Rebounding Floor Leaders Week 4 October 1, 2002 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** AAAHHH... YES! Monday morning brought news that Commish Wang had won his 2nd consecutive ESPN.com Sony/Kappa Sigma fantasy baseball world series title. Following in the footsteps of 2001's Fire in the Hole was Wanger's Stankonia of 2002. Stankonia routed Richard Aguilera's nameless team 16-4 in the semifinals (7-3 in week 1 and 9-1 in week 2) - and then held on to defeat JEP's Homeboys 12-8 in the world series (winning 9-1 in week 1 - and then hanging on 3-7 in week 2). FANTASY HOOPS This latest baseball success caused Wang to reminisce about the good, old rotisserie basketball days. In Wang's only season of fantasy hoops (maybe in '86?), his amazing backcourt of Alvin Robertson and Fat Lever smoked all comers. Alvin and Fat did it all - points, shooting percentage, rebounds, assists... and the STEALS, my *GOD*, the STEALS! Now... if only Chinks in the Armor didn't suck so badly! BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 23 T Green (AC Milan) 22 S Mack (Everyone Go Deep) 17 M Williams (AC Milan) 17 C Bradford (FatJapInSanJose) 10 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) 0 O Newsome (The *real* Brownies) 12 R Lindell (The Tards of Bas) 101 points... back to 16-0 this week; 62-1-1 through 4 weeks RFL'S SHOWTIME! Highest scoring team: AC Milan - 64.3 ppg Lowest scoring team: Repulsive Punk Asses - 33.0 ppg Toughest defense: Repulsive Punk Asses - 37.3 ppg Softest defense: Terrible Towels - 67.3 ppg League scoring average: 48.3 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #4! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Jason Richardson Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Ghetto Fab Bindys 2 2 2 225 202 W1 Golden Years 2 2 2 201 206 W1 Repulsive Punk Asses 2 2 2 132 149 W1 Chinks in the Armor 1 3 3 177 193 L1 Gilbert Arenas Division Team W L GB PF PA STK AC Milan 4 0 - 257 155 W4 The Kavir Dwellers 3 1 1 235 194 W3 The Tards of Bas 3 1 1 167 174 W2 Terrible Towels 0 4 4 186 269 L4 Larry Hughes Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Las Ranas De Mayan 3 1 1 245 183 L1 Raider Hater 2 2 2 177 203 L1 TheFreakinBlackHawks 2 2 2 155 199 W1 FatJapinSanJose 0 4 4 150 201 L4 Mookie Blaylock Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Fat Bastards 3 1 1 230 198 W1 Everyone Go Deep 2 2 2 218 178 L1 Cleveland Steamers 2 2 2 191 191 L2 Junior Mints 1 3 3 145 196 L1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 4 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Everyone Go Deep 38 AC Milan 46 pregame spread: EGD by 1 Clark was all set up for the upset - scoring 24 pts below his season-to-date average, but Gary was unable to capitalize. TGreen has been relegated to AC Milan's bench behind KStabler's bastard son. And even though Clark is having QB rotation problems, he was still able to win this game by minimizing ATrain, MarTay and Laveranues to an Archie. Not helping Gary's cause was the combined duce from the TE and PK spots. A stellar 28 combined from Brady and LSmith was for naught. Aside from Clark's 1 from the TE spot, each other starter scored at least 5. Priest continues to lead RFL in overall scoring - not surprising in this age of Catholic Church-negotiated settlements. brady 13 atrain 2 lamar 15 martay 1 laveranues 5 becht 1 nedney 1 snake 6 priest 12 tiki 11 horn 5 price 6 mcmike 1 mgram 5 -------------------------------------------- Chinks in the Armor 36 TheFreakinBlackHawks 37 pregame spread: CitA by 4 Statement from the Chinks in the Armor locker room following the failed Monday Night Comeback of Elam: yelled GM Wang, "Get that @#$%^&* pecker checker, Lisa Olson, out of my @#$%^&&*@#$%^ locker room!" TheFreakinBlackHawks overcame a Robert Parish from vINTy and Cam - as JoePa was able to cobble together just enough pts from R Travis, Jerome, Johnnie, T Pinky and Jeff. Quote from the Pink Wonder after the game, "This one was for Cals - after all the heat he took from Wang last season for sticking with me." On a sad note... this could very well have been vINTy's last ever start in RFL. Wang's lone bright spot was Moulds - who now leads RFL in WR scoring. Scrub win for JoePa (1-0) miller 9 ahman 