Okay... so maybe even if Cals was thinking clearly, he would not have accepted either of those trade offers from BUBE last week. But submitting a depth chart with no active QB this week (Culpepper hurt still and Weinke out on a bye)? Continuing to start Pinkston (even though he accidentally took one 62 yds this week)? Something is rotten here!

Was Cals trying to lose on purpose to help someone else back into a playoff spot?

Was Cals trying to position himself for a more favorable quarterfinal matchup?

Or has our beloved League Founder, Commissioner #1, and Guru-for-life Cals been body-snatