R F L Week 10 November 12, 2002 Raging Furry Lemurs **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** Fat Bastards sit on AC Milan Maybe the biggest upset of the year, the bastards were feeling extra PHAT after the most shocking win of the RFL season. Is this a hint of what's to come, or just a small bump in the road for the AC Milan Italian machine. Bindy's put a cap in Steamers Straight from the ghetto, the Bindy's took the steam out of the Steamers. Despite the over confidence email before the monday night game, the Steamers could not deliver in the lights of Prime time monday night madness. BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective sides' pines last weekend: 23 T Maddox (AC Milan) 19 J Mungro (Furious Gefilte Fish) 13 W Dunn (Las Ranas De Mayan) 26 P Burress (SPITZ34) 14 A-Z Hakim (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 1 B Miller (Fat Bastards) 5 M Vanderjagt (Furious Gefilte Fish) 101 points... 16-0 ... 156-3-1 through 10 weeks J-LO to marry Hearts are breaking everywhere, especially a puffy one in NYC. Vegas has the over/under at 6 months. I'm taking the under, any other takers? Highest scoring team: AC Milan - 63.7 ppg Lowest scoring team: TheFreakinBlackHawks - 40.8 ppg Toughest defense: Repulsive Punk Asses - 39.2 ppg Softest defense: The Kavir Dwellers - 55.1 ppg League scoring average: 47.9 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #10! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Mickey's Division (Everyone's favorite in High School) Team W L T GB PF PA STK Golden Years 6 3 1 2 507 471 W4 Repulsive Punk Asses 6 4 0 2.5 411 392 W4 Ghetto Fab Bindys 5 5 0 3.5 550 522 W1 Chinks in the Armor 3 6 1 5 487 470 T1 St. Ides Division (The Crooked I) Team W L T GB PF PA STK AC Milan 8 1 1 - 637 441 L1 Furious Gefilte Fish 7 3 0 1.5 448 431 W1 Spitz34 3 7 0 5.5 454 521 L1 The Kavir Dwellers 3 7 0 5.5 437 551 L6 Old English 800 Division (Sorry Ghetto Fab Bindy's, know you wanted to be here) Team W L T GB PF PA STK Las Ranas De Mayan 5 5 0 3.5 538 525 L4 TheFreakinBlackHawks 5 5 0 3.5 408 456 L2 Samurai Sumos 4 6 0 4.5 470 429 W2 Raider Hater 3 6 1 5 427 550 T1 Colt 45 Division (Packs a punch, tastes like a Cleveland Steamer) Team W L T GB PF PA STK Cleveland Steamers 6 4 0 2.5 491 471 L1 Fat Bastards 5 5 0 3.5 480 503 W1 Everyone Go Deep 5 5 0 3.5 478 476 L1 Junior Mints 4 6 0 4.5 437 451 W1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 10 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** AC Milan 49 Fat Bastards 52 pregame spread: ACM by 11 This one looked like it was all wrapped up going into Monday night. AC Milan had an almost insurmountable 28 point lead. Good thing the Fat Bastards had Jerry Rice playing on Monday night. Seabass, Garner, and Rice combine for 31 points to give the Bastard's the win. Ac Milan needs to get back to playing football not futbol. The moral of the story....if the Raider's win, the Fat Bastard's win. trent 3 priest 9 tiki 15 horn 5 patten 9 mcmike 1 jhall 7 favre 13 egeorge 5 garner 5 rice 18 boerigter 2 shockey 1 j-kow 8 -------------------------------------------- Raider Hater 48 Chinks in the Armor 48 pregame spread: RH by 8 Hate to be bias, but this tie is under protest. Chris Chambers catches a touchdown only to have the refs steal 4 points from Raider Hater. I thought the ref's hated the Raider's too, but I guess not today. Then the Broncos decide to have Elam kick a field goal down by 16 points in the fourth quarter. How much did Wang have to pay Shannahan to make this call???? Scrub tie for the Wanger. peyton 15 mbennett 15 duce 2 chambers 2 donte 9 alge 1 mare 4 bulger 21 ahman 3 warrick 7 taylor 9 fin'ran 4 salex'er 0 elam 4 -------------------------------------------- Las Ranas De Mayan 31 Samurai Sumos 44 pregame spread: LRDM by 4 The Mayans losing streak did not end with the Sumos. The Samurai team got a good effort from LT, but did not really get great performances from anyone. Lucky for them, LRDM didn't get good performances (point wise) from anyone. Driver and Dillon both had good yardage games, but couldn't put it in the end zone. Tony G's under performance in SF also helped the Samurai Sumos lock in their second win in a row. First time out of the cellar since, wait I think it's their first time out of the cellar. c-pep 3 dillon 8 streets 2 driver 7 conway 1 tonyg 0 feely 10 mcnabb 11 lt 14 sanders 3 rmoss 5 bradford 1 fjones 0 cahney 10 -------------------------------------------- Junior Mints 62 TheFreakinBlackHawks 22 pregame spread: JM by 5 The Junior Mints were due for a big game. They haven't been performing as well as they should all season. Big game from the Deuce and good production from Martin and Kerry were more than enough to carry the mints past the Hawks. The Hawks paltry production from Graham (one of nine TE on NE), Tyrone (lucky he touched the ball), and THenry on the bench spelled doom for the hawks. Good thing the Bills only have one bye this year. kerry 14 deuce 18 martian 11 terry 4 derrius 1 booba 9 cortez 5 garcia 3 tyrone 0 pathon 1 gardner 11 pinkston 3 graham 0 wilkins 4 -------------------------------------------- Everyone Go Deep 50 Golden Years 68 