Radioactive Frequency Leptons Week 12 November 18, 1997 RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ********************************************************************** SURGE SCRUB SURGE CONTINUES Rookie GM Dylan Steeg's SURGE unit continued its impressive string of scrub wins with a (alleged) RFL record 3rd scrub win in a row, extending their overall win streak to a whopping 6 straight. This week's GOTW saw the Surge lambaste Stan Wilson's Grandma's Cussin', 20-13, dashing GC's playoff hopes like so many fragmented egg shells, yolks, and albumin spilled on a supermarket aisle floor. More importantly, this game completed the league-wide circuit of GOTWs: Grandma's Cussin' was the last team to be awarded a GOTW appearance. PLAYOFFS LOOM LIKE SO MANY VULTURES OVER YOUR MUTILATED CARCASS Two weeks until the playoffs are upon us, and things are starting to fall into place. Several teams have clinched spots, several teams have been eliminated. Where does your sorry squad stand? Lucky for you, you are all better off than the woeful Stoked Salmon. The RFL gods have spoken loud and clear, my brothers, of their disdain for such dominant GMs as myself. I guess it's time to give some other poor sap a chance! See CALS CORNER below for a complete look at this year's playoff picture, including $$$ awards (for those that have paid entry fees). ********************************************************************** Standings ********* Bust a Nut 9 3 - 340 288 W3 Team Desai 9 3 - 324 261 W4 Red Rover 8 4 1 394 297 L1 Mighty Mighty Gnomes 8 4 1 255 291 W1 Chortl. Tushy Whackers 7 5 2 367 350 W2 Gaseous Wombats 7 5 2 359 309 W1 Landlord Luggage 7 5 2 340 291 L2 The Surge 7 5 2 304 322 W6 ----- Potential for Destruct. 6 6 3 370 331 L1 The Cream Machine 5 7 4 353 304 W1 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowl. 5 7 4 302 286 W1 Grandma's Cussin' 5 7 4 289 268 L1 Stoked Salmon 4 8 5 328 402 L5 Blackhearts 4 8 5 291 346 L5 Big City Blade Runners 3 9 6 216 320 L1 Reinvigorated Romanians 2 10 7 176 342 L7 ********************************************************************** Week 12 in Review ---- -- -- ------ ****************************** ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** ****************************** The Surge 20 Grandma's Cussin' 13 In the uglisest of the uglies this week, the Surge squeaks by despite going without both of their standout RBs, Bam Morris & Raymont Harris. Apple Computer co-founder Steve Jobs filled in for Dylan at one of the RB spots while Anthony Johnson filled the other. Grandma's standout QB Drew Bledsoe was sidelined this week after sustaining a broken jaw in the mosh pit last week. young 9 johnson 0 xxxxx 0 fryar 0 mathis 0 wycheck 6 hollis 5 moon 3 centers 0 alstott 9 glenn 0 emanuel 0 baxter 0 vinatieri 1 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mighty Mighty Gnomes 34 Red Rover 33 The league scoring leaders take a serious hit in this week's biggest upset! The Gnomes pull into a 3rd place tie with Rover as RB Dorsey Levens carries the team on his 24 point shoulders. A late monday nite comeback bid by Rover RB Karim Abdul-Jabbar fell short, as his patented J-hook clanged off the back rim at the buzzer. elway 3 bates 0 levens 24 stokes 0 mccaffrey 0 crumpler 0 kasay 7 favre 15 karim 9 dunn 0 reed 0 galloway 0 sharpe 6 delgreco 3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Team Desai 22 Blackhearts 10 Nobody is taking these pretenders seriously, and the result has been a consistent lack of effort by the entire league when going up against Team Desai this year. How else can you explain a 9-3 record for the league's 9th best scoring club? One simple answer is: the league's easiest schedule this year! Jason Elam beat this week's pseudo- opponent single handedly. dilfer 3 sanders 3 anders 0 carrier 0 hastings 0 green 0 elam 16 johnson 1 murrell 0 hearst 0 pickens 0 metcalf 0 chmura 0 husted 9 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Fiends Uv Carnal K 29 Landlord Luggage 18 The Fiends snap a 3 game skid that all but ended their