4 dez 1 keyshawn 3 moulds 13 brady 1 elam 5 vINTy 0 travis 12 tpinky 4 morton 8 pathon 9 cleeland 0 jwilkins 4 -------------------------------------------- FatJapInSanJose 24 Repulsive Punk Asses 34 pregame spread: FJiSJ by 3 The curse of Foge is hitting FatJapInSanJose full on. The Randy Ratio is about to add a 3rd "R" ("rehab") to the mix - and an "S" ("suspension"). And Mike's running game (GHearst and JBettis) is already struggling mightily. Richard survives 0s from Mr. My Pinky Hurts, I Don't Want To Face This Fierce Cowboy D Anymore and Boo Williams thanks to a combined 25 from FTaylor (is he hurt yet?) and HWard. There's only so much DMcNabb can do with a limited supporting cast. But perhaps Mike should not have spent so much of his salary cap on Bus and Moss. Wayne Chrebet is loving this country! Where else can a guy get paid so much for so little production?!? Scrub win for Richard (2-0) mcnabb 11 bus 1 quincy 0 rmoss 2 terrell 7 freddie 2 cahney 1 warner 0 fred 19 portis 4 hines 6 chrebet 2 boo 0 hall 3 -------------------------------------------- Cleveland Steamers 40 The Kavir Dwellers 49 pregame spread: CS by 9 All Vesh needed was 17 pts from Rod and Shannon to pull off a little Monday Night Magic. All Vesh got was 7. All Vesh got from TJones and JSmith was a pair of nils. LaDainian *did* chip in with a quarter, though - as LT went on record stating that Kordell and TJones have no place in his backfield. SMcNair, RWilliams and JThrash continue to lead the way for Ali's spelunkers. At 3-1 with an 0-1 scrub record, The Kavir Dwellers should justly be 4-0 - even with holes in the lineup such as Antowain, Amani and Frank! Thanks to no bye weeks thus far, Ali has been able to stick with his starting 7 all 4 weeks. Perhaps when the byes start, understudies will use the opportunity to outshine the aforementioned holes. slash 3 lt 25 tjones 0 rod 3 jimmy 0 sharpe 4 l'well 5 air 13 ricky 12 atwain 4 thrash 9 toomer 1 wycheck 1 akers 9 -------------------------------------------- Golden Years 56 Terrible Towels 42 pregame spread: GY by 8 Terrible Towels couldn't have been expected to win - given Edgerrin's bye week. But 42+ pts on 4 consecutive weeks shouldn't leave Brad at 0-4, should it?!? Golden Years have scored 44+ in each of the 4 weeks so far - and Cals is still only 2-2. ABrooks continues to shine for Brad, and Plaxico has finally been nurtured to productivity under Brad's watchful Steeler eyes. But Pittman (4 ppg), Freeman, Robinman and Conwellman added up to quite a bit of dead weight. One RB who's been even less productive than Pittman is Emmitt (3.25 ppg). But Cals clearly wants Emmitt to break Sweetness' yardage record in GY colors. Golden Oldies TimBrown, IBruce and MAndersen are still posting decent numbers somehow... but WWalls has clearly been ridden into the ground. bj 14 mfaulk 7 emmitt 3 ibruce 9 tibrown 11 walls 0 mort 12 brooks 15 pittman 4 plax 10 freeman 0 koren 2 ernie 1 tp 10 -------------------------------------------- Junior Mints 33 The Tards of Bas 51 pregame spread: JM by 10 Note: The WIR Editorial Staff mistakenly referred to Stan as a member of the Original Four in last week's WIR. In fact, Stan joined RFL in year 2. Our apologies to those offended parties. In this week's showdown between 2 of RFL's Original Three - in a battle of diaper deposits, The Turds of Brodz stunningly upset Joebob Jr's Junior Mints! With a League scoring average over 48, Joebob has only scored more than 36 only once. Deuce was the only Jr Mint to crack double digits. None of Joebob's other 5 "skilled" starters was able to score more than 4. Brodz got 32 from his passing attack - his best output thus far. Perhaps with the return of TO next week, The Turds will get things running properly. Former Warrior center Manute Bol mistakenly blocked FGAs for Brodz - instead of converting them. How could Brodz find diamond-in-the-rough Marcel Shipp, but not a replacement PK?!? Ahhh... the intricacies of yahoo roster management! kerry 3 martin 2 deuce 12 djax 2 tglenn 1 booba 4 edinger 9 greasy 15 shipp 19 ed 5 ssmith 6 tholt 6 sloan 0 manute X -------------------------------------------- Ghetto Fab Bindys 87 Las Ranas De Mayan 67 pregame spread: GFB by 2 We had the sense that