c'mon, vesh and gary! i know you have it in your big brains to come up 
with new team names for this season. 
and richard... you haven't come up with a team name since the beginning 
of the y2k season! 

now let's take a look at the week 1 matchups: 

game of the week: 
1-cals (golden years) vs. 15-zach (fat bastards) 

cals         zach 
b johnson >> b favre 
m faulk   <- e george 
emmitt    -- c garner 
ti brown  <- j rice 
i bruce   <- k mccardell 
w walls   -> j shockey 
morten    -> j-kow 

much like the morten-seabass matchup... here we have league founder, 
commish #1, guru of the people cals going up against rookie GM zach. as 
cals seeks to recapture a little of his glory days with golden years, 
zach invades land o' 10,000 lakes stadium with his irreverent fat bastards. 
cals looks to have a significant advantage in WRs, but favre could wipe 
that edge out single-handedly in his duel with bj. 
we'll find out quickly just how healthy e george is this season. if he 
isn't, faulk and emmitt could drub zach's RB pair mercilessly. 
rookie TE shockey should be productive for fat bastards - as long as his 
health holds out. walls might get lost in the pitiful state of the 
panthers' O this season. 
on paper, rookie GM zach might be in a position to pull off quite the 
upset. but it says here that cals will force zach to wait another week 
for franchise W #1. 
RFL ain't played on paper anymore... cals by 3. 

other games: 

2-wang (chinks in the armor) vs. 7-clark (ac milan) 
commish #2 vs commish #2i... if the preseason polls are to be believed, 
these 2 clubs will be fighting against each other for perhaps 1 playoff 
spot. wang's slight disadvantage is the uncertain state of willie 
green's starting spot in the CLE backfield. clark's only minor question 
mark is the distribution of touches between tiki and dayne. wang's key 
is vick. clark's will be tiki. 
vick and wang get off on the wrong foot... clark by 4. 

9-mike (fatjapinsanjose) vs. 16-vesh (cleveland steamers) 
foge thinks very highly of these 2 teams (ranking them 3rd and 1st 
respectively). vesh gets j smith back just in time, but can he be 
counted on to produce coming off a contract holdout? plaxico and freddie 
will be put to the test immediately for mike. vesh will get to see how t 
jones and sharpe look in for-real action. 
vesh shouldn't prosper from having his team drafted for him... mike by 5. 

10-joepa (thefreakinblackhawks) vs. 6-brad (terrible towels) 
joepa is generally considered to be headed for the postseason. brad's 
long road to redemption begins now. there are loads of questions to be 
answered in joepa's lineup (s davis and gardner in WA's new O, t henry, 
j morton, heap). the wraps come off brad's edgerrin - finally! joepa's 
pass-catchers and PK should give him the edge. 
the preseason polls hold for now... joepa by 6. 

14-gary (everyone go deep) vs. 8-brodz (the tards of bas) 
foge and #2i have wildly different opinions of these 2 teams. foge feels 
both will struggle to make the postseason. #2i thinks these are 2 
contenders for the steamroller. will gary go with lamar smith or a 3rd 
WR (l coles)? will brodz figure out a way to sneak his 4th WR onto the 
field in place of kevan barlow? if bledsoe comes out gunning, gary could 
be able to hang with brodz' fun-and gun attack. if brodz gets a 
blind-luck TD from whichever RB he starts, that could steal a victory 
for the tards. 
in what should be a close one... gary by 1. 

5-ali (the kavir dwellers) vs. 3-shiv (ghetto fab bindys) 
both of these teams were placed out of postseason consideration in both 
preseason polls. so the winner should get a boost towards proving their 
detractors wrong - and the loser might be in for a long, miserable 
season. ali will need thrash to start off with a bang to win this one. 
shiv has a more balanced attack - at a higher level. getting jamal lewis 
on track is shiv's primary concern here. 
ali has the look of a cellar dweller... shiv by 9. 

13-joebob (junior mints) vs. 11-drew (raider hater) 
joebob should be able to safely navigate his club into the postseason 
again - perhaps for a 3rd consecutive ags bowl defeat? drew is already 
on the bubble regarding a postseason invite. joebob will try to turn his 
deuce loose from the starting gun. drew counters with his own less-hyped 
(but more historically productive) duce. joebob will also be showing off 
his kerry-darrell-terry passing game, but drew's trio of 
manning-boston-chambers should be the class of this contest. 
the one could be decided by the TEs... joebob by 2. 

12-stan (las ranas de mayan) vs. 4-richard (repulsive punk asses) 
stan is ranked 2nd and 13th in the foge and #2i preseason polls. richard 
came in at 11th and 15th. stan must choose between j stewart and w dunn 
at RB#2. c conway has much to prove at WR#2. richard is even worse off 
in the WR department, and has a choice between portis and alstott at 
RB#2. though warner gives richard a slight edge of stan's culpepper... 
stan has weapons in c dillon and t gonzalez that richard will find hard 
to match. 
richard won't lick these frogs... stan by 8.