playoff hopes, knocking off a Luggage team that sat atop the league just 2 weeks ago! Luggage compiled perhaps the lowest total ever for a team with 5 players putting up numbers. Meanwhile, 5 players scored for the Fiends as well, as they keep their slim playoff hopes alive. testaverde 3 smith 6 kirby 6 owens 0 jackson 6 mcgee 0 hanson 8 banks 6 davis 3 faulk 3 johnson 0 carter 2 mitchell 0 boniol 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chortling Tushy Whackers 29 Potential for Destruction 14 CTW whacks P4D in a big way, thanks to Antonio Freeman's 2nd straight 12 point performance. Rape-watch star Emmitt Smith continued his CTW scoring spree with 5, while the P4D backfield was held to nil. The loss puts P4D in a hazardous 9th place overall! foley 3 smith 5 martin 0 bruce 0 freeman 12 asher 0 anderson 9 stewart 6 george 0 a.smith 0 r.smith 3 reed 0 brady 0 peterson 5 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaseous Wombats 40 Stoked Salmon 17 The Wombats stomp their arch-nemsis Stoked Salmon behind a balnaced attack, featuring scoring from all 7 starters. Erik Kramer led the way with a season-high 12. 3 Stoked players all took their turn this week playing the "99-club" game, including RB Jerome Bettis, who fell victim to the dreaded BAM MORRIS rule. All that extra nickel & dime could not have helped the Salmon, however, as they are knocked from the playoffs. kramer 12 kaufman 3 allen 6 irvin 6 mayes 3 walls 6 stover 4 brunell 3 bettis 0 dillon 0 brown 0 jett 6 glover 0 longwell 8 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Bust a Nut 33 Blade Runners 20 Bust a Nut moves back into first place with a solid victory over arch rival Blade Runners. RB Jamal Anderson led the way with 12, while PK Petrionovich had 6. george 9 watters 0 anderson 12 martin 0 smith 6 jones 0 stoyanovich 6 marino 6 brown 0 davis 0 alexander 0 johnso 6 coates 0 ford 8 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cream Machine 45 Romanians 16 In a display of unsolicited trash talk that rivals even the mighty Shiv-man, dirty old man Josh Veshia tried once again to make his mangled bunch of mongrels out to be better than they are, demanding respect after being pegged as 19-point dogs to the Cream Machine, losers of 5 straight coming in. Well, looks like Vegas overestimated the Romanians once again as they go down by a routine 29. The Cream Machine keeps those playoff fires burning, no matter how dim. whelihan 0 phillips 6 allen 12 moore 9 thigpen 9 dudley 0 cunningham 9 shuler 0 warren 6 garner 6 moore 3 early 0 riemersma 0 jaeger 1 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ********************************************************************** Hey! Don't forget to update your league roster.... Transactions ADD DROP ============ === ==== 5-wombats WR Derrick Mayes QB Danny Kanell 16-machine QB Bobby Hoying QB Frank Reich 2-tmdesai WR Frank Sanders WR Rae Carruth 9-salmon TE Ken Dilger TE Andrew Glover 16-machine RB Tommy Vardell RB KiJana Carter 5-wombats QB Danny Kanell QB Rich Gannon 4-chortle QB Paul Justin QB Glenn Foley 4-chortle TE Harvey Williams TE Jamie Asher ********************************************************************** SEASON PTS LEADERS ****************** QB Brett Favre (Red Rover) 85 Jeff George (Bust a Nut) 83 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin') 72 RB Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage) 108 Barry Sanders (Team Desai) 84 Napoleon Kaufman (Gaseous Wombats) 78 Karim Abdul-Jabbar (Red Rover) 78 Eddie George (Potential for Destruction) 68 Dorsey Levens (Mighty Mighty Gnomes) 68 Raymont Harris (The Surge) 63 Curtis Martin (Chortling Tushy Whackers) 63 Warrick Dunn (Red Rover) 60 WR Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage) 61 Antonio Freeman (Chrotling Tushy Whackers) 57 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon) 53 Herman Moore (Cream Machine) 48 Derrick Alexander (Blade Runners) 45 Michael Irvin (Gaseous Wombats) 45 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut) 45 