RFL Week in Review 96-10

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Rusted Football LeagueWeek 10November 5, 1996
**** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW ****
COOLNESS OF "THE BAR" LINKED TO 12-C PREDECESSORS

When THE BAR comes walking down the street, any street in Boston for that matter, the ladies swoon. His very presence so emanates of coolness that persons of the feminine persuasion are overwhelmed by the mere sight of this mound of masculinity. The women of Boston have not seen such a man since... not since.......

That's right. Not since the fall of 1990, when two similarly studly youths claimed residence in the same man-making room known simply as "1202C". RFL's own David E. Brodkin and Joseph V. "The Brown Wonder" Pynadath were the first real men to set foot in this room, this room that has risen to national prominence with the recent performance of The Bar. But these two did not sanctify this room without help; only with the help of a stud-starred freshman floor could they achieve such glory.

We all know about current RFL GMs Pat Callery, Snehal Desai, Drew Wagner, and frequent 12C visitor Ashesh Pansuria. Even Stan Wilson once graced the floor with his inebriated presence. But few know about the behind the scenes work of a few talented individuals, led by the legendary Albert Aglione. I'm talking about former RFL GM Steve "Sexy Texy" Texeira, Austin "Round Mound of Profound" Ziegler, and the two ORIGINAL big men on campus, BAOC & BNOC. So when you see The Bar, remember his impressive ancestoral lineage and stay humble!


STANDINGS
Pennywise DivisionWLGBPFPASTK
The Store 24's 731271246W1
HAWAAW 642279237W3
Pistol Whippers 642270266L1
Willie's Wankers 553309224W1
Ghost in a Helmet 553252253W2
Nu Crowd DivisionWLGBPFPASTK
Rampaging Gibbons 82-365267W3
Digital Rectal 731274261W1
Luscious Brodkin 642365306W2
Globulants 464288309L1
Rumbling Romanians 286216329L5
Rape Patrol DivisionWLGBPFPASTK
Disgruntled P.W. 464248309L4
Closet Cases 464217223L3
CKLMTG 464203230L1
Rabid Gnomes 286163253L2

WEEK 10 IN REVIEW

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
**************************
Ghost in a Helmet 32
Closet Cases 16

Hmmmm, nice pick for GOTW Brods. Hello! Drew Bledsoe's 18 point explosion, plus a surprise 9 from RB Raymont Harris, gives the Ghosts their second win in a row since being lambasted in the guru's mid- season picks. Stan weeps as he is crushed by his childhood idol, Drew Bledsoe. Closet Cases have quietly dropped their 3rd in a row with their 4th sub-20 performance in 6 games.

bledsoe 18 warren 0 harris 9 owens 0 j.reed 0 dudley 0 kasay 5
testaverde 6 brooks 0 george 0 r.thomas 0 davis 0 drayton 0 pelfrey 10
pregame spread: ghost by 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Store 24 33
Globulants 32

The most exciting game of the week, the Globs last minute comeback is thwarted as Elway's 2-point attempt falls incomplete. Emergency QB Ty Detmer saves Desai's hide for the second time this season.

detmer 9 e.smith 15 kirby 3 conway 0 small 0 xxxxx 0 vinatieri 6
elway 6 thomas 9 faulk 0 xxxxx 0 fryar 9 green 0 christie 8
pregame spread: bulants by 2
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Willie's Wankers 33
Rabid Gnomes 19

The Wankers rebound from an illusionary 7 point spew to knock off GM John Wilson's RFL mentor, Lance Harry and the Rabid Gnomes. An early lineup error made this game a lot closer than it had first appeared, as Wanker RB Erric Pegram's 12 was put back on the bench, but QB Hoss came thru with a big monday 12 to put it away.

hoss 12 davis 3 kaufman 0 rice 6 martin 9 popson 0 stoyanovich 3
collins 0 bennett 0 carter 6 glenn 3 mccaffrey 0 carolan 0 elam 10
pregame spread: wankers by 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
HAWAAW 45
Disgruntled Postal Workers 33

HAWAAW starts to flex their pseudo-muscle, winning 3 straight while averaging almost 36 ppg over the streak. oooooooohhhhh! Pynadath says a 4-0 finish for HAWAAW is "guaranteed". Meanwhile, DPW has lost 4 in a row to eliminate GM Tim Purwin from repeating as Steamroller champion.

young 11 t.allen 12 l.johnson 0 bruce 3 beebe 9 wycheck 0 wilkins 10
everett 3 loville 0 levens 6 miller 0 carter 6 coates 15 ford 3
pregame spread: dpw by 1
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Digital Rectal 34
Pistol Whippers 26

Digital Rectal bounces back from two straight losses to beat the Whippers going away, with 6 monday points from RB Derrick Fenner to seal it up. Whippers WR Kordell Stewart had 12 on the bench. Ouch!!