Shaun was ready to bust out the whoopin' stick - and the distracted Vikes were just the team to receive the whoopin'. When a team comes up with a whopping 57 pts from its QB, a WR and its TE (as Stan's Las Ranas De Mayan did), you'd certainly expect that team to win. But subpar outings from the other 4 starters doomed Stan to his first defeat of the season. The most curious move was Stan's benching of the former leading scoring WR, C Conway. Conway's 10 wouldn't have changed the outcome, but at least he'd have retained his scoring lead. Shiv got an electrifying 62 from Gannon and Shaun - while the WR duo chipped in just enough to carry Ghetto Fab Bindys to the "expected upset." Jamal piled on an extra 11 in MNF action. Scrub loss for Stan (1-1) gannon 19 shaun 43 jlewis 11 dmason 5 marty 4 chad 3 vinatieri 2 c'pep 14 dillon 3 jstew 3 driver 17 kevj'son 1 tonyg 26 bgram 3 -------------------------------------------- Fat Bastards 65 Raider Hater 47 pregame spread: FB by 7 Zach is setting an example for how a GM can actually coax enhanced performances from players on his favorite team - witness the 36 pts this week from CGarner, JRice and Seabass! Perhaps Cals should fill his roster with Vikings, Mike with Chargers, Richard/Wang with Cowboys, Shiv/Gary with Giants... well, maybe not Giants. And we already know about Brad and his Steelers. Drew tried to take down the Fat Bastards with nice outings from Duce and Volare (OMare). But just because Dilfert developed the mirage of an image of a winning NFL QB, such mirages can be most gruesomely exposed in RFL. Brett, Eddie and Keenan rounded out Fat Bastards' fine game with decent performances of their own. Scrub loss for Drew (1-1) favre 7 egeorge 7 cgarner 12 keenan 12 jrice 14 shockey 3 j-kow 10 dilfert 7 duce 15 donte 6 boston 1 chambers 6 stevens 0 omare 12 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** WANG'S WEEKLY WRINKLE ====== ====== ======= UNDERWHELMING RESPONSE I was hoping *someone* would volunteer to write a WIR by now, but no one has. I'm finding that not being able to see a single play of any game kind of limits my ability to write insightful commentary in the wrapups. Writing WIRs based upon box scores and internet articles isn't what the WIR is all about. Someone *please* step up and show some literary skills! Just let me know how much you'd like to write. If it's just that week's game summaries, that's fine. If you'd also like to take on Next Week's Action, that'd be great. And/or you could throw in a soapbox rant... I'm sure the League would *prefer* to hear from someone else besides me! I can send an updated template to you. You just fill in the blanks! ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: Stan Wilson, GM - Las Ranas De Mayan ************************************************* RFL WIR Editorial Staff: Stan, you have developed a reputation for getting off to the worst starts of late (0-3 in 2k1, 1-3 in y2k, 0-5 in '99). This season you have started out 3-1. What gives? Stan Wilson: For the first draft ever I eschewed my usual tradition of a cigar or, in smoke free environs, dip. My concentration was at an all time high. RFL: The latest rumor circulating around RFL HQs is that Commish Wang will be moving to Austin after the current season. What do you have to say to this? SW: Los Ranas welcome the move, as it will allow inspectors unrestricted access to the draft lottery and draft. At last The American People (tm) will know whether any backdoor dealings are a threat to the RFL, and by extension, the free world. RFL: Please tell us 4 interesting things about Austin. SW: Four different vegetative zones converge within the city limits. It's OK to put tortilla chips in your eggs. Barton Springs is always 68 degrees. It's still funny to watch cowboys dance with cowboys. Oh sorry...you said interesting. RFL: Tell us more about your childhood. How did you get from there and then to here and now? SW: I was born into a family that valued salvageable appliances and lawn equipment over white picket fences and trust funds. Growing up surrounded by cars up on blocks, Texas just made sense. Also, at 24 I came out to my father...as a Ford owner (we were strictly a Chevy family until then). I was banished. Since