Rotten Football League Week 15 December 9, 1997 RFL WEEK IN REVIEW *** SPECIAL PLAYOFFS EDITION *** ********************************************************************** TOP SEEDS BOW OUT For the first time in recorded RFL history, all 4 top seeds were knocked out in the first round of the playoffs. While some of these games were not necessarily upsets, this still marks a momentous occasion in RFL lore. More importantly, it has provided opportunity for some of the better teams in RFL to win some of the money they were scrubbed out of in the regular season. Stay tuned for the semis! NO SCRUB A refreshing week it was indeed, as the first round of the RFL playoffs rolled through without a single scrub win or loss to be had by anyone. A close call occurred, however, when the Mighty Mighty Gnomes (28-26 losers to CTW) matched Grandma's Cussin' (26-22 winners over FUCK) for the #8 score of the week. Stan's impressive bench roundup gave them the edge and avoided scrub win in the scrub bowl. LANCE GETS SCREWED AGAIN In the most intriguing matchup of the week, the Chortling Tushy Whackers moved GM Dave Brodkin within one win of a return trip to the Aglione Bowl, with their 28-26 win over Lance Harry's Mighty Mighty Gnomes. This game appeared to be pretty much over heading into Monday nite, with CTW sporting a 43-15 lead. However, a commissioner oversight led the official scorers to include CTW WR Isaac Bruce's 15 in the count, when in actuality he was resigned to the bench this week. This new development cut CTW's lead to 28-15, and after Emmitt was knocked out early on, it was up to Gnomes PK John Kasay to make up the spread. Kasay fell two points short. How did Lance get screwed? Thanks to Joe P, Harvey Williams was sent to the bench without any dinner after being relegated to the RB position. Emergency backup Troy Drayton stumbled into the end zone twice for CTW, giving them the eventual edge. Poor GM Lance has a history (in his own mind) of getting screwed over by RFL fine-print rules. I would say the Gnomes generous 4th place finish should have smoothed over any aggressions Harry L might have toward his run of luck in RFL. ********************************************************************** Playoffs in Review -------- -- ------ The Surge 32 Red Rover 14 Steve Young returned to RFL prominence this week with a 15 point performance, leading the upstart SURGE to a startling upset victory over Steamroller champion RED ROVER. This marks the second year in a row that the Steamroller champ will sit out of the Ags Bowl (the Rampaging Gibbons were knocked out in the semis by HAWAAW last year). Rover WR Keenan McCardell scored the critical 18 points on the bench. young 15 harris 0 morris 3 fryar 6 mathis 6 wycheck 0 hollis 2 favre 6 abduljabbar 6 dunn 0 reed 0 galloway 0 sharpe 0 delgreco 2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaseous Wombats 48 Team Desai 24 Not even a quarterfinals crushing at the hands of the Gaseous Wombats can shut up Shivan Desai. Regardless, Team Desai is now playing for peanuts as defending Aglione Bowl champ Joe Pynadath brings his boys one step closer to a repeat. WR Jermaine Lewis scored a career high 18 in a surprise start, while PK Olinda Mare took advantage of his first start since week 7, scoring 15. Another new starter for the Wombats, Randall Cunningham, added 6. cunningham 6 kaufman 0 davis 3 irvin 6 lewis 18 walls 0 mare 15 aikman 3 sanders 9 way 0 sanders 0 brooks 6 green 0 elam 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Landlord Luggage 48 Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) 18 The Luggage rolled in this one, bringing GM John Wilson back to the semifinals for the 2nd year in a row. Marshall Faulk returned to his old ways, if only temporarily, by scoring 15 to lead the way. Cris Carter & terrell Davis were ever present, scoring 12 & 9 respectively. GM Chris Carroll is the 3rd of 4 rookie GMs to be bounced from this year's playoffs. Uhhh.... guys, what the hell is a Zapstrap??? banks 9 davis 9 faulk 15 sanders 0 carter 12 mitchell 0 boniol 3 george 0 watters 6 anderson 0 martin 0 smith 0 jones 0 stoyanovich 12 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chortling Tushy Whackers 28 Mighty Mighty Mighty Gnomes 26 Well, you already heard all about this one. mcnair 6 smith 0 moore 6 rison 0 freeman 0 drayton 12 anderson 4 elway 6 wheatley 0 levens 9 stokes 0 mccaffrey 0 crumpler 0 kasay 11 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- SCRUB BOWL ^^^^^ ^^^^ Rob Moore's Romanians 29 Potential for Destruction 24 Rob Moore scored a season high 21 points to end the Romanians' nine game losing streak, and continue P4D's self-destruction. Kordell Stewar scored an amazing 27 points while