After all the one-sided results in last week's games, it appeared as though there was a major subdivision of talent in the league. However, many of last week's losers came roaring out of the gates this week to humble their 1-0 counterparts. Week 1 miserables such as the Mighty Mighty Gnomes, Red Romanians, and Chortling Tushy Whackers fought the power this week with standout performances. Week 1 warlords Gaseous Wombats, Fiends uv CK, Bust a nut, and the Cream Machine all suffered humiliating setbacks.

When all was said & done, only two teams remain undefeated after 2 weeks of play: Stoked Salmon and Team Desai. The cellar is currently stocked with Surge and Blade Runners. Uuuggghhhhh!

TRASH TALK RETURNS TO THE EMAIL CIRCUIT

Thanks to the upstart young rookie GM, Shivan Desai of Team Desai, the league engaged in a rapid fire banter of trash sentiments this morning. The brash young GM should be heralded for touting his IHS (Inflated Head Syndrome) so ravenously. Go Team Desai! See how long you can stay above .500 with your band of beastly thugs!

COMMISSIONER VISITS DENTIST

RFL Commissioner Pat Callery visited the dentist this morning, with mixed results. Since it had been slightly over 1 year since his last dental cleaning appointment, there was an above average accumulation of plaque on his teeth. This was not a major disappointment, however, as it simply meant he could spend more time gazing into the beautiful eyes of the lovely young dental assistant, Daphne.

Further good news came in the dual form of a "thumbs-up" checkup (no cavities) and a recommendation to continue to delay wisdom tooth extraction until cleanliness becomes a problem. "I was pleased with the results of my periodic checkup," said Callery, "but was disappointed that, true to form, I didn't have the guts to ask her (the dentist's assistant) out."

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Stoked Salmon 36
The Cream Machine 19

The Salmon get stoked as the stomp the Cream Machine and take over first place after 2 weeks. Cream made it interesting however, as 2 monday nite TDs from TE Rickey Dudley cut the score to 24-19, but late heroics from Tim Brown and Elvis Grbac put the game firmly out of reach. Stoked Salmon GM Pat Callery is used to this position on the top of the standings, having lived there for nearly all of last season with the Rampaging Gibbons of the Apocalypse.

brown 0 phillips 0 carter 0 h.moore 0 timpson 0 dudley 12 pelfrey 4
grbac 9 bettis 9 warren 0 brown 6 mcduffie 3 popson 0 longwell 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Rover 27
Landlord Luggage 16

Seto's bunch rebound from week 1 disappointment to rout the favored Landlord Luggage. RB Warrick Dunn stepped forward as a possible draft steal with a career high 12, making up for Favre's goose egg.

favre 0 karim 0 dunn 12 mccardell 0 a.reed 6 sharpe 2 delgreco 7
banks 0 davis 9 faulk 0 carter 3 sanders 0 mitchell 0 boniol 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Desai 24
The Surge 13

Upon further review, this was not a scrub win for Team D, thanks to 6 bench points from fresh acquisition Kimble Anders. But pretty dicey! Desais keep pace with the Salmon as the only undefeated teams in RFL after only 2 weeks! The Surge, meanwhile, stumbles to 0-2 after their preseason fanfare. Surge went without a QB this week, as both Young and Kerry Collins sat out on IR.

aikman 0 sanders 9 salaam 0 brooks 0 hastings 0 green 6 elam 9
xxxxx 0 johnson 0 harris 6 fryar 3 mathis 0 wycheck 0 christie 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chortling Tushy Whackers 31
Grandma's Cussin' 25

The Chortlers whacked them Grammaws and flaunted the only prized NE Patriot player that Stan was unable to draft, as Curtis Martin scored a season high 12 to offset 12 from Cussing QB Drew Bledsoe. Both teams move to 1-1.

blake 9 martin 12 brown 0 freeman 0 alexander 3 asher 0 blanton 7
bledsoe 12 centers 0 alstott 6 glenn 0 harrison 0 brady 0 vinatieri 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mighty Mighty Gnomes 37
Gaseous Wombats 10

Oh my! The Gnomes are annnnngnggggggry! After enduring one season plus one game of cellar-bound humility, the Gnomes pounce on an overconfident Wombat club and rend them into little scraps of flesh and carrion with fiendish claws and cutting incisors! The Wombats avoid single figures thanks only to the emergency start of Erik Kramer. Terry Allen sat this one out for the Wombats, while Kaufman rode the bench on a coach's decision.

elway 7 levens 3 bates 0 mccaffrey 12 jefferson 6 thomason 0 kasay 9
kramer 6 davis 0 hill 0 irvin 0 kennison 0 walls 3 anderson 1
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Blackhearts 24
Big City Blade Runners 15

Woe is Clark, generally considered to have a quality club preseason, has stumbled hard in his first 2 games as an RFL professional. The tame Blackhearts pound the Blade Runners into submission in this one with a meager 24 point effort. Blackhearts earn a SCRUB win for their hard work.

johnson 6 murrell 0 hearst 6 pickens 6 metcalf 0 bjornson 0 husted 6
marino 4 smith 3 davis 0 scott 0 johnson 0 coates 0 ford 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roadhouse Romanians 30
Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge 11

