Ruffled Feathers League Week 10 November 4, 1997 RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ********************************************************************** WOMBATS EDGE ROMANIANS The Gaseous Wombats remained a game out of first place with a scary 32-24 win over the Rascal Romanians in this week's *** GAME * OF THE * WEEK ***. QB Kent Graham unexpectedly returned from exile to score a season-high 12 points for the Romanians, turning another routine laugher into a struggle for the Wombats. However, another goose-egg from Romanians kicker Jeff Jaeger foiled their upset bid. 5-WAY FIRST PLACE TIE REMAINS INTACT AFTER 10th WEEK All five first-place teams won this week, some in impressive fashion, others in hideous scrub-aided shame. Landlord Luggage's remarkable 54 point outburst in a win over faltering Stoked Salmon vaulted them into first place (by virtue of points edge) for the first time this season. Meanwhile, the top 3 scoring teams (Potential for Destruction, Gaseous Wombats, and Chortling Tushy Whackers) remain a game or two out of the first place blockade, waiting to make that late-season plunge for the coveted Steamroller Trophy. MID-SEASON RANKING COME OUT A COUPLE WEEKS LATE The much anticipated mid-season rankings compiled by everyone's favorite RFL guru, came out today, a couple weeks after their scheduled Week 7-8 debut. The mid-late season rankings are actually quite timely in seeing how things stack up for the stretch drive. See the non-computerized rankings in this week's CALS CORNER. 405 FREMONT HALLOWEEN BASH A RAGING SUCCESS The men of 405 Fremont Avenue (including RFL GMs Pat Callery, Chris Carroll, and Clark Goebel) held a momentous festival in honor of Halloween last Friday night. Upon arriving at the front door, guests were frightened by the "Living Graveyard", courtesy of scare-master Alex Carroll. After stepping through the smoke-shrouded "Tunnel of Doom", they were greeted by a stinky, grimy bathroom. Those wise enough to take care of business outside in the bushes skipped this attraction and proceeded directly to the BLACK ROOM, where fluorescent glowing artwork decorated black walls, and a strobe light flashed to the pulsing, driving beat of today's latest dance-rave hits. The "Kitchen of Remorse" provided appetizers and Jello-shots, while another dark, dreary tunnel led past a knife-wielding munchkin and into a liquor-infested backyard. Those bold enough to venture onward found themselves in the highly touted "Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde's Laboratory" where concoctions were mixed to quench even the most ghoulish of thirsts. Attendance for the evening was estimated at approximately 150 guests, more than quadrupling the house attendance at other recent 405 bashes. The resident men were pretty stoked on the whole deal, but pledged a temproary respite from the party business due to the financial burdens imposed. ********************************************************************** Standings ********* Wilding Division W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Landlord Luggage 7 3 - 299 219 W3 Red Rover 7 3 - 297 234 W1 Team Desai 7 3 - 280 238 W2 Chortl. Tushy Whackers 5 5 2 302 310 L1 Funky Junk Division W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Bust a Nut 7 3 - 285 256 W1 Gaseous Wombats 6 4 1 307 270 W1 Big City Blade Runners 2 8 5 183 277 L1 Reinvigorated Romanians 2 8 5 150 284 L5 Black Letter Law Div. W L GB PF PA STK ===================== = = == === === === Potential for Destruct. 5 5 2 313 279 L1 Stoked Salmon 4 6 3 285 326 L3 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowl. 4 6 3 260 246 L2 Blackhearts 4 6 3 252 260 L3 Ooglies Division W L GB PF PA STK ===================== = = == === === === Mighty Mighty Gnomes 7 3 - 218 243 W2 The Cream Machine 4 6 3 284 260 L4 Grandma's Cussin' 4 6 3 248 224 W2 The Surge 5 5 2 269 306 W4 ********************************************************************** Week 10 in Review ---- -- -- ------ ****************************** ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** ****************************** Gaseous Wombats 32 Rumbling Romanians 24 It was a shame that the Wombats' first GOTW appearance of the year had to occur on such a token effort as the hapless Romanians, but both teams ended up getting their money's worth as the Romeys put up a fight. A balanced attack included 6 each from Kaufman, Allen, and Irvin; good enough to stave off