sitting on the P4D bench this week behind superstar Scott Mitchell. For a related story on Kordell, see Cals' Corner below. It is a tale of disgust! xxxxx 0 warren 0 garner 0 moore 21 early 0 riemersma 0 jaeger 8 mitchell 7 george 0 means 0 smith 15 reed 0 johnson 0 hall 2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Stoked Salmon 50 Blade Runners 18 This is one scrub bowl game worth talking about, if only to mention Salmon RB Corey Dillon's amazing performance. Dillon scored an RFL RECORD 36 points in the victory. Never ever ever before has an RFL player scored this many points in a single game. Huzzah! brunell 6 bettis 3 dillon 36 brown 0 jett 0 glover 0 longwell 5 moon 3 brown 0 zellars 0 scott 0 johnson 0 coates 6 brien 9 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cream Machine 42 Blackhearts 9 Wang helps to continue the misery of his protege, Joe Parker, with this humiliating stomping. Yancey Thigpen scores a career high 24. Blackhearts went without 3 starters lost to recent injuries (Johnson, Hearst, Pickens). hoying 3 vardell 0 allen 0 moore 8 thigpen 24 dudley 0 cunningham 7 whelihan 0 murrell 0 graham 0 engram 0 metcalf 3 chmura 0 husted 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Grandma's Cussin' 26 Fiends Uv Carnal K 23 Thank goodness for Terry Glenn. Forced out of this game because of her period, Glenn was substituted by Chris Calloway who scored the pivotal 6 points. esiason 3 alstott 0 lane 3 calloway 6 emanuel 0 byars 0 vinatieri 14 collins 0 smith 0 kirby 6 ownes 6 jackson 0 mcgee 6 hanson 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ********************************************************************** Transactions ADD DROP ============ === ==== 5-wombats QB Eric Zeier WR Derrick Mayes 2-tdesai RB Lawrence Phillips WR Mark Carrier 12-blackh QB Craig Whelihan QB Steve Beuerlein 12-blackh WR Bobby Engram WR Muhsin Muhammad 5-wombats QB Randall Cunningham QB Danny Kanell 9-salmon TE Andrew Glover QB Elvis Grbac 3-luggage RB Zack Crockett RB Leonard Russell 3-luggage WR Willie Davis WR Leslie Sheppard 15-surge RB Tiki Barber RB Raymont Harris 15-surge RB Leroy Hoard RB Anthony Johnson 4-whackers RB Darnell Autry RB Tim Biakabutuka 4-whackers RB Lamar Smith RB Harvey Williams missed dibs: Tiki Barber (chortling, wombats) ********************************************************************** CALS' CORNER ===== ====== A most vile and disgusting display of RFL (lack of) gamesmanship was witnessed this week in another sleazy attempt to manufacture wins. That ruthless and cunning GM, Joe Pynadath, allegedly tried to rape P4D GM Kevin Archibald out of star QB Kordell Stewart. Pynadath has grown increasingly desparate in recent weeks, with the need to shore up his glaring lack of QB talent in order to provide some short term relief for his IHS addiction. Not only is it against RFL policy to allow non-playoff teams to trade players with playoff teams, but Pynadath tried to swindle his cohort out of a star-caliber player for non other than slumlord QB Erik Kramer. Oh, the humanity! This maneuver harkens memroies of 1991, when drug-coach Pynadath dropped a drug-riddled Eric Green on some unsuspecting GM's doorstep (I forget who) and made off with somebody pretty good, if my fading memory serves me well. Archibald, a quite capable and wily GM himself, was said to be so insulted by the offer that he refused to reply. Please join me in letting this evil GM Joe know that his deviltry will not be tolerated. Let's all pull for Landlord Luggage to beat this scum GM in the semifinals this week!!! ----- * Entry Fees Thanks to Snehal for paying for his little cousin. Only 3 more assholes out there are delinquent. Help me in bringing these hooligans to justice!!! Joe Pynadath (scoundrel and general scofflaw) Josh Veshia (tax-evading penthouse-dwelling embezzler) Tim Purwin (the amazing disappearing kreskin) Bring the dollars RFLHQ 405 Fremont Ave. Los Altos, CA 94024 ********************************************************************** RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB Steve Young (The Surge) 15 RB Corey Dillon (Stoked Salmon) 36 Marshall Faulk (Landlord Luggage) 15 WR Yancey Thigpen (Cream Machine) 24 Rob Moore (Rumpled Romanians) 21 Jermaine Lewis (Gaseous Wombats) 18 TE Troy Drayton (Chortling TW) 12 K Olinda Mare (Gaseous Wombats) 15 Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin) 14 ************** ** Week 15 total: 138 ALL TIME HIGH! Thanks Corey ********************************************************************** GUEST EDITORIAL by Shivan Desai ===== ========= As Team Desai is eliminated from the playoffs, i would just like to state that it is all my lazy cousin Snehal's (no offense) fault that