The Rampaging Gibbons of the Apocalypse beat HAWAAW this week, 30-22, thereby clinching the regular season championship for GM Pat Callery, his 3rd Steamroller title in RFL's 7 year history. The Gibbons won this year's title by starting strong, and then breaking free from the pack after some minor mid-season adversity. A victory in next week's regular season finale against CKLMTG will give the Gibbons the best regular season record (12-2) since Drew Wagner's Dancing Clowns of 1991 (13-1). Tim Purwin's Dirty Digs won the Steamroller with an 11-3 mark last season.

Meanwhile, two other games this week sealed the list of RFL'96 playoff participants, as Ghost in a Helmet's victory over Digital Rectal and CKLMTG's loss to Luscious Brodkin clinched and eliminated the two bubble teams, respectively. Helmet has used a strong late-season surge to qualify for the playoffs in rookie GM Kevin Archibald's rookie season. Helmet has won 4 of their last 5 while averaging 35.2 ppg since being picked 13th of 14 in the guru's midseason rankings.

They needed help to clinch this week, however, and Luscious Brodkin helped them out to the tune of a 72-24 blowout over CKLMTG. The 72 points is the 2nd most ever scored in one week, just shy of Callery's Z-Bomb, who scored 74 pts in 1992 Week 1. Brodkin's team is on the hottest streak in RFL history, averaging an amazing 50 points per game over the last 7 weeks, and have their sights set on Aglione Bowl VII. At this rate, not even the Gibbons will be able to stand in their way.

WEEK 13 IN REVIEW

**************************
**** GAME OF THE YEAR ****
**************************
Rampaging Gibbons 30
HAWAAW 22

The Gibbons clinch the Steamroller thanks mostly to another huge performance from star RB Ricky Watters, who bested league leader Terry Allen by 15-0 this week. Watters' heroics cut into an early HAWAAW lead supplied by K Jeff Wilkins. A late TD by Isaac Bruce put HAWAAW up 22-21 sunday nitro, but K Chris Jacke finished it off with 6 of his own. The win extends the Gibbons' win streak to a league high 6 games, while HAWAAW's win streak was cut short at 5 straight. QB Brad Johnson scored 6 for the Gibbons in his first career start.

b.johnson 6 watters 15 bettis 3 brown 0 barnett 0 sharpe 0 jacke 6
young 3 t.allen 0 l.johnson 0 bruce 6 beebe 0 wycheck 0 wilkins 13
pregame spread: gibbons by 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Store 24 21
Rabid Gnomes 18

Desai gets a scrub win (#3 this year) to keep alive his hopes for an unprecendented 2nd place finish. Randal Hill and the mysterious Bret Carolan (who has not caught a pass in several weeks) failed to score on monday nite. Oh Lance, why didn't you start easy ED? Even though that TD literally made me lose my lunch. That's dispicable!

detmer 3 e.smith 0 kirby 3 conway 6 small 0 brady 0 vinatieri 9
beuerlein 9 carter 0 phillips 0 glenn 6 r.hill 0 carolan 0 elam 3
pregame spread: store 24 by 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Willie's Wankers 41
Closet Cases 26

Troy Drayton comes up empty on monday nite, allowing the mighty Wank-a-thon to win their 4th straight game. Two of this year's biggest surprise performers, Terrell Davis and Tony Martin, led the way this week with 15 apiece. Closet Cases' 6th straight loss ties them with DPW for the longest streak of the season. 3 more losses to end the year will tie Cases with the Laughing Lepers for the longest losing streak of all time.

hoss 6 davis 15 kaufman 3 rice 0 martin 15 jones 0 stoyanovich 2
vinny 9 anderson 6 george 0 calloway 0 davis 0 drayton 0 pelfrey 11
pregame spread: wankers by 11
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ghost in a Helmet 33
Digital Rectal 16

Ghost leapfrogs over Rectal into 7th place with just one game to play! RB Raymont Harris is busily staking his claim for pickup-of-the-year, scoring 12 this week. Digital is reeling with their 5th loss in 6 games, coming on the heels of a promising 6-1 start. Both teams have clinched playoffs, but it would take an act of god for either to win regular season $$$.

bledsoe 6 harris 12 warren 8 owens 0 j.reed 0 dudley 0 kasay 7
bono 0 fenner 6 m.allen 0 galloway 0 h.moore 0 jackson 6 carney 4
pregame spread: helmet by 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pistol Whippers 24
Rumbling Romanians 15

OJ McDuffie's monday nite TD ices this one for the Whippers. The win keeps them tied for 4th place and a chance at big bucks. Romanians RB Barry Sanders is returning to form, scoring 9 this week. Alas, it is too little too late for this struggling rookie franchise.

