RFL Week in Review 96-10 |
Rusted Football League | Week 10 | November 5, 1996 |
**** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** | ||
COOLNESS OF "THE BAR" LINKED TO 12-C PREDECESSORS |
When THE BAR comes walking down the street, any street in Boston for that matter, the ladies swoon. His very presence so emanates of coolness that persons of the feminine persuasion are overwhelmed by the mere sight of this mound of masculinity. The women of Boston have not seen such a man since... not since.......
That's right. Not since the fall of 1990, when two similarly studly youths claimed residence in the same man-making room known simply as "1202C". RFL's own David E. Brodkin and Joseph V. "The Brown Wonder" Pynadath were the first real men to set foot in this room, this room that has risen to national prominence with the recent performance of The Bar. But these two did not sanctify this room without help; only with the help of a stud-starred freshman floor could they achieve such glory.
We all know about current RFL GMs Pat Callery, Snehal Desai, Drew Wagner, and frequent 12C visitor Ashesh Pansuria. Even Stan Wilson once graced the floor with his inebriated presence. But few know about the behind the scenes work of a few talented individuals, led by the legendary Albert Aglione. I'm talking about former RFL GM Steve "Sexy Texy" Texeira, Austin "Round Mound of Profound" Ziegler, and the two ORIGINAL big men on campus, BAOC & BNOC. So when you see The Bar, remember his impressive ancestoral lineage and stay humble!
Pennywise Division | W | L | GB | PF | PA | STK |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
The Store 24's | 7 | 3 | 1 | 271 | 246 | W1 |
HAWAAW | 6 | 4 | 2 | 279 | 237 | W3 |
Pistol Whippers | 6 | 4 | 2 | 270 | 266 | L1 |
Willie's Wankers | 5 | 5 | 3 | 309 | 224 | W1 |
Ghost in a Helmet | 5 | 5 | 3 | 252 | 253 | W2 |
Nu Crowd Division | W | L | GB | PF | PA | STK |
Rampaging Gibbons | 8 | 2 | - | 365 | 267 | W3 |
Digital Rectal | 7 | 3 | 1 | 274 | 261 | W1 |
Luscious Brodkin | 6 | 4 | 2 | 365 | 306 | W2 |
Globulants | 4 | 6 | 4 | 288 | 309 | L1 |
Rumbling Romanians | 2 | 8 | 6 | 216 | 329 | L5 |
Rape Patrol Division | W | L | GB | PF | PA | STK |
Disgruntled P.W. | 4 | 6 | 4 | 248 | 309 | L4 |
Closet Cases | 4 | 6 | 4 | 217 | 223 | L3 |
CKLMTG | 4 | 6 | 4 | 203 | 230 | L1 |
Rabid Gnomes | 2 | 8 | 6 | 163 | 253 | L2 |
WEEK 10 IN REVIEW
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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
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Ghost in a Helmet 32
Closet Cases 16
Hmmmm, nice pick for GOTW Brods. Hello! Drew Bledsoe's 18 point explosion, plus a surprise 9 from RB Raymont Harris, gives the Ghosts their second win in a row since being lambasted in the guru's mid- season picks. Stan weeps as he is crushed by his childhood idol, Drew Bledsoe. Closet Cases have quietly dropped their 3rd in a row with their 4th sub-20 performance in 6 games.
bledsoe 18 warren 0 harris 9 owens 0 j.reed 0 dudley 0 kasay 5
testaverde 6 brooks 0 george 0 r.thomas 0 davis 0 drayton 0 pelfrey 10
pregame spread: ghost by 9
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Store 24 33
Globulants 32
The most exciting game of the week, the Globs last minute comeback is thwarted as Elway's 2-point attempt falls incomplete. Emergency QB Ty Detmer saves Desai's hide for the second time this season.
detmer 9 e.smith 15 kirby 3 conway 0 small 0 xxxxx 0 vinatieri 6
elway 6 thomas 9 faulk 0 xxxxx 0 fryar 9 green 0 christie 8
pregame spread: bulants by 2
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Willie's Wankers 33
Rabid Gnomes 19
The Wankers rebound from an illusionary 7 point spew to knock off GM John Wilson's RFL mentor, Lance Harry and the Rabid Gnomes. An early lineup error made this game a lot closer than it had first appeared, as Wanker RB Erric Pegram's 12 was put back on the bench, but QB Hoss came thru with a big monday 12 to put it away.
