Retired Foosball Libero Week 5 October 9, 2002 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** EVERYONE CHIP IN $30M! Reports are that Red McCombs is looking to sell the Vikes. Let's scrounge up the dough and do the deal! Of course... we'd then need to get a little more $ together to replace the Metrodome. But we'd *really* own Randy Moss (as long as he isn't suspended for too long) and D Culpepper and M Bennett! And then we'd need to get a little more $ together to hire our own coaching staff. Or we could coach the team ourselves: Head Coach: Cals Offensive Coordinator: Brodz Defensive Coordinator: Joebob O-line Coach: Ali QB Coach: Clark RBs Coach: Shiv WRs Coach: Brad TE Coach: Stan D-line Coach: JoePa LBs Coach: Richard DBs Coach: Gary Special Teams Coach: Wang GM/Director of Player Personnel: Vesh Sideline ("Get back") Coach: Mike Traveling Secretary: Drew Advance Scout (play against coming opponents on PS2/Madden): Zach BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective sides' pines (under those little sideline plexiglass shelters) last weekend: 16 T Maddox (AC Milan) and J Miller (Chinks in the Armor) 9 L Gordon (Golden Years) 18 D Patten (AC Milan) 16 B Stokley (Cleveland Steamers) 12 K Lockett (Junior Mints) 0 D Sloan (The Tards of Bas) 14 J Carney (FatJapInSanJose) 85 points... 16-0 again; 78-1-1 through 5 weeks GGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! Highest scoring team: AC Milan - 66.0 ppg Lowest scoring team: Repulsive Punk Asses - 37.8 ppg Toughest defense: AC Milan - 39.8 ppg Softest defense: Terrible Towels - 67.6 ppg League scoring average: 49.5 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #5! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS 3 Forwards Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Ghetto Fab Bindys 3 2 2 303 251 W2 Golden Years 2 3 3 240 247 L1 Repulsive Punk Asses 2 3 3 189 208 L1 Chinks in the Armor 1 4 4 213 241 L2 5 Midfielders Division Team W L GB PF PA STK AC Milan 5 0 - 330 199 W5 The Kavir Dwellers 3 2 2 279 267 L1 The Tards of Bas 3 2 2 207 233 L1 Terrible Towels 0 5 5 230 338 L5 2 Defenders Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Las Ranas De Mayan 4 1 1 304 223 W1 TheFreakinBlackHawks 3 2 2 220 263 W2 Raider Hater 2 3 3 226 281 L2 FatJapinSanJose 0 5 5 214 266 L5 1 GK Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Fat Bastards 4 1 1 289 255 W2 Everyone Go Deep 3 2 2 266 214 W1 Cleveland Steamers 3 2 2 232 230 W2 Junior Mints 2 3 3 214 240 W1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 5 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Terrible Towels 44 Junior Mints 69 pregame spread: TT by 7 What is up with Brad's D - giving up over 67ppg?!? He certainly wouldn't be allowed anywhere near our Viking D! ABrooks getting outscored by Kerry? Edgerrin getting drubbed by the gimpy CMart - AND the overhyped Deuce?!? Brad's nurturing of Plaxico back to productive levels clinches his spot as WRs coach. But, Brad, please leave that Terrible Towels karma far away from the Twin Cities! Joebob had only topped the 36 pt mark once in the 1st 4 weeks (50 in week 2), but really got his Junior Mints cranked for their first appearance on GOTW - as underdogs, no less - for 2k2. Rumors of pregame performance-enhancing drug use in the locker room could not be confirmed, but Joebob certainly did not deny the rumors, either. abrooks 7 ejames 9 pittman 3 plaxico 9 freeman 7 marvcus 6 tp 3 kerry 13 cmartin 16 deuce 20 terry 9 kennison 2 booba 6 edinger 3 -------------------------------------------- Everyone Go Deep 48 Chinks in the Armor 36 pregame spread: EGD by 8 Wang's team sucks! But the sickening aspect of this loss was that Wang actually figured it'd be better to start JMiller (against the Pack) rather than Vick (against TB). But Wang bowed to the Chinks' faithful and went with the incumbent. In the end, JMiller's 16 would have given Wang a W. Ahman is certainly not the man - even though he outscored Gary's 2 RBs. Gary's club was led by the prolific aerial assault of