TE Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats) 39 Rickey Dudley (Cream Machine) 36 Ben Coates (Blade Runners) 36 PK Jason Elam (Team Desai) 90 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon) 83 Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin') 79 Al DelGreco (Red Rover) 78 ********************************************************************** CALS' CORNER ===== ====== *********************************** *** !!!! PLAYOFF PICTURE !!!! *** *********************************** If the season ended today (which it did not), the following 8 teams would have earned a trip to the RFL'97 playoffs: TEAM DESAI GASEOUS WOMBATS RED ROVER CHORTLING TUSHY WHACKERS BUST A NUT MIGHTY MIGHTY GNOMES THE SURGE LANDLORD LUGGAGE Notable absences include: - POTENTIAL FOR DESTRUCTION! This is a high quality team that could easily get in if they win their last 2. - CREAM MACHINE That 5 game skid cost them dearly. - STOKED SALMON See above Let's look at how the playoff picture stacks up, including your remaining opponents, team by team: 1- RED ROVER- Grandma's Cussin, Cream Machine 2 wins, plus a loss by both Team Desai & Bust a Nut, gives RR the coveted Steamroller. They have clinched a playoff berth. 2- TEAM DESAI- Mighty Gnomes, Grandma's Cussin 2 wins, plus a Bust a Nut loss, gives TD the Steamroller. They have clinched a playoff berth. 3- LANDLORD LUGGAGE- Blackhearts, Mighty Gnomes If they split last two, could miss playoffs, but not likely. 2 wins and they're in. 4- CHORTLING TUSHY WHACKERS- Fiends Uv CK, Blackhearts Same as Luggage, but they currently hold a points advantage. 5- GASEOUS WOMBATS- Potenital 4 Destruction, Fiends Uv CK Nearly identical situation as LL & CTW. Watch the points race. 6- BIG CITY BLADE RUNNERS- Stoked Salmon, Potential 4 Destruction Eliminated from play 7- RASTAFARIAN ROMANIANS- The Surge, Stoked Salmon Eliminated from playoffs 8- BUST A NUT (BY BOMBYX)- Cream Machine, The Surge 2 wins clinches Steamroller! Clinched playoffs 9- STOKED SALMON- Blade Runners, Romaniacs Eliminated from playoffs. Closing schedule can't save them now! 10- POTENTIAL FOR DESTRUCTION- Gaseous Wombats, Blade Runners 2 wins should get them in, but one loss and they'll need help! 11- FIENDS UV CARNAL KNOWLEDGE- Chorlting Tushy, Gaseous Wombats 2 wins, 2 losses by both Surge & P4D could squeak them in. 12- BLACKHEARTS- Landlord Luggage, Tushy Whackers Eliminated from playoffs 13- MIGHTY MIGHTY GNOMES- Team Desai, Landlord Luggage 2 wins, 2 losses by BustaNut & Team Desai, one loss by Rover and they win Steamroller! A long shot, but they've clinched playoff 14- GRANDMA'S CUSSIN'- Red Rover, Team Desai Need a f___ing miracle. 15- THE SURGE- Romanians, Bust a Nut 2 wins & in. 1 win plus a P4D loss and they're in. 16- CREAM MACHINE- Bust a Nut, Red Rover Tough finishing schedule. Need 2 wins, plus 2 losses by 2 of these 3 teams: Luggage, Surge, P4D. Doesn't look good! * Regular Season Prizes (in fictional RFL bucks) 1st place $200 + STEAMROLLER TROPHY (fictional RFL trophy) 2nd place $125 3rd place $ 75 4th place $ 50 5th place $ 30 6th place $ 20 ------ * WHAT IF???? OK, you've heard me vent about scrub for the last few weeks. Let's see who would be in the playoffs if the season ended today, if.... 1) Season ended today 2) If scrub records counted (scrub win = real loss, & vice versa) 3) If total points was used instead of record. 4) This is a stretch, but most points allowed? (toughest schedule) #1 #2 #3 #4 == == == == 1- Bust a Nut Red Rover Red Rover Stoked Salmon 2- Team Desai Pot 4 Dest Pot 4 Dest Chortling TW 3- Red Rover Chortling TW Chortling TW Blackhearts 4- Mighty Gnomes Gaseous Womb Gaseous Womb Romanians 5- Chortling TW Cream Machine Cream Machine Pot 4 Dest 6- Gaseous Womb Lando Luggage Bust a Nut The Surge 7- Lando Luggage Stoked Salmon Land Luggage Blade Runners 8- The Surge Bust a Nut Stoked Salmon Gaseous Womb OK, I know #4 is bullshit, but I just wanted to bitch & moan some more about my lot in luck this season. But according to #2 & 3, which are legit yardsticks for measuring team talent, it is obvious there