favre 6 centers 6 rhett 0 mcduffie 6 jones 0 dilger 0 delgreco 6
chandler 0 hill 0 sanders 9 perriman 0 irvin 0 pupunu 0 johnson 6
pregame spread: whippers by 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Luscious Brodkin 72
CKLMTG 24

Oh my god. Folks, I have not seen a team put up numbers like this on a week-to-week basis in all my years as an RFL enthusiast (13 years if you're counting). If not for their early season struggles, this team surely would be on the verge of claiming the title of greatest team ever; regardless, for GM Dave Brodkin, on his way to wrapping up the 1996 GM of the Year award, anything less than an Aglione Bowl victory would be a disappointment! Dave, this is honest gushing and I am not trying to jinx you.

brunell 11 martin 12 morris 6 pickens 24 jackson 6 walls 6 blanchard 7
hebert 12 jabbar 0 byner 0 k.johnson 0 alexander 0 asher 6 boniol 6
pregame spread: luscious by 16
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Disgruntled Postal Workers 30
Globulants 17

The Postal Workers finally put the skids on their losing skid. Way too late however, as the GIAH victory knocks the defending Steamroller champ out of the playoffs. The Globulants, meanwhile, have been particularly disappointing down the stretch, losing their 4th in a row. RB Marshall Faulk (0 pts) is on his way to "Bust of the year".

banks 3 levens 6 stewart 6 miller 0 carter 6 coates 0 ford 9
elway 9 thomas 0 faulk 0 rison 0 fryar 3 green 0 christie 0
pregame spread: globs by 4

Lost dibs: Boomer Esiason (Rampaging Gibbons)

THE PLAYOFF PICTURE!!!!

With one week to play, all 8 playoff spots have been claimed, and the Steamroller is clinched. But there is still a mad scramble for prize $$$ this final week. First let me review the tiebreakers:
1st tiebreaker = TOTAL POINTS SCORED
2nd tiebreaker = HEAD-TO-HEAD RECORD (mmmmmm head)
3rd tiebreaker = Yes folks, it really stands for something.... SCRUB RECORD (recap: scrub record is defined by how many wins or losses you would have if the scores were evenly matched every week. That is, if you had one of the best 7 scores of the week, you would have won in a scrub-free week. For example, if you win your game 21-18 (Desai!) but at least 7 other teams would have beaten you head-to-head, you get a "scrub win". Scrub wins look bad, scrub losses look good. But of course, bottom line, a win is a win is a win.
4th tiebreaker = MOST TOTAL POINTS ALLOWED. Sign of a tough schedule.
5th tiebreaker = It would take a miracle to get this low on the list. COIN TOSS
And the winnings:
1st: $175
2nd: $125
3rd: $ 75
4th: $ 50
5th: $ 25

In the playoffs, seeds will be matched in the traditional tournament format (1-8, 2-7, 3-6, 4-5). Winner if 1-8 plays winner of 4-5, etc. There is also a consolation bracket for first round losers.

1-Store 24: A win over Wankers, plus a Luscious loss, gives Store 24 2nd place. Scary, isn't it? However, if Store 24 loses, and HAWAAW & Pistol Whippers win, Store 24 finishes 6th and out of the money!

2-Willie's Wankers: A win over Store 24 clinches 3rd place, based on their current points advantage. A loss will still get them $$$ if either HAWAAW or Pistol Whippers lose too.

3-HAWAAW: A win over Ghost in a Helmet guarantees $$$, since they will vault over the Store 24/Wankers loser. The best HAWAAW will do is 4th place, unless they outscore Wankers by 48 this week. A loss will still get them 5th place, as long as Whippers lose and don't score enough to beat the points tiebreaker (HAWAAW leads by 14).

4-Ghost in a Helmet: Have a shot at 5th: must beat HAWAAW by 17 or more, Whippers must lose, and Helmet must outscore Whippers by 3.

5-Pistol Whippers: A win over Rabid Gnomes does not guarantee $$$. HAWAAW or Wankers would have to lose; if both win, Whippers must outscore HAWAAW by 15. Could get 4th if Store 24 and HAWAAW lose. A loss can still get 5th if HAWAAW loses, and Whippers outscore HAWAAW by 15 and Ghost by -2.

6-Luscious Brodkin: Clinch 2nd place with win over Digital Rectal. 2nd place also with a loss, if Store 24 loses. Can't do worse than 3.

7-Globulants: Eliminated from playoffs.

8-Rampaging Gibbons: Clinched Steamroller.

9-Rumbling Romanians: Eliminated from playoffs.

