Royal Family Lineage Week 6 October 15, 2002 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** THE GIANTS ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES! AND COMMISH WANG (A GIANTS SEASON TICKET HOLDER FOR 3 YEARS) IS IN ENGLAND!! Never in the first 32 years of his life did Commish Wang (being a lifelong Yankee fan) think he'd hold season tickets to the SF Giants. Then along came a female who was a Giants fan. Then along came the buzz of the coming of a gem of a baseball stadium. So Wang sprang for a partial season ticket package for the last season at Candlestick to gain preferred rights for Pac Bell Park season tickets. Going to those games wasn't pleasant (the traffic getting to Candlestick Point, the expensive parking, the team playing out the string, the quarrels with the aforementioned female, ...). But then came the opportunity to buy 4 seats out in the sun-drenched bleachers of Pac Bell Park with 2 buddies from college (and no aforementioned female)! The park is truly a gem! Opening Day in 2000 was a glorious event! And the team finished with the best record in the NL that season! But after winning the first-ever playoff game in Pac Bell Park history (against the Mets), the Giants lost the series 3-1. Then came season 2... the year that Barry hit 73! Wang was there (with the aforementioned female) to witness #71 (breaking McGwire's record), #72 and #73! Even though the Giants didn't make the playoffs... witnessing HR history more than made up for the lack of postseason games. And now in season 3... the Giants have put away the Braves and the Cardinals in the NLDS and NLCS respectively. The Angels are up next... [to be continued] BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective sides' pines (shackled in the dungeons of Windsor Castle) last weekend: 15 D Carr (Fat Bastards) 19 M Alstott (Repulsive Punk Asses) 10 M Anderson (The Kavir Dwellers) 13 P Price (AC Milan) 10 Az-Zahir Hakim (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 0 D Sloan (The Tards of Bas) 3 P Dawson (TheFreakinBlackHawks) 70 points... 16-0 again (barely); 94-1-1 through 6 weeks GOD, SAVE THE QUEEN! Highest scoring team: AC Milan - 62.3 ppg Lowest scoring team: Repulsive Punk Asses - 34.3 ppg Toughest defense: AC Milan - 40.5 ppg Softest defense: Terrible Towels - 65.8 ppg League scoring average: 48.9 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #6! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS King Edward the Elder Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Ghetto Fab Bindys 4 2 0 1.5 359 300 W3 Golden Years 2 3 1 3 284 291 T1 Chinks in the Armor 2 4 0 3.5 281 270 W1 Repulsive Punk Asses 2 4 0 3.5 206 260 L2 King Edwy the Fair Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK AC Milan 5 0 1 - 374 243 T1 The Tards of Bas 4 2 0 1.5 274 278 W1 The Kavir Dwellers 3 3 0 2.5 308 335 L2 Terrible Towels 0 6 0 5.5 276 395 L6 King Edgar the Peaceful Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Las Ranas De Mayan 5 1 0 0.5 361 269 W2 TheFreakinBlackHawks 4 2 0 1.5 272 280 W3 Raider Hater 2 4 0 3.5 271 348 L3 FatJapinSanJose 1 5 0 4.5 274 300 W1 King Ethelred II the Unready Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Fat Bastards 4 2 0 1.5 338 311 L1 Cleveland Steamers 4 2 0 1.5 271 265 W2 Everyone Go Deep 3 3 0 2.5 300 274 L1 Junior Mints 2 4 0 3.5 249 279 L1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 6 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** TheFreakinBlackHawks 52 Repulsive Punk Asses 17 pregame spread: TFBH by 9 Hmmm... it would appear that Richard tried (and failed) to use his psychic powers on yahoo.com to setup his starting lineup this week. Yes, he traded Fred Taylor (to Brad, of course) for starting QB A Brooks, and Brooks scored 13 pts... but was not internettedly inserted into the starting lineup in JMartin's place. And pine rider MAlstott's 19 pts was not internettedly inserted into FredT's now vacant starting spot. There was no other bench player to put into SMoss' spot - leading to an appearance for the Lady of the Lake. Even though the 32 from Brooks and Alstott would not have been enough to win the game, Richard would have at least covered the spread. As a result of Richard's lineup mishaps, THenry's blackjack was all the scoring TheFreakinBlackHawks would need to improve their record to 4-2. Henry is now an astonishing 3rd in RB pts - a mere 1 pt behind #2 R Willams. It's a good thing that Henry and Davis have developed into a strong RB tandem - as JoePa's pass-catching trio has sputtered badly. garcia 