is some criminal luck being had out there! If P4D and Cream Machine miss the playoffs, it will be a travesty! Team Desai, The Surge, & Mighty Gnomes appear nowhere in those lists; thus P4D, Cream, and Salmon are screwed. Not to mention Bust a Nut's perch atop the pile. But hey, there's 2 games left and still time to redeem yourself. One final time, I apologize for the bitching. RFL is all about winning with what you got, and if you get scrubby then that's how the dice were rolled. Other than when i do this list again in WIR14, you will not hear me bitch about this again! Congrats on your good fortune! "Why are we here? Because we're here. Roll the bones." - Geddy Lee ----- * Entry Fees Notice to the following scofflaws: Snehal/Shivan Desai Joe Pynadath Josh Veshia Chris Carroll Tim Purwin Have you heard from your mother lately? RFLHQ 405 Fremont Ave. Los Altos, CA 94024 ********************************************************************** RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB Brett Favre (Red Rover) 15 Erik Kramer (Gaseous Wombats) 12 RB Dorsey Levens (Mighty Gnomes) 24 Jamal Anderson (Bust a Nut) 12 Marcus Allen (Cream Machine) 12 WR Antonio Freeman (Chortling TW) 12 Herman Moore (Cream Machine) 9 Yancey Thigpen (Cream Machine) 9 TE Wycheck, Walls, Sharpe 6 K Jason Elam (Team Desai) 16 ************** ** Week 12 total: 94 Leventate me ********************************************************************** Week 13 RFL Action ---- -- --- ------ ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** 5-Gaseous Wombats (7-5,29.9) vs 10-Potential 4 Destruction (6-6,30.8) Two of the league's top scoring powerhouses square off in a battle for playoff survival. Both teams have been up & down all season, never losing two in a row, and only winning 2 in a row on 1 occasion. Last week's Wombats win over Stoked Salmon put them back into the playoff fold, but two losses to close the season would spell disaster. P4D took a serious blow with last week's loss to CTW, but can sneak back into the playoffs with a strong finish. Let's go to the matchups GASEOUS WOMBATS ADV POTENTIAL 4 DEESTRUKSHUN ======= ======= *** ========= = ============ QB Erik Kramer -> Kordell Stewart RB Napoleon Kaufman <- Eddie George RB Terry Allen <- Antowain Smith WR Michael Irvin <- Jake Reed WR Derrick Mayes -> Rod Smith TE Wesley Walls <- Kyle Brady PK Matt Stover = Todd Peterson P4D has suffered through individual scoring slumps by Antowain Smith and Jake Reed. Look for Natrone Means to return to the P4D lineup in place of A.Smith. If Reed bounces back in time, he can match or beat Michael Irvin any day. Eddie George could be due for a breakthrough as well. Wombats have an extremely explosive backfield, which could be enough to spring them here. Never forget about the Wombats scoring machine at TE, Wesley Walls. Recent performance would have to give the paper edge to the Wombats, but P4D has the potential to explode (or destruct) for 60 points any given week. Watch this one! *** Cals' Line: Gaseous Wombats by 4 *** ********************************************************************** Other tilts: FAVE SPREAD DOG ========= ====== =========== 1- Red Rover 13 14-Grandma's Cussin' Rover will try to claw back into their rightful Steamroller position. 2- Team Desai 7 13-Mighty Mighty Gnomes Wow, which scrub will put themselves in position for Steamroller?!?! 3- Landlord Luggage 5 12-Blackhearts Luggage needs to halt that skid to stay in race for $$$ 4- Chortling Tushy Whackers 10 11-Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge The Whackers are finishing strong! 9- Stoked Salmon 13 6- Blade Runners Clark will try to take out his frustration on the evil commish 15-The Surge 7 7- Rumbling Romanians The Surge gets another easy opponent! 16-Cream Machine 3 8- Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) Cream desparately needs a win, Bust a Nut controls their own destiny! Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!! (but preferably by friday afternoon!) RFL Hotline: (650) 917-1619 New stupid area code!!!