A new study published in the RFL Journal of Medicine this month is said to have proven a positive correlation between timely payment of RFL entry fees and on-field success. "The evidence is overwhelming," said Dr. Alvin Agloberta from his offices in Providence, RI, "these new findings should encourage timely payment of all remaining outstanding RFL fees."

Specially noted in the study were prototypical examples of the theory, including RFL 1996's own Rampaging Gibbons, Store 24, and Luscious Brodkin. "The Gibbons were paid up from the get-go" (by default), says league commissioner Patrick Callery, and they've been on top pretty much all season long." Luscious B was 1-3 when that fee check came floating into HQ, they have since lit up the scoreboard, winning 3 of 4. And Store 24 payed up 2 weeks ago only to string together back-to-back 40 point performances, extending their winning streak to 5 games.

"When the Globulants' fee arrived at RFLHQ last week, we were skeptical," said FOX TV commentator Pat Summerall, "but they went on to score an unprecedented 67 this week." Also pulling off otherwise inexplicable success has been the Pistol Whippers, winners of two straight after clearing up their fee situation.

"I don't even have to tell you about the troubles certain teams have had," Hollywood starlet Marisa Tomei stated, in reference to Rabid Gnomes, Rumbling Romanians, and CKLMTG, "it just goes without saying that it's because of late entry fees!"

Of course there are holes in the theory, but let's not take this too far. Unpaid entry fees are need from:
John Wilson
Josh Veshia
Drew Wagner
Brian Pototo
Lance Harry
Tim Purwin

WEEK 8 IN REVIEW

**************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
**************************
Willie's Wankers 67
Digital Rectal 23

The Wankers covered the spread by more than 8x in this old fashioned whipping. Double figures from 4 starters, including a career-high (I think) 21 by Terrell Davis, catapults the Wankers into resident status among the league's elite. The only starter not to score for the Wankers this week was all-world WR Jerry Rice. Digital Rectal's 5 game winning streak is snapped as they suffer their second loss of the season. The Wankers' 67 may be the highest score (I'd have to check the records) since the legendary Z-Bomb put up 74 in 1992.

hoss 3 davis 21 kaufman 6 rice 0 martin 12 popson 15 stoyanovich 10
bono 3 phillips 0 m.allen 12 blades 0 a.reed 0 johnson 6 carney 2
pregame spread: wankers by 5
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Store 24 41
Rumbling Romanians 30

Desai's boys match Rectal's season best 5-game win streak with yet another Emmitt-inspired performance. The MAN churned out a routine 18 pts in this slugfest, which rendered the Romanians' best effort since Week 3 meaningless. League guru Cals is to blame for telling Desai to pick up Ty Detmer (12 pts) for emergency duty. Stop the IHS!

detmer 12 e.smith 18 kirby 0 conway 0 small 0 brady 2 vinatieri 9
chandler 3 zellars 6 hearst 9 jett 0 irvin 5 pupunu 0 johnson 7
pregame spread: store24 by 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
HAWAAW 37
CKLMTG 18

The Hooligans are slowly coming around, as QB Steve Young has returned to his stellar form, scoring 15 in his first solid game of the year. RB Terry Allen continues to outpace all league scorers, adding 18 this week. However, WR continues to be a big question mark for HAWAAW.

young 15 t.allen 18 johnson 0 bruce 0 smith 0 wycheck 0 wilkins 4
tomczak 3 byner 6 jabbar 0 penn 0 alexander 3 asher 0 boniol 6
pregame spread: HAWAAW by 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rabid Gnomes 24
Ghost in a Helmet 16

The Gnomes are riding high after ending their 5 game losing streak, and hey, they still even get first dibs. New WR exuberance is displayed in the form of youngsters J. Galloway and T. Glenn (now off of suicide watch) who scored 6 each. Ghost in a Helmet now finds themselves in a serious pickle, trying to stay in playoff contention.

collins 3 green 0 carter 0 glenn 6 galloway 6 carolan 0 elam 9
bledsoe 3 hampton 0 hayden 0 muhammad 0 jefferson 0 dudley 0 kasay 13
pregame spread: pick em
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Pistol Whippers 46
Disgruntled Postal Workers 26

The Whippers are revitalized thanks to a huge game from WR OJ McDuffie & the inevitable Mort. The Postal Workers drop their 2nd straight after a strong 4-2 start, despite a strong showing from RB James Stewart (15). The Whippers show they can get it done without Favre.