pregame spread: EGD by 1 The Bruce was loose in this game. Despite fumbling the ball twice, Isaac was able to single handedly breathe life back into the Rams (and consequently Golden Years). Bruce's point total was the same as five go deep players (Blake, ATrain, Amos, Coles, and Becht). Marshall's point absence was more than made up for by the "other" faulk. Kevin's point total helped to cancel out Marvin's great performance in Philly. All this added up to another victory for "aging nicely" Golden Years. blake 6 atrain 11 amos 7 marvin 20 coles 4 becht 0 hanson 2 h'beck 8 faulk 4 faulk 19 tibrown 2 ibruce 27 jdavis 1 mort 7 -------------------------------------------- Repulsive Punk Asses 49 The Kavir Dwellers 28 pregame spread: RPA by 3 The RPA's defense held strong again this week against the Dwellers. Even with their GM back in action (offering a couple trades week), there was not nearly enough firepower to overcome the Punks. Hines performed well for Richard this week and is looking forward to performing well for Brad next week (after another trade, of course). Defense wins championships and if the RPA's can keep it up, they should be in good position in the playoffs (Where their defense will get a real test). brooks 9 portis 9 chrebet 1 hines 17 ssmith 4 pollard 1 stover 8 brunell 3 ricky 5 atwain 3 thrash 0 amani 10 wycheck 0 akers 7 -------------------------------------------- Ghetto Fab Bindys 80 Cleveland Steamers 70 pregame spread: GFB by 6 Monday, Monday, Monday! It all came down to the madness of prime time. The Bindy's brought Romo down to the ghetto and instructed him in hand-to-hand combat. The result was a dislocated elbow for the Steamers only hope to contain the force that is Gannon. The Steamers got unreal performances from Reggie Wayne, Chad Johnson, and Longwell. But it wasn't enough to stop the RB duo of Shalex'er, JLewis, and Gannon's cannon. The Steamers tried to talk shit on Monday morning, but were left with a pile of steaming shit on Monday night. gannon 18 shalex'er 14 jlewis 19 booker 6 mason 8 chad 2 v-teri 13 brady 17 hearst 11 jordan 1 wayne 13 chad 12 sharpe 0 l'well 16 -------------------------------------------- Furious Gefilte Fish 37 Spitz34 34 pregame spread: FGF by 2 You would think that a STEELER'S fan would start their own right? The former towels had more points on the bench than on his team (39 from four players). Hind sight is 20-20, and the Fish are grateful for the scrub win. The Fish were able to squeak out a victory in a week where their highest player point output was eight (from the kicker, and a run by committee RB). The problem with Spitz34 may be team chemistry. A team name change and four trades a week will not form a strong bond between teammates. Look for a few more trades this week before Sunday. greasy 5 kevan 8 ed 3 to 4 tholt 6 heap 3 peterson 8 p'ton 3 fredt 11 tjones 1 jimmy 4 rod 4 ricks 6 nedney 5 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** ********************************************************** RFL GM Profiles: Drew Reeder, Mike Schassberger, Zach Abad ********************************************************** We all met in school at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo eight years ago. We found a common liking to drinking till we couldn't remember anything. It's been history ever since, the parts that we can remember... GM Profile: Mike Schassberger Favorite Team: Chargers Least Favorite Team: Niners Favorite Famous Female: Brooke Burke Favorite Food: Fried Rice Most likely football position: Some kind of lineman (Kyle Turley like) Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Corona GM Profile: Drew Reeder Favorite Team: Niners Least Favorite Team: Raiders Favorite Famous Female: Heidi Klum Favorite Food: Beer Most likely football position: Kicker Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale GM Profile: Zach Abad Favorite Team: Raiders Least Favorite Team: Broncos Favorite Famous Female: Jenna Jamison Favorite Food: Bacon Most likely football position: Interior Defensive Lineman Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: Budweiser RFL WIR Editorial Staff: New GM Interview, by Melissa Stark ============================================================================ === Interview Key: SS: Samurai Sumos (Mike) RH: Raider Hater (Drew) FB: Fat Bastards (Zach) MS: Melissa Stark MS: What have you learned in your first season of RFL? SS: I learned to not pick Randy Moss, don't trade Plaxico, and make sure the defense is ready to play. This league has nothing to do with offense. Just look at the total points column, Repulsive Punk Asses is 6-4 with 411 points, I'm 4-6 with 470 points. Defense wins championships. RH: I learned that it's probably a good idea to take a RB before you take 3 WR, since a good RB is the most valuable commodity in the RFL. I also learned when to use 'there' vs. 'their'....thanks Cleveland Steamers for the English lesson. MS: How do you motivate your teams going into each game? SS: I used the food tactic for the first couple of weeks. No win, no extra rice bowls. This did not work. My players were so scared they wouldn't get rice, that they didn't perform. Now I tell them NO WIN, NO AFTER HOUR GEISHA! FB: I threaten to trade them to Spitz34. His team is like a revolving door and has no team chemistry. MS: Who is your MVP of the league so far? FB: The Priest. Hands down the MVP. That guy scores more than Wilt Chamberlain. Just ask AC Milan...