HAWAAW used a remarkable monday nite comeback to turn a 30-15 defecit into a 44-30 regular season finale victory, ending a memorable RFL season in style. QB Steve Young was his old self, scrambling his way to a 15 point effort, while K Jeff Wilkins added 14 to put the icing on the cake. The win put HAWAAW at 4th place in the final standings, bumping Willie's Wankers from the money list.

Many RFL insiders have considered the 1996 regular season to be one of the finest ever. The season was dominated by long-time veteran GMs, a refreshing change after two rookies captured both the Steamroller and Aglione Bowl in 1995. "Rookies and other relatively new GMs are in this league for one reason only," said commissioner P. Callery, "to give [veteran GMs] their money, not take ours from us!"

Other factors cited as key to this season's success were the record number of participants (14), the relatively low number of scrub wins and losses awarded (18 total, no more than 3 for any given team), and the lack of a major contraversy to rattle the league's infrastructure. The presence of many new names atop the RFL leaderboards may be a preliminary signal to the end of the young/smith/rice era of RFL dominance, and could have dramatic effect on drafting strategies as early as next season. Buckle down now for some playoff excitement!

WEEK 14 IN REVIEW

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
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Store 24 57
Willie's Wankers 22

Store 24 exploded this week, thanks mostly to a rejuvenated Emmitt Smith, who scored 24 to put the game out of reach early. The win clinched 3rd place for GM Snehal Desai, who is making his first trip to the RFL playoffs since the inaugural 1990 campaign, when he served as the legendary Albert Aglione's phlegm-bag carrier. The loss knocks Willie's Wankers out of the money pool, despite finishing 3rd in the league in scoring. The Wankers must now excel in the playoffs to make their puncuation mark on a fine season.

detmer 9 e.smith 24 kirby 9 conway 0 small 6 brady 0 vinatieri 9
hoss 3 davis 9 kaufman 0 rice 0 martin 6 jones 0 stoyanovich 4
pregame spread: wankers by 8
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HAWAAW 44
Ghost in a Helmet 30

The glorious comeback by HAWAAW, surprisingly, was of little disappointment to Helmet, as win or loss would have landed them in 7th place either way. Now Helmet must gear up for a big showdown against the mighty Luscious Brodkin. Rookie GM K. Archibald began and now ends his first regular season with losses to HAWAAW and wily veteran GM Joe Pynadath.

young 15 t.allen 0 russell 0 bruce 9 beebe 0 wycheck 6 wilkins 14
bledsoe 12 harris 3 holmes 3 harrison 0 j.reed 6 dudley 0 kasay 6
pregame spread: HAWAAW by 4
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Pistol Whippers 29
Rabid Gnomes 22

The Whippers clinch 5th place with their second victory over the Rabid Gnomes this season. RB Larry Centers continues his dream season with 15 points, as he rises closer to that promised land until now unspeaketh of, the RFL season points leaderboard.

favre 9 centers 15 rhett 0 mcduffie 0 stewart 0 dilger 0 delgreco 5
collins 0 carter 0 phillips 0 glenn 6 hill 6 carolan 0 elam 10
pregame spread: whippers by 5
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Luscious Brodkin 47
Digital Rectal 25

Digital Rectal throws up Monday Nite Football commentator Dan Dierdorf at starting QB and fails miserably. WR Carl Pickens has condensed a season's worth of scoring into two weeks, as he inexplicably rises from nowhere to be the #2 scoring WR for the regular season. Even when this team only gets contributions from 4 guys, they still score 40+. Brodkin's tremendous run has taken some of the glow from the Gibbons remarkable season, and has made them the team to beat in the Aglione Bowl VII playoffs.

brunell 10 martin 0 a.johnson 9 pickens 21 jackson 0 walls 0 blanch 7
xxxxx 0 fenner 6 m.allen 12 a.reed 0 h.moore 0 jackson 6 carney 1
pregame spread: luscious by 18
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Globulants 46
Rumbling Romanians 17

The Globulants cap a mediocre season with a rout of the lowly, groveling eastern europeans. TE Eric Green proves he's worth his draft-time reputation as he scores a touchdown! Way to go Eric! RBs Leory Hoard and Marshall Faulk added 9 each, while QB Elway continues what could have been an MVP season with another 12. Romanians WR Michael Irvin went scoreless for the 5th straight week.

elway 12 hoard 9 faulk 9 rison 0 fryar 6 green 6 christie 4
xxxxx 0 hill 3 sanders 6 perriman 3 irvin 0 pupunu 0 johnson 5
pregame spread: globs by 6
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Rampaging Gibbons 37
CKLMTG 27