Bledsoe-to-Harrison. Double sixes from Laveranues and Becht finished off any hope of a Monday Night comeback from C in the A. Scrub win for Gary (1-0) bledsoe 15 atrain 2 lsmith 3 harrison 14 lcoles 6 becht 6 nedney 2 vick 0 ahman 7 finneran 3 moulds 6 keyshawn 13 ejohnson 1 elam 6 -------------------------------------------- AC Milan 73 The Kavir Dwellers 44 pregame spread: ACM by 2 Clark continues to be unstoppable - as AC Milan is the only undefeated team remaining this season. Priest has scored 15 more than any other player (102-87 over McNabb) thus far - and has more than doubled the pt totals of the top WRs (48 for MBooker, 47 for EMoulds). Perhaps McNabb won't even get a sniff of the RFL MVP award. RMcMichael is looking to wrap up RFL Rookie of the Year honors. Ali's 3-game winning streak was due to end - with AC Milan on the schedule. But a 29-pt thrashing was quite unforseen. The Kavir Dwellers running tandem of RWilliams and Antowain (6 pts combined) totally got manhandled by AC Milan's top-ranked D. If not for strong games from Air and Amani, Ali might have really gotten embarrassed out there. trent 11 priest 24 tiki 6 jhorn 4 pprice 13 mcmike 7 mgram 8 mcnair 14 rwilliams 6 atwain 0 thrash 4 toomer 11 wycheck 4 akers 5 -------------------------------------------- TheFreakinBlackHawks 65 FatJapInSanJose 64 pregame spread: TFBH by 9 Woe is Mike! The odds of scoring 64 and losing (though admittedly higher this season) is running at about 1-in-1000. Despite Donovan's best effort to step in for the absent RMoss... Qadry and DTerrell couldn't hold up their ends of the bargain. Heading into MNF action, Mike was 5 pts down with Terrell to play. All Terrell had done up to this point in the season was catch 1 ball a game - a TD. But wouldn't you know it... Terrell racked up some nice yardage this week, but couldn't come up with the game-winning TD. JoePa got solid numbers from his backfield. SDavis really stepped up nicely after 3 weeks off. And Jerome Pathon has blossomed into a nice WR - now that he's gotten away from that bum Peyton Manning. Scrub loss for Mike (0-1) garcia 13 sdavis 17 thenry 11 morton 6 pathon 10 fauria 1 wilkins 7 mcnabb 21 bus 10 hearst 13 qadry 2 dterrell 4 freddie 7 hollis 7 -------------------------------------------- Golden Years 39 Cleveland Steamers 41 pregame spread: GY by 1 Down 39-31 heading into MNF, RLongwell booted Vesh's team to victory with a 10-spot. Cals cannot be happy with the year-to-date output of his top 3 weapons - MFaulk 9th among RBs (7 pts behind Lamar Smith!), Tim Brown 19th in WR pts (tied with Keyshawn!), and IBruce 27th in WR pts (tied with BFinneran!). But at least Golden Years PK Mort is leading RFL in PK pts! Vesh was largely unaffected by Kordell's expected job loss in Steeltown. JFiddler stepped in with a solid 16. But what the heck is TWheatley doing starting in RFL?!? That's like starting RDayne or something! Vesh's QB- and PK-dominated scoreline is reminiscent of the olden times - when RBs, WRs and TEs needed 100 yds for 3 pts. Scrub win for Vesh (2-1) bj 8 mfaulk 6 emmitt 10 ibruce 1 tibrown 3 walls 0 mort 11 fiddler 16 lt 4 tyrone 0 rod 4 jimmy 5 sharpe 2 longwell 10 -------------------------------------------- Las Ranas De Mayan 59 The Tards of Bas 40 pregame spread: LRDM by 3 Brodz had all his starting spots filled this week, but it still wasn't nearly enough to take down the formidable Mayan Toads. Greasy and Easy led The Tards of Bas with a dozen each, but what is wrong with TO and THolt?!? McCaffrey (28 pts) has actually scored more than Holt (26) and Owens (24). CDillon finally busted out for Stan. His 38 total pts currently ranks him at #13 among RBs. Fill-in QB Kitna even checked in with a solid 7 for QB-desperate Stan (the bye week being only 1 of many looming problems for Culpepper). But the key for Las Ranas De Mayan in this game was the continued excellence of the receiving corps. CConway, DDriver and KevJohnson have developed into a fearsome triumvirate of WRs. Throw in TonyG and you can't help but let CDillon and/or WDunn