14 sdavis 9 thenry 21 gardner 2 pathon 1 fauria 1 wilkins 4 kingarthur X merlin X portis 7 heinz 2 ladyotlake X dudley 0 stover 8 -------------------------------------------- The Kavir Dwellers 29 Chinks in the Armor 68 pregame spread: TKD by 8 Going back to school for Ali has meant crawling under a rock - in a deserted cave. Why are Jeff Graham and Doug Brien still on this roster?!? And sadly, they were the only bench players for The Kavir Dwellers who had more than a 0 percent chance to play in Thrash's and Akers' steads. R Williams continues to set the pace for RBs not named Priest, but his 15 pt performance was wasted this week - as Wang surpassed by 10 his previous high point game of the season. Ahman finally had a decent game for Chinks in the Armor. M Bulger stepped up huge for Wang, also - as Wang put him in for Kitna in the 11th hour. And E Moulds has retaken the lead among WRs for season-to-date high-point-man honors. And Keyshawn still sucks. mcnair 8 rw''ms 15 atwain 4 guinevere X toomer 1 wycheck 1 mordred X bulger 18 ahman 21 schroeder 1 moulds 9 keyshawn 3 ejohnson 0 elam 16 -------------------------------------------- AC Milan 44 Golden Years 44 pregame spread: ACM by 11 Clark and Cals sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Whether they were kissing each other or kissing their own sisters (does Clark have a sister?), RFL witnessed its first tie since 1998 (between Brodz' Homeys dans la Maison de Brodkin and Tim's Undertakers United). 1998 was the year Vesh won his only Steamroller - and Stan won his only Aglione Bowl. And 1998 was the last season with #1 in charge - which brings us back to Cals. Faulk and Bruce finally put up some numbers worthy of the "greatest show on turf" - their highest combined output of the season. And what else can be said about Golden Years PK Mort... that old geezer is still kicking! Priest and Horn were solid for AC Milan... but Clark's questionable tactics in sitting TGreen's 14 and PPrice's 13 would have nearly any other GM under consideration for a sacking. maddox 7 priest 14 tiki 4 jhorn 10 patten 1 mcmike 3 mgram 5 bj 3 mfaulk 16 emmitt 3 ibruce 10 tibrown 2 walls 0 mort 10 -------------------------------------------- Everyone Go Deep 34 FatJapInSanJose 60 pregame spread: EGD by 13 Rookie GM Mike finally lost his cherry - as FatJapInSanJose finally broke into the W column. Rumors are that D McNabb - despite all his obvious talents - was too much of a negative influence (ballhog) on the rest of the team. By subtracting the negative (and putting in the better distributor Brees), not only did Mike's team post its 2nd consecutive 60+ pt offensive game... they also held together well on D - holding Gary 19 pts below his season average. Adding LaDainian also helped, but Bettis scored more. RMoss still doesn't have his ratio thing figured out. Gary sorely missed A Train and Laveranues, but there's no way those 2 would have netted 26 extra pts. Bledsoe and Harrison showed up, but the other starters didn't penetrate nearly deeply enough. bledsoe 11 smack 0 lsmith 4 harrison 8 trbrown 2 byron 3 hanson 6 brees 13 lt 14 pittman 8 rmoss 4 bradford 7 riemersma 1 cahney 13 -------------------------------------------- Cleveland Steamers 39 Junior Mints 35 pregame spread: CS by 6 Down 34-24 heading into MNF, Joebob had to feel confident with DJackson and JCortez needing only to outpoint the vanishing gimp Garrison by 11. Unfortunately for Junior Mints... DJax hit only a single trey against an underappreciated Niner D - and JCortez could only connect for an Aikman against the feeble Seabag D. With Joebob stalled at 35 pts, Vesh only needed 34 rushing yards from Hearst. Even with Kevan eclipsing Hearst as SF's #1 rushing threat, Hearst was able to manage the 2 rushing pts needed for victory (and 1 receiving pt and a 2-pt conversion to rub it in a little). The newly acquired Bus rambled for 18 under new management. The only bad news for Vesh was the continued floundering of the pass-catching corps - and perhaps a near-dire QB situation. fiddler 4 bus 18 hearst 5 rod 5 jimmy 2 sharpe 1 longwell 4 kerry 7 deuce 7 lockett 1 terry 1 djax 3 booba 8 cortez 8 -------------------------------------------- Las Ranas De Mayan 57 Terrible Towels 46 pregame spread: LRDM by 12 Brad made it 6 consecutive weeks with 42+ pts - and the 6th consecutive week with a loss. Terrible Towels simply can't play D. P Ramsey filled in nicely for the trade-departed A Brooks. And Brad continues to get surprising production out of Plexiglass. But the Terrible Towel running game deserted Brad on this Sunday. 