hebert 9 centers 6 murrell 0 mcduffie 15 stewart 0 dilger 0 mort 16
everett 0 loville 0 stewart 15 miller 0 dawkins 0 coates 0 ford 11
pregame spread: dpw by 5
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Globulants 67
Luscious Brodkin 39

Hold the phone there chief, the Globs are back! Just days after a mysterious check arrived at league HQ, the Globs burst out with the same league-high total scored by the Wankers. Irving Fryar snapped out of his shell, scoring a career high 27, while QB Elway & K Steve Christie combined for another 37. Poor Brods suffers extreme scrub loss #2 of the season, despite 12 each from RB Martin & WR heee heee. TE Eric Green saw his first action of the season for the Globulants. An awe-inspiring monday-nite comeback by Luscious QB Stan Humphries was cut short by an early Gr Gr Gr Grooooiiiinnnnn injury.

elway 18 thomas 3 hoard 0 rison 0 fryar 27 green 0 christie 19
humphries 0 martin 12 johnson 6 pickens 0 jackson 12 walls 0 blanch 9
pregame spread: luscious by 16
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rampaging Gibbons 27
Closet Cases 26

You can see I am not afflicted with IHS when I freely admit to you that this was a SCRUB win for the Gibbons. Mind you it's their first of the season alongside TWO scrub losses. Somebody help me!

aikman 7 watters 12 bettis 0 brown 0 early 0 sharpe 6 hollis 2
brunell 9 brooks 0 george 6 thomas 0 scott 6 drayton 2 pelfrey 3
pregame spread: gibbons by 11

unfulfilled dibs:
none

At long last, the guru takes a second shot at your team. Last time the guru spoke, it was August and you either felt belittled and insulted or were nervous about meeting those high expectations.

1- Store 24 (GM Snehal Desai)
6-2, 27.3 ppg, 21.4 ppa
Preseason Rank: 3
Midseason Rank: 6
That #3 ranking actually slipped significantly early on, but with the resurgence of the man (Emmitt), Store 24 has rebounded to boast a fairly impressive lineup. Three more wins assure Desai of his first winning record since the 1990 season he spent under Albert Aglione's legendary tutelage. While the supporting cast may only be average at best (led by WR Curtis Conway, RB Terry Kirby, and QB Warren Moon), Emmitt's presence doubles the net worth of any team. PK A. Vinatieri has had a strong first half.

2- Willie's Wankers (GM John Wilson)
4-4, 33.6, 23.6
Preseason Rank: 11
Midseason Rank: 3
After a miserable rookie campaign in '95, Willie drafted a slightly better core this time around, netting Jerry Rice and Terrell Davis. Davis has gone on to put up astounding numbers this season, while WR Tony Martin has outperformed the great Rice. Add a solid 2-headed QB tandem of Blake & Hoss and a guy named Popson playing out of his head and you've got an Ags Bowl contender here. Tough luck scrub losses are responsible for this team's current .500 record.

3- Hooligans a Whompin' and a Whoopin' (GM Joe Pynadath)
4-4, 26.1, 23.9
Preseason Rank: 2
Midseason Rank: 5
HAWAAW had so many big names on draft day, it could only be expected that they'd have trouble living up to expectations. QB Steve Young and WRs Isaac Bruce & JJ Stokes were busts, but a very pleasant surprise in Terry Allen has pulled them through to this point. Now with Young back in form, Robert Smith putting up numbers, and a young upstart WR corps, expect HAWAAW to do some damage in the second half.

4- Ghost in a Helmet (GM Kevin Archibald)
3-5, 21.5, 28.1
Preseason Rank: 1
Midseason Rank: 13
Kevin, sorry for tagging you with that tremendous preseason load. What appeared to be an unstoppable RB duo, Warren & Hampton, has been absolutely horrendous. QBs Bledsoe & Harbaugh have had flashes of RFL brilliance, but the WR corps has been abysmal. Bad luck in the dibs pool has thwarted this talented rookie GM from repleting positional weaknesses. A solid TE (Dudley) & PK (Kasay) are worth writing home about.

5- Pistol Whippers (GM Dave Wang)
5-3, 27.6, 27.0
Preseason Rank: 8
Midseason Rank: 9
This team appeared to have gaping holes at RB & WR early on, and a string of 3 straight losses after a 3-0 start confirmed that. But the last few weeks have shown strong performances from unexpected sources (RB Larry Centers, WR Kordell Stewart, WR OJ McDuffie), and the Pistol Whippers have shown they will be in the running for the playoffs. TE Ken Dilger has settled down after a hot start, but QB Brett Favre is on pace to set a QB points record. However, I do not expect those supporting performers to hold up in the long run.

