A new form of player movement was unveiled this week, when four RFL franchises engaged in a transaction referred to as a "trade". A trade occurs when two teams come to an agreement to swap one or more players from one team to another, in an attempt to mutually benefit both parties. This previously unheard of form of roster adjustment is expected to take the league by storm.

Two trades occurred this week. A deal of significant proportions, or "blockbuster", took place between two of the league's dominant teams, Rampaging Gibbons of the Apocalypse (GM Pat Callery) and Digital Rectal (GM Drew Wagner). D.Rectal sent TE Shannon Sharpe to the Gibbons in exchange for RB L Phillips and WR Brian Blades. Sharpe will fill a gaping hole in the Gibbons' TE slot, while Rectal's new acquisitions will fill a critical need of the criminal element on the roster. Crippled WR Fred Barnett found a new home on the RGA roster after being trimmed by Rectal to make room for the ex-convicts.

Another trade was verified as well, effective after Week 5 action, that blows the last trade out of the water. Perhaps the biggest deal in RFL history took place between the wretched Rabid Gnomes and the hapless Ghosts in Helmets. The implications of this deal will have long-lasting effects on all RFL GMs and fans for years to come. In a move that shocked onlookers, GIAH (GM Kevin Archibald) unloaded rifle- armed QB KERRY COLLINS, of all people, to the Rabid Gnomes (GM Lance Harry) for unstoppable threat WR Shawn "Lightning Toes" Jefferson. I highly doubt the league will ever be the same after this enormously immense deal kicks in during Week 6 action.

WEEK 5 IN REVIEW

**************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
**************************
Digital Rectal 37
Globulants 9

The game of the week did not fail to disappoint. Read that again slowly to catch the double negative. Globs stink it up big as Geddy Lee makes his '96 debut at kicker. Meanwhile, Rectal comes fresh off the blockbuster Sharpe deal to record their 2nd highest point total of the season, K John Carney led a balanced attack with 16. The only guys who failed to score for Rectal are the two ex-gibbons. Sorry Drew, I don't know what the fuck is up with L Phillips.

bono 3 phillips 0 m.allen 3 h.moore 9 blades 0 jackson 6 carney 16
elway 9 a.lee 0 bieniemy 0 rison 0 fryar 0 green 0 xxxxx 0
pregame spread: rectal by 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Store 24's 21
Disg. Postal Workers 17

Who could possibly be better for a monday nite comeback than the man, Emmitt Smith. Tiny-E's 9 points cap a come from behind victory, Store 24's 2nd straight. GM Snehal Desai is reportedly ecstatic as he achieves his first mid-season winning record in like 6 years.

moon 0 e.smith 9 kirby 3 conway 0 small 0 brady 0 daluiso 9
everett 3 loville 0 biakabutuka 0 carter 0 miller 9 mcgee 0 ford 5
pregame spread: store24 by 5
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rampaging Gibbons 31
Willie's Wankers 28

The people's game of the week showcased perhaps the league's two best teams. That's right, the amazing surprising Willie's Wankers have amassed the 2nd highest season points total, but have been victimized by the infamous scrub loss twice this year, causing them to suffer a blemished 2-3 record after 5 weeks. This game had all the raw excitement that RFL fans everywhere crave on a weekly basis. 9 monday nite points from watters & aikman give the gibbons their 4th straight victory in dramatic fashion. New Gibbon TE S. Sharpe contributed 6.

aikman 3 watters 6 bettis 3 brown 6 jeffires 0 sharpe 6 jacke 7
blake 6 davis 3 kaufman 0 rice 6 martin 0 xxxxx 0 stoyanovich 13
pregame spread: gibbons by 12
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Luscious Brodkin 21
Ghost in a Helmet 9

Luscious captures their 2nd win in 3 weeks, with their massive scrub loss to wankers sandwiched between. GIAH, meanwhile, has undergone a season-long struggle to meet high expectations after their perhaps presumptuous preseason #1 ranking. Chris Warren notched his first 9 points of the year, but got absolutely zero help from the rest of the team.

mitchell 6 anderson 0 means 0 mathis 0 jackson 6 walls 0 hanson 9
o'donnell 0 warren 9 hampton 0 j.reed 0 penn 0 dudley 0 kasay 0
pregame spread: luscious by 7
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HAWAAW 40
Pistol Whippers 37

HAWAAW finally breaks their recent streak of futility with a 40 pt ouburst, led by all-world Terry Allen and sleeping giant Isaac Bruce, who lit it up for 15 each. Pistol Whippers suffer this week's great scrub loss, as they scored more points in a losing effort than all 4 teams combined in this week's super-scrubby games (see below).

grbac 3 t.allen 15 r.smith 0 bruce 15 stokes 0 wycheck 0 blanton 7
favre 12 centers 9 salaam 6 c.sanders 0 stewart 6 fauria 0 pelfrey 4
pregame spread: whippers by 2
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Rumbling Romanians 9
FUBAR 8

