Rat Farts League Week 11 November 11, 1997 RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ********************************************************************** CHORTLERS WHACK SALMON TUSHY Dave Brodkin's CTW train got back on track as they drowned the struggling Salmon in this week's GOTW, 36-26. Stoked Salmon has now dropped 7 of their last 8 (3 of those coming as SCRUB!) in Callery's sprawling fall from glory. The Tush Whackers are once again primed for the playoff race, as they slip into that crucial top 8. CTW WR Antonio Freeman was the difference in this one, scoring 12 while the Salmon duo of Jett & Brown was held scoreless by the mighty Aints. SCRUB RULES SUPREME IN WEEK ELEVEN For the very first time in recorded RFL history, every game that took place this week had SCRUB implications. That's right, in 8 games this week, 4 scrub wins and 4 scrub losses were awarded! This disgusting display of reverse fortune has one commissioner/guru/heralded GM sick to his stomach. Others, however, are revelling in his time of woe. Such pretenders to the throne as Team Desai, Mighty Gnomes, and Bust a Nut are carrying away scrub wins left and right, while quality ballclubs like Stoked Salmon and Cream Machine are being unjustly persecuted! A detailed scrub breakdown follows in Cals Corner, as well as your first look at the RFL97 playoff picture!!!! WILDING CELEBRATES 4TH ANNIVERSARY Saturday was a glorious day of remembrance for a handful of RFL GMs, as they celebrated the 4th anniversary of the culmination of their stunning juggernaut barrage through the BU Intramural Flag Football playoffs. Alas, where does the time go??? ********************************************************************** Standings ********* Center Cross Division W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Red Rover 8 3 - 361 263 W2 Team Desai 8 3 - 302 251 W3 Landlord Luggage 7 4 1 322 262 L1 Chortl. Tushy Whackers 6 5 2 338 336 W1 All Left Joe Slant Div. W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Bust a Nut 8 3 - 307 268 W2 Gaseous Wombats 6 5 2 319 292 L1 Big City Blade Runners 3 8 5 196 287 W1 Reinvigorated Romanians 2 9 6 160 297 L6 Option Right Division W L GB PF PA STK ===================== = = == === === === Potential for Destruct. 6 5 2 356 302 W1 Stoked Salmon 4 7 4 311 362 L4 Blackhearts 4 7 4 281 324 L4 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowl. 4 7 4 273 268 L3 Quickouts Division W L GB PF PA STK ===================== = = == === === === Mighty Mighty Gnomes 7 4 1 221 258 L1 The Surge 6 5 2 284 309 W5 Grandma's Cussin' 5 6 3 276 248 W3 The Cream Machine 4 7 4 308 288 L5 ********************************************************************** Week 11 in Review ---- -- -- ------ ****************************** ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** ****************************** Chortling Tushy Whackers 36 Stoked Salmon 26 Chalk up another scrub L for the Salmon, who are by now quite thoroughly unstoked. Yadda yadda yadda. RAPE PATROL: Emmitt Smith scored a whopping 6 for an unprecedented 2nd week in a row for CTW. Stoked Salmon is 1-6 since switching from Elvis to Brunell at QB. blake 3 smith 6 martin 6 bruce 0 freeman 12 asher 0 anderson 6 brunell 3 bettis 9 dillon 9 brown 0 jett 0 glover 0 longwell 5 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Rover 64 Blackhearts 29 Red Rover responds to their mid-season #1 ranking by scoring the #1 point total of the year and storming into a stronghold on the first place points race. 4 players scored in couble figures for Rover, who also finally got some minor production from sturggling star TE Shannon Sharpe. The Blackhearts dropped their 4th straight, in untimely scrub fashion. favre 12 karim 15 dunn 15 reed 0 galloway 12 sharpe 6 delgreco 4 brad 4 murrell 6 hearst 6 pickens 6 metcalf 0 chmura 0 husted 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Team Desai 22 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge 13 The Fiends have struggled immensely in the 3 weeks since their breakthrough 49 point effort of Week 8, averaging just 9 ppg in that span. Their shiity effort this week affords scrubby Team Desai yet another scrub