In a shocking development this week, the RFL league treasurer (whose identity is being withheld to protect family) was indicted on charges of embezzlement of the league cash prize funds. "I assure you we are going to get to the bottom of this," stated RFL Commissioner Patrick Callery, "nobody, NOBODY cheats RFL and gets away with it!" The league treasurer was pinpointed early on as a prime suspect, as being the sole controller of the flow of RFL's vast economical empire.

League intelligence reports that the missing funds, approximately equal in value to 12 franchise entry fees, were liquidated with such skill that absolutely no trace has been left. "All records have been deleted," announced RFL Intelligence Director Joseph Pynadath, "it's as if the money was never there." Pynadath later noted that the cash equivalent of 2 RFL entry fees were left untouched by the embezzler. "There's no chance that these missing 12 could possibly be due to late payments, there's NEVER been a problem with late fee payments before!"

Commissioner Callery agreed, "How could you presume that 12 of 14 loyal, dedicated GMs would wait over 4 weeks to chip in their entry fees, why that's ludicrous!" He later added that all GMs, expect for himself and star rookie Kevin Archibald, could "show their commitment to the league by mailing in a replacement entry fee until the missing funds are recovered." RFL administrators informed each of the 12 GMs that the funds could be mailed to the following address, with checks made out to:
COMMISSIONER PATRICK J. CALLERY
405 Fremont Ave.
Los Altos, CA 94024

Callery also presented the possibility that the process of getting the RFL Treasury back on its feet could be streamlined by an RFL Boston Representative to take charge of collecting any East Coast fees that may be available, and mailing them in mass to the new RFL Headquarters in California. "As soon as the missing funds are recovered, all contributors will be reimbursed, with interest, for their selfless generosity."

WEEK 4 IN REVIEW

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**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
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Rampaging Gibbons 32
Ghost in a Helmet 29

The Gibbons continue their torrid pace despite their lowest output of the season. GM Pat Callery has come to expect nothing less from his boys than this paltry 32 point outburst. Ricky Watters & Tim Brown are becoming recognized as the most devastating 1-2 punch in the league, and GMs everywhere cower and/or faint at the mere mention of the name "RAMPAGING GIBBONS". Can anyone beat this rogue band of thugs & criminals, save a sudden reincarnation of the oft-overrated Dancing Clowns? I think not!

aikman 0 watters 15 phillips 0 brown 15 early 0 drayton 0 jacke 2
harbaugh 3 warren 0 hampton 0 j.reed 9 harrison 0 dudley 6 kasay 11
pregame spread: Gibbons by 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Store 24's 37
Pistol Whippers 16

It's about time the P-Whippers showed their true colors, as they are stripped from their position as the sole unbeaten team in the league. A career performance by Store 24 K Pasta Vinatieri (nickname compliments of Stan Wilson) put this game out of reach even before the Whippers could throw their 3-man monday nite barrage to the table.

moon 6 e.smith 6 mcelroy 0 conway 9 small 0 brady 0 vinatieri 16
favre 6 centers 0 salaam 0 mcduffie 0 kennison 0 dilger 6 blanchard 4
pregame spread: Whippers by 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Willie's Wankers 59
Luscious Brodkin 43

This supposed ho-hum contest between two bottom-feeders turned out to be, pending investigation of RFL archives, perhaps the highest scoring game of all time. WW WR Tony Martin has vaulted to the top of the league WR scoring leaders, having crossed the goal line in all 4 games thus far, taking muchos pressure off all-world target Jerry Rice. Scott "shitty QB" Mitchell managed to stumble into 21 points when he learned to differentiate between jersey colors while passing.

hostetler 12 davis 15 kaufman 3 rice 3 martin 21 jones 0 stoyanovich 5
mitchell 21 martin 9 means 0 mathis 8 haynes 0 smith 0 hanson 5
pregame spread: Luscious by 6
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Globulants 25
HAWAAW 16

Oh, woe are the sort-of-once-proud Hooligans a Whompin' and a Whoopin. They fell victim this week to an unprovoked and unheard of 15 point explosion by WR Andre Rison. I thought that idiot had disappeared from the face of the RFL earth. One RFL face that has yet to be accounted for this season, however, is Glob TE Eric Green, who is rumored to be doing missionary work in South Africa after repeated drug convictions by RFL Intelligence in recent years.

elway 0 hoard 0 thomas 6 rison 15 fryar 0 green 0 christie 4
young 3 t.allen 9 russell 0 bruce 3 mccardell 0 byars 0 wilkins 1
pregame spread: HAWAAW by 3
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Closet Cases 39
Rumbling Romanians 19

The closet cases have yet to reveal their true identity, as they shuffle from week-to-week between offensive juggernauts and bed-ridden depend-wearing grandma-ma's. QB mark Brunell is turning out to be a major sleeper pick from draft day, as he was partly responsible, in guru's eyes, for the cases' #14 preseason ranking. The Grumbling Romanians & GM Josh Veshia turned out to be, as expected, all talk. Learn to respect your RFL elders, you uppity rookie.