6- Luscious Brodkin (GM Dave Brodkin)
4-4, 34.3, 32.3
Preseason Rank: 5
Midseason Rank: 2
Brods has been putting up astounding numbers the last several weeks, but has fallen on a serious patch of bad luck, hence the 4-4 record. QB Scott Mitchell has left his biggest detractor/guru befuddled with a superlative first half, and RB Curtis Martin is putting up Emmitt- like numbers for the second straight season. Key acquisitions at RB (Jamal Anderson & Anthony Johnson) team with a solid WR corps, which includes recent acquisition Carl Pickens. If Pickens comes around in the second half, these boys will whip up a serious Steamroller run.

7- Globulants (GM Ashesh Pansuria)
3-5, 27.6, 32.0
Preseason Rank: 4
Midseason Rank: 11
Another team loaded with big-name talent prior to Week 1, the Globs have had serious trouble. RB Marshall Faulk has spent about half the year on the sidelines injured, and TE Eric Green never played a down until last week. WR Irving Fryar (prior to this week's outburst) and RB Thurman Thomas have also been underachievers. The only bright spot has been QB John Elway; if Faulk can get healthy and Fryar continues to light it up with Detmer at QB, these boys could rebound to make the playoffs. Ashesh's teams are known for making late season runs.

8- Rampaging Gibbons of the Apocalypse (GM Pat Callery)
6-2, 34.9, 29.5
Preseason Rank: 6
Midseason Rank: 1
Most of the question marks that existed for this club pre-season have been answered in high-scoring glory. RB Jerome Bettis has been phenomenal at his new home, RB Ricky Watters is exceeding his high expectations, and WR Tim Brown is currently having his finest RFL year ever. TE Shannon Sharpe, acquired for RB L Phillips just before his trade value plummetted to nil, is also having a remarkable year. QB has been a soft spot all year, as the Gibbons have not been able to probe the depths of the dibs market and continue to go with Aikman, who has been an RFL anomaly throughout his career. The Gibbons have a stable of underachieving big names at WR, if any one of them steps out of their shell this team should coast to the Steamroller Trophy.

9- Rumbling Romanians (GM Josh Veshia)
2-6, 21.5, 31.5
Preseason Rank: 12
Midseason Rank: 12
A tough going rookie season for an enthusiastic GM, the Romanians will continue to look up at the rest of the league for this season's duration. Barry Sanders has had a disappointing first half, and WR/TE scoring has been virtually non-existent. The injury to Dan Marino certainly has not helped matters either. Josh has certainly not been hesitant to drop talent, cutting loose such performers as Ernest Byner Wesley Walls, and Marino. However, with Michael Irvin returning at WR and a couple of small-time RBs (Garrison Hearst, Ray Zellars) putting up sizable numbers of late, this team will be poised to play the spoiler down the stretch.

10-Digital Rectal (GM Drew Wagner)
6-2, 29.9, 24.8
Preseason Rank: 9
Midseason Rank: 4
Just like with the Meat Beaters in '94, Drew manages to turn a raggedy bunch of misfits into a winner. Errict Rhett's holdout could have spelled doom for a less-resilient GM, but big performances from WR Herman Moore, TE Keith Jackson, and PK John Carney have led this team to an overachieving 6-2 record midway. RB Marcus Allen has been a pleasant surprise, scoring several TDs in between changings of his Depends. If Andre Reed & Steve Bono/Jim Kelly can step up down the stretch, this team could have the formula for an Ags Bowl contender.

11-Chaka Khan Lovin' Mighty Techno Gremlins (GM Brian Pototo)
3-5, 19.1, 21.9
Preseason Rank: 7
Midseason Rank: 10
Once again, GM Pototo introduces major personnel overhauls midseason in an effort to revive a sputtering franchise. Last year his moves paid off big as his Butt Trumpets staged a tremendous 2nd half surge, only to falter in the playoffs. Already this season, only 4 drafted players remain on the roster, and 2 of them ride the bench. Just about every player in the starting lineup is capable of 0 or 12 any week, e.g. the WR stable of Mathis, Ellard, Keyshawn Johnson & Derrick Alexander. This will be one of the most interesting teams to watch down the stretch, but they will need some consistency out of RBs Byner and Karim Abdul-Jabbar to make playoffs.

