Stoked Salmon, the league's only 3-0 team entering Week 4, was upended by Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge in the GAME * OF * THE * WEEK this week, 41-38, leaving 5 teams tied for the top spot at 3-1. For more details, see the W4IR section.

Meanwhile, the pitiful Surge, Blade Runners, and Rectified Romanians continued their woeful losing ways. The Surge and BCBR remain the only winless teams, while the Romanians are the only 1-3 club. Most of the remaining 13 teams seem capable of contending, which should make for an exciting season!!!

COMMINSSIONER APOLOGIZES FOR OUTBURST

Thanks to the upstart young rookie GM, Shivan Desai of Team Desai, the league engaged in a rapid fire banter of trash sentiments this morning. The brash young GM should be heralded for touting his IHS (Inflated Head Syndrome) so ravenously. Go Team Desai! See how long you can stay above .500 with your band of beastly thugs!

COMMISSIONER VISITS DENTIST

RFL Commissioner Patrick J. Callery issued a formal apology to the RFL's email hounds today, with one big caveat. "Sorry for yelling at you yesterday, I hope I didn't hurt any feelings or bruise any egos," said Pat, "but the fact remains that there seems to be a little too much garbage floating around the email circuit. I would recommend that all future trade talks be conducted in private, except for the rare case where offers could be solicited for a potentially valuable player."

LATE WIR

As Week 3 replacement editor David S. Wang so eloquently stated last week, "Writing a half-worthy WIR is a HUGELY time-consuming labor (of love)!" Well said. Sorry for the lateness. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. For further details on this subject, see Cals' Corner.

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge 41
Stoked Salmon 38

Carnal K knocks the mighty fish from the ranks of unbeaten with an astounding 41 point outburst, made even more amazing by the 29 pts left on the bench by usual starters kirby & Blanchard. Jerome Bettis came up short for the Salmon bid for their 3rd monday nite comeback victory of the year.

vinny 12 r.smith 12 hendu 0 hee-hee 0 owens 6 mcgee 6 hanson 5
grbac 9 bettis 3 warren 0 brown 12 mcduffie 6 popson 0 longwell 8
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Red Rover 37
Gaseous Wombats 30

Rover gets back on the W side with their best performance of the year. THe Wombats went this week without their top 2 draft picks, Mike Irvin and Terry Allen, model citizens both. Brett Favre led the way in his first big game (15) of the year.

favre 15 karim 0 dunn 9 galloway 3 a.reed 0 sharpe 0 delgreco 4
mirer 0 hill 0 kaufman 6 jordan 0 kennison 0 walls 6 stover 18
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Team Desai 50
Chortling Tushy Whackers 46

YOWZA! Team Desai puts their money where one of their mouths is. The other, more gumplike mouth of the team has been in hiding since draft nite. The Tushy Whackers continue in the fine BRODS tradition of scoring the 2nd best total in the league and losing to the #1 team. But wait, get this.... Trent Dilfer?? Andre Hastings??? Kimble Anders???????? Who the hell are these guys! I am frightened. Do not confuse Sanders with Anders.

dilfer 12 sanders 9 anders 9 brooks 6 hastings 6 green 6 elam 8
blake 3 martin 9 barber 0 freeman 15 alexander 12 conwell 0 wilkins 7
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Landlord Luggage 27
Cream Machine 26

Luggage edges the machine, thanks to the clutch 0 point kicking performance by broadway great liza minelli. Terrell Davis took up the slack with a ho-hum 15. Wang's once-brilliant squad was further decimated with the news that RB KJ Carter may joint WR JErry Rice on the sildelines for the remainder of the season.

banks 0 davis 15 faulk 6 carter 6 sanders 0 mitchell 0 xxxxx 0
brown 0 phillips 0 carter 9 moore 9 pritchard 0 dudley 0 pelfrey 8
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Grandma's Cussin' 31
Big City Blade Runners 10

Mmmmm grandma cook up some more o them grits! A thorough dismantling of the Blade Runners was the desired result! Mike Alstott is the hero, scoring 15. The Blade Runners are looking like ROmanians. Clark's sole consolation is that at least they make the Raiders look good.