the surprise points chipped in by Lamont Warren & Kent Graham of the Romanians. The win keeps the Wombats just a game off the pace with 4 weeks remaining in the regular season. kramer 4 kaufman 6 allen 6 irvin 6 lewis 0 walls 0 stover 10 graham 12 warren 6 garner 0 moore 6 early 0 riemersma 0 jaeger 0 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Rover 12 Fiends Uv Carnal K 10 Rover edges the Fiends with a scrub win of momentous proportions. Latitude was permitted, however, by RFL management as it was Rover's first scrub win against two losses this year. A detailed scrub analysis will be included in the mid-season rankings below. favre 3 karim 0 dunn 0 reed 0 galloway 3 sharpe 0 delgreco 6 vinny 6 broussard 0 kirby 0 owens 0 jackson 0 mcgee 0 hanson 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Team Desai 30 Potential 4 Destruction 27 Kordell lets Kevin down as his monday nite comeback bid, which started off fortuitously, ended in stagnation as stewart was held to just 3 points for the evening. Team Desai, 9th overall in total pts, inexplicably keeps pace with the first place bunch. These two teams parallel last year's efforts by the same GMs: Kevin's GIAH scored some points, but couldn't string wins together, while Desai's scrubby bunch kept winning games with 20 point efforts. Some people just have the luck of the scrub. dilfer 9 sanders 3 anders 0 brooks 6 carrier 0 green 0 elam 12 stewart 3 george 6 smith 0 smith 9 reed 0 jones 0 peterson 9 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Landlord Luggage 54 Stoked Salmon 26 After a powerful 3-0 start, the once mighty Stoked Salmon are mired in a terrible slump, dropping 6 of their last 7. They never had a chance in this one, as Luggage QB Tony Banks almost DOUBLED his year- to-date scoring total with a career-high 21. Superhuman and MVP frontrunner Terrell Davis was held to a season-low 3 points, but that didn't phase the Luggage as they came up with points from all 7 starters. banks 21 davis 3 faulk 6 sheppard 6 carter 9 mitchell 6 boniol 3 brunell 9 bettis 3 warren 0 brown 6 mcduffie 0 glover 0 longwell 8 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) 31 Chortling Tushy Whackers 29 CTW swallows a hard one, as only the noble Dave Brodkin's honesty prevented him from getting the win here. Idiot commissioner Cals mistakenly credited an extra 6 to CTW's sunday total, which was promptly discovered and reported by the dependable Brodz. As a result, Bombyx K Stoyanovich's 7 points on monday nite were enough to get the job done and complete the comeback victory for BustaNut. WR Isaac Bruce scored his first pts of the year, a whopping 21, for CTW. george 9 watters 3 anderson 12 martin 0 smith 0 jones 0 stoyo 7 mcnair 0 smith 0 martin 3 bruce 21 freeman 0 asher 0 anderson 5 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Grandma's Cussin' 42 Blackhearts 37 The Grandma's bounce back from Depends with their 2nd win in a row to keep the playoff hopes alive. A season high 15 from WR Bert Emanuel helped push them over the top of an impressive Blackhearts effort, which included WR Eric Metcalf's first pts (12) of the season. bledsoe 9 centers 0 alstott 6 glenn 6 emanuel 15 byars 0 vinatieri 6 johnson 3 murrell 0 hearst 9 pickens 6 metcalf 12 chmura 0 husted 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mighty Mighty Gnomes 14 The Cream Machine 13 More disgusting scrub, not coincidentally scrub win #4 for the happy- go-lucky gnomes, keeps Lance's boys in first place. How do these things happen? Tis the wrath of the RFL gods. I must have done something wrong. Cream Machine loses their 4th in a row, the only team hurting more than Stoked Salmon right now (unless you count the Romanians as a team). elway 6 gash 0 levens 0 stokes 0 mccaffrey 0 crumpler 0 kasay 8 peete 0 carter 0 phillips 6 moore 0 thigpen 0 dudley 0 davis 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Surge 15 Blade Runners 14 The Surge gets their 4th straight win (thank you scrub) to rebound from a horrific 1-5 start. Meanwhile the Blade Runners have not yet rebounded from their even more horrific 0-6 start. Co-rapists Gary Brown and Derrick Alexander get the only significant points for the bummers. Clark shamelessly tries to cheat out a victory by offering bribes to our noble commissioner. Sin! young 0 harris 0 morris 3 fryar 0 morton 0 wycheck 0 hollis 12 marino 0 brown 6 mcphail 0 alexander 6 johnson 0 coates 0 ford 