W, their unabashed 4th of the year. Booo!!!! Only Tony McGee's 12 points saved FUCK from a humiliating performance. RB Charles Way gained 1 yard for Team Desai. How the hell did he manage to score 12 against Stoked Salmon??? aikman 3 sanders 9 way 0 brooks 0 hastings 0 green 0 elam 10 vinty 0 broussard 0 kirby 0 owens 0 brown 0 mcgee 12 hanson 1 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Potential for Destruction 43 Landlord Luggage 23 P4D bounces back in a big way with a resounding thumping of last week's first place team, Landlord LUggage. Terrell Davis had his 2nd straight 3-point performance, a disappointing season low. Balanced scoring from the P4D backfield and continued pleasant surprises from newly acquired K Todd Peterson lead them to victory, keeping P4D in slim Steamroller contention. Tony Banks scored his typical 0 pts this week, having snapped out of the Stoked Salmon trance that caused him to score 21 last week. TE Pete Mitchell has scored in 3 straight. banks 0 davis 3 faulk 6 sheppard 0 carter 2 mitchell 6 boniol 6 stewart 9 george 9 smith 6 smith 6 reed 0 drayton 0 peterson 13 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) 22 Gaseous Wombats 12 Bombyx completes a 2-game sweep of the former Citgo Bombers GMs with a SCRUB W over Joe Pynadath's Gaseous Wombats. Tony Martin woke up for only the second time this season, again with big points. Martin averages 19.5 ppg when he scores, 0 ppg when he doesn't. george 0 watters 0 anderson 0 martin 15 smith 3 jones 0 stoyo 4 kramer 3 kaufman 0 allen 9 irvin 0 lewis 0 walls 0 stover 0 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Big City Blade Runners 13 Reassembled Romanians 10 The Blade Runners storm past the mighty Romaniacs in this high-octane adrenaline pumpin' thrill-o-rama!!! The RBs & WRs in this tilt combined for a voracious 0 points as Blade TE Ben Coates was the only warrior to emerge with a touchdown!!! RFL management proposed that these two teams be banished to the broom closet for the remainder of the year so nobody has to look at them and their hideous defects. chandler 3 brown 0 davis 0 alexander 0 johnson 0 coates 6 ford 4 shuler 0 warren 0 garner 0 moore 0 early 0 riemersma 0 jaeger 10 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Grandma's Cussin' 28 The Cream Machine 24 My oh my, what happened to the Cream Machine? After a 4-2 start, Herman Moore stopped producing, KiJana Carter returned to the dog house, and the QB situation went into turmoil. The only bright spot during their 5 game loss streak has been pleasantly surprising WR Yancey Thigpen. Meanwhile, the Grandma's put a boycott on their non-K Patriot players this week, and achieved the desired result, a Patriots win. Hats off to Stan for putting home-town pride and superstition before RFL glory! Fortunately for Stan it paid off! moon 9 lane 0 alstott 6 calloway 0 emanuel 6 baxter 0 vinatieri 7 detmer 0 allen 0 phillips 6 moore 0 thigpen 9 dudley 3 opie 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Surge 15 Mighty Mighty Gnomes 3 The Surge wins #5 in a row, their 2nd straight win with only 15 points behind it. SCRUB! Raymont Harris continues to chug along on two broken legs while carrying the Surge on his back! The Gnomes look disgusting wallowing in the mud with a winning record. young 0 harris 6 morris 0 fryar 3 mathis 0 wycheck 0 hollis 6 elway 3 bates 0 levens 0 stokes 0 mccaffrey 0 crumpler 0 kasay 0 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ********************************************************************** Hey! Don't forget to update your league roster.... Transactions ADD DROP ============ === ==== 13-gnomes RB Greg Hill RB Sam Gash 4-chortling RB Leon Johnson RB Stephen Davis 16-machine QB Craig Whelihan QB Jake Plummer 4-chortling QB Glenn Foley RB Leon Johnson 10-pot4dest TE Kyle Brady TE Troy Drayton 10-pot4dest TE Dave Moore WR Jeff Graham 16=machine QB Jake Plummer QB Ty Detmer 16-machine QB Frank Reich QB Rodney Peete ********************************************************************** SEASON PTS LEADERS ****************** QB Jeff George (Bust a Nut) 74 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin') 72 Brett Favre (Red Rover) 70 Brad Johnson (Blackhearts) 67 RB Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage) 105 Napoleon Kaufman (Gaseous Wombats) 75 Barry Sanders (Team Desai) 81 Karim Abdul-Jabbar (Red Rover) 69 Eddie George (Potential for Destruction) 68 Raymont Harris (The Surge) 63 Curtis Martin (Chortling Tushy Whackers) 63 Warrick Dunn (Red Rover) 60 WR Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage) 59 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon) 53 Derrick Alexander (Blade Runners) 45 Antonio Freeman (Chrotling Tushy Whackers) 45 Michael Irvin (Gaseous Wombats) 39 Herman Moore (Cream Machine) 39 Tony Martin (Bust a Nut) 39 Bert Emanuel (Grandma's Cussin') 39 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut) 39 TE Rickey Dudley (Cream Machine) 36 Ben Coates (Blade Runners) 36 Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats) 33 PK Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin') 78 Al DelGreco (Red Rover) 75 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon) 75 Jason Elam (Team Desai) 74 ********************************************************************** CALS' CORNER ===== ====== Dear gentle readers, in the interest of loading your weekly feedbag on time, i will defer my rantings about scrubs until next WIR. Also you will not get the guru's cunning insights into this year's playoff picture until next week. Know this: The Rummied Romanians are mathematically eliminated. Blade Runners can only make it if they scire about 50 points per game here on out. Red Rover, BustaNut and Team Desai will be in with one more win, and will probably make it anyway even if they all go 0-3. * Entry Fees Notice to the following scofflaws: Snehal/Shivan Desai Joe Pynadath Josh Veshia Chris Carroll Tim Purwin Did you hear those footsteps last night while you were sleeping? Next week we go for the kneecaps, or maybe the left earlobe. RFLHQ 405 Fremont Ave. Los Altos, CA 94024 ********************************************************************** RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB Brett Favre (Red Rover) 12 RB Karim Abdul-Jabbar (Red Rover) 15 Warrick Dunn (Red Rover) 15 WR Tony Martin (BustaNut) 15 Joey Galloway (Red Rover) 12 Antonio Freeman (Chortling TW) 12 TE Tony McGee (Fiends UCK) 12 K Todd Peterson (P4D) 13 ************** ** Week 11 total: 94 Red Rover phenom! ********************************************************************** Week 12 RFL Action ---- -- --- ------ Teams off this week: Nobody!!! Bye weeks are over! ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** 15-The Surge vs 14-Grandma's Cussin There are a couple other games that are huge this week, but this one is intriguing. A couple of teams on a serious roll are looking to get into a playoff picture that they don't necessarily belong in! Surge brings a 5 game win streak to the table (after a 1-5 start!), while G-ma's have won 3 straight after a 2-6 start. These two upstarts are showing GMs around the league what it means to make a stretch drive! No time for lineup analysis!!!! *** Cals' Line: The Surge by 3 *** ********************************************************************** Other tilts: FAVE SPREAD DOG ========= ====== =========== 1- Red Rover 12 13-Mighty Mighty GNomes Ho hum? Gnomes battle to stay in the playoff/money race 2- Team Desai 2 12-Blackhearts Team Desai actually has a shot at Steamroller! 3- Landlord Luggage 9 11-Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge Luggage looks to vault back into 1st against the punchless Fiends. 10-Potential for Destruction 1 4- Chortling Tushy Whackers An obvious choice for GOTW. Sorry! 5- Gaseous Wombats 4 9- Stoked Salmon This is simply the biggest GM rivalry in all of pro sports. A special GAME OF THE YEAR section may be devoted to this one in WIR12. 8- Bust a Nut 14 6- Blade Runners A roommate grudge match that may end in the bitter breakup of the 405 Fremont clan. 16-Cream Machine 19 7- Rumbling Romanians Ahh, the perfect recipe for ending your losing streak. Bring on the Romanians! Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!! (but preferably by friday afternoon!) RFL Hotline: (650) 917-1619 New stupid area code!!!