hoss 12 davis 3 kaufman 0 rice 6 martin 9 popson 0 stoyanovich 3
collins 0 bennett 0 carter 6 glenn 3 mccaffrey 0 carolan 0 elam 10
pregame spread: wankers by 9
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HAWAAW 45
Disgruntled Postal Workers 33
HAWAAW starts to flex their pseudo-muscle, winning 3 straight while averaging almost 36 ppg over the streak. oooooooohhhhh! Pynadath says a 4-0 finish for HAWAAW is "guaranteed". Meanwhile, DPW has lost 4 in a row to eliminate GM Tim Purwin from repeating as Steamroller champion.
young 11 t.allen 12 l.johnson 0 bruce 3 beebe 9 wycheck 0 wilkins 10
everett 3 loville 0 levens 6 miller 0 carter 6 coates 15 ford 3
pregame spread: dpw by 1
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Digital Rectal 34
Pistol Whippers 26
Digital Rectal bounces back from two straight losses to beat the Whippers going away, with 6 monday points from RB Derrick Fenner to seal it up. Whippers WR Kordell Stewart had 12 on the bench. Ouch!!
bono 0 fenner 6 m.allen 6 galloway 6 h.moore 2 jackson 0 carney 14
favre 12 centers 0 salaam 0 mcduffie 6 ellard 0 dilger 0 andersen 8
pregame spread: whippers by 4
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Luscious Brodkin 48
CKLMTG 28
The Luscious ones win big again despite going with 1202C tenant and ladies man "THE BAR" at QB. RB Curtis Martin went off again, scoring 21, while new K Blanchard scored 13. Karim Abdul-Jabbar scored 15 pts with 12 rebounds and 5 blocked shots in the losing effort.
xxxxx 0 martin 21 a.johnson 6 pickens 2 jackson 6 walls 0 blanchard 13
tomczak 0 byner 0 jabbar 15 mathis 0 alexander 6 chmura 0 boniol 7
pregame spread: luscious by 7
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Rampaging Gibbons 44
Rumbling Romanians 24
The Gibbons continue to roll along with their 3rd straight win and 8th in the last 9. RB Jerome Bettis scored 15 to lead the way. The Romanians have dropped 5 straight. 15 combined points from Brown & Sharpe on monday nite help the Gibbons beat Brods' monstrous spread.
aikman 1 watters 9 bettis 15 c.johnson 0 brown 9 sharpe 6 jacke 4
xxxxx 0 zellars 0 sanders 12 perriman 6 irvin 0 pupunu 0 johnson 6
pregame spread: gibbons by 19
unfulfilled dibs:
none noted
WIR 9 KUDOS
I have always maintained that there exists a journalist in our RFL midst with talent exceeding all others, and it is not your beloved guru. Yes, after last week (WIR#9) you have all been graciously exposed to the madness that is David Brodkin Literature. His brief foray into WIR editration has left the crowds clamoring for more of his cunning linguistics. An offer sheet currently rests before Brodkin's eyes that could ink him to at least 3 more WIR's this season. The WIR staff is also currently accepting applications from all those interested in writing a one-week pilot WIR. Don't hesitate to put your name in print!
On the same note, sincerest thanks go out to that phenom typist, David Brodkin, for composing the WIR#9 on such emergency notice. Regular editor Patrick Callery was fished out of the San Francisco Bay Wetlands and resuscitated by a lineup of 1600 eager female rescue trainees Monday morning, just in time to prepare this WIR#10.
WILDING ANNIVERSARY
Mark your calendars for this coming Friday, November 8. It is the third anniversary of the Wilding's championship victory in the 1993 Boston University Intramural Flag Football playoffs. The Wilding compiled a 7-0 record in '93, culminating in a 14-6 championship game victory over Funky Junk. Current RFL GMs Dave Brodkin, Pat Callery, Snehal Desai, Ashesh Pansuria, Joe Pynadath, and Drew Wagner, plus Mike Hamill and Andy Wetzel, were team members. Several weeks later the Wilding reformed to defeat a team of graduate TA's & assorted ringers, including RFL GMs Lance Harry and Dave Wang. The Wilding was awarded a half-barrel of Budweiser for this snowbound victory.
STREAKS
Three teams have compiled separate 5-game winning streaks so far this season; Rampaging Gibbons, Digital Rectal, and Store 24. Rabid Gnomes suffered a 5-game losing streak earlier this season, which was matched this week with the 5th straight Rumbling Romanians loss. For reference, the longest winning streak of all time was posted by Drew Wagner's Dancing Clowns in 1991, an 11 game streak to start the season, snapped in Week 12 by Joe Pynadath's Barracudas. The next season, Pynadath's Laughing Lepers compiled the all-time worst losing streak of 9 games.
