Reaching For Losses Week 2 September 17, 2002 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THIS *WORK*?!? What happened to the days when the WIR Staff could devote hours upon hours to each WIR? Travel, micromanaging bosses, chatty coworkers, multi-threaded careers, "better" halves, families, pets, plants... STOP SUCKING UP ALL MY TIME, DAMNIT! BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 16 JFiedler (Cleveland Steamers) 17 TJones (Cleveland Steamers) 12 MWilliams (AC Milan) 10 DBates (Cleveland Steamers) 9 DStallworth and DBranch (Raider Hater), DDriver (Las Ranas De Mayan) 7 ABecht (Everyone Go Deep) and IMili (AC Milan) 15 MHollis (FatJapInSanJose) 86 points... 32-0 through 2 weeks! RFL'S YEAR OF THE JUICED STATS Highest scoring team: Las Ranas De Mayan - 66.0 ppg Lowest scoring team: The Tards of Bas - 32.0 ppg Toughest defense: Las Ranas De Mayan - 27.0 ppg Softest defense: Terrible Towels - 73.0 ppg League scoring average: 48.97 ppg (last year 37.3) Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #2! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Tony Mandarich Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Ghetto Fab Bindys 1 1 1 108 99 L1 Golden Years 1 1 1 99 112 W1 Repulsive Punk Asses 1 1 1 66 87 W1 Chinks in the Armor 0 2 2 93 110 L2 Akili Smith Division Team W L GB PF PA STK AC Milan 2 0 - 126 98 W2 The Kavir Dwellers 1 1 1 119 98 W1 The Tards of Bas 1 1 1 64 95 L1 Terrible Towels 0 2 2 88 146 L2 Ryan Leaf Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Las Ranas de Mayan 2 0 - 132 54 W2 TheFreakinBlackHawks 1 1 1 99 78 L1 Raider Hater 1 1 1 92 106 L1 FatJapinSanJose 0 2 2 80 119 L2 Todd Marinovich Division Team W L GB PF PA STK Fat Bastards 2 0 - 123 105 W2 Cleveland Steamers 2 0 - 97 67 W2 Everyone Go Deep 1 1 1 105 78 W1 Junior Mints 0 2 2 76 115 L2 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 2 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Las Ranas De Mayan 80 Raider Hater 30 pregame spread: LRDM by 5 Ummm... we *meant* to set the spread at 50 instead of 5. Sorry about the typo. Word out of Raider Hater camp was that Drew was pretty full of himself after last week's 36-pt drubbing of Joebob. Venerable GM Stan had to set this rookie GM straight with a Hawai'i under the intense spotlight of Week 2's GOTW. Daunte came out running and gunning - to show everyone that Peyton is not in the same class. And what kind of stuff is Mayan Frog WR Curtis on... jumping out to 27 pts in 2 weeks?!? Stan's club was solid top-to-bottom - as all 7 starters scored at least 7. Raider Hater Joey was Drew's only starter to score more than 8. And who would have figured that *any* Cowboy would hit double digits in any game this season?!? c'pep 21 dillon 9 dunn 9 kevinj 8 conway 18 tonyg 8 feely 7 manning 8 bennett 2 galloway 11 boston 2 chambers 3 alge 1 mare 3 -------------------------------------------- Repulsive Punk Asses 42 Chinks in the Armor 35 pregame spread: RPA by 4 After finishing last season at 15-2, Wang has started this season 0-2. Chinks in the Armor will attempt to follow the path of last year's NE Pats (0-2 to Super Bowl champs). Richard was in a bit of trouble heading into Sunday Nitro action - trailing 35 to 25. The Punk Asses needed 11 pts from Hines against the vaunted Raider secondary to complete the come-from-behind triumph. Sure enough... both of Ward's TDs came after blown calls. A trapped pass on 3rd down during PIT's 1st drive was inexplicably ruled a catch - leading to an eventual 34-yd TD catch. And then PIT's interception returned for a TD was inexcusably called back due to a phantom forward lateral - leading to a 2nd bogus TD catch for Hines. Wang is forced to take solace in his fantasy baseball rout over Richard in the semifinals. Scrub win for Richard (1-0). warner 8 ftaylor 14 portis 0 heinz 17 chrebet 1 ricks 1 hall 