You've got to be kidding. Actually, this was a pretty exciting monday nite showdown, as a 3-3 tie was broken early by FUBAR K G.Anderson. Romanian TE Bjornson scored later to take the 9-8 advantage. A late FG attempt by anderson for the win was BLOCKED! raw excitement. Pat Sajak, star of TV's "Wheel of Fortune", started at RB for FUBAR.

chandler 3 sanders 0 zellars 0 perriman 0 d.sanders 0 bjorn 6 husted 0
beuerlein 3 xxxxx 0 bates 0 pickens 0 vanover 0 chmura 0 g.anderson 5
pregame spread: pick 'em
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Closet Cases 10
Rabid Gnomes 8

Not again. no comment

testaverde 6 brooks 0 george 0 brooks 0 scott 0 mitchell 0 sisson 4
krieg 3 bennett 0 carter 0 galloway 0 jones 0 harris 0 elam 2
pregame spread: gnomes by 6

unfulfilled dibs:
RB Ernest Byner: Luscious Brods
WR Mark Carrier: FUBAR
PK Jeff Wilkins: FUBAR, Pistol Whippers

This week was the lowest scoring thus far in '96, easily evidenced by the two massive scrub wins notched by the Romanians and Closet Cases. There has been, however, a season-long trend of scoring futility. A number of top draft picks, selected in the early first round due in large part to their respective reputations as big time scorers, have been plain rotten so far this season, way below expectations. Here's a sampling of big-name strugglers:
#3 Steve Young: 3 pts
#4 Chris Warren: 9 pts
#7 Marshall Faulk: 9 pts
#11 Carl Pickens: 6 pts
#13 Cris Carter: 12 pts

For those of you who don't understand sarcasm, last week's WIR top story "RFL funds embezzled" was a half-hearted effort to generate timely payment of outstanding entry fees. This is the first time I have ever had to collect more than 2 or 3 fees after draft day. Granted, I didn't see most of you on draft day to collect personally; however, I expect that all GMs, armed with checkbook and postage stamp, should know how to mail a check to HQ. I don't need them to pay off some immediate debt or anything, but if several GMs go through the first half of the season without paying, then find their team wallowing in the cellar with no hope for playoff glory, I think the motivation to cough up big bucks will have dwindled severely. I hope you all understand my plight here. In closing, please mail your entry fees ASAP to me at:
405 Fremont Ave.
Los Altos, CA 94024

Hearty thank you's go out to everybody's favorite Hollywood GM, David Brodkin of the same Luscious ones, for his payment which arrived at Cali HQ yesterday. May we all follow his humanitarian example.
********************************************************

RFL ALL*STARS
*************
QB
12 Brett Favre (Whippers)

RB
15 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
9 Emmitt Smith (Store 24), Larry Centers (whippers) & Chris Warren (GIAH)

WR
15 Isaac Bruce (HAWAAW)
9 Herman Moore (rectal) & Anthony Miller (disgruntled)

TE
6 Shannon Sharpe (gibbons), Gustav Bjornson (romanians) & Keith Jackson (digital rectal)

PK
16 John Carney (digital rectal)
**************
Week 5 total: 82 season low!

RB
60 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
42 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
39 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
35 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
33 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)
27 Barry Sanders (Rumbling Romanians)

WR
39 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
39 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
27 Anthony Miller (DG Postal Workers)
27 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
24 Robert Brooks (Closet Cases)
23 Terance Mathis (Luscious Brodkin)

TE
24 Ken Dilger (Pistol Whippers)
18 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)

PK
56 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
38 Chris Jacke (Rampaging Gibbons)
36 Pete Stoyanovich (Willie's Wankers)

These two teams sit near the top of the standings, but appear to be headed in opposite directions. After a 3-0 start, the Whippers have revealed weaknesses at the RB & WR positions, despite a productive Week 5. The Gibbons have scored better than 30 points in every outing so far this season, but have had to come from behind in many of their contests. This game is a big chance for the Whippers and GM Dave Wang to assert themselves as a legitimate contender, while the Rampaging Gibbons & GM Pat Callery will just try to keep the status quo.

Wang	Advantage	Cals
Brett Favre		Bernie Kosar??
Rashaan Salaam		Jerome Bettis
Adrian Murrell		Zack Crockett
OJ McDuffie		Tim Brown
Kordell Stewart		Quinn Early
Ken Dilger		Shannon Sharpe
Doug Pelfrey		Chris Jacke

This could be a close game, as RGA has a big question mark at QB and will also go without team leader Ricardo Watters. As usual, the Whippers will need a large performance out of QB Brett Favre to win. Cals' line: Gibbons by 5

Legend: Advantage Disadvantage. Thank you Brods.

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: September 28, 2000