bono 0 fenner 6 m.allen 6 galloway 6 h.moore 2 jackson 0 carney 14
favre 12 centers 0 salaam 0 mcduffie 6 ellard 0 dilger 0 andersen 8
pregame spread: whippers by 4
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Luscious Brodkin 48
CKLMTG 28

The Luscious ones win big again despite going with 1202C tenant and ladies man "THE BAR" at QB. RB Curtis Martin went off again, scoring 21, while new K Blanchard scored 13. Karim Abdul-Jabbar scored 15 pts with 12 rebounds and 5 blocked shots in the losing effort.

xxxxx 0 martin 21 a.johnson 6 pickens 2 jackson 6 walls 0 blanchard 13
tomczak 0 byner 0 jabbar 15 mathis 0 alexander 6 chmura 0 boniol 7
pregame spread: luscious by 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rampaging Gibbons 44
Rumbling Romanians 24

The Gibbons continue to roll along with their 3rd straight win and 8th in the last 9. RB Jerome Bettis scored 15 to lead the way. The Romanians have dropped 5 straight. 15 combined points from Brown & Sharpe on monday nite help the Gibbons beat Brods' monstrous spread.

aikman 1 watters 9 bettis 15 c.johnson 0 brown 9 sharpe 6 jacke 4
xxxxx 0 zellars 0 sanders 12 perriman 6 irvin 0 pupunu 0 johnson 6
pregame spread: gibbons by 19


Transactions
6-luscious: add PK Cary Blanchard, drop PK Jason Hanson
11-cklmtg: add WR Anthony Morgan, drop WR Wayne Chrebet
14-cases: add WR Chris Calloway, drop WR Antonio Freeman
4-ghost: add WR Derrick Mayes, drop TE Eric Bjornson
6-luscious: add TE Eric Bjornson, drop WR Mark Carrier
11-cklmtg: add TE Mark Chmura, drop TE Jamie Asher
3-hawaaw: add RB Rodney Hampton, drop RB Robert Smith
10-rectal: add RB Robert Smith, drop RB Keith Byars
4-ghost: add RB Darrick Holmes, drop WR Shawn Jefferson
4-ghost: add WR Terry Mickens, drop WR Derrick Mayes

unfulfilled dibs:
none noted


CALS' CORNER
===== ======

WIR 9 KUDOS

I have always maintained that there exists a journalist in our RFL midst with talent exceeding all others, and it is not your beloved guru. Yes, after last week (WIR#9) you have all been graciously exposed to the madness that is David Brodkin Literature. His brief foray into WIR editration has left the crowds clamoring for more of his cunning linguistics. An offer sheet currently rests before Brodkin's eyes that could ink him to at least 3 more WIR's this season. The WIR staff is also currently accepting applications from all those interested in writing a one-week pilot WIR. Don't hesitate to put your name in print!

On the same note, sincerest thanks go out to that phenom typist, David Brodkin, for composing the WIR#9 on such emergency notice. Regular editor Patrick Callery was fished out of the San Francisco Bay Wetlands and resuscitated by a lineup of 1600 eager female rescue trainees Monday morning, just in time to prepare this WIR#10.

WILDING ANNIVERSARY

Mark your calendars for this coming Friday, November 8. It is the third anniversary of the Wilding's championship victory in the 1993 Boston University Intramural Flag Football playoffs. The Wilding compiled a 7-0 record in '93, culminating in a 14-6 championship game victory over Funky Junk. Current RFL GMs Dave Brodkin, Pat Callery, Snehal Desai, Ashesh Pansuria, Joe Pynadath, and Drew Wagner, plus Mike Hamill and Andy Wetzel, were team members. Several weeks later the Wilding reformed to defeat a team of graduate TA's & assorted ringers, including RFL GMs Lance Harry and Dave Wang. The Wilding was awarded a half-barrel of Budweiser for this snowbound victory.

STREAKS

Three teams have compiled separate 5-game winning streaks so far this season; Rampaging Gibbons, Digital Rectal, and Store 24. Rabid Gnomes suffered a 5-game losing streak earlier this season, which was matched this week with the 5th straight Rumbling Romanians loss. For reference, the longest winning streak of all time was posted by Drew Wagner's Dancing Clowns in 1991, an 11 game streak to start the season, snapped in Week 12 by Joe Pynadath's Barracudas. The next season, Pynadath's Laughing Lepers compiled the all-time worst losing streak of 9 games.