1 vick 9 ahman 7 wgreen 2 keyshawn 2 moulds 5 ejohnson 4 elam 6 -------------------------------------------- FatJapInSanJose 40 AC Milan 58 pregame spread: FJiSJ by 6 Clark is well on his way to defending his Aglione Bowl victory - surging to 2-0 with this win over the favored FatJapInSanJose. Mike's game was crippled by some lame performances by the Bus, Quincy M.D., Plexiglass and Not-so-ready-Freddie. Even a "new and improved" R Moss can't carry that much of a load. AC Milan benefitted from the porous goalkeeping of the Vikes - as Peerless scored goal after goal. PPrice finished with a heptathalo-hat-trick - and 1. Even Steve McMichael chipped in with 2 goals - with assists from Richard Dent and the Fridge. Trent and Priest dropped from 41 Week 1 pts to 11. I wonder which week will be more indicative of the weeks to come... McNabb and Moss have all the makings... but the rest of Mike's team... mcnabb 19 bus 2 quincy 2 rmoss 12 plax 0 freddie 0 cahney 5 green 6 priest 5 tiki 5 horn 7 price 22 mcmichael 2 mgram 11 -------------------------------------------- TheFreakinBlackHawks 27 Cleveland Steamers 36 pregame spread: TFBH by 2 TheFreakinBlackHawks just needed 17 pts from SDavis and RGardner in Monday Night Madness to snatch victory from the maws of defeat, but the "mighty mighty" 'Skins O stunk up my evening against the Eagles. Davis and Gardner combined for a measley 7 yardage pts, and Vesh won this scrubby clash of 1-0 titans. Slash and Jimmy led the Steamers with zehn each. Add in Longwell's aikman - and that's all the points Vesh would need. THenry came crashing back to earth - his 27 Week 1 pts followed up with a grand total of eins in this game. JGarcia was the only starter for JoePa to score more than 4 pts - f'ugly! Vesh's RB production dropped from 18 last week to 4 this. Perhaps Tyrone will get buried behind Garner and Crockett again this year. Scrub win for Vesh (1-0) - as he called his shot. garcia 13 sdavis 4 thenry 1 morton 2 gardner 3 heap 1 wilkins 3 kordell 10 tomlinson 4 tyrone 0 rod 1 jimmy 10 sharpe 3 lngwll 8 -------------------------------------------- Terrible Towels 46 Everyone Go Deep 74 pregame spread: TT by 3 Gary bounced back from last week's tough 1-pt loss by busting out the whooping stick on Brad's Raggedy Rags. Drew, A Train, Lamar and Marvin combined for a whopping 62 pts! Lamar's 19 might have pushed Brad's DeShaun's return that much further back into the season. Brad countered with solid performances from Avery, Edgerrin and Muhsin (34 pts), but needed much more from Pittman and Qadry - and a whole lot less from Gary's frightening foursome. Qadry dropped from 16 Week 1 pts to a mere 1 pt this week. And Pittman is playing himself right off the trading block. Foge Fazio non-favorite Troy Brown is still struggling this season, and Gary was forced to lineup Derek Brown at TE - who's actually only 3 pts behind Ernie Conwell at this point. Scrub loss for Brad (0-1). brooks 10 james 12 pittman 5 qadry 1 muhsin 12 cnwll 1 ptrsn 5 bldso 18 atrain 11 lsmith 19 hrrson 14 trbrown 5 bigbust X nedney 7 -------------------------------------------- The Tards of Bas 32 The Kavir Dwellers 64 pregame spread: TToB by 7 The Kavir Dwellers had this game wrapped up 39-32 heading into MNF action, but Ali did not call off the dawgs - as Thrash and Akers ran up 25 more points to let Spurrier know that he ain't in the SEC no more. Brodz scored 32 pts for the 2nd straight week - as his "lethal" aerial assault failed to get untracked again. Greasy-TO-Torry-Ed combined for 22 pts this week (25 last week) - where something in the 45-50 range should be expected. RWilliams followed up his 18 Week 1 pts with 16 this week - closing some serious ground on Priest in the RB standings. Antowain only managed his 2nd trey of the season - confirming another of Foge's preseason profferings... that