The first week of RFL'97 went a long way towards establishing the general flavor of the league this year. Several teams flexed their muscles against their punier opponents, as the average margin of victory this week was a whopping 26 points (33 if you don't count the 2 close games). Some of the league favorites that came stepping thru appear to be the Gaseous Wombats (GM Joe Pynadath), the Cream Machine (GM Dave Wang), and Bust-a-Nut (GM Chris Carroll), among others.

Week 2 will show if this trend continues, as 6 of this week's 8 games will feature a 1-0 team vs a 0-1 team.

JOSH VESHIA TAKES THE PLUNGE WITH SCAB DRAFT

2nd year GM Josh Veshia threw the league into a tizzy on draft nite by not showing up. The venerable general manager of last year's cellar dweller team, the Rumbling Romanians, offered himself unto the lions once again by joining the league with a team full of draft leftovers.

This selfless act of humility makes a profound statement to the power of RFL as an American institution. Long live RFL!!!

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
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The Cream Machine 55
The Surge 25

The Cream Machine (GM Dave Wang) blows the Surge (GM Dylan Steeg) out of the water in this one, netting huge performances from three players, including a career high 21 from L Phillips, who scored 3 TDs scattered between domestic abuse hearings. However, all is not happy happy joy joy in Creamland, as star WR (and draft-time steal at #17) Jerry Rice went down with a season ending groin injury, no doubt brought on by Wang's use of the controversial "pelvic butterfly" stretch technique during the pre-season. Other bad news comes in the form of QB Ty Detmer, benched for improper use of the full-nelson.

detmer 0 phillips 21 carter 15 h.moore 15 rice 0 dudley 0 pelfrey 4
young 0 a.johnson 3 harris 18 fryar 0 morton 0 wycheck 0 hollis 4
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Team Desai 31
Red Rover 26

A revitalized Troy Aikman led the way with 12 as Team Desai (GMs Snehal and little cousin Desai) overcame opening day jitters to upend Red Rover (GM Ed Seto) and big time QB Brett Favre. Favre and Seto were spotted after the game breaking empty beer bottles over each other's heads in disgust.

aikman 12 sanders 0 salaam 0 brooks 6 bruce 0 green 0 elam 13
favre 7 karim 6 dunn 0 mccardell 0 a.reed 3 sharpe 0 delgreco 10
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Landlord Luggage 44
Chortling Tushy Whackers 10

GM Dave Brodkin gets off to an inauspicious start with his Chortling Tushy Whackers, as they go down burning to an explosive Landlord Luggage (GM John Wilson) attack. Cris Carter led the way with 15.

banks 6 davis 9 faulk 3 carter 15 c.sanders 6 mitchell 0 boniol 5
blake 4 martin 0 brown 0 freeman 0 alexander 0 asher 0 blanton 6
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The Gaseous Wombats 60
Big City Blade Runners 9

Defending Ags Bowl Champion GM Joe Pynadath unveils the Gaseous Wombats, an obvious subliminal salute to the mighty Rampaging Gibbons, the Steamroller champs and best team of RFL'96. An explosive attack led by model citizen Michael Irvin's 18 humiliates the Blade Runners in GM Clark Goebel's rookie debut.

r.johnson 15 t.allen 15 kaufman 0 irvin 18 kennison 0 walls 6 gary 6
marino 0 smith 0 troydavis 0 scott 0 k.johnson 0 coates 6 ford 3
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Bust a Nut (by Bombyx) 40
Reinvigorated Romanians 10

Another rookie GM, Chris Carroll, leads his Bombyx-trademarked boys to a thorough trouncing of GM Josh Veshia's scab Romanians. Vesh actually left a whopping 12 pts on the bench with WR Wayne Chrebet. Upstart WR Jimmy Smith led all scorers with 15.

george 9 watters 9 anderson 6 martin 0 smith 15 jones 0 carney 1
graham 0 l.warren 0 garner 0 r.moore 0 early 0 riemersma 6 jaeger 4
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Stoked Salmon 36
Potential for Destruction 32

Defending Steamroller champ GM Pat Callery starts things off right, thanks to a whopping career high 24 from WR Tim Brown. K Ryan Longwell's 12 points fueled the monday nite comeback that put a damper on Potential for Destruction (GM Kevin Archibald) RB Eddie George's big time 17 point performance.

grbac 0 bettis 0 c.warren 0 brown 24 mcduffie 0 popson 0 longwell 12
mitchell 6 george 17 means 6 j.reed 0 barnett 0 santiago 0 peterson 3
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Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge 39
Blackhearts 22

