Red Flavored Lozenges Week 6 October 7, 1997 RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ********************************************************************** BUST A NUT STAVES OFF GRANDMA COMEBACK TO GO 5-1 Bust-a-Nut (by Bombyx) improved their league leading record to 5-1 this week with a 18-16 SCRUB win over Grandma's Cussin', barely clinging to a 2 point lead for the entire second half of the monday nite action. Bustanut has won 4 straight despite going kicker-less for the last 2 games! Meanwhile, 5 teams stayed one game off Bustanut's torrid pace by winning to go 4-2: Red Rover, Team Desai, Landlord Luggage, the Cream Machine, and the Mighty Mighty Gnomes. On the flipside, the pitiful Big City Blade Runners ran their season-long losing streak to 6 games. WAIT A MINUTE, THIS SUCKS! Something fishy is going on here. All the quality teams are losing ballgames, while scrub haven has taken over as mediocre talent is rising to the top of the standings. Why on earth are Stoked Salmon, Potential for Destruction, and Gaseous Wombats sporting mere 3-3 records while the likes of Mighty Meager Gnomes, Team Gump, and Landlord Luggos storming to the top??!! Ahhh, apologies are mine, as I somehow seem to be having trouble coping with my own lousy 3-3 record. You know I have the best team out there!! Why are you doing this to me??!!!?!?!?!?!?! IHS, save me fast! ENTERPRISING GM SURFS WEB, WAVES By now, all of RFL should be well acquainted (virtually, at least) with 2nd year GM and commissioner's brother-in-law Kevin Archibald. Kevin's RFL presence was made known from day one in RFL'96, when a relative newcomer to the game of professional football burst onto the scene with an opinionated style and a refreshing new excitement for the game. In the past year, Kevin has become one of the league's most respected GMs, employing shrewd roster moves and thought-provoking commentary. How does he do it? This is one GM who was born to surf. Archibald makes proficient use of the WWW, able to track down a single stat with the click of a mouse, gain privy access to the latest breaking play by play info, giving him the heads up on most of the league's other, more sloth-like GMs. And when it comes time for meditation, to let all those stats flow into a single state of RFL being, Kevin takes it to the waves. "Dude, check out that gnarly tube! Shred, brah!" shouts RFL commissioner and Kevin's understudy Pat Callery. Cals can only watch and dream as he takes another wipeout, and Kevin shreds a perfect double overhead right. ********************************************************************** Standings ********* Speedy Division W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Red Rover 4 2 1 183 151 W3 Landlord Luggage 4 2 1 169 139 W1 Team Desai 4 2 1 156 148 W1 Chortl. Tushy Whackers 3 3 2 190 207 W1 Daffy Division W L GB PF PA STK ==================== = = == === === === Bust a Nut 5 1 - 185 134 W4 The Gaseous Wombats 3 3 2 193 159 L1 Reinvigorated Romanians 2 4 3 89 139 L1 Big City Blade Runners 0 6 5 90 196 L6 Porky Division W L GB PF PA STK =================== = = == === === === Potential for Destruct. 3 3 2 218 177 W1 Stoked Salmon 3 3 2 175 182 L3 Fiends Uv Carnal Knowl. 3 3 2 167 152 L1 Blackhearts 3 3 2 164 164 L1 Sylvester Division W L GB PF PA STK ===================== = = == === === === The Cream Machine 4 2 1 197 141 W2 Mighty Mighty Gnomes 4 2 1 138 161 W1 Grandma's Cussin' 2 4 3 152 126 L2 The Surge 1 5 4 146 236 L1 ********************************************************************** Week 6 in Review ---- - -- ------ ****************************** ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** ****************************** Potential for Destruction 52 Blackhearts 22 P4D goes apeshit again, paving its path of destruction over the previously confident Blackhearts. As Natrone Means and Jake Reed showed mercy this week by scoring goose-eggs, Kordell Stewart steamrolled the opponent with 24 points in his first career start at the QB position. The phrase "too many weapons" comes to mind when scanning this roster. So why are they only 3-3? Hey, that's life in the RFL I guess. Please forgive me for my consistent harping on this topic. I hate scrubs stewart 24 george 9 means 0 reed 0 smith 3 bruener 6 hall 10 brad 9 murrell 9 xxxxx 0 pickens 0 metcalf 0 chmura 0 husted 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Rover 34 Red Romanians 11 Red Rover very quietly storms to their 3rd win in a row, keeping one game off the Bust-a Nut pace. The Romanians came within 2 points of matching the pregame spread of 21, clinging desparately for hopes of gaining some respect among their peers. Not! Jeff Jaeger also came within 1 point of his season high of 6 monstrous kicker points. favre 6 karim 6 dunn 9 reed 6 mccardell 0 sharpe 0 delgreco 7 graham 3 warren 0 garner 0 moore 3 early 0 jay r. 0 jaeger 5 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Team Desai 18 Blade Runners 10 Yet another scrub win for the Gumpers this week, thanks to their matchup with the pathetically underachieving