Rockin' Front Ladies Week 14 December 10, 2002 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** WHEN I GROW UP Well... another RFL regular season has come to a close. And incredibly... GM Wang has not been invited to the postseason party (for the 1st time since 1997's Cream Machine). Would anyone like to sell their invitation?!? Now that he's gotten his 2 TB games off the schedule, Wang can bring the most electric slider (M Vick) to the party. And what of the resurgent William Green? Forget Ahman! William is the Green who certainly deserves some face time on December TV screens all across RFL-land. Who wants to see the low-scoring Repulsive Punk Asses (12th) or the Furious Gefilte Fish (11th) or the Cleveland Steamers (10th) bumble around with the likes of the high-flying AC Milan (1st) and Las Ranas De Mayan (2nd)?!? Let's get a couple of high-scoring (read: "deserving") teams into the Playoff mix! ...teams like Ghetto Fab Bindys (3rd) and Chinks in the Armor (5th)! Crud. BENCH TEAM! Why do we have this section in the WIR, Stan? ...so that Ali can be reminded to put McNair back in - instead of Brunell. ...so that Shiv can once again be duped into starting the wrong WR out of Booker/Mason/Porter. ...and so that Zach can get some satisfaction from carrying 2 TEs on his roster - week after week. These guys' asses languished on their respective sides' pines on Week 13: 19 S McNair (The Kavir Dwellers) 9 M Alstott (SPITZ34) 12 D Mason (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 18 D Jackson (Junior Mints) 13 M Boerigter (Fat Bastards) 2 B Miller (Fat Bastards) 12 J Hanson (Everyone Go Deep) 85 points... 16-0 again! ... 204-3-1 through 13 weeks STUPID GIRL! These guys' asses rode the pine on Week 14: 18 J Kitna (Samurai Sumos) 7 T Wheatley (TheFreakinBlackHawks) 15 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) 26 S Smith (Junior Mints) 18 Q Morgan (Cleveland Steamers) 7 M Ricks (SPITZ34) 10 M Gramatica (AC Milan) 101 points... 16-0... 220-3-1 through 14 weeks Bench Team losses: Week 3 - 75-85 AC Milan Week 7 - 71-76 Cleveland Steamers Week 7 - 71-73 AC Milan Bench Team tie: Week 3 - 75-75 Everyone Go Deep I THINK I'M PARANOID Highest scoring team: AC Milan - 62.6 ppg Lowest scoring team: Raider Hater - 42.7 ppg Toughest defense: Repulsive Punk Asses - 41.9 ppg Softest defense: Raider Hater - 56.9 ppg League scoring average: 48.2 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #14! --------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Shirley Manson Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Repulsive Punk Asses 8 6 0 4.5 619 587 L2 Golden Years 7 6 1 5 660 664 W1 Chinks in the Armor 6 7 1 6 707 670 W2 Ghetto Fab Bindys 6 8 0 6.5 730 717 L2 Gwen Rossdale Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK AC Milan 12 1 1 - 877 594 W4 Furious Gefilte Fish 9 5 0 3.5 636 660 W1 The Kavir Dwellers 7 7 0 5.5 690 734 W4 Spitz34 3 11 0 9.5 618 748 L5 Courtney Love Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Las Ranas De Mayan 7 7 0 5.5 734 720 L2 TheFreakinBlackHawks 7 7 0 5.5 610 654 W1 Samurai Sumos 5 9 0 7.5 657 638 L1 Raider Hater 4 9 1 8 598 797 L3 Cher Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Fat Bastards 8 6 0 4.5 725 664 W3 Cleveland Steamers 8 6 0 4.5 656 644 L1 Everyone Go Deep 7 7 0 5.5 666 671 L1 Junior Mints 6 8 0 6.5 616 637 W2 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 14 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Ghetto Fab Bindys 47 TheFreakinBlackHawks 60 pregame spread: GFB by 1 Shiv clearly didn't offer JoePa enough cold, hard cash to roll over in this one. Because of JoePa's meager scoring ways during the course of the season, he not only needed this win... he needed to score 140 pts in this game. Shiv had no such pt scoring issues. A simple victory would have been enough to get Shiv into the postseason. But TheFreakinBlackHawks have got too much pride to roll over for anyone. The Garcia-Gardner-Pinkston aerial trio put on quite a show - combining for 43. JoePa's TE problems continued; however, as Graham's 0 left JoePa stuck at 5 TE pts all season long (1 TE pt each in weeks 1, 2, 5, 6 and 12). Ghetto Fab Bindys were sitting pretty after Week 6 (at 4-2). But a 2-6 collapse