JamalA should be the Pats' RB before long. greasy 8 kevan 2 to 8 holt 5 mccaffrey 1 sloan 1 v-jagt 7 air 8 ricky 16 antowain 3 thrash 12 toomer 5 wycheck 7 akers 13 -------------------------------------------- Golden Years 44 Ghetto Fab Bindys 42 pregame spread: GY by 1 Oh, the Madness... Shiv needed a mere 51 yds or a TD from Chad on Monday Night to overtake Cals' 44-42 lead and advance to 2-0. But with McNabb spreading the ball to *everyone* on the entire roster (Thrash, Pinky, Na Brown, Thomason, Duce, Quick, Carter, Carmichael), Shiv had to settle for a 0 from Chad - and a defeat at the hands of the people's guru. MFaulk shifted up to 2nd gear this week with 19 pts. Look for Marshall to start posting Priest-like numbers in the weeks to come. Morten also posted his 2nd consective Bo Derek for Golden Girls. Emmitt's Golden Years have clearly passed him by - while Tim Brown and Isaac have some 'splainin' to do. Shaun Alexander has yet to hit his stride for Shiv. And what's this about Adam's red leather pants?!? That'd be quite a blow to all the single ladies out there. bj 4 mfaulk 19 emmitt 3 tibrown 3 ibruce 4 walls 1 mort 10 gannon 11 shaun 4 jlewis 5 mason 6 booker 2 chad 0 vinatieri 14 -------------------------------------------- Fat Bastards 53 Junior Mints 50 pregame spread: FB by 9 Lordy, Lordy... Joebob joins Wang in the cellar with 0-2 records. What a way for rookie GM Zach to begin his RFL career - a Week 1 70-55 GOTW win over the guru of the people, and then a Week 2 W against the self-proclaimed guru. That's 24+ years of RFL experience taking it on the chin from newbie Zach! Joebob didn't go down without a fight, though. Junior Mints turned Deuce loose on the Fat Bastards D, and Joebob's passing attack (Kerry-Darrell-Terry) also put up a respectable 29 pts. But Zach somehow coaxed another 24 from Raiders Charlie and Seabass. And by mixing in 11 from Favre and a TD from TE Shockey... Fat Bastards came in a mere 3 pts ahead at the end - thanks to the gimpiness of Joebob's fave martian and the suckiness of Booba. Scrub loss for Joebob (0-1). favre 11 egeorge 4 garner 12 rice 5 bradford 1 shockey 8 jkow 12 kerry 9 cmartin 0 deuce 19 djax 10 tglenn 10 booba 0 edinger 2 -------------------------------------------- Transactions Team ---- ADD ---- DROP look 'em up for yourself on yahoo! ******************************************************** WANG'S WEEKLY WRINKLE ====== ====== ======= Who's ready to step up and write a WIR?!? WIR#2 should prove to be one of the toughest for the WIR Staff. But some of you fellas should be ready to jump in and do some quality writing this season... Cals, we know you're still the best. We're counting on at least 1 from you again this year. Brodz, an RFL season is incomplete when you don't at least provide a GM Profile. Clark, Stan: each of you 2 *should* be ready to write one this season, right? JoePa, Brad, Gary, Ali, Shiv: the WIR Staff feels that any one of you could produce a decent WIR. Mike, Zach, Drew: maybe one of you will be ready by the middle of the season? Vesh, Joebob, Richard: ummm... never mind. Entry fees: We'll try last year's policy regarding entry fees again. Since we are all respectable MEN in this League, save for the obvious exceptions... I will not collect entry fees until the end of the season. Once we know where all the RFL bucks should go, I will tell each GM where to send his $. Anyone got a problem with that? ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: ************************************************* NOTE FROM WIR EDITORIAL STAFF: Hello? Joebob? This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 34 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) 32 D McNabb (FatJapInSanJose) 26 M Vick (Chinks in the Armor) 26 D Bledsoe (Everyone Go Deep) RB 37 P Holmes (AC Milan) 34 C Garner (Fat Bastards) 34 R Williams (The Kavir Dwellers) 31 M Faulk (Golden Years) 28 T Henry (TheFreakinBlackHawks) 26 F Taylor (Repulsive Punk Asses) WR 27 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) 26 P Price (AC Milan) 22 M Harrison (Everyone Go Deep) 21 R Moss (FatJapInSanJose) 19 M Booker (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 19 J Thrash (The Kavir Dwellers) TE 19 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) 10 J Shockey (Fat Bastards) 9 W Walls (Golden Years) 9 F Wycheck (The Kavir Dwellers) PK 26 A Vinatieri (Ghetto Fab Bindys) 21 R Longwell (Cleveland Steamers) 20 M Andersen (Golden Years) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 21 D Culpepper (Las Ranas De Mayan) RB 19 L Smith (Everyone Go Deep) 19 M Faulk (Golden Years) and Deuce McAllister (Junior Mints) WR 22 P Price (AC Milan) 18 C Conway (Las Ranas De Mayan) TE 8 T Gonzalez (Las Ranas De Mayan) and J Shockey (Fat Bastards) PK 14 A Vinatieri (Ghetto Fab Bindys) ************** Week 2 total: 121... 11-squared! -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** 2-Chinks in the Armor (0-2, 46.5) vs. 9-FatJapInSanJose (0-2, 40.0) Wang Edge Mike MVick -> DMcNabb AGreen <- GHearst WGreen <- DTerrell Keyshawn >> RMoss EMoulds <- QMorgan EJohnson <- FJones JElam <- JCarney Wang (5th) and Mike (3rd) were both projected to be in the Playoffs by renowned prognosticator Foge. But both teams come into this matchup at 0-2. A loss in this game should knock the loser completely out of playoff contention. FatJapInSanJose will be missing Steelers Bus and Plexiglass. Chinks in the Armor will come in at "full strength." Although MVick has shown signs of turning the corner this season, clearly McNabb is the class of the QB matchup. Wang really needs to take advantage of the RB and WR/RB slots. Hearst has lost considerable touches to Kevan. DTerrell has a TD in each of the 1st 2 games. For Wang's Greens, Ahman is flu-ridden and knee-gimpy - while William has totally sucked so far. Mike will have another huge edge in the RMoss vs. Keyshawn duel. Moss seems to be more hit than miss - compared to last season. And Randy should be ready to bust out any game now. Keyshawn still doesn't score TDs - and he's catching fewer passes this year. Wang will try to counter this disadvantage with Moulds and TE Johnson vs. Quincy and Freddie. Mike's hopes ride on how well he can plug the Bus and Plaxico holes. Wang's team will either step up - or it's time to build for next year. **** Vick and Ahman do the stepping, Wang by 8 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: 7-AC Milan (2-0, 63.0) by 9 over 10-TheFreakinBlackHawks (1-1, 49.5) Which Priest and Peerless will show up for Clark? JoePa still needs to figure out THenry and JMorton. 14-Everyone Go Deep (1-1, 52.5) by 7 over 16-Cleveland Steamers (2-0, 48.5) Gary has Lamar running against the Vikes. Vesh's team will be missing 3 starters (if you still count Tyrone as a starter) due to byes. 5-The Kavir Dwellers (1-1, 59.5) by 4 over 6-Terrible Towels (0-2, 44.0) Ali's band of Dwellers is shaping up nicely. Brad's stinky shower curtain might be in need of replacing. 1-Golden Years (1-1, 49.5) by 5 over 8-The Tards of Bas (1-1, 32.0) Cals has Andre Davis (who?!?). Brodz' not-so-vaunted-yet passing attack might have trouble getting going again. 13-Junior Mints (0-2, 38.0) by 1 over 3-Ghetto Fab Bindys (1-1, 54.0) Joebob's team seemed to round into form last week. Shiv can't hang onto the IFEJ presidency forever. 12-Las Ranas De Mayan (2-0, 66.0) by 6 over 15-Fat Bastards (2-0, 61.5) Stan has Driver in for KevJohnson?!? And Conway's luck has *got* to end soon. Zach's club is due for an "initiation." 11-Raider Hater (1-1, 46.0) by 3 over 4-Repulsive Punk Asses (1-1, 33.0) Drew's RB situation is deteriorating rapidly. Richard will be missing his 2 big guns (Fred and Hines) from last week.