and/or JStew run roughshod over your D. kitna 7 dillon 22 dunn 0 conway 10 driver 13 tonyg 1 feely 6 greasy 12 kevan 2 mccaffrey 12 to 5 torry 2 heap 3 v-jagt 4 -------------------------------------------- Raider Hater 49 Ghetto Fab Bindys 78 pregame spread: RH by 4 Little Man Shiv looks to be gearing up for a most awe-inspiring run - having scored 87 and 78 pts in the last 2 games... and having gotten through the bye weeks of RGannon, Shaun Alexander and Jamal Lewis. Once MarTay Booker is free and clear... Shiv just might prove all his detractors (and there are many) wrong. Raider Hater actually came into this game against Ghetto Fab Bindys as the favourite - due to the missing Shaun. But when JPorter and IHilliard combine for 20, you know it's not your week. DBoston has been an extreme disappointment thus far. With only 22 pts, DBos ranks behind the likes of Keyshawn, TGlenn, Keenan and Qadry. CChambers has developed nicely - as quite a few expected. But PManning is only 5 total pts ahead of BJ - and Drew inexplicably continues to start Algae at TE. peyton 16 duce 8 galloway 6 boston 2 chambers 9 alge 0 omare 8 gannon 23 jlewis 12 jporter 12 booker 14 ike 8 chad 8 vinatieri 1 -------------------------------------------- Fat Bastards 59 Repulsive Punk Asses 57 pregame spread: FB by 17 Now this is the kind of Monday Night Madness we're talking about! Zach's Fat Bastards entered MNF's contest down 14 to Richard - with BFavre due to light up the weakened Bears D. But would Brett light them up enough? We hope Zach was watching this game - charting Favre's yardage play-by-play. That's what MNMadness is all about. Sure enough... with 3 TDs and 350 yds, Brett gave Zach a little extra to remember him by - and left Richard holding the calling card. Richard got nice numbers from Portis, Heinz and Santana... but RDudley was the Black Magic Woman in this game. Had Richard not traded Marvcus Pollard to Brad... Pollard and CRedman netted 9 more points than JMartin-RDud - which would have been enough for a big 66-59 upset victory for Richard. Instead... it's a Scrub loss for Richard (2-1) favre 16 egeorge 1 garner 21 keenan 4 jrice 10 shockey 0 dui 7 jmartin 7 fredt 4 portis 13 heinz 10 smoss 9 dudley 0 stover 14 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** WANG'S WEEKLY WRINKLE ====== ====== ======= BAD BOUNCES Not to mention any names (Shiv and Brodz)... but some of you (Shiv and Brodz) seem to have email account maintenance issues (Shiv and Brodz). Keep those accounts under your memory limits (Shiv), so when WIRs are sent to you (Shiv and Brodz)... they don't bounce back! ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: David Beckham, Co-GM, Junior Mints ************************************************* RFL WIR Editorial Staff: David, please explain how it came to be that you'd join forces with the likes of Joebob. David Beckham: Well... we all know that Co-GM Wally Grayeski was the true driving force behind the strong performance of Mahatma's Minions last season. When Joebob forced Wally out towards the end of the season, the end result could only be yet another devastating Aglione Bowl loss for Joebob - the Marv Levy of RFL. I knew that Joebob was too proud to seek out assistance, so I had my people contact him. I wanted him to know that I was willing to give him a helping hand (not a hand out) - and carry his team to Aglione Bowl glory. RFL: With AC Milan among the RFL ranks, how would Manchester United fare in the League? DB: Let me put it this way... if RFL's 16 teams played in England's football leagues, very few would last in the Premiership. Most would be relegated to the 1st division... a few would even be dropped to the 2nd division. And at the rate Repulsive Punk Asses scores... they'd probably only have a fighting chance in Scotland's club leagues. RFL: Your wife, Posh Spice... naughty or nice? DB: Everything thrice. RFL: Your 2nd child, Romeo... what's he up to? DB: Romeo has already started playing for his nursery's "A" side. Recently he asked me which number he