we lost. I can remember him yelling to me on draft night, " Pick fu*kin Isaac Bruce man, pick him!" And where the hell did isaac bruce end up? He had no points for this season until we dropped him. Then, after screwing up our team on draft night, he never showed up in the RFL again. Where the hell has he gone?? Because of my cousin Snehal's laziness and foolishness, i am demanding a team of my own next season! If this demand is not granted, i will co-GM a team with any person willing to pay me the most money. So, let the bidding begin. If you are interested in having me "the wonder boy" co-GM your team next season, e- mail me at ShiviD@aol.com and give me your best offer. Think about it, i can turn your pathetic team (like Snehal's team last year) into a top ranked team (Team Desai this year)! Vesh, i can take your Retarded Romanians, and turn them into a group of Champions. You don't even have to show up at draft night, as the case this year, because i will be there to make the best damn team the RFL has ever seen. This applies to all RFL GMs, even you Cals. I can take your Sorry-ass Salmon and make them a contender! Please consider this as an option for next season. Shivan Desai for RFL GM of the Year and Rookie of the Year !!!!!! ********************************************************************** 1997 RFL PLAYOFFS =================== Semifinals: 5- Chortling Tushy Whackers (10-5, 29.7) vs 8- The Surge (9-6, 27.1) QB Steve McNair == Steve Young RB Curtis Martin <- Bam Morris RB Emmitt Smith -> Tiki Barber WR Antonio Freeman <- Irving Fryar WR Isaac Bruce == Terance Mathis TE Troy Drayton == Frank Wycheck PK Gary Anderson -> Mike Hollis The Surge has won an amazing 8 of their last 9, but now must take their skills up against the formidable Dave Brods, who has a history of breezing through the playoffs (when he can get in them). It's a pretty competitive matchup on paper, but CTW has a little more explosive potential for big numbers from individuals. Dylan is trying to become the third rookie ever to appear in the Ags Bowl (Ashesh Pansuria's Dule Baters in '91 and Gabriel Negron's Immigrant Farm Workers in '95). Brods tries for his 2nd straight Ags Bowl appearance, and 3rd career. He won it all with Brodkin Citgo Machine in 1992. *** CHORTLING BY 4 *** 6- Landlord Luggage (9-6, 31.3) vs 7- Gaseous Wombats (9-6, 29.8) QB Tony Banks == Randall Cunningham RB Terrell Davis <- Napoleon Kaufman RB Marshall Faulk == Stephen Davis WR Cris Carter <- Michael Irvin WR Charles Johnson -> Jermaine Lewis TE Pete Mitchell -> Wesley Walls PK Chris Boniol -> Olinda Mare These two teams are both making their 2nd straight trip to the Aglione Bowl semifinals, however, they did not meet in the playoffs last year. Landlord Luggage is the highest scoring team left in contention and probably the most explosive as well, with league leaders Terrell Davis and Cris Carter carrying the brunt of the load. Napoleon Kaufman has slumped after a tremendous first half, and Terry Allen's status is up in the air. This should be a tremendous matchup- these are probably the two best teams remaining. *** LUGGAGE BY 6 *** Consolation Bracket 1- Red Rover (10-5, 32.7) vs 4- Mighty Mighty Gnomes (10-5, 24.5) The GNomes have played much better down the stretch than most would believe, but are still facing an uphill struggle against the Steamroller champs. *** ROVER BY 10 *** 2- Team Desai (10-5, 29.8) vs 3- Bust a Nut (10-5, 26.6) Team Desai is also a late-performer, and despite the funky names on their roster have played better than most teams down the stretch. Bust a Nut's scoring clip has faded fast after their quick start, and justice would not let them walk away with any more money than they've already won. *** DESAI BY 7 *** ********************************************************************** SCRUB BOWL PLAYOFFS: FAVE SPREAD DOG ========= ====== =========== #12 Grandma's Cussin' 15 #16 RuPaul Romanians Grandma's are hot, and want that scrub bowl! Romanians have had their last hurrah for the year. #10 Stoked Salmon 6 #11 Cream Machine Big semifinal matchup between two teams that deserved the playoffs. #15 Big City Blade Runners 4 #14 Blackhearts I don't know when the Blade Runners have ever been a favorite (other than vs. Romanians) but that Blackhearts roster has been decimated! #9 Potential 4 Destruction 14 #13 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge Insult was added to injury last week, but the Romanians would have been roadkill in the rearview if only Kevin had stuck with Kordell. P4D will end this disappointing season on an up note. Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!! (but preferably by friday afternoon!) RFL Hotline: (650) 917-1619 New stupid area code!!!