Devious GM Tim Purwin and his cleverly acronymmed team win big thanks to 12 each from Vinny and Robert Smith. Rookie GM Joe Parker's Blackhearts make an unimpressive, albeit decent, debut.

vinny 12 r.smith 12 kirby 0 jackson 9 dawson 0 mcgee 2 blanchard 4
b.johnson 6 murrell 3 rhett 0 pickens 6 metcalf 0 chmura 0 husted 7
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Grandma's Cussin' 47
Mighty Mighty Gnomes 12

Them Grandmas (GM Stan Wilson) bust thru with a balanced attack led by lanky QB Drew Bledsoe's 15. The Gnomes (GM Lance Harry) look to be headed in the same direction as last year despite a hardy 0 pts from their vaunted stellar WR corps of, ummmm.... who?

bledsoe 15 centers 6 alstott 3 glenn 6 harrison 0 brady 6 vinatieri 11
elway 0 levens 8 bates 0 mccaffrey 0 jefferson 0 dilger 0 kasay 4
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HOOOO Boy! Another year of RFL Action is underway! This week I will bless you with that annual Labor Day treat, another round of PAT'S FEARFUL PREDICTIONS! Disclaimer: I tried some screwy new method of ranking you clowns this year, with the same results as always: I have no idea what I'm talking about. So here is how the guru says you will finish this year (this was done prior to this week's action!):

1. Chortling Tushy Whackers
2. Stoked Salmon
3. Gaseous Wombats
4. The Surge
5. The Cream Machine
6. Bust a Nut (by Bombyx)
7. Red Rover
8. Big City Blade Runners
9. Team Desai
10. Potential for Destruction
11. Landlord Luggage
12. Grandma's Cussin'
13. Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge
14. Mighty Mighty Gnomes
15. Blackhearts
16. Reinvigorated Romanians

After Week 1 action, these ranking of course would change. I like Landlord Luggage and the Grandmas better than before. And I'm not so keen on the Blade Runners. Ah, but we shall see.

If anyone else out there wants to submit a ranking prediction, that would be cool. Have a league wide preseason poll!

********

Attention! RFL is now soliciting editorial staff for assistance in writing WIRs!!! As I have complained about before, this takes too much time for one person to crank every week! Please offer your service, giving you a chance to get some organizational, journalistic, and hopefully comedic experience to put on your resume. Future employers are always impressed with an RFL background.

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SEASON POINTS LEADERS
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QB
15 Rob Johnson (Gaseous Wombats)
15 Drew Bledsoe (Grandma's Cussin')

RB
21 Lawrence Phillips (Cream Machine)
18 Raymont Harris (the Surge)
17 Eddie George (Pot for Destruction)
15 Terry Allen (Gaseous Wombats)
15 KiJana Carter (Cream Machine)

WR
24 Tim Brown (Stoked Salmon)
18 Michael Irvin (Gaseous Wombats)
15 Jimmy Smith (Bust a Nut)
15 Herman Moore (Cream Machine)
15 Cris Carter (Landlord Luggage)

TE
6 Ben Coates (Blade Runners)
6 Wesley Walls (Gaseous Wombats)
6 Jay Riemersma (Romanians)
6 Kyle Brady (Grandma's Cussin')

PK
13 Jason Elam (Team Desai)
12 Ryan Longwell (Stoked Salmon)

You know something smells funny when Wang's team gets GOTW for two weeks in a row! This is the only matchup this week of undefeated teams. You never know, a crazy week could leave us with just one unbeaten club after 2 weeks....

Cals	Advantage	Wang
Elvis Grbac		Dave Brown
Jerome Bettis		Lawrence Phillips
Chris Warren		KiJana Carter
Tim Brown		Herman Moore
OJ McDuffie	??	xxxxx
Ted Popson		Rickey Dudley
Ryan Longwell		Doug Pelfrey

The Cream Machine was devastated last week by the loss of WR Jerry Rice, yet still managed to score 55 points. Salmon managed to pull out a monday nite victory despite goose-eggs from their two high profile RBs. Chris Warren is still a major question mark. While the biggest matchup may be the RB battle of Salmon's stoic veterans against the young Cream upstarts, this game may ride on whether the Machine can find a suitable replacement for Mr. Rice.

*** Cals' Line: Machine by 3 ***

Lineups due by 1pm eastern sunday!!!!
(but preferably by friday afternoon!)
RFL Hotline: (415) xxx-1619

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All rights reserved.

Revised: November 9, 2000