brunell 23 brooks 6 johnston 0 brooks 6 metcalf 0 mitchell 0 morten 4
marino 0 b.sanders 0 hill 0 perriman 12 d.sanders 0 bjorn 0 husted 7
pregame spread: pick em
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Digital Rectal 19
Rabid Gnomes 5

Scrub central in this horrid occurrence as the rectal probers pick up scrub win #2 of the season. Despite their 2nd single-digit showing of the season, I am, however unlikely it seems, seeing some promise on the rabid gnome roster. That legend of legend, Chris T. Jones, could turn out to be an RFL treasure, and if the rest of the roster whips themselves into their collective potential we could be looking at a playoff club here. Steamroller, forget it!

bono 3 d.moore 0 m.allen 6 h.moore 0 a.reed 0 jackson 0 carney 10
george 3 bennett 0 garner 0 galloway 0 jones 0 harris 0 elam 2
pregame spread: rectal by 4
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Disgruntled Postal 22
FUBAR 7

Even the mighty karim abdul-jabbar could not resurrect this woeful single digit performance by FUBAR. DPW goes to a questionable 3-1 with their 1st scrub win of the year, while FUBAR drops to a just-as- questionable 2-2. I'm not impressed.

everett 3 loville 9 biakabutuka 0 carter 0 miller 0 coates 6 ford 4
kramer 6 williams 0 jabbar 0 k.johnson 0 vanover 0 chmura 0 boniol 1
pregame spread: postal by 2
----------------------------------------------------------------------

The dibs rule kciked in big time again this week, with 3 players getting multiple tabs. Leshon Johnson becomes the highest-dibbsed player of all time after his once-in-a-lifetime 21 point performace this week. This guy won't get 21 combined the rest of this season, but it was enough for 7 teams to put dibs in (myself included, i confess). The winner/loser is HAWAAW. Next came Wesley Walls with 5 teams dibbsing, he goes to woeful Dave Luscious Brods. Bobby Hebert (2 teams) went to the Pistol Whippers.

Nothing much to say, so this week's CORNER is replaced by the following paid advertisement:

The RFL WEEK IN REVIEW editorial staff is looking for a few good sportswriters. As always, the WIR accepts all article/commentary submittals, and usually prints everything. So anything you'd like to get off your chest, i.e. "Commish Cals is a blood sucking tyrant with no sense of ethics and should be impeached immediately" or "the WIR sucks and it needs a real editor to put this shit together", or anything at all, send it to the WIR mailbox and it shall be printed.

Even more importantly, the WIR is holding tryouts for the position of WIR editor's assistant. The position will involve graciously donating approximately 2 hours of your time on any given week(s) to put together the WIR. The commish will supply you with standings, box scores, schedule, and more. All you need to do is write some damn informative and witty words of wisdom and give the editor a break for once in a while. Any interested parties should notify the league office at their convenience. References required.
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RFL ALL*STARS
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QB
23 Mark Brunell (Closet Cases)

RB
15 Ricky Watters (gibbons)
15 Terrell Davis (wankers)

WR
21 Tony Martin (wankers)
15 Andre Rison (globulants) & Tim Brown (gibbons)

TE
6 KDilger (Whippers), BCoates (postal workers) & Rickey Dudley (GIAH)

PK
16 Adam Vinatieri (store 24)
**************
Week 4 total: 111 season high!

RB
45 Terry Allen (HAWAAW)
36 Terrell Davis (Willie's Wankers)
36 Ricky Watters (Rampaging Gibbons)
35 Curtis Martin (Luscious Brodkin)
27 Barry Sanders (Rumbling Romanians)
24 Emmitt Smith (Store 24's)

WR
39 Tony Martin (Willie's Wankers)
33 Tim Brown (Rampaging Gibbons)
24 Robert Brooks (Closet Cases)
23 Terance Mathis (Luscious Brodkin)
18 Herman Moore (Digital Rectal)
18 Anthony Miller (DG Postal Workers)

TE
24 Ken Dilger (Pistol Whippers)
18 Ben Coates (DG Postal Workers)

PK
40 John Carney (Digital Rectal)
31 Chris Jacke (Rampaging Gibbons)
30 Jason Elam (Rabid Gnomes)

Once again, the lack of any intriguing matchups this week forces me to pick a GOTW based on historical significance. These 2 veteran GMs (Ashesh Pansuria & Drew Wagner) have met on many occasions, including pivotal playoff matchups. In 1991, Pansuria's 7-7 DULE BATERS upended the 13-1 DANCING CLOWNS in the biggest playoff upset in RFL history. So far this year, both teams have had ups & downs (more downs though), yet both are sitting better in the standings than they might have expected, based on week to week performance. The matchups:

Ashesh	Advantage	Drew
John Elway		Steve Bono
Leroy Hoard		Derrick Moore
Amp Lee		Marcus Allen
Andre Rison		Herman Moore
Irving Fryar		Ernie Mills
Eric Green		Keith Jackson
?????????		John Carney

Why the hell is this game of the week? This is a pathetic matchup. About 4 of these guys haven't set foot on a playing field so far this season, as far as i can tell. Forgive the globs for the RB situation, they're going without their 2 starters this week. Rectal by 6.

Legend: Advantage Disadvantage. Thank you Brods.

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All rights reserved.

Revised: September 27, 2000