MISSING GM

The legendary visage of Disgruntled Postal Workers GM Tim Purwin appeared on milk cartons across the country this week, as he has been officially declared by RFL Intelligence as a Missing GM. RFL management last heard from the missing Purwin on Friday, October 18, when Purwin claimed WR Sean Dawkins off the waiver wire. Contact with the defending Steamroller champion has since been nonexistent. The tragedy of a missing GM has been overshadowed by false allegations that Purwin is a "make-believe" GM conjured up by certain RFL executives to illegaly win a Steamroller Trophy last season. Anyone with clues as to Purwin's whereabouts will be compensated on an as-valued basis.
********************************************************

RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
18 Drew Bledsoe (Ghost in a Helmet)

RB
21 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
15 ESmith (Store 24), JBettis (Rampaging Gibbons) & KAbdul-Jabbar (CKLMTG)

WR
9 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons) & Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
9 Don Beebe (HAWAAW) & Irving Fryar (Globulants)

TE
15 Ben Coates (Disgruntled PW)

PK
14 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
**************
Week 10 total: 101 hey, not bad


SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
85 Brett Favre (Pistol Whippers)
84 John Elway (Globulants)
69 Scott Mitchell (Luscious Brodkin)
69 Mark Brunell (Closet Cases)

RB
111 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
98 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
90 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
72 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
63 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
57 Jerome Bettis (Rampaging Gibbons)
54 Thurman Thomas (Globulants)

WR
66 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
59 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
48 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
45 Jerry Rice (Willie's Wankers)
45 Irving Fryar (Globulants)
39 Michael Jackson (Luscious Brodkin)

TE
60 Shannon Sharpe (Rampaging Gibbons)
41 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)

PK
84 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
74 Adam Vinatieri (Store 24)
71 Chris Jacke (Rampaging Gibbons)


Week 11 RFL Action
At long last, there are no more bye weeks. So if you have given up all hopes for post-season glory, you may give me one final lineup to carry you through the end of your miserable season. Unless somebody gets hurt. And we all know how vengeful god can be.

**** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK ****
1-Store 24 (7-3, 27.1) vs 10-Digital Rectal (7-3, 27.4)

You don't get a matchup more even than this. Two clubs who have somehow bungled their way to the upper tier of the league standings without the supreme offensive firepower normally required of a Steamroller contender. Two of the league's charter GMs will duel it out to try and keep pace with the Rampaging Gibbons. Rectal GM Drew Wagner seeks to extract vengeance for all that noise ex-roommate & Store 24 GM Snehal Desai used to make at night with you-know-who! Desai seeks to rebuke the repeated efforts of Wagner to obtain status in IFEJ, including his proposal to gain membership via marriage.

SnehalAdvantageDrew
Warren MoonSteve Bono
Emmitt SmithMarcus Allen
Terry KirbyDerrick Fenner
Curtis ConwayHerman Moore
Torrance SmallJoey Galloway
Kyle BradyKeith Jackson
Adam VinatieriJohn Carney

Desai needs just two more wins, regular season + playoffs, to clinch his first winning season since his 1990 campaign as Albert Aglione's water boy. Two more regular season wins for either club will clinch a playoff spot. However, the loser of this game will have virtually no chance of attaining Steamroller glory.

Store 24 has a dominating backfield, but the receiving corps of Digital Rectal may prove overpowering enough to take the game.
Cals' line: Digital Rectal by 5


Other Tilts:

2-Willie's Wankers (5-5, 30.9) vs 7-Globulants (4-6, 28.8)
The Wankers submitted their RFL entry fee this week, so it's likely that they will not lose again. The Globulants can't afford to lose too many more though. This is the point in the season that Pansuria teams usually turn it around. Wankers by 4

3-HAWAAW (6-4, 27.9) vs 14-Closet Cases (4-6, 21.7)
Two teams headed in opposite directions. HAWAAW GM Joe guaranteed victory this week, as well as the next several weeks. Closet GM Stan Wilson is learning that some players perform better while inside the closet. HAWAAW by 8

4-Ghost in a Helmet (5-5, 25.2) vs 9-Rumbling Romanians (2-8, 21.6)
Ghost has rebounded strongly ever since the guru flipped them as a bottom-feeder. The cupcake portion of the schedule continus this week with a trip to Losersville, Romania. Ghost by 5

5-Pistol Whippers (6-4, 27.0) vs 11-CKLMTG (4-6, 20.3)
The Whippers have been a streaky team all year, including GM Wang's sideline streak alongside THE BAR. They hope to stop this streak short against a struggling Chaka Khan. I feel for them. Whippers by 6

6-Luscious Brodkin (6-4, 36.5) vs 12-Rabid Gnomes (2-8, 16.3)
The Luscious train rolls on! League points leaders against league points losers. But can Brods maintain the mo??? Luscious by 14

8-Rampaging Gibbons(8-2,36.0)vs13-Disgruntled Postal Workers(4-6,24.8)
The Gibbons are inching ever closer to that Steamroller, but are ever mindful of the way GM Callery's Head Hunters choked it away down the stretch in 1994. DPW is hopeless until Purwin returns. Gibbons by 10


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Revised: October 27, 2000