10-Digital Rectal: Longshot for $$$. Must beat Luscious (oof). HAWAAW and Whippers must lose. Rectal then must outscore HAWAAW by 43, Whippers by 29, and Ghost by 27. Better wait for the playoffs.

11-CKLMTG: Eliminated from playoffs.

12-Rabid Gnomes: Eliminated from playoffs.

13-Disgruntled Postal Workers: Eliminated from playoffs.

14-Closet Cases: Eliminated from playoffs.
********************************************************

RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
12 Bobby Hebert (CKLMTG)

RB
15 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
15 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)

WR
24 Carl Pickens (Luscious Brodkin)
15 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)

TE
6 WWalls (Lusicous Brodkin), KJackson (Digital Rectal) & JAsher (CKLMTG)

PK
13 Jeff Wilkins (HAWAAW)
**************
Week 13 total: 100 hey man, not bad.

RB
126 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
125 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
111 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
105 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
90 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
81 Jerome Bettis (Rampaging Gibbons)
69 Barry Sanders (Rumbling Romanians)
66 Thurman Thomas (Globulants)

WR
90 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
65 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
57 Michael Jackson (Luscious Brodkin)
54 Irving Fryar (Globulants)
51 Jerry Rice (Willie's Wankers)
48 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
47 Carl Pickens (Luscious Brodkin)

TE
66 Shannon Sharpe (Rampaging Gibbons)
47 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)
30 Wesley Walls (Luscious Brodkin)

PK
102 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
91 John Kasay (Ghost in a Helmet)
90 Adam Vinatieri (Store 24)

This game will have the heaviest impact, of any this week, on the playoff picture. Store 24 has continued to chug along all year, and now has a shot at 2nd place despite ranking 8th in the league in scoring. The Wankers have ranked 3rd in points behind only Luscious Brods and the Gibbons all year long, but have just recently hit their stride, winning 4 straight. A win for the Wankers will ice 3rd place.

Snehal	Advantage	John
Ty Detmer		Jeff Hostetler
Emmitt Smith		Terrell Davis
Terry Kirby		Napoleon Kaufman
Curtis Conway		Tony Martin
Torrance Small		Jerry Rice
Kyle Brady		Brent Jones
Adam Vinatieri		Pete Stoyanovich

The key to this game will be the RB matchup. Emmitt has not scored in 3 weeks, which I'd imagine is by far his worst slump ever. Terrell Davis, meanwhile, has scored 42 in the last 2 games. For Store 24 to win this game, Emmitt will have to win that battle decisively enough to help offset the overwhelming advantage the Wankers have at WR. Terry Kirby and Ty Detmer may help, but it probably won't be enough. Cals' line: Wankers by 8

3-HAWAAW (8-5, 28.1) vs 4-Ghost in a Helmet (7-6, 26.8)
Alternate game of the week, in case of emergency. Helmet has put on a remarkable stretch run, and still has a shot at $$$. HAWAAW had won 5 straight before last week's setback, and is hungry to get that home field advantage for the first game of the playoffs. HAWAAW by 4

5-Pistol Whippers (8-5, 27.0) vs 12-Rabid Gnomes (3-10, 17.8)
The Whippers have surprised folks all year with big-time performances from such small time RFL names as Larry Centers, Adrian Murrell, and Kordell Stewart. Not to mention highly touted QB Brett Favre. There could not be a sweeter finish to Lance's disappointing season, however, than a spoiler victory over arch-nemesis Dave Wang. In a good game, Whippers by 5

6-Luscious Brodkin (9-4, 40.4) vs 10-Digital Rectal (7-6, 24.8)
Luscious continues their quest to be the first team ever to average 40 ppg for the season. Digital has lost 5 of 6 to drop out of prize $$$ contention. Rectal will use this game as a tuneup for their inevitable confrontation with the Gibbons next week. Luscious by 18

7-Globulants (4-9, 26.8) vs 9-Rumbling Romanians (3-10, 23.8)
A true cellar battle, except for the fact that Globs rank 6th in the league in scoring. Jockeying for loser-bowl position. Globs by 6

8-Rampaging Gibbons (11-2, 34.8) vs 11-CKLMTG (5-8, 22.0)
Unfortunately for Chaka, you don't need to rest your players for a meaningless game in RFL. The Gibbons hope to avoid a letdown, as they go for the 2nd best regular season mark in RFL history. Gibbons by 12

13-Disgruntled Postal Workers(5-8, 24.8) vs 14-Closet Cases(4-9, 21.7)
The Cases unseated DPW last week as the coldest team in the league, with their 6th straight loss. The Cases are in danger of proving the guru prophetic when he tabbed them #14 in preseaseon picks. DPW by 7

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: October 27, 2000