12-Rabid Gnomes (GM Lance Harry)
2-6, 16.4, 24.4
Preseason Rank: 13
Midseason Rank: 14
The Gnomes' draft failed to impress the Guru, and they have yet to impress their legions of fans on the field. Early picks spent on QB Jeff George & RB KiJana Carter have been disastrous, while RB Edgar Bennett has been frustrated often on the offensive end. A young WR duo of Joey Galloway and Terry Glenn are just about the only hope for this team, other than a solid PK in Jason Elam.

13-Disgruntled Postal Workers (GM Tim Purwin)
4-4, 25.4, 27.0
Preseason Rank: 10
Midseason Rank: 7
A lot of pseudo-gurus hailed the Postal Workers as a preseason fave, but their RB situation failed to materialize after early promise. The main strength for this team was supposed to be the WR tandem of Cris Carter and Anthony Miller, and while both have been solid, neither has been spectacular. With RB James Stewart coming around and TE Ben Coates always a threat, this team can hang with anyone in the league; however, they can't seem to put together the consistent performances needed to duplicate GM Tim Purwin's '95 Steamroller winner.

14-Closet Cases (GM Stan Wilson)
4-4, 23.1, 21.0
Preseason Rank: 14
Midseason Rank: 8
Stan took some gambles in the draft, and they have payed off quite well through the first half; early-round picks Mark Brunell and Eddie George have been solid. However, 1st round pick Robert Brooks is lost for the season after a good start, and 2nd rounder Eric Metcalf was also cut after failing to play to expected form. A lot of talent is still floating around in the Cases' WR corps however, with Darnay Scott, Willie Davis, and Antonio Freeman all capable of big numbers. Reggie Brooks has not been the Errict Rhett clone he once looked like, but this team should be able to sneak in the playoffs.

GURU'S SUMMARY:
====== ========
Aglione Bowl Elite:
Rampaging Gibbons, Luscious Brodkin, Willie's Wankers

Serious Contenders:
Digital Rectal, HAWAAW, Store 24

On the bubble:
Disgruntled Postal Workers, Closet Cases, Pistol Whippers, CKLMTG, Globulants

Forget it:
Rumbling Romanians, Ghost in a Helmet, Rabid Gnomes
********************************************************

RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
18 John Elway (Globulants)

RB
21 Terrell Davis (Wankers)
18 Terry Allen (HAWAAW) & Emmitt Smith (Store 24)

WR
27 Irving Fryar (Globulants)
15 OJ McDuffie (Whippers)

TE
15 Ted Popson (Wankers)

PK
19 Steve Christie (Globulants)
**************
Week 8 total: 133 ALL-TIME HIGH!!!!!

RB
78 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
66 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
65 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
60 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
57 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)

WR
57 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
57 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
39 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
39 Jerry Rice (Willie's Wankers)
35 Terence Mathis (Luscious Brodkin)
33 Irving Fryar (Globulants)

TE
42 Shannon Sharpe (Rampaging Gibbons)
26 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)
24 Ken Dilger (Pistol Whippers)

PK
63 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
60 Chris Jacke (Rampaging Gibbons)
60 Adam Vinatieri (Store 24)

Big matchup in little South End/Fenway. Two league heavyweights go head-to-head in this matchup between 2 of the 5 remaining original RFL charter members. Store 24 (GM Snehal Desai) has stormed out to an unprecedented 6-2 start, averaging 35 ppg over a 5 game win streak. Luscious Brodkin (GM Dave Brodkin) has been even more impressive over their last 5, averaging 40.6 ppg. However, they have only won 3 of those 5 thanks to the toughest schedule in the league (most ppa). Luscious needs this win desparately to keep Brodkin's boys in the running for that elusive first Steamroller title; a loss could send this bunch down in history with the rest of Brodkin's high-scoring non-winning franchises. Store 24 could be in over their heads here.

Snehal	Advantage	Brodz
Warren Moon		Scott Mitchell
Emmitt Smith		Curtis Martin
Terry Kirby		Anthony Johnson
Curtis Conway		Carl Pickens
Torrance Small/td>		Michael Jackson
Kyle Brady		Wesley Walls
Adam Vinatieri		Jason Hanson

The paper matchup leans heavily towards Luscious, but you can never count out an Emmitt team when the MAN is on his game. Store 24 may just be aloof enough to pull this one off without even realizing what exactly they're up against.
However, Guru says LUSCIOUS BY 8

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: September 30, 2000