bledsoe 9 thomas 0 alstott 15 glenn 0 graham 0 brady 0 vinatieri 7
marino 6 L.smith 0 davis 0 scott 0 johnson 0 coates 0 ford 4
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Mighty Mighty Gnomes 20
Rasta Romanians 18

The Gnomes barely squeek by in this nailbiter! THe Romanians are SCARY! you never know when they're going to pull one out of the ol' rectum! Heath Shuler scored 9 in between interceptions. Ed McCaffrey scored for the 3rd week in a row for the Gnomes!

elway 9 levens 3 wheatley 0 mccaffrey 6 jefferson 0 dilger 0 kasay 2
shuler 9 L. warren 0 brooks 0 chrebet 0 early 6 jay r. 0 jaeger 3
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Bust a Nut 42
Blackhearts 34

A big onday nite comeback from WR Jimmy Smith wins this one for the Bombyxites, showing how you can score 42 pts with only 3 players. Pop trio sensation Bel Biv Devoe made a stunning appearance at RB for B-A-N, marking their imminent comeback. Meanwhile, the Blackhearts picked up a scrub loss to go with their 2 scrub wins.

george 15 xxxxx 0 anderson 0 martin 0 smith 12, jones 0 carney 15
johnson 9 murrell 6 hearst 3 pickens 3 metcalf 0 chmura 6 husted 7
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Potential for Destruction 50
The Surge 21

Pot 4 Dest is flexing their muscle as the most powerful team in the league thru 4 weeks, leading the league in scoring. Unfortunately, they only have 2 wins to show for it. This one came easy, against the receding surge. Big Gun WRs Rod Smith and Jake Reed led the way with a combined 27 points! OJ Santiago continued his fine TE play with another goose egg for P4D.

mitchell 6 george 0 means 6 j.reed 15 r.smith 12 santiago 0 hall 11
young 9 johnson 0 harris 0 mathis 0 morton 0 sloan 0 hollis 12
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RFLHQ
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Introducing..... Yes, you wily veterans have been waiting for this! And for those of us who are of the rookie persuasion, prepare to feast your eyes on a most glorious presentation of RFL chicanery> It's the....

********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
42 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin')
36 Jeff George (Bust a Nut)
33 Vinny Testaverde (Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge)
30 Brad Johnson (Blackhearts)

RB
36 Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage)
36 Curtis Martin (Chortling Tushy Whackers)
30 Raymont Harris (The Surge)
30 Mike Alstott (Grandma's Cussin')
30 Warrick Dunn (Red Rover)
27 Natrone Means (Potential For Destruction)
27 Lawrence Phillips (Cream Machine)
26 Eddie George (Potential for Destruction)

WR
42 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon)
30 Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage)
30 Herman Moore (Cream Machine)
30 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut)
27 Jake Reed (Potential for Destruction)
24 Ed McCaffrey (Mighty Mighty Gnomes)

TE
27 Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats)
12 Coates, Dudley, Jones, Riemersma

PK
40 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon)
35 Jason Elam (Team Desai)
34 Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin')

Two of the league's upstart 3-1 clubs face off this week in a battle to stay atop the RFL Standings. Between the lines, these teams are quite different. Bust a Nut's rookie GM Chris Carroll somehow managed to draft a high-quality team completely out of his ass. Lance's Gnomes seemed destined for a repeat performance of last year's dismal season, until no-names like Ed McCaffrey stepped it up. The lowdown:

Chris	Advantage	Lance
Jeff George		John Elway
Ricky Watters		Dorsey Levens
Jamal Anderson		Tyrone Wheatley
Tony Martin		Ed McCaffrey
Jimmy Smith		JJ Stokes
Brent Jones		Jeff Thomason
?????		John Kasay

Bust a Nut definitely has the edge in talent, with guys like Jeff George and Jimmy Smith playing absolutely out of their skulls. But do not underestimate the power of the Gnomes! If Bombyx wash-outs Tony Martin & Jamal Anderson ever get it going, this will be one tough team to beat.

*** Cals' Line: Bust a Nut by 7 ***

Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!!
(but preferably by friday afternoon!)
RFL Hotline: (415) xxx-1619

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All rights reserved.

Revised: August 7, 2001