwell 14
matthews 6 levens 6 hoard 0 moulds 9 jsmith 0 wycheck 0 anderson 16
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Wide Open Beavers 12
Brian's Bums 11

When Cals called on Sunday morning, Wang was able to dupe Cals into starting Rocket (0 pts) ahead of Crowell (6 pts). This maneuver *nearly* resulted in the snapping of Cals' 2-game winning streak at the hands of Brian's nameless buncha bums. Cals' victory was preserved when Mirer dueled McCardell to a 0-0 draw on Monday Night.
Scrub W for Cals (1-0). U-G-L-Y... you ain't got no alibi... you ugly!

mirer 0 antowain 0 kaufman 0 moss 3 rocket 3 tyrone 0 christie 6
dilfer 3 bam 0 schlesinger 0 stokes 0 mccardell 0 glover 0 carney 8
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Team Desai 24
Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits 28

Team Desai's loyalty to Carl Pickens is finally rewarded with a couple of TD's. However... the starting of Tiki Barber and the switching of PK's (Daluiso/Hall) were moves that eliminated Shiv-meister from GM-of-the-Year consideration. Hollis' 10-spot on Monday Night was enough to overcome a 6-point deficit and a goose-egg from Keyshawn.
Did anyone see those wacky kids on the Road Rules - Semester at Sea finale last night?!?

kordell 6 garner 3 tiki 0 keyshawn 0 pickens 12 santiago 0 daluiso 3
batch 3 egeorge 0 alstott 9 tglenn 6 ccarter 0 freddie 0 hollis 10
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12 Angry Men 19
Upper West Side Stomp Mongers 26

Dylan was missing Stephen Davis and his regular starting WR's, but still managed to scrape his way past 12 Wimpy Men. Gary got strong showings from Randall C'ham and Pete Stoy'vich, but his RB woes (3 total points through 5 weeks) were exposed against UWSSM's Duce and Emmitt.

cunningham 9 hanspard 0 murrell 0 rice 0 mcduffie 0 dudley 0 stoyanovich 10
bledsoe 9 duce 3 emmitt 9 kevinj 0 darnay 3 mcgee 0 delgreco 2
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Enid Furth Harmony 10
The South Side Black Sox 13

A last-minute email from Stan flip-flopping Shehee and Kirby at RB cost Enid Furth Harmony their 1st victory of the season. Kirby's 6 would have wrapped up the game *before* Brunell's choking performance on Monday Night.
JoePa's Black Sox are starting to struggle a little as they have 0 non-Edgerrin RB points - and Edgerrin has not scored since Week 2.
Scrub W for JoePa (2-0). ...yeah yeah, you UGLY!

brunell 0 robsmith 3 shehee 0 tbrown 0 simmons 3 gclark 0 hanson 4
o'donnell 3 ejames 0 ricky 0 dalexander 0 toomer 0 riemersma 6 opie 4
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Ferocious Underwear 32
Jock Itch United 49

Brett Favre's last minute TD pass to JIU wideout A Freeman against TB was the kill shot in this game. Freeman's last catch was worth 9 RFL points, and wrapped the game up before James Stewart put up another 9 on Monday Night. Ali also received standout performances from Marino and Elam.
Wang got big numbers from Warner and Mare... but gameday injuries to Faulk, Irvin, and Sharpe doomed FU to defeat.
SCRUB LOSS for Wang (0-1). Unlucky.
Priest, Lane, and Vardell were all MIA, so the Great Pumpkin blocked for Stewart.

kwarner 18 mfaulk 0 konrad 0 irvin 0 jreed 0 sharpe 0 mare 14
marino 12 stewart 9 pumpkin X freeman 18 owens 0 coates 0 elam 10
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Transactions
dylan: add akili smith, drop jeff blake
wally: add david boston, drop tim couch
stan: add ernie mills, drop jermaine lewis
stan: add tavian banks, drop rashaan shehee
tim: add jonathon linton, drop greg hill

missed dibs: none

be sure to check:
The RFL Transaction Page
...for a complete listing of transactions.

********************************************************
WANG'S WINGDINGS
====== =========

Jason Hanson ContrOversy (revisited):

[Recap] Enid Furth Harmony GM Stan Wilson submitted a depth chart for Week 4 with Jason Hanson as his only PK. The Detroit Li-downs had a bye that week, so EFH went PK-less against Clark's mighty mighty Bladerunners and lost by a mere 4 points!

[New this week] For Week 5, the Romanians called up Stephen Alexander to start at TE for Wesley Walls (bye week). Unfortunately for Vesh, Alexander was *also* out with a bye. Fortunately for Vesh, the Romanians were taking on a depleted Men in Brown club (Joebob had his Johnson-Westbrook duo out on a bye), so Vesh ended up not needing a TE (or his QB or either RB or CConway or his PK) to come away with the victory.

TD Pass Scoring ContrOversy:

In response to GM Wally's assertion that 3 points for a TD pass "makes no sense," I will go on record as saying that this rule will not be changed. RFL TD pass throwers will receive 1/2 the points of TD scorers. However... other rules *could* be changed in the future.