then I am a Toyota guy and my Dad is more enlightened. RFL: What are your thoughts on this year's move to yahoo.com? SW: I can play freely with the waiver wire, but otherwise something definitely seems to be missing. RFL: We'll take that as a compliment. What can you tell us about your recent appointment to the RFL Trade Council? What kind of philosophy will you bring to the Council? SW: Trade away. RFL should not be a heavy-handed league. That being said, Brad should be put on 6 week trade probation, and his highest scoring player put on waivers immediately. RFL: But who would want M Pittman?!? Why doesn't sarcasm work well in emails? SW: Ahhh, we Bostonians have taken sarcasm to its highest art form, so you come to the right person. Sarcasm relies on facial expression and tone of voice, so in email you are left with only the content. Therefore, it is best to exaggerate your sarcasm as much as possible so there is mo misunderstanding. Witness the answer to the previous question. Without the phrase "highest scoring player put on waivers" a nasty email response could result. The problem is people don't like to exaggerate their sarcasm lest they sound too intense or obvious. And forget about the ;-) sign...people don't know what it means anymore. Plus it's so 1997. RFL: Ah... I get it! No one really wants M Pittman, so you exaggerated your sarcasm! :-) What's the bottom line regarding A Vinatieri's red leather pants on Letterman? SW: I'm still deciding whether he was trying to be stereotypically gay or that guy from Loverboy. Regardless, Lawyer Milloy will make sure it never happens again. RFL: It would appear that the anniversary of Wilding's IM flag football championship is on the horizon. Besides being a member of their practice squad, what was your role on that team? Who was the real leader? Who was totally full of himself? SW: Congratulations on the anniversary. My role was vaguely somewhere between Rudy and groupie. The real leaders were Cals and Joebob, and I always thought that guy from Stone Temple Pilots was a bit full of himself. RFL: What's your early impression of the 3 rookie GMs (Drew, Mike, Zach)? Do they have a future in RFL? SW: I don't pay attention to the new guys until their second season, unless they screw up hauling my players' equipment to practice. RFL: What's your overall assessment of Dubya after nearly 2 years in office? SW: Have a seat. I'll address this by first analyzing his constituency. We are poorer, more afraid, and less trusting. At a time when others should want to support us we have no other close friends except Tony Blair and the apple pie Laura Bush gave him (which was filled with cash). We will be less healthy in a few years, and the weather will increasingly suck. Our individuality is being discouraged, and if we don't happen go to a select few approved church types we don't matter anymore. We are playing a dangerous game halfway around the world for a material we no longer need (and I don't mean spandex). But at least a handful of guys will get much richer. As for Mr. Bush, well, we are supposed to have evolved from the monkeys, but our leader looks like one and likes to throw his feces at others. Er...um...you asked. RFL: Yes, we did. Don't let it be said that the WIR is a puppet of the right. Any other questions you'd like to answer in particular? SW: Yes, I have a few questions which I'll answer or want answers to (but not today). Do I know the way to San Jose? Can I get a witness? How many configurations of beef, cheese, and tortillas are there? Who let AT&T into the wireless business? How are Joebob's and Brodz' kids? What makes you think I know who moved your cheese? Why do we lose weight all over, but only gain it in the gut? Can Jerry Jones please return Cher's makeover crew to her? Why do I have to own 10 HBO channels showing reruns around the clock to qualify for HBO on Demand? Is that a tuna sandwich in your pocket or do you just need a shower? Who has the empty Raisin Bran box? What are weep holes and how do I install them? Are these my boxers hanging from your ceiling fan? RFL: Alrighty then... closing comments? SW: I suspect after these answers I will have given my last RFL interview. Best of luck, GMs. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 66 D McNabb (FatJapInSanJose) 58 A Brooks (Terrible Towels) 55 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) RB 78 P Holmes (AC Milan) 61 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) 61 L Tomlinson (Cleveland Steamers) 59 S Alexander (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 55 L Smith (Everyone Go Deep) 49 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) WR 41 E Moulds (Chinks in the Armor) 39 J Thrash (The Kavir Dwellers) 34 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 32 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) 32 P Price (AC Milan) 28 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 28 D Driver (Las Ranas De Mayan) TE 46 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 15 J Shockey (Fat Bastards) 13 R McMichael (AC Milan) 13 B Franks (Junior Mints) PK 42 D Akers (The Kavir Dwellers) 40 M Andersen (Golden Years) 39 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 19 R Gannon (Ghetto Fab Bindys) RB 43 S Alexander (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 25 L Tomlinson (Cleveland Steamers) WR 17 D Driver (Las Ranas De Mayan) 14 J Rice (Fat Bastards) TE 26 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) PK 12 M Andersen (Golden Years) and O Mare (Raider Hater) ************** Week 4 total: 156... Run TMC -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** 6-Terrible Towels (0-4, 46.5) vs. 13-Junior Mints (1-3, 36.3) Brad Edge Joebob ABrooks << KCollins EJames <- DMcAllister MPittman -- CMartin MMuhammad -- TGlenn PBurress -> EKennison EConwell -> BFranks TPeterson -- PEdinger Neither Foge nor #2i had much respect for Joebob's or Brad's squads in the preseason polls. I seem to have lost Cals' Fearful Forecast. :-( Joebob was considered a borderline playoff contender at best. Brad was essentially labeled as a creampuff. Neither team (Brad at 0-4, Joebob at 1-3) has proved the preseason predictors wrong yet, but here is the chance for one of these 2 clubs to defibrillate themselves back into potential playoff berth consideration. A Brooks has been a standout QB so far this season - currently 2nd to D McNabb in overall QB pts. K Collins would do good to stay within 10 pts of Brooks. We see that Joebob has called in T Maddox as a potential stopgap. That gave us a good chuckle. C Martin has not been Joebob's favorite martian since his pick at #13 overall in the Draft. Luckily for Joebob, 2nd round pick Deuce has nearly performed at a 1st round level. Brad counters with RBs Edgerrin and Pittman. Edgerrin has put up decent yardage numbers - and his workload shows signs that he is fully healthy. But neither Edgerrin nor Pittman has scored a TD so far this season. Health issues surrounding Muhsin and T Glenn make this matchup an easy one to call - 0s for both. And we like Kennison and Booba ever so slightly over Plaxico and Ernie. **** Aaron and Edgerrin should carry this one, Brad by 7 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: 14-Everyone Go Deep (2-2, 54.5) by 8 over 2-Chinks in the Armor (1-3, 44.3) Gary should be hopping mad after stopping short against Clark. When will Wang ditch Keyshawn?!? 7-AC Milan (4-0, 64.3) by 2 over 5-The Kavir Dwellers (3-1, 58.8) Who can stop Clark's magic carpet ride? I haven't seen a good "football" player from the Kavir desert yet. 10-TheFreakinBlackHawks (2-2, 38.8) by 9 over 9-FatJapInSanJose (0-4, 37.5) JoePa survived big bye week, but are regulars any better than subs? Bye week for RMoss might be 1st of many for Mike. 1-Golden Years (2-2, 50.3) by 1 over 16-Cleveland Steamers (2-2, 47.8) How big of an impact will KWarner's absence have on Cals' Faulk and Bruce? Vesh's Slash'll probably get Axl'ed soon. 12-Las Ranas De Mayan (3-1, 61.3) by 3 over 8-The Tards of Bas (3-1, 41.8) Stan might have to go QB-less in this one. Brodz' prolific passing game has failed to materialize. 11-Raider Hater (2-2, 44.3) by 4 over 3-Ghetto Fab Bindys (2-2, 56.3) Drew's MBennett *has* to sit this one out. Shiv's Shaun's gone this week. 15-Fat Bastards (3-1, 57.5) by 17 over 4-Repulsive Punk Asses (2-2, 33.0) Can Zach's Raiders do it again? They probably won't need to this week - as Richard is down to about 1 1/2 good players.