(Except for last week :D) RH: Priest the Beast. I do want to note that the Niners shut him down last week. MS: Who is the RFL coach of the year? RH: It's a tie between The Kavir Dwellers and Spitz34, because if it wasn't for those two teams I would be in last place. Thanks guys!!! SS: Cleveland Steamers. They are somehow able to trade all their talent away and still win week in and week out. He's the Bill Cowher of RFL. This was coach of the year, not GM of the year right? MS: There hasn't been much shit talking so far, do you have any to add in this interview? SS: Clevland Steamers suk. Thay couln't beet a fith grade class on riddlein! RH: Wait till after this week when Raider Hater slap around the Sumos and the Niners take the charge out of the Chargers. Then I will have bragging rights. FB: Melissa now that you have asked us some questions we have a question for you...........Are those fake or real? MS: Real expensive. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 137 D McNabb (Samurai Sumos) 121 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 111 P Manning (Raider Hater) RB 167 P Holmes (AC Milan) 129 D McAllister (Junior Mints) 127 M Faulk (Golden Years) 124 L Tomlinson (Samurai Sumos) 108 S Alexander (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 106 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) WR 91 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 83 T Owens (Furious Gefilte Fish) 83 H Ward (Repulsive Punk Asses) 77 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) 72 J Horn (AC Milan) 72 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 72 J Rice (Fat Bastards) TE 59 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 42 S Sharpe (Cleveland Steamers) 38 B Franks (Junior Mints) PK 87 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) 86 M Andersen (Golden Years) 84 D Akers (The Kavir Dwellers) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 21 M Bulger (Chinks in the Armor) RB 19 K Faulk (Golden Years) 19 D McAllister (Junior Mints) WR 27 I Bruce (Golden Years) 20 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) TE 9 B Franks (Junior Mints) PK 16 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) ************** Week 10 total: 131... -something- -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** Samurai Sumos vs. Raider Hater Mike Edge Drew DMcnabb -- PManning LT <- MBennett MPittman -> DStaley RMoss -- CChambers CBradford -> DStallworth FJones -- EJohnson JCarney -- OMare In a battle of almost last place teams, this game is game of the week for one reason. Because we wrote the frigging WIR and we'll pick who we want, which means we pick us. This game has more implications than just RFL. Since neither one of these teams has a good shot at the playoffs, it all comes down to bragging rights for the whole RFL off season. Not only are these two GM's playing each other in RFL, their (Brad- Proper use of their) favorite teams are playing each other on Sunday (see GM profiles). All the more reason to try to win this game, more ammo for talking trash. It's a good thing the Samurai GM will be out of town, as we are picking Raider Hater by 2 and the Niners by 3. **** Raider Hater by 2, His Niner's sink the Sumo's star player **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: 15-Fat Bastards (5-5, 48.0) by 10 over 2-Chinks in the Armor (3-6-1, 48.7) Zach's take on this game is he will win. Raider Hater's take on this game is that the Chinks got lucky, can't happen twice right? Right? 7-AC Milan (8-1-1, 63.7) by 3 over 3-Ghetto Fab Bindys (5-5, 55.0) The Bindy's give Milan a run for their money, but Milan is able to escape the ghetto with a ride from the Priest. 10-TheFreakinBlackHawks(5-5, 40.8) by 3 over 12-Las Ranas De Mayan (5-5, 53.8) The return of Travis Henry and chant of Todd Bouman doom LRDM this week. 13-Junior Mints (4-6, 43.7) by 5 over 14-Everyone Go Deep (5-5, 47.8) The scoring trio of Duece, Franks, and Martin (in Detroit) will carry the mints to victory. Marvin will perform well, but can't do it alone. Any team that starts Jeff Blake should NEVER win. 1-Golden Years (6-3-1, 50.7) by 4 over 5-The Kavir Dwellers (3-7, 43.7) No Marshall, no problem. There's always Kevin Faulk. The Golden Years will find a way to win this week against a weaker Dwellers team. 16-Cleveland Steamers(6-4, 49.1) by 50 over 8-Furious Gefilte Fish (7-3, 44.8) No that is not a typo. The Steamers will all out perform once again and the Fish will all under perform. Nothing like really good defense (or should I say luck) to carry your team into the playoffs. 4-Repulsive Punk Asses (6-4, 41.1) by 5 over 6-Spitz34 (3-7, 45.4) In a battle of two teams who each have had the others players at one point in the season, the Punk asses defense holds solid again. Spitz34 is having problems with it's new found talent at WR (who will start this week, I bet Plaxico does).