The Gibbons cap an amazing 12-2 season with their 7th straight win in this disposal of Chaka Khan. QB Brad Johnson has stepped up as the man behind the Gibbons high-powered offense, at least until Moon comes back. The RB tandem Watters & Bettis continue to put up numbers even without TDs.

b.johnson 12 watters 6 bettis 3 metcalf 0 brown 6 sharpe 6 jacke 4
hebert 0 byner 6 jabbar 0 k.johnson 6 alexander 12 asher 0 boniol 3
pregame spread: gibbons by 12
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Closet Cases 42
Disgruntled Postal Workers 20

The Cases snap that nasty 6 game losing streak with a breakthrough victory over the Newman's. RB Eddie George busted for 15, while WR Antonio Freeman returned to score his first RFL points of the year. QB Vinny rocked tha hayouse wit 9.

vinny 9 anderson 0 george 15 calloway 0 freeman 6 drayton 0 pelfrey 12
banks 3 levens 6 vardell 0 miller 0 carter 6 coates 0 ford 5
pregame spread: dpw by 7

Lost dibs: none reported

JUSTICE SERVED???

Now that the regular season is finally over, let's add up those numbers and see what would have happened if..........

Team records are adjusted for scrub wins & losses:	Standings were determined by total points alone:
1- Rampaging Gibbons (13-1)	1- Luscious Brodkin (572)
2- Luscious Brodkin (12-2)	2- Rampaging Gibbons (489)
3- Willie's Wankers (9-5)	3- Willie's Wankers (434)
4- HAWAAW (9-5)	4- HAWAAW (409)
5- Pistol Whippers (8-6)	5- Globulants (394)
6- Ghost in a Helmet (8-6)	6- Store 24 (386)
7- Store 24 (7-7)	7- Pistol Whippers (380)
8- Globulants (6-8)	8- Ghost in a Helmet (378)

From these results, it appears that bad luck has kept Willie's Wankers out of the money and Globulants out of the playoffs. Digital Rectal's early season success was apparently a facade. However, those of you who have been burned in the past by the vicious scourge of scrub loss can take solace in the fact that the 1996 regular season is the least scrub-affected standings in recent history.

LONG LIVE 12C

THE BAR is not the only living evidence of 12C glory past. Looking at the final regular season standings, one can not help but notice that the top 4 teams (Gibbons, Luscious, Store 24, & HAWAAW) are all GM'd by original RFL charter members, all from the hallowed halls of 12C. The only current 12C'er not to sit atop the standings is the much maligned Drew Wagner, who apparently is being punished this year by the RFL gods for his brazen lack of commitment expressed in his one year RFL leave of absence in 1995.

BMC AVERTED

League office happily announces the completion of a regular season without major contraversy. Yeah there was some dibs and scoring shit back in September but that was just bumbling idiocy.

ENTRY FEES!!!

League office has received confirmation from GMs Pototo, Wagner, and Harry that their respective entry fees are "on the way". GMs Purwin and Veshia have apparently gone underground. RFL Intelligence has granted amnesty to both GMs on condition they come out of hiding and cough up their lame-duck dollars. It is RFL policy to not award any winnings to any GMs until all fees are in. Not much incentive there for those who are already eliminated, except having angry winning GMs breathing down your necks. So, in case any of you have forgotten it, I will once again provide the RFL HQ mailing address:

xxx Fremont Ave.
Los Altos, CA 94024
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RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
15 Steve Young (HAWAAW)

RB
24 Emmitt Smith (Store 24)
15 Eddie George (Closet Cases) & Larry Centers (Pistol Whippers)

WR
21 Carl Pickens (Luscious Brodkin)
12 Derrick Alexander (CKLMTG)

TE
6 EGreen (Globulants), KJackson (Digital Rectal), SSharpe (Rampaging Gibbons) & FWycheck (HAWAAW)

PK
14 Jeff Wilkins (HAWAAW)
**************
Week 14 total: 107 more than last week

RB
126 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
125 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
120 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
114 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
111 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
84 Jerome Bettis (Rampaging Gibbons)
75 Barry Sanders (Rumbling Romanians)

WR
90 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
68 Carl Pickens (Luscious Brodkin)
65 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
60 Irving Fryar (Globulants)
57 Michael Jackson (Luscious Brodkin)
54 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
51 Jerry Rice (Willie's Wankers)

TE
72 Shannon Sharpe (Rampaging Gibbons)
47 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)

PK
103 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
99 Adam Vinatieri (Store 24)
97 John Kasay (Ghost in a Helmet)