How about awarding QB's 3 points for 200 combined yards (and 3 additional points for every additional 100 yards)? This rule would be more in line with the "factor of 2" scoring system between QB's and WR's.

How about awarding a bonus point to RB's, WR's, or TE's who end up with 50-99 yards?

How about subtracting points for interceptions and/or fumbles and/or missed FG's/PAT's?

How about allowing teams to choose whether they want to start 2 RB's and 2 WR's or 1 RB and 3 WR's?

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: David Wang, GM, Ferocious Underwear
*************************************************

David Wang, the new RFL Commissioner and GM of Ferocious Underwear, joined RFL in 1994.

The FireBox Extinguishers of '94 and '95 fell victim to many contrOversies that resulted in poor W-L records - which obviously didn't properly reflect the massive amount of talent put together via the skillful GM talents of Wang. League Founder (and RFL Guru-for-Life) Cals assured the THEN naive Wang that the breaks would even out in the long run. 4 years later... Wang is still waiting for one whiff of good fortune as one misfortune after another continues to plague America's Franchise - witness this week's injuries to starters Marshall Faulk, Michael Irvin and Shannon Sharpe.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: You were a Lab TA for Joebob and Cals at BU. What was your impression of them?

David Wang: I never really liked Cals all that much. He was such the teacher's pet in all his classes. BU profs sure do go for the All-American boy types. They kept saying stuff like, "This Patrick Callery fellow is such a fine young man," or "David, make sure you give Mr Callery top marks on all his lab reports," or "David, can you please see to it that Mr Callery gets my home phone number?"! Ugh... the horror!
Joebob was more interesting. Even a senseless person can easily sense that Joebob is a shifty fellow. There was always this sort of excitement and/or nervous energy around Joe. It was like... "yeah, let's party!" - but i'd need to keep a finger on my wallet at all times.

RFL: You talk of Joebob's shiftiness, but it was with Cals that you had 2 run-in's with the Cops. Talk about those incidents.

DW: The first run-in happened when Cals and I were driving from Boston to Ann Arbor with all our stuff. We'd both been out partying all night at our farewell parties the night before. And then on the day in question, we loaded up Cals' moving truck and headed towards the Midwest on about 3 hours of sleep between the 2 of us. At one point around Ashtabula, Ohio, a highway patrol car passed me and was moving up alongside Cals. Cals had been weaving badly for the past 15-20 miles, but I'd caught his attention by flashing my headlights at him, and he'd stopped weaving.
However... just as the officer was about to pass him, Cals nodded off again and swerved half of the Ryder truck across the center line in front of the oncoming copper! The cop car swerved to the left onto the shoulder to avoid being cut off!
After pulling Cals over, a large-sized female officer stepped out of her vehicle. Once she laid eyes on Pat, his fate was sealed. Cals and I were back on the road in 10 minutes - after Cals' "monkey business" with the female officer in the backseat of her patrol car.

RFL: That is quite some story! What about your 2nd incident?

DW: The second run-in happened when Cals and I were driving his '67 Grand Marquis from Ann Arbor to Boston for Lance Harry's wedding. Right when we crossed the Canadian border from Detroit to Windsor, the Canadian border patrol made us pull over to the side. Cals had a Michigan plate on the back of the car - and a Minnesota plate on the front! The next thing we knew... Canadian mounties were all around us! Pimp-mobile plus non-matching license plates coming across the border from Detroit equals... drug dealers! After being stripped and full-cavity searched, we were tossed in the hoosegow. We each used our 1 phone call to call our mommies. After a few more hours of civil rights abuses, we were told to drive straight through to Buffalo without stopping. Bastard Canadians!!!

RFL: Despite referring to Joebob as "shifty," you once staked your reputation on him. Explain.

DW: Well... just after the start of his last undergrad semester, Joebob came to me and begged for help in getting a job as a grader. He needed to save up some $ for the coming RFL season (and his subscription to Miss Pigskin magazine). Being the sob story sucker that I am, I asked a professor (I was TF'ing her Incompressible Fluids course) if she would hire Joebob as the course grader. After I was forced to perform certain favors for her, she gave Joebob the job. After Joe would turn in his work to me, I would have to re-grade each problem set to cover for his shoddy work. But I feel that this job was Joebob's first step towards becoming the respectable employee that he is now.

RFL: You have had an eye on the RFL Commissionership for some time now. How were you able to finally gain control of this prestigious organization?

DW: In many ways... rising to the top of Mt RFL has been very similar to my rise up the Sony corporate ladder. RFL had had one Shogun for so long, and that Shogun had grown content and overconfident. By showing my friendly and trustworthy face to the RFL Board of Directors, I was able to build up my samurai and ninja forces without being noticed. Once my forces were ready and the next opportunity presented itself, I met little resistance as I slashed and burned my way to the top. I'd like to apologize to all of you whose shoulders I stood on - and heads I stepped on.

RFL: Despite having never met Kevin Archibald, you owe quite a bit to someone close to Kevin (and Cals). Explain.