over the last 8 weeks has left Shiv on-the-outside-looking-in once again. Shiv's WRs have failed to combine for more than 14 pts every week since Week 5. gannon 6 shalex'er 7 jlewis 20 mason 4 porter 0 chad 1 v'teri 9 garcia 22 sdavis 10 thenry 3 gardner 10 pinky 11 graham 0 wilkins 4 -------------------------------------------- Chinks in the Armor 45 Spitz34 33 pregame spread: CitA by 6 Wang needed a miracle to sneak into the postseason. Getting a win over Brad was the first step. But Wang also needed a tie in the GOTW, needed to outscore Shiv by 21, needed Cals to lose to Stan, and needed Ali to lose to Drew. NONE OF THOSE OTHER 4 NEEDS HAPPENED! Chinks in the Armor's 2-6 start was too deep of a hole out of which to dig. Going 4-1-1 over the last 6 weeks wasn't quite good enough. Wang will need to find comfort in developing 2 new stud RFL RBs (WGreen and former Celtic guard Dee Brown) as he plays out the string. Brad got a strong game from Fred (he's still healthy!!!). But the 7 pts from the 4 pass-catchers did in SPITZ34's hopes of upsetting their former softball coach. Brad had turned around an 0-6 start with 3 big wins... but now has closed the regular season with another 5 losses. Fittingly... Brad's team of Draft leftovers finished last year's regular season with an identical 3-11 record. martin 7 wgreen 14 dbrown 8 ttaylor 6 key 1 freddie 2 elam 7 pen'ton 7 fredt 14 plax 4 jimmy 1 rod 2 byron 0 hollis 5 -------------------------------------------- AC Milan 48 Cleveland Steamers 33 pregame spread: ACM by 26 Clark downshifted his Ferrari for this meaningless (for him) end of the regular season contest, but still had more than enough HP to leave Vesh in the dust. AC Milan only had Trent, Priest, Tiki, Joe and Peerless running around until halftime - and even subbed in backup PK Christie (just called up from the practice squad) for Week 14 BENCH TEAM's MGramatica. But Cleveland Steamers failed to capitalize on the rare opportunity to upend the Milanese juggernaut - posting their 3rd worst offensive output of the season. Vesh fell victim to Clark's Jedi mind tricks - benching Quincy's 18 and Sharpe's 5 behind the likes of J McAddley (what the devil?!?) and Lutheran Fauria. Not helping Vesh's matters was the dinging up of Hearst. Aside from Hearst's 26 last week, Vesh's RB duo of Edgerrin and Garrison has been rather unproductive. trent 5 priest 19 tiki 11 horn 5 price 6 mcmike 1 christie 1 brady 9 ejames 5 hearst 2 chj'son 6 mcaddley 2 fauria 1 l'well 8 -------------------------------------------- Samurai Sumos 56 Furious Gefilte Fish 58 pregame spread: SS by 2 What better way to cap Mike's rookie RFL season (a season that started 0-5) than with a scrub loss?!? Mike's 1-3 scrub record indicated that he deserved a much better fate than 5-9. Brees continues to prove that he is incapable of holding D McNabb's j-strap. Had Kitna gotten the nod at QB, Samurai Sumos would have won going away. Qadry's surprise start meant pine time for MPittman - whose 3 would've at least netted Mike a tie. Pittman's season-to-date: 12 starts (this was Pittman's first DNP-CD of the season!), 42 pts (1 pt less than M Shipp, and Marcel only has 4 starts!). Speaking of Shipp... Brodz broke in another rookie RB in this game - getting a dozen from TFisher. Thanks to Commish Wang's inability to see Ahman get hurt (yet again) due to the NFL blackout in the UK, Brodz was able to swoop in and snatch the non-Najeh, non-Rondell, Ahman understudy. TO (averaging 16 ppg over the last 4 weeks) is hitting postseason form just in time for the Furious Gefilte Fish. brees 4 lt 10 qadry 1 rmoss 7 warrick 15 brady 6 cahney 13 greasy 8 shipp 7 fisher 12 to 19 holt 2 heap 5 v'jagt 5 -------------------------------------------- Fat Bastards 68 Everyone Go Deep 41 pregame spread: FB by 2 Gary came into this game essentially needing to avoid a loss in order to keep his invite to the Humongous Hoedown. But oftentimes the thing you try avoiding the most ends up finding you despite your best evasive maneuvers - especially when Jerome, Troy and Marvin combine for a mere 7. Second-guessing Everyone Go Deep's starting lineup would serve no purpose - as the optimal lineup still would have lost by 18. Gary still could have backed