should wear out on the pitch. RFL: What did you tell him? "7, like your old man"? DB: "Romeo, Romeo... wear 4 out there, Romeo." This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 87 D McNabb (FatJapInSanJose) 65 A Brooks (Terrible Towels) 63 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) RB 102 P Holmes (AC Milan) 67 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) 67 C Garner (Fat Bastards) 65 L Tomlinson (Cleveland Steamers) 61 D McAllister (Junior Mints) 60 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) WR 48 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 47 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) 45 P Price (AC Milan) 43 J Thrash (The Kavir Dwellers) 42 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) 42 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) TE 47 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 20 R McMichael (AC Milan) 19 C Lewis (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 19 B Franks (Junior Mints) PK 51 M Andersen (Golden Years) 49 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) 47 D Akers (The Kavir Dwellers) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 23 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) RB 24 P Holmes (AC Milan) 22 C Dillon (Las Ranas De Mayan) WR 14 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 14 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) TE 8 C Lewis (Ghetto Fab Bindys) PK 14 M Stover (Repulsive Punk Asses) ************** Week 5 total: 119... would've lost by 37 to last week's team -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** 4-Repulsive Punk Asses (2-3, 37.8) vs. 10-TheFreakinBlackHawks (3-2, 44.0) Richard Edge JoePa JMartin -> JGarcia FTaylor -> SDavis CPortis -> THenry HWard <- RGardner NButt -> JPathon RDudley -- CFauria MStover <- JWilkins Richard has won 2 more games than Brad and Mike combined - while averaging 8.2 and 5.0 ppg less than those 2 teams. JoePa has averaged being outscored by 8.6 ppg - yet has a winning record! One of these 2 smoke-and-mirrors acts will get exposed this week (or perhaps both!) - as we bring their matchup under the GOTW microscope. Over the past few seasons, a Ram QB vs. Niner QB matchup would imply a coming lighting up of the scoreboard. But it seems that teams have figured out the Ram O - and JMartin is no KWarner. On the other side of the division, the Niners are winning... but their O is not all Garcia-to-TO. Fred and Clinton have been better than expected for Richard thus far. Fred hasn't gotten hurt yet - and Clinton hasn't fumbled away his job yet. But we like SDavis and THenry by a pair of noses is this one. Other than HWard, Richard might have WR issues this week. JoePa seems to've found a keeper in Jerome. The TEs are both duds in this game. **** TheFreakinBlackHawksAreLessOfAHoax, JoePa by 9 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: 5-The Kavir Dwellers (3-2, 55.8) by 8 over 2-Chinks in the Armor (1-4, 42.6) Ali should get back on the winning track against such a weak opponent. Wang's team is perhaps ill-conceived. 7-AC Milan (5-0, 66.0) by 11 over 1-Golden Years (2-3, 48.0) Can anyone slow Clark down? It's not going to be Cals. 14-Everyone Go Deep (3-2, 53.2) by 13 over 9-FatJapInSanJose (0-5, 42.8) Gary's going to miss the Train. Mike will miss McNabb more. 16-Cleveland Steamers (3-2, 46.4) by 6 over 13-Junior Mints (2-3, 42.8) We hope Vesh won't start Tyrone again. Joebob won't have our favorite martian to start. 12-Las Ranas De Mayan (4-1, 60.8) by 12 over 6-Terrible Towels (0-5, 46.0) Stan gets Culpepper and JStewart back. Brad's D will get lit up again. 8-The Tards of Bas (3-2, 41.4) by 3 over 11-Raider Hater (2-3, 45.2) Brodz is coming with all his rocks in his pockets. Drew'll be missing his brass knuckles and his slingshot. 3-Ghetto Fab Bindys (3-2, 60.6) by 7 over 15-Fat Bastards (4-1, 57.8) Shiv is the resident (brown) boy wonder. Zach is gaining a reputation of the latest GM prodigy. Shiv gets Shaun Alexander back. Zach's Raiders are due for a dip.