Blade Runners. Star caliber talent Kimble Anders and Andre Hastings were remarkably shut down by a stalwart Blade Runners defense. Not so long ago, Emmitt would have won this game singlehandedly. Emmitt, where have you gone? aikman 7 sanders 3 anders 0 brooks 0 hastings 0 green 6 stoyo 2 marino 3 smith 3 smith 0 scott 0 johnson 0 coates 0 ford 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Landlord Luggage 36 Gaseous Wombats 21 Luggage moves onward with their terrifying 2-man attack of Terrell Davis and Cris Carter, who score big points every week! You can't stop them!!! If Luggage only had one other player, they could be talking Steamroller here. Unortunately for the Wombats, their team depth could not outshine their glaring lack of QB talent and the bye week absence of star TE Wesley Walls. detmer 9 phillips 0 mcelroy 0 moore 3 calloway 6 dudley 15 opie 9 blake 6 brown 0 barber 0 freeman 0 alexander 0 asher 6 blanton 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chortling Tushy Whackers 43 The Sssssuuuuurrrrrgggge 15 Surge management requested the addition of Big Money Party Candidate Ross Perot to the roster for an emergency start this week, but the move was vetoed at the last minute by President Clin-Ton. "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!", Clinn-Tonn declared before the fickle, cheering crowds. Instead the Surge got 80's sitcom star Arnold of Diff'rint strokes, who failed to complete a pass as they were all batted down at the line of scrimmage by the backsides of his own O-linemen. Meanwhile the Tushy Whackers, who, believe it or not, were picked first place preseason, began to flex some muscles that even they did not know they had before. GARY BROWN had a remarkable return to stardom with a 12 point performance. blake 9 brown 12 martin 0 freeman 12 alexander 6 asher 0 blanton 4 xxxxx 0 morris 6 harris 6 fryar 0 morton 0 wycheck 0 hollis 3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Bust-a-Nut (by Bombyx) 18 Grandma's Cussin' 16 The Grandma's monday nite contingent was well on their way to springing the comeback victory, with 10 points at halftime to cut the bombyx lead to 18-16. But they could not muster a single 2nd half field goal or TD pass, as BustaNut stormed to scrub glory in their league-leading 5th win. The snowboard-accessories manufacturing giant attributed this week's scrub win to the overpowering presence of Rush lead singer Geddy Lee's return to RFL action at RB. To help him out, bandmates Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson tied their legs together to become a three-legged kicker. george 3 watters 15 xxxxx 0 martin 0 smith 0 drayton 0 xxxxx 0 bledsoe 3 thomas 0 alstott 0 glenn 0 harrison 0 brady 0 vinatieri 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mighty Gnomes 19 Stoked Salmon 15 The Gnomes gain a monday nite comeback victory thanks to their emergency fill-in kicker Scott Bentley, and John Elway's heroic TD plunge. Salmon GM cals curses himself for his careless formulation of the starting lineup, as A.Miller was left on the bench against the hapless NYGiants, while McDuffie got the nod against the Chiefs. What was he thinking!!! And why does Kordell never give Bettis the ball on the goalline??!! What the hell is KiJana Carter doing back in uniform??!! Why does Tim Brown get TDs called back from stupid penalties every week??!! Aaaaaggggghhhhh!!! Share in my frustration. Meanwhile, Dorsey Levens set an RFL record for most weeks in a row (5) with exactly 3 points. elway 6 levens 3 wheatley 0 mccafrey 0 jefferson 0 crumps 0 bentley 10 brunell 9 bettis 3 dillon 0 brown 0 mcduffie 0 popson 0 longwell 3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cream Machine 24 Fiends Uv CK 14 This battle of ex-UMich PhD studentsgoes to the Cream Machine, thanks in part to last minute acquisition WR Yancey Thigpen. Vinny (10 pts) got no support from his fellow fiends in this disgraceful showing. detmer 6 allen 0 mcelroy 0 moore 3 thigpen 6 dudley 0 cunningham 9 vinny 10 smith 0 henderson 0 jackson 0 brown 0 mcgee 0 blanchard 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ************ Attention! If you want to keep up to date on the RFL rosters, pull out the roster I mailed out last week and update manually as needed: Transactions ADD DROP ============ === ==== 6-runners WR Mike Pritchard WR Muhsin Muhammad 11-fiends WR Troy Brown WR Derrick Mayes 10-pot4des TE Mark Bruener TE OJ Santiago 5-wombats QB Rodney Peete QB Rob Johnson 2-desai PK Pete Stoyanovich RB Irving Spikes 13-gnomes PK Scott Bentley TE Ken Dilger 16-cream WR Yancey Thigpen WR Chris Calloway 12-black WR Muhsin Muhammad WR Charlie Jones 5-wombats TE Christian Fauria QB Rodney Peete 16-cream TE Jackie Harris PK Doug Pelfrey 2-desai PK Brad Daluiso PK Pete Stoyanovich 2-desai TE Jason Dunn TE Chad Lewis 2-desai RB Amp Lee WR Isaac Bruce 11-fiends RB Steve Broussard RB William Floyd 5-wombats QB Erik Kramer TE Christian Fauria 5-wombats QB Danny Kanell QB Rick Mirer 4-whackers PK Gary Anderson PK Scott Blanton 9-salmon TE Andrew