his way in the postseason with a MNM Raider Hater come-from-behind win over TKD, but that didn't happen. Zach enters the Playoffs in excellent shape - as Fat Bastards are 4-1 over the last 5 weeks (the sole loss being of the scrub variety) and are averaging 59.4 ppg over the same stretch. Zach is getting solid scoring from most of his starting slots. When 1 or 2 starters lag behind, there's always another Fat Bastard prepared to pull more than his own weight. favre 10 egeorge 15 cgarner 9 rice 6 keenan 14 shockey 5 j-kow 9 bledsoe 12 bus 1 trbrown 2 harrison 4 coles 13 becht 1 hanson 8 -------------------------------------------- The Kavir Dwellers 70 Raider Hater 53 pregame spread: TKD by 6 Finally some Monday Night Madness worthy of sending a MNM email from across the pond! 2 GMs' (Ali's and Gary's) Playoff hopes hanging in the balance, a rookie GM (Drew) looking to play the role of spoiler as it was defined to be played, 3 superstar Dolphins looking to pad their stats against an injury-riddled (physically and psyche-wise) Bear D... it infrequently gets better than this. The Kavir Dwellers had a 4-pt lead, Ricky Williams, and the inside track on the #8 seed. Raider Hater had C Chambers, O Mare, and an offer of 100 RFL bucks from EGD to pull out the win. Ricky's 2nd quarter TD put Gary on the canvas for a standing 8 count. Mare countered with a couple of PATs. And then Ricky's 63-yd TD run in the 3rd quarter put both Drew and Gary down for the count. The Kavir Dwellers move on to face AC Milan in the quarters. EGD will take on SPITZ34 in the 1st round of the scrub bowl. mcnair 9 ricky 24 atwain 10 thrash 7 amani 9 wycheck 2 akers 9 peyton 8 mbennett 7 duce 11 chambers 2 donte 9 alge 7 omare 9 -------------------------------------------- Las Ranas De Mayan 30 Golden Years 56 pregame spread: LRDM by 8 A season that started out so strongly for Stan (5-1) has wound down with bouts of fits, starts and stumbles (2-6). The good news for Stan: first... his quarterfinal opponent (Brodz) is the 2nd lowest scoring Playoff team; and second... by finishing 7th, Stan is not in Clark's half of the bracket. By winning... Cals managed to stop his 3-game losing streak and cling to a Playoff berth - and any team with a healthy Marshall is a bad matchup in the postseason. But is Marshall healthy? And what of the Rams' situation regarding being virtually eliminated from the NFL postseason? Las Ranas De Mayan's strength through the first 8 weeks of the season was consistent, solid scoring (46 to 80 pts, 59.5 ppg). Stan's weakness over the last 6 weeks: 31, 31, 53, 60, 53 and 30 pt games. Cals was averaging 32.3 ppg in the 3 games prior to this. Golden Years basically wins when Faulk and Bruce combine for double digits, and Cals loses then they don't. c'pep 12 dillon 4 jstew 5 driver 2 kevj'son 1 tonyg 2 feely 4 bj 17 mfaulk 2 emmitt 15 tibrown 1 ibruce 8 jolley 6 mort 7 -------------------------------------------- Repulsive Punk Asses 45 Junior Mints 53 pregame spread: RPA by 1 Richard will enter the postseason as the lowest scoring team among those Ags Bowl eligible. A win would have meant the #3 seed for Repulsive Punk Asses instead of #5 (a difference of 45 RFL bucks). The #5 seed also means a potential matchup with Priest and the 6 Fanatics in the semis. Hines has cooled off (8 pts in last 2 games) after a torrid 6-week stretch (14.3 ppg). And C Portis might be hitting that rookie RB wall. Joebob salvaged some guru pride by taking RPA down 2 notches. Deuce re-established himself as the Ace of D(e)uces by increasing his lead over Duce to 168-83. Junior Mints QB Kerry has moved up to 10th among RFL QBs - proving that if you continue to trot the same guy out there week after week, he'll scrub his way up the charts. But Joebob is currently last in overall QB pts - proving that a commitment to such mediocrity will not be rewarded. TGlenn donned a dress and subbed for him/herself - taking Ginger Spice's spot in a reunion of the Spice Girls. abrooks 5 portis 7 smack 0 hines 4 muhsin 12 pollard 8 nedney 9 kerry 10 deuce 25 martian 9 t-spice X djax 2 booba 0 chandler 7 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** WANG'S WEEKLY WRINKLE ====== ====== ======= Final Regular Season Records + (record when starting 3rd WR): 1) AC Milan 12-1-1 (0-0) 2) Furious Gefilte Fish 9-5 (8-3) 3) Fat Bastards 8-6 (0-2) 4) Cleveland Steamers 8-6 (0-0) 5) Repulsive Punk Asses 8-6 (2-0) 6) Golden Years 7-6-1 (0-0) 7) Las Ranas De Mayan 7-7 (0-1) 8) The Kavir Dwellers 7-7 (0-0) 9) Everyone Go Deep 7-7 (1-3) 10) TheFreakinBlackHawks 7-7 (1-1) 11) Chinks in the Armor 6-7-1 (3-4-1) 12) Ghetto Fab Bindys 6-8 (1-0) 13) Junior Mints 6-8 (0-2) 14) Samurai Sumos 5-9 (1-5) 15) Raider Hater 4-9-1 (2-3) 16) SPITZ34 3-11 (0-5) We've started a 3rd WR 49 times. We are 19-29-1 in those games. Scoring Rankings: 1) AC Milan 877 2) Las Ranas De Mayan 734 3) Ghetto Fab Bindys 730 4) Fat Bastards 725 5) Chinks in the Armor 707 6) The Kavir Dwellers 690 7) Everyone Go Deep 666 8) Golden Years 660 9) Samurai Sumos 657 10) Cleveland Steamers 656 11) Furious Gefilte Fish 636 12) Repulsive Punk Asses 619 13) SPITZ34 618 14) Junior Mints 616 15) TheFreakinBlackHawks 610 16) Raider Hater 598 Records Incorporating Scrub Decisions: 1) AC Milan 11-3 2) Las Ranas De Mayan 10-4 3) Fat Bastards 10-4 4) The Kavir Dwellers 9-5 5) Chinks in the Armor 7-7 6) Samurai Sumos 7-7 7) Repulsive Punk Asses 7-7 8) Ghetto Fab Bindys 6-8 9) Everyone Go Deep 6-8 10) Golden Years 6-8 11) Cleveland Steamers 6-8 12) Furious Gefilte Fish 6-8 13) TheFreakinBlackHawks 6-8 14) SPITZ34 5-8-1 15) Junior Mints 5-9 16) Raider Hater 4-9-1 CitA and GFB *clearly* deserve to be in the Playoffs. EGD and SS were also a bit unlucky. The beneficiaries: CS and FGF are the primary culprits. RPA and GY round out the lucky bunch. ****************************************************** RFL GM Profiles: ****************************************************** RFL WIR Editorial Staff: This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 163 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 155 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) 154 D McNabb (Samurai Sumos) RB 255 P Holmes (AC Milan) 184 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) 177 L Tomlinson (Samurai Sumos) 168 D McAllister (Junior Mints) 145 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) 145 S Alexander (Ghetto Fab Bindys) WR 147 T Owens (Furious Gefilte Fish) 129 H Ward (Repulsive Punk Asses) 126 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 104 J Horn (AC Milan) 102 J Rice (Fat Bastards) 99 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) TE 75 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 54 B Franks (Junior Mints) 46 T Heap (Furious Gefilte Fish) PK 113 D Akers (The Kavir Dwellers) 111 M Andersen (Golden Years) 111 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 22 J Garcia (TheFreakinBlackHawks) RB 25 D McAllister (Junior Mints) 24 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) WR 19 T Owens (Furious Gefilte Fish) 15 P Warrick (Samurai Sumos) TE 8 M Pollard (Repulsive Punk Asses) PK 13 J Carney (Samurai Sumos) ************** Week 14 total: 126... i'm only happy when it rains -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** #3-Fat Bastards (8-6, 51.8) vs. #6-Golden Years (7-6-1, 47.1) Zach Edge Cals BFavre <- BJohnson EGeorge -> MFaulk CGarner <- ESmith JRice -> IBruce KMcCardell <- TiBrown JShockey <- DJolley SJanikowski -> MAndersen Previous meeting: FB 70-55 in Week 1's GOTW 5 Raider starters on the 2 lineups?!? And the Raiders are facing the vaunted Dolphin D?!? There might be some last-minute, panic-stricken 2nd-guessing going on before Zach and Cals settle on their lineups for this one - although neither GM has much on their bench to choose from. Who knew that rookie GM Zach would be able to scale to such heights in his first campaign?!? Who knew that League Founder Cals could win the M Faulk lottery in August and need a desperation Week 14 win over buddy Stan to avoid missing the Playoffs?!? Fat Bastards have obviously been the stronger team down the stretch - especially with 65 and 68 pts in his last 2 games. Golden Years finished up with a solid 56 last week, but certainly cannot expect BJ and Emmitt to combine for 32 ever again. And Tim Brown has essentially been Cals' Todd Pinkston this year (2.2 ppg over the last 6 weeks). You can't keep starting those numbers. But as soon as you bench