DW: Before I came to Sony, I worked for a startup in SF. We had just finished our website and were looking for some recognition/exposure. Kevin's wife-to-be (Cals' sister Anne) was the missing link. I got in touch with Anne... and once Anne got us the "Cool Sunglasses" site designation on Yahoo!, there was no looking back. On October 1 of this year, Embark.com filed for their IPO! The funny thing was that Anne knew that I had nothing to offer in return for her professional favors. She once accidentally sent an email to me that was intended for a co-worker. In the email Anne totally ripped on me for imposing on her as a former roommate of one of her brothers! ;-)

RFL: What was the lowlight of your "athletic" career?

DW: There was this pickup football game that some of my fellow TF's at BU played against The Wilding at Nickerson Field. We TF's were looking to trounce Cals, Joebob, Brodz, et al... but in a foot of snow, the older and wiser TF's fell just short of beating the IM Flag Football champs. Then... when we sought redemption at Walter Brown Arena in a game of broomball, The Wilding ducked us!

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
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SEASON POINTS LEADERS
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QB
45 Peyton Manning (Don't Call It a Comeback)
39 Drew Bledsoe (Upper West Side Stomp Mongers)
36 Brad Johnson (Joebob's Jokers)
36 Randall Cunningham (12 Angry Men)

RB
48 Stephen Davis (Upper West Side Stomp Mongers)
39 Tim Biakabutuka (Ferocious Underwear)
36 Eddie George (Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits)
27 Dorsey Levens (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
24 Curtis Enis (Bladerunners)
24 Terry Allen (Men in Brown)
24 Charlie Garner (Team Desai)
24 Mike Alstott (Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits)
24 Emmitt Smith (Upper West Side Stomp Mongers)

WR
57 Marvin Harrison (Y2K Bugs)
45 Isaac Bruce (Recharged Romanians)
27 Antonio Freeman (Jock Itch United)
27 Ed McCaffrey (Y2K Bugs)
27 Curtis Conway (Resurgent Romanians)
27 Terry Glenn (Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits)

TE
30 Wesley Walls (Recharged Romanians)
12 Jay Riemersma (The South Side Black Sox)
12 Tony Gonzalez (Don't Call It a Comeback)
12 Ricky Dudley (12 Angry Men)

PK
47 Mike Hollis (Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits)
42 Steve Christie (Wide Open Beavers)
38 Adam Vinatieri (Bladerunners)


RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
18 Kurt Warner (Ferocious Underwear)

RB
9 Emmitt Smith (Upper West Side Stomp Mongers)
9 Mike Alstott (Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits) & James Stewart (Jock Itch United)

WR
27 Isaac Bruce (Romanians)
18 Antonio Freeman (Jock Itch United)

TE
6 Jay Riemersma (The South Side Black Sox)

PK
16 Gary Anderson (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
**************
Week 5 total: 103... weak week for RB's
NEXT WEEK's ACTION

**** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK ****
6-Romanians (3-2, 34.0) vs 14-Upper West Side Stomp Mongers (3-2, 38.4)

VeshAdvantageDylan
BJHobertDBledsoe
CMartinSDavis
JBettisESmith
IBruceMMuhammad
CConwayAConnell
WWallsTMcGee
MVanderjagtADelGreco

This could be a preview of Aglione Bowl X!!!
Both teams will be at full strength - if you consider having Hobert or Pederson at QB being "at full strength"! ;-) The Restored Romanians (#3 in League scoring) have gotten over the Week 1 loss of Testaverde with 3 straight victories. The Stomp Mongers (#1 in scoring) would be 5-0 if not for 2 scrub losses.
The marquee matchup is the battle of RB's. Dylan would appear to have a tangible edge with Davis (48) and Emmitt (24), but is Davis for real? And how will Emmitt do with Irvin's absence impacting the Dallas passing game? Vesh's duo of Martin (18) and Bettis (6) should be every bit as productive, but they haven't really produced so far this year.
Vesh will need his advantage at WR and TE to offset Dylan's edge at QB and PK.

**** In a close one: UWSSM by 1 ****


Other Tilts:
FAVESPREADDOG
1-Men in Brown (2-3, 27.4)1711-Enid Furth Harmony (0-5, 14.2)
2-Y2K Bugs (4-1, 34.6)1810-12 Angry Men (0-5, 18.2)
3-Wide Open Beavers (3-2, 22.2)29-Team Desai (2-3, 20.6)
4-Don't Call It a Comeback (3-2, 32.0)512-Ferocious Underwear (3-2, 29.4)
15-Skintight Leather Assless Bodysuits (3-2, 31.8)45-Bladerunners (4-1, 24.4)
7-Crazed Beagles on the Run (3-2, 25.4)313-The South Side Black Sox (4-1, 23.8)
16-Jock Itch United (2-3, 22.4)198-brian (1-4, 14.2)

Lineups due by 12pm Eastern Sunday!!!
(but preferably by friday afternoon!)
RFL Hotline: (408) 955-4695

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
Email David S. Wang

Revised: September 25, 2000