2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ********************************************************************** Hey! Don't forget to update your league roster.... Transactions ADD DROP ============ === ==== 10-pot4dest WR Jeff Graham WR Eric Moulds 13-gnomes RB Sam Gash PK Scott Bentley 1-redrover WR Jerry Rice TE OJ Santiago 16-machine PK Greg Davis RB Leland McElroy 5-wombats RB Tiki Barber RB William Floyd 6-bladeruns RB Jeris McPhail RB Errict Rhett 14-grandmas RB Fred Lane WR Marvin Harrison 10-pot4dest TE Troy Drayton WR Horace Copeland 5-wombats QB Rich Gannon RB Greg Hill Lost Dibs: FRED LANE (Team Desai, Chortling Tushy Whackers) ********************************************************************** SEASON PTS LEADERS ****************** QB Jeff George (Bust a Nut) 74 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin') 72 Brad Johnson (Blackhearts) 63 Vinny Testaverde (Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge) 62 RB Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage) 102 Napoleon Kaufman (Gaseous Wombats) 75 Barry Sanders (Team Desai) 72 Eddie George (Potential for Destruction) 59 Raymont Harris (The Surge) 57 Curtis Martin (Chortling Tushy Whackers) 54 Karim Abdul-Jabbar (Red Rover) 54 WR Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage) 57 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon) 53 Derrick Alexander (Blade Runners) 45 Michael Irvin (Gaseous Wombats) 39 Herman Moore (Cream Machine) 39 Jake Reed (Potential for Destruction) 36 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut) 36 Terrell Owens (Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge) 36 Rob Moore (Romanians) 35 TE Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats) 33 Rickey Dudley (Cream Machine) 33 Ben Coates (Blade Runners) 30 PK Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin') 71 Al DelGreco (Red Rover) 71 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon) 70 ********************************************************************** Mid-Season Rankings!!!!! Note: preseason rank was determined from a compilation of rankings by 3 different GMs (Callery, Wang, Archibald) Team Rank Pre Comments ========= ==== ==== ========= Red Rover 1 2 Very solid lineup from top to bottom Chortling 2 1 Has big name talent waiting to explode Landlord 3 7 Two words: Davis, Carter Wombats 4 5 Has explosive stars, but some holes in lineup Pot 4 Dest 5 10 Has not produced to early season form lately Busta Nut 6 4 Pretty solid lineup, but star WRs slacking off Stk.Salmon 7 3 Big names, no consistent production Cr.Machine 8 6 Trouble rebounding from Rice catastrophy The Surge 9 11 Unsung Harris & Morris are coming up huge Tm. Desai 10 9 Gets no respect, continues to win Blackheart 11 13 Solid lineup, not getting job done. See Salmon. Fiends UCK 12 14 On & off; where is Michael Jackson? Needs Smith. Gradmas 13 12 Never was able to put it together Mty.Gnomes 14 15 I can't believe they are 7-3!!! Blade Run 15 8 A very disappointing rookie season Romanians 16 16 Hey, somewhat better than was expected ********************************************************************** CALS' CORNER ===== ====== Friends, lest you ever become unappreciative of the WIR, I present you with (via Dave BrodZ) a quote from an RFL fan in the middle of nowhere, which ought to tell you a little bit about the influence this weekly publication has on the day-to-day life of the ordinary man: "David, I am extremely disappointed by the fact that I have not yet received the Week 9 RFLWIR. You know that I have worked extra hours to establish the appropriate cyberspace connection to receive this weekly ray of sunshine. I spent an entire Saturday pulling coaxial cable from my PC at work to Lincoln, NE. I would like to think that my efforts were not wasted. Each morning this week (since Tuesday) I've opened my email inbox with the excitement of a child on his birthday, and for four consecutive days I've been disappointed... leveled, like the harvested corn fields around me. It is not just me who is affected by this neglect. Like a missionary in an African village, I have tried to pass on the goodness and spiritual power that the WIR can provide. Why, just last week, I forwarded your "Beginner's Guide to the RFLWIR" to our dear friend from the South, one Jaime Duquette. He was so excited by the prospect of a lifetime subscription, that he instantly agreed to head the Southern US distribution effort. What can I offer him this