him... you know he's going to score 2 TDs. The Dolphin D effect should hold down Zach's Charlie, Jerry and J-Kow. That will give Cals a shot. Cals has Faulk and Bruce going against the Cards in STL's dome in Sunday Nitro action. If Faulk is anywhere north of 75% healthy, you've got to think he wants to put on a show. **** Heart over head?, Cals by 2 **** -------------------------------------------- **** THE **** OTHER **** FEATURED **** QUARTERFINAL **** #2-Furious Gefilte Fish (9-5, 45.4) vs. #7-Las Ranas De Mayan (7-7, 52.4) Brodz Edge Stan BGriese -> DCulpepper TFisher -> CDillon MShipp -> JStewart TOwens <- DDriver THolt <- KevJohnson THeap -> TGonzalez MVanderjagt -- JFeely Previous meeting: LRDM 59-40 in Week 5 Once C Conway went down (with depression over being repeatedly benched by Stan for "that scrub" Kevin Johnson), Las Ranas De Mayan has struggled mightily to find production at the #2 WR spot. Kevin Johnson and Tai Streets have not been the answer thus far. Will Stan turn to A Freeman for this crucial contest? Furious Gefilte Fish might have a tough call at RB/WR. With the Pack taking on SF for home-field in the NFC playoffs, Ahman might be pressed into service - cutting into TFisher's touches. So then Brodz might have to go with "Easy" Ed - or possibly Koren. The bad news for Brodz is that TO might be due for a not-so-prolific game. The good news is that THolt is long overdue for a couple of TDs. Despite Stan's problems at the #2 WR slot, he should have a tangible edge at nearly every other starting spot. Particularly due for good games are Stan's RBs and TGonzalez. **** Wouldn't really call it an upset, Stan by 4 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Playoff Games: #1-AC Milan (12-1-1, 62.6) by 9 over #8-The Kavir Dwellers (7-7, 49.3) Previous meeting: ACM 73-44 in Week 5 Not many weaknesses on AC Milan. Priest and Tiki form the #1 RB pairing in the League. Horn and Price are also right up there among the top WR duos (TO and Holt, Harrison and Coles). Green/Maddox is a bit of a weakness at QB. Clark's TE (McMichael) and PK (MGramatica) are about average. The Kavir Dwellers counter with a slightly better QB (McNair), RBs (R Williams and Antowain) each 1 notch below Clark's, slightly worse WRs (Thrash and Toomer), and Wycheck and Akers. Since all 4 RBs have been so consistent, the key would appear to be the pass-catchers. If Thrash and Toomer can catch Horn and Price on a bad day, Ali has a chance. But since Horn and Price will both be at home this weekend, that doesn't seem likely. #4-Cleveland Steamers (8-6, 46.9) by 1 over #5-Repulsive Punk Asses (8-6, 44.2) Previous meeting: CS 56-50 in Week 13 Both of these teams have huge holes in their lineups. If one can consider Chad Johnson a worthy RFL WR, Vesh still has big question marks at RB (Edgerrin is clearly not what he once was, Hearst is hurt) and WR #2 (McAddley?, Quincy?, RWayne?). TBrady, SSharpe and RLongwell round out Vesh's squad. Richard's question marks are a QB (ABrooks) with a bruised throwing shoulder, a #2 RB (SMack) who averages about 5 carries per game, and a #2 WR (MMuhammad) who - for lack of a better word - sucks. Richard does have CPortis, HWard, MPollard and JNedney to form the core of his team. Hearst apparently should be good to go for Vesh. The same with Brooks for Richard. So the key would perhaps be which lineup holes get plugged the best by gametime. Perhaps Edgerrin will turn out to be Vesh's edge. -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: #9-Everyone Go Deep (7-7, 47.6) by 5 over #16-Spitz34 (3-11, 44.1) Gary looks to mop up in the NIT. Brad's spirit seems to've been broken. #10-TheFreakinBlackHawks (7-7, 43.6) by 3 over #15-Raider Hater (4-9-1, 42.7) JoePa's alternated between 30s and 60s last 4 weeks. Drew's been in the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s the last 5 weeks. #11-Chinks in the Armor (6-7-1, 50.5) by 8 over #14-Samurai Sumos (5-9, 46.9) Wang's Vick survived TB game unharmed, but Ahman's still being a wus. Mike still doesn't have McNabb, but when is Moss going to bust out this year?!? #12-Ghetto Fab Bindys (6-8, 52.1) by 6 over #13-Junior Mints (6-8, 44.0) Shiv looks to reclaim IFEJ presidency. Joebob due for a letdown.