MISSING GM
The legendary visage of Disgruntled Postal Workers GM Tim Purwin
appeared on milk cartons across the country this week, as he has been
officially declared by RFL Intelligence as a Missing GM. RFL
management last heard from the missing Purwin on Friday, October 18,
when Purwin claimed WR Sean Dawkins off the waiver wire. Contact with
the defending Steamroller champion has since been nonexistent. The
tragedy of a missing GM has been overshadowed by false allegations
that Purwin is a "make-believe" GM conjured up by certain RFL
executives to illegaly win a Steamroller Trophy last season. Anyone
with clues as to Purwin's whereabouts will be compensated on an
as-valued basis.
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RFL ALL*STARS
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QB
18 Drew Bledsoe (Ghost in a Helmet)
RB
21 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
15 ESmith (Store 24), JBettis (Rampaging Gibbons) & KAbdul-Jabbar (CKLMTG)
WR
9 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons) & Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
9 Don Beebe (HAWAAW) & Irving Fryar (Globulants)
TE
15 Ben Coates (Disgruntled PW)
PK
14 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
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Week 10 total: 101 hey, not bad
RB
111 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
98 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
90 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
72 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
63 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
57 Jerome Bettis (Rampaging Gibbons)
54 Thurman Thomas (Globulants)
WR
66 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
59 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
48 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
45 Jerry Rice (Willie's Wankers)
45 Irving Fryar (Globulants)
39 Michael Jackson (Luscious Brodkin)
TE
60 Shannon Sharpe (Rampaging Gibbons)
41 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)
PK
84 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
74 Adam Vinatieri (Store 24)
71 Chris Jacke (Rampaging Gibbons)
You don't get a matchup more even than this. Two clubs who have somehow bungled their way to the upper tier of the league standings without the supreme offensive firepower normally required of a Steamroller contender. Two of the league's charter GMs will duel it out to try and keep pace with the Rampaging Gibbons. Rectal GM Drew Wagner seeks to extract vengeance for all that noise ex-roommate & Store 24 GM Snehal Desai used to make at night with you-know-who! Desai seeks to rebuke the repeated efforts of Wagner to obtain status in IFEJ, including his proposal to gain membership via marriage.
Snehal | Advantage | Drew |
Warren Moon | ![]() | Steve Bono |
Emmitt Smith | ![]() | Marcus Allen |
Terry Kirby | ![]() | Derrick Fenner |
Curtis Conway | ![]() | Herman Moore |
Torrance Small | ![]() | Joey Galloway |
Kyle Brady | ![]() | Keith Jackson |
Adam Vinatieri | ![]() | John Carney |
2-Willie's Wankers (5-5, 30.9) vs 7-Globulants (4-6, 28.8)
The Wankers submitted their RFL entry fee this week, so it's likely
that they will not lose again. The Globulants can't afford to lose
too many more though. This is the point in the season that Pansuria
teams usually turn it around. Wankers by 4
3-HAWAAW (6-4, 27.9) vs 14-Closet Cases (4-6, 21.7)
Two teams headed in opposite directions. HAWAAW GM Joe guaranteed
victory this week, as well as the next several weeks. Closet GM Stan
Wilson is learning that some players perform better while inside the
closet. HAWAAW by 8
4-Ghost in a Helmet (5-5, 25.2) vs 9-Rumbling Romanians (2-8, 21.6)
Ghost has rebounded strongly ever since the guru flipped them as a
bottom-feeder. The cupcake portion of the schedule continus this
week with a trip to Losersville, Romania. Ghost by 5
5-Pistol Whippers (6-4, 27.0) vs 11-CKLMTG (4-6, 20.3)
The Whippers have been a streaky team all year, including GM Wang's
sideline streak alongside THE BAR. They hope to stop this streak
short against a struggling Chaka Khan. I feel for them. Whippers by 6
6-Luscious Brodkin (6-4, 36.5) vs 12-Rabid Gnomes (2-8, 16.3)
The Luscious train rolls on! League points leaders against league
points losers. But can Brods maintain the mo??? Luscious by 14
8-Rampaging Gibbons(8-2,36.0)vs13-Disgruntled Postal Workers(4-6,24.8)
The Gibbons are inching ever closer to that Steamroller, but are ever
mindful of the way GM Callery's Head Hunters choked it away down the
stretch in 1994. DPW is hopeless until Purwin returns. Gibbons by 10
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All rights reserved.
Revised: October 27, 2000