Cals	Advantage	Drew
Brad Johnson		Jim Kelly
Ricky Watters		Marcus Allen
Jerome Bettis		Derrick Fenner
Tim Brown		Herman Moore
Fred Barnett		Andre Reed
Shannon Sharpe		Keith Jackson
Chris Jacke		John Carney

This game will have the heaviest impact, of any this week, on the These two teams have already met twice this season, the Gibbons taking both contests by 37-7 (Week 9) and 24-14 (Week 12). When they met in Week 9, both teams were 6-2 and it was a struggle for mid-season top honors. The Gibbons are now currently on a 7 game win streak and have just completed the second most successful RFL regular season of all time. Rectal has gone 1-6 since that impressive 6-1 start, including 4 straight losses. All of those losses were to teams in the top 6 (Wankers, Gibbons twice, Store 24, HAWAAW, and Luscious) and their one victory was over #5 Pistol Whippers. Still, 1-6 is 1-6 and if you can't beat a playoff team then, you can't beat one now. Gibbons by 13

2-Luscious Brodkin (10-4, 40.9) vs 7-Ghost in a Helmet (7-7, 27.0)

Brodz	Advantage	Kevin
Mark Brunell		Drew Bledsoe
Curtis Martin		Chris Warren
Bam Morris		Raymont Harris
Carl Pickens		Jake Reed
Michael Jackson		Terrell Owens
Wesley Walls		Rickey Dudley
Cary Blanchard		John Kasay

These teams met in Week 5, with Luscious winning by a paltry score of 21-9. My, how times have changed. Since that game, Luscious has put on the most remarkable run in RFL history, averaging 48.6 ppg while winning 8 of 9 (9 of 10 if you count the GIAH game), their only loss coming in a 67-39 shootout with the Globulants. Ghost in a Helmet has been solid of late, but this is just too tough an opponent for a rookie GM in his first playoff game. Luscious B has a date with destiny. Luscious by 16

3-Store 24 (10-4, 27.6) vs 6-Willie's Wankers (8-6, 31.0)

Snehal	Advantage	John
Ty Detmer		Jeff Hostetler
Emmitt Smith		Terrell Davis
Terry Kirby		Napoleon Kaufman
Curtis Conway		Tony Martin
Torrance Small		Jerry Rice
Kyle Brady		Brent Jones
Adam Vinatieri		Pete Stoyanovich

This is a rematch of last week's ** Game * of * the * Week ** season finale. Store 24 took last week's game convincingly, 57-22, but Willie's beat them handily in the season opener way back on Labor Day, 29-7. This game features an enormous matchup between two star RBs, the legendary Emmitt Smith, who rebounded from a 3 week scoring drought with 24 on Thanksgiving, and Terrell Davis, who has scored a whopping 51 points in the last 3 weeks. If these two cancel each other out, Willie's has a slight edge. But if one of these two goes off and the other turns in goose egg, it's all over. Wankers by 2

4-HAWAAW (9-5, 29.2) vs 5-Pistol Whippers (9-5, 27.1)

Joebob	Advantage	Wang
Steve Young		Brett Favre
Terry Allen		Larry Centers
Leonard Russell		Errict Rhett
Isaac Bruce		OJ McDuffie
Keenan McCardell		Kordell Stewart
Frank Wycheck		Ken Dilger
Jeff Wilkins		Al DelGreco

HAWAAW edged the Whippers 40-37 back in Week 5, but the two have been virtually neck & neck in the standings since then, neither team holding more than a one game edge at any time. In the end, only 2 points per game separate these two. HAWAAW comes in off a remarkable monday nite comeback to clinch 4th place, and have won 6 of their last 7, losing only to the Gibbons. The Whippers have won 6 of 8, their two losses coming against GIAH & Digital Rectal, and the 6 wins were all against non-playoff teams. Come to think of it, before their victory over Helmet last week, HAWAAW hadn't beaten a playoff team since Week 6. These two teams have coasted into $$$ with an easy 2nd half of the season, and now must test themselves to justify their place among the league elite. HAWAAW by 3

9-Globulants (5-9, 28.1) vs 14-Rabid Gnomes (3-11, 18.1)
The globs underachieved all year and now find themselves bouncing around the also-rans. The gnomes need a strong showing throughout these loser playoffs to escape the looming stigma of being known as one of the worst RFL teams in history. Globs by 9

10-DG Postal Workers (5-9, 24.5) vs 13-Rumbling Romanians (3-11, 23.4)
Ho hum. These two GMs are attempting to dodge fee payment. The loser will be hung at dawn. DPW by 1

11-Closet Cases (5-9, 23.1) vs 12-CKLMTG (5-9, 22.4)
Ho hum. Ummmm, yeah. This game is..... hmmmm. Whatever. Cases by 2

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: October 28, 2000