Glover RB Jay Graham ********************************************************************** SEASON PTS LEADERS ****************** QB Jeff George (Bust a Nut) 52 Brad Johnson (Blackhearts) 48 Vinny Testaverde (Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge) 47 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin') 45 John Elway (Mighty Mighty Gnomes) 43 RB Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage) 64 Napoleon Kaufman (Gaseous Wombats) 45 Robert Smith (Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge) 39 Raymont Harris (The Surge) 39 Warrick Dunn (Red Rover) 39 Curtis Martin (Chortling Tushy Whackers) 36 Mike Alstott (Grandma's Cussin') 36 Eddie George (Potential for Destruction) 35 WR Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon) 42 Jake Reed (Potential for Destruction) 36 Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage) 42 Herman Moore (Cream Machine) 36 Antonio Freeman (Tushy Whackers) 33 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut) 30 TE Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats) 27 Rickey Dudley (Cream Machine) 27 PK Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon) 52 Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin') 41 Matt Stover (Gaseous Wombats) 39 ********************************************************************** CALS' CORNER ===== ====== Alas, I have spent too much time compiling your pesky stats this week to come up with much of a commentary this week. Sadly, this seems to be an ongoing trend with this year's WIRs. But wait!!! You can help save the day! That's right, the RFL WIR is now, and always has been, accepting submittals for WIR editorials! Hey veterans, remember the days when exciting and controversial subject matter appeared weekly in WIR, thanks to stinging commentary from such RFL blowhards as Brian Pototo, Ashesh Pansuria, our own Joe Pyandath & Dave Brodkin, and of course, the legendary SHARIF!!! Why waste your banter on an instant-email sludge-slinging factory when you can save up all your literary talents to blast a foe in a published periodical!!! Just send your manuscript to the WIR editorial staff at "callery@corp.hp.com" and ALL submittals will be published!!! However, as the mighty BRODS knows all to well, the WIR staff can not guarantee an edit-free article. We have to protect our libel standards, after all. * Entry Fees Another "thank you" going out to Mr. Dylan Steeg, for his prompt payment following the alleged breaking of his kneecaps. Hopefully the rest of you won't need such active stimulation for rapid payment. Mail a check to: RFLHQ 405 Fremont Ave. Los Altos, CA 94024 ********************************************************************** RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB Kordell Stewart (Pot4Dest) 24 Vinny (fiends Uv CK) 10 RB Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage) 18 Ricky Watters (Busta Nut) 15 Gary Brown (Tushy Whackers) 12 WR Antonio Freeman (Tushy Whackers) 12 Alexander, A.Reed, Thigpen, Carter 6 TE Eric Green (Team Desai) 6 Mark Bruener (Potential for Dest) 6 K John Hall (Potential for Dest) 10 Scott Bentley (Mighty Gnomes) 10 ************** ** Week 6 total: 91 Bad week for WRs!!! ********************************************************************** Week 7 RFL Action ---- - --- ------ Teams off this week: BALTIMORE RAVENS DENVER BRONCOS KANSAS CITY CHIEFS OAKLAND RAIDERS SAN DIEGO CHARGERS SEATTLE SEAHAWKS ****** GAME OF THE WEEK ****** 1- Red Rover (4-2, 30.5) vs 8- Bust a Nut (5-1, 30.8) This battle pits the two most successful '97 rookie GMs to date. Both trams bring impressive winning streaks to the table. The winner of this game could find themselves in first place at the midpoint of the regular season. Red Rover Bust a Nut ========== =========== QB Brett Favre <- Gus Frerotte RB Karim Abdul-Jabbar -> Ricky Watters RB Warrick Dunn <- Jamal Anderson WR Keenan McCardell -> Jimmy Smith WR Andre Reed <- Michael Westbrook TE Brian Kinchen == Brent Jones PK Al Del Greco <- xxxxx Red Rover gets a break, in that they face a somwhat handicapped Bust a Nut. Star QB Jeff George sits out with a bye week, as does WR Tony Martin and K John Carney, who hasn't played in 2 weeks anyway. How do they keep winning? A mysterious force field around Bombyx's "L" column is preventing them from losing any games. Red Rover must find the key! *** Cals' Line: Red Rover by 6 *** ********************************************************************** Other tilts: FAVE SPREAD DOG ========= ====== =========== 2- Team Desai (3-2, 27.8) 12 7- Rusted Romanians (2-4, 14.8) 3- Land Luggage (4-2, 28.2) 9 6- Blade Runners (0-6, 15.0) 4- Cho Tush Whak (3-3, 31.7) 1 5- Gaseous Wombats (3-3, 32.2) 9- Stoked Salmon (3-3, 29.2) 6 14-Grandma Cuss (2-3, 27.2) 10-Potenial 4 Des (3-3, 36.3) 16 13-Mighty Gnomes (4-2, 23.0) 11-Fiends Uv C K (3-3, 27.8) 4 15-The Surge (1-5, 24.3) 16-Cream Machine (4-2, 32.8) 7 12-Blackhearts 3-3, 27.3) Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!! (but preferably by friday afternoon!) RFL Hotline: (415) 917-1619