5 for Edgerrin and Fred?!? You'd think it was more likely that they'd combine for 50. After a week off, Peaches Culpepper reunited with Herb Conway and said it felt pretty damn good. C Dillon also continues to move up the RB charts. And TonyG... he's only 3 pts off the pace to match the #1 WR! Now 5-1 and only a half game behind league-leading AC Milan, Stan's Las Ranas De Mayan clearly have set their sights on an Aglione Bowl triumph in honor of their 1998 predecessors - Foxy Brown. c'pep 19 dillon 10 jstew 2 conway 13 driver 2 tonyg 6 feely 5 ramsey 15 ejames 2 fredt 3 plaxico 8 muhsin 4 marvcus 7 hollis 7 -------------------------------------------- The Tards of Bas 67 Raider Hater 45 pregame spread: TToB by 3 Looks like Drew's Raider Hater has lost that winning feeling. After getting off to a 2-1 start to his rookie season, Drew has dropped his last 3 contests. Drew got a whopping 35 pts from Manning, MBennett and Galloway - but TJ, Chambers and Algae could only muster a grand total of 4. Still... Drew held a tenuous 4 pt lead heading into MNF action, but with TO and Kevan to play... everyone knew that Brodz would easily pull off the come-from-behind maneuver on the unwitting Drew. Sure enough... even without TO's classy "pull the sharpie out of the sock and autograph the TD ball in the endzone" move, Brodz scored more than enough pts to seal this deal. Greasy, Kevan, TO, Holt and V-jagt scored all the 16s and 10s Brodz would need for a comfy Tards of Bas victory. greasy 10 kevan 10 mccaffrey 3 to 16 torry 10 heap 2 v-jagt 16 peyton 9 mbennett 14 duckett 2 galloway 12 chambers 0 alge 2 omare 6 -------------------------------------------- Ghetto Fab Bindys 56 Fat Bastards 49 pregame spread: GFB by 7 Now this is the kind of Monday Night Madness we're talking about! Zach's Fat Bastards entered MNF's contest up 5 on Shiv - with the amazing Itula Mili going up against Shiv's Shaun Alexander. Who would win this titanic clash of Seagull titans?!? Zach's staunch Fat Bastard D held Shaun to a meager dozen pts. And in the end, all Zach needed was an 18-yd TD reception for Mili. But this comeback was not to be - not on this night. EGeorge and JLewis dueled to a 19-all draw - as these 2 guys brought back echoes from 2 or 3 years ago. The key for Ghetto Fab Bindys was the 10 from Ike. If you give up 10 to Ike, you certainly don't deserve to win. Both of these teams are now 4-2 - and both have the appearance of serious Aglione Bowl contenders. gannon 9 jlewis 19 shalex'er 12 porter 2 ike 10 brady 0 vinatieri 4 favre 11 egeorge 19 garner 5 keenan 0 jrice 7 imili 0 dui 7 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** WANG'S WEEKLY WRINKLE ====== ====== ======= SISTER KISSING CONTROVERSY - MET HEAD ON Back in the old days (i.e., last year)... there would not have been a tie between Clark's AC Milan and Cals' Golden Years. Once the 7 starters tied each other, we would have gone to the pt totals of each team's 5 bench players. But the direct result of Gary's dogged preseason inquiries about the League's rules was the explicit stating of, "the rules are the rules - as defined on yahoo.com's web pages." So... since yahoo.com states that bench players' pts are *never* considered (not even to break ties in playoff games), we have a tie. And as we near the halfway point in the regular season... you might want to take the playoff game tiebreakers into consideration when making transactions/trades. Namely... tiebreaker 1 is "Most touchdowns scored by entire starting roster." So all those pansy-ass "between the 20s" guys should be de-emphasized. Tiebreaker 2 is "Most fantasy points by starting quarterback." Good thing FatJapInSanJose's D McNabb won't be in the postseason. Tiebreakers 3-6 are: "Most fantasy points by starting defensive team(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting defensive player(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting defensive back(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting defensive linemen." Good thing we don't have to deal with that ridiculousness! Tiebreakers 7-10 are: "Most fantasy points by starting wide receiver(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting running back(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting tight end(s)." "Most fantasy points by starting kicker(s)." Hmmm... so perhaps in a playoff game, you should start a 3rd WR over a 2nd RB?!? ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: Joshua Veshia, GM, Cleveland Steamers ************************************************* RFL WIR Editorial Staff: This interview has been postponed to next week. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 87 D McNabb (FatJapInSanJose) 74 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) 72 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 72 B Favre (Fat Bastards) RB 116 P Holmes (AC Milan) 82 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) 81 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) 79 L Tomlinson (FatJapInSanJose) 72 C Garner (Fat Bastards) 71 S Alexander (Ghetto Fab Bindys) WR 56 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) 55 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) 50 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 48 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 45 P Price (AC Milan) 43 J Thrash (The Kavir Dwellers) 43 D Driver (Las Ranas De Mayan) TE 53 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 27 B Franks (Junior Mints) 23 R McMichael (AC Milan) PK 61 M Andersen (Golden Years) 53 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) 48 O Mare (Raider Hater) 48 J Elam (Chinks in the Armor) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 19 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) RB 21 A Green (Chinks in the Armor) 21 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) WR 16 T Owens (The Tards of Bas) 13 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) TE 8 B Franks (Junior Mints) PK 16 J Elam (Chinks in the Armor) and M Vanderjagt (The Tards of Bas) ************** Week 6 total: 114... London Bridge is falling down! -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** 12-Las Ranas De Mayan (5-1, 60.2) vs. 16-Cleveland Steamers (4-2, 45.2) Stan Edge Vesh DCulpepper << CWanker JStewart -> JBettis KevJohnson <- GHearst CConway <- RSmith DDriver -- JSmith TGonzalez <- SSharpe JFeely -> RLongwell Stan is trying to tiptoe his way through the land-mine-filled tulip field which is RFL on his way to the postseason. Vesh is trying to shake the notion that he'd be sitting at 2-4 (instead of 4-2) if he'd drafted his own team. Aside from QB, the names in Vesh's starting lineup are pretty big - but the production has been less than the League average. This is precisely the type of mine Stan is trying to avoid. Vesh's over-hyped group of "names" might actually be capable of scoring some big points in any given week. Stan will be taking on the QB-less Vesh sans C Dillon. Though Dillon has 3 starts with 3 pts or less and 3 starts with 9 pts or more... needing to drop down to a JStewart or a WDunn is not going to help matters. Not nearly as damaging will be the absence from JFiddler from Vesh's lineup. There are plenty of equivalent QBs floating around in Limbo. The question is: who will Vesh release into Waiver World? Though Vesh's team of names is capable of coming up huge, Vesh has been right around 40 pts the last 3 weeks. Stan has yet to score less than 46 pts all season long - and has been right around 60 pts the last 3 weeks. We see these 2 teams meeting somewhere in the 50s this week. **** And the toads should emerge victorious, Stan by 5 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: 1-Golden Years (2-3-1, 47.3) by 8 over 2-Chinks in the Armor (2-4, 46.8) Cals' Rams (Faulk and Bruce) are coming alive just at the wrong time for Wang. Wang's WRs should have a tough time this week. 7-AC Milan (5-0-1, 62.3) by 18 over 13-Junior Mints (2-4, 41.5) With 2 guys out on byes, that limits Clark's chances to pick the wrong starters. Joebob's team is the 2nd worst scoring team in RFL. 9-FatJapInSanJose (1-5, 45.7) by 25 over 5-The Kavir Dwellers (3-3, 51.3) Does Mike dare mess with the McNabb-Brees chemical reaction? If Ali doesn't fix his team, he'll only have 3 starters in this game. 14-Everyone Go Deep (3-3, 50.0) by 7 over 10-TheFreakinBlackHawks (4-2, 45.3) Watch out, Winona! Laveranues is back in Gary's lineup! JoePa might be missing SDavis? 6-Terrible Towels (0-6, 46.0) by 1 over 11-Raider Hater (2-4, 45.2) How many Steelers can Brad stuff on his roster? CChambers' "concussion" looks like a "plant" from Brad's team last year. 8-The Tards of Bas (4-2, 45.7) by 2 over 15-Fat Bastards (4-2, 56.3) Brodz' planned prolific passing attack might finally be taking off. Zach will be Eddie-less and Shockey-less. 3-Ghetto Fab Bindys (4-2, 59.8) by 17 over 4-Repulsive Punk Asses (2-4, 34.3) Shiv will be red leather pants-less. Richard and Ali are dueling for title of least command over yahoo.com user interface.