GADZOOKS! Nobody ever said them Romanians didn't have their pride! Superstar TE Jay Riemersma of Michigan fame takes the league TE pts lead with his 2nd TD in as many weeks, leading this rogue band of has-beens and never-will-be's to a highly improbable victory over a stunned F. Uv Carnal K team. KENT GRAHAM led all scorers with 7.

graham 7 warren 0 garner 0 moore 5 early 6 riemersma 6 jaeger 6
vinny 3 smith 0 kirby 2 jackson 0 owens 0 mcgee 0 blanchard 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Potential for Destruction 44
Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) 20

Potfordest takes over the league points lead with a whopping 44 point effort to get them into the W column. Bust a Nut falls hard after a large Week 1 and a weekend of disappointing dates.

mitchell 9 george 9 means 15 j.reed 9 barnett 0 santiago 0 peterson 2
george 9 watters 0 anderson 0 martin 0 smith 0 jones 0 carney 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------

EMERGENCY!!!!! The RFL WIR editorial staff is desparately seeking a replacement writer for next week's WIR (Week 3). The regular team of writer is going to be away from the printing press until Wednesday, busily clinging to granite walls. Don't be selfish! Volunteer! Otherwise I'll have to pick a replacement by name. Also, don't be afraid that other GMs may chastise you for your literary inadequacies; in all likelyhood you will do so well that the league will clamor for you to take the reins full time, out of the hands of that evil tyrant.

WOW! Only the 3rd week in and there are already BYE WEEKS!!! For you rookies (and slacker GMs), double check your lineups this week!!! Four NFL teams are taking the week off: Cincinnati Bengals, Jacksonville Jaguars, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Tennessee Oilers.

For you super-rookies, who do not even know what teams most of your players are on (and you know who you are!) you better figure it out this week! Don't start a guy that's not playing!

Entry Fees are due! Thank you to Dave Wang, Dave Brodkin, and Kevin Archibald for their on-time submittal of RFL dues. Please do not skimp out on us here at RFLHQ. Send your fees in today! It takes about 2 minutes! No need to worry about composing a 250-word "how do you do" note with your letter! Just send the check! Please!

405 Fremont Ave.
Los Altos, CA 94024

********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
27 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin')
18 Jeff George (Bust a Nut)
15 RJohnson (Gaseous Wombats), vINTy (Fiends Uv CK) & SMitchell (Pot for Destruct)

RB
26 Eddie George (Pot for Destruct)
24 Raymont Harris (the Surge)
21 Lawrence Phillips (Cream Machine)
21 Natrone Means (Pot for Destruct)
18 Terrell Davis (Landlord Luggage)
15 Terry Allen (Gaseous Wombats) & KiJana Carter (Cream Machine)

WR
30 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon)
18 Michael Irvin (Gaseous Wombats)
18 Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage)
15 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut)
15 Herman Moore (Cream Machine)

TE
12 Rickey Dudley (Cream Machine)
12 Jay Riemersma (Romanians)
9 Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats)

PK
22 Jason Elam (Team Desai)
21 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon)
18 Adam Vinatieri (Grandma's Cussin')

This matchup pits two of this season's early surprises up against each other in a battle to establish a stronghold in the league's echelon of elite. Oh, but it is also so much more. Remember RFL 97 draft nite, round #3....... Team Desai's net connection is garbled at best, crackling in and out of phase with the romantic rfl chat room.... Red Rover selects... one minute passes.... two minutes pass.... where is desai! Now 3 minutes have passed! Desai!!!!! The pick goes to John Wilson, who promptly selects one RB Marshall Faulk. Moments later, after a whirlwind tour of subterranean and submarine internet cables, numerous satellite routers and FCC interventions, Desai's delayed pick floats across the CYBERSPACE desktop! Aaaaghhhh!! Marshall Faulk! Who gets it?!?!?!?! The commish steps in with a ruling for John, and Team Desai lawyers, after numerous appeals, finally cave, and Snehal reluctantly selects Mr. Isaac Bruce. The first major contraversy of RFL97, has occurred. Whether or not the commish made the right call will forever be debated! The fun matchup to watch for the rest of the season will be Isaac Bruce vs. Marshall Faulk. Bruce has missed the 1st 2 games, so is already off on the wrong foot.

Snehal	Advantage	John
Troy Aikman		Tony Banks
Barry Sanders		Terrell Davis
Rashaan Salaam		Marshall Faulk
Robert Brooks		Cris Carter
Isaac Bruce		Leslie Sheppard
Eric Green		Dave LaFleur
Jason Elam		Chris Boniol

Luggage suffers the only bye week players this week, as #2 WR Chris Sanders and TE Pete Mitchell sit this one out. Even so, Luggage still has a slight edge at most of the key positions. Team Desai will be gunning hard in this one though, trying to keep their undefeated mark through another week.

*** Cals' Line: Luggage by 3 ***

Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!!
(but preferably by friday afternoon!)
RFL Hotline: (415) xxx-1619

©1999-2001 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: August 7, 2001