week? Faith is fragile, and can be destroyed by a much smaller example of abandonment than this represents. If my beliefs in RFL are well founded, I know that there must be some explanation for this literary drought. Please respond with any words of comfort that you can muster. Waiting with intense anxiety and anticipation, KC" Thank you Ken Cordio! Here is your WIR!!!!!! * Entry Fees Notice to the following scofflaws: Snehal/Shivan Desai Joe Pynadath Josh Veshia Chris Carroll Tim Purwin You are severely delinquent. Get those checks in immediately. RFL is at least a sounder investment than the stock market. RFLHQ 405 Fremont Ave. Los Altos, CA 94024 ********************************************************************** RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB Tony Banks (Landlord LUggage) 21 Kent Graham (Romanians) 12 RB Jamal Anderson (Bust a Nut) 12 Garrison Hearst (Blackhearts) 9 WR Isaac Bruce (Chortling Tush) 21 Bert Emanuel (Grandma's Cussin') 15 Eric Metcalf (Blackhearts) 12 TE Pete Mitchell (Landlord Luggage) 6 K Mike Hollis (The Surge) 12 Jason Elam (Team Desai) 12 ************** ** Week 10 total: 96 Saved by Falcons-Rams!?! ********************************************************************** Week 11 RFL Action ---- -- --- ------ Teams off this week: Nobody!!! Bye weeks are over! ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** 4-Chortling Tushy Whackers (5-5, 30.2) vs 9-Stoked Salmon (4-6, 28.5) I guess, in the spirit of all that hubbub about new young stallions against old RFL stalwarts for GOTW honors, this one goes to the old- timers. But not just for sentimentality. Believe it or not, Stoked Salmon GM Pat Callery is no stranger to hard times. Twice in the 7 years since RFL came to Boston, Cals has suffered through subpar season performances while boasting a quality team. So this year has appeared to be more of that same curse for Cals. Of course, other quality teams GM'd by Cals have accounted for 3 Aglione Bowl titles and 2 Steamroller Trophies. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Meanwhile, if anyone can claim rights to the throne of bad scrub fortune, it's CTW GM Dave Brodkin. Brods has lost count of how many seasons his club finished among league leaders in points, but failed to capture regular or post- season glory. This matchup comes at the most pivotal juncture for both of these squads. Both sport impressive lineups and good numbers, but have ultimately failed to produce this year when the game was on the line! The winner will take a step back towards their rightful perch atop the league standings, while the loser will creep precariously close to calling it quits for another season. Chortling Tushy Whack Stoked Salmon ===================== ============= QB Steve McNair -> Mark Brunell RB Curtis Martin == Jerome Bettis RB Emmitt Smith == Corey Dillon WR Antonio Freeman -> Tim Brown WR Isaac Bruce == James Jett TE Jamie Asher <- Andrew Glover PK Gary Anderson -> Ryan Longwell With the bye weeks done, both teams are full strength. However, Stoked Salmon (in typical Cals fashion) can not seem to settle on a 2nd RB & WR, somehow managing to always bench the guy who scores points. Co-trade rapist Emmitt Smith has produced scantily since coming over, and Brods reputation as a supreme trade manipulator is falling into jeopardy. Somehow, on paper, the stinky fish appear to have the edge. *** Cals' Line: Stoked Salmon by 5 *** ********************************************************************** Other tilts: FAVE SPREAD DOG ========= ====== =========== 1- Red Rover (7-3, 29.7) 5 12-Blackhearts (4-6, 25.2) Seto looks to stay on top, Blackhearts struggle for survival. 2- Team Desai (7-3, 28.0) 2 11-Fiends Uv C K (4-6, 26.0) See above. Only this time, with scrub. 10-Pot 4 Destruct (5-5, 31.3) 1 3- Lando Luggage (7-3, 29.9) Ummmm, see above. 5- Gaseous Wombats (6-4, 30.7) 6 8- Bust a Nut (7-3, 28.5) See above, only the Wombats are poised to make a move for the top. 6- Blade Runners (2-8, 18.3) 7 7- Romanians (2-8, 15.0) This used to be called the REPUS bowl, or the Bay of Pigs. 15-The Surge (5-5, 26.9) 4 13-Mighty Gnomes (7-3, 21.8) Surge is on a mission from god, the Gnomes are just happy to be here. 16-Cream Machine (4-6, 28.4) 9 14-Grandma's Cussin (4-6, 24.8) Opportune time for Cream Machine to halt their dreadful slide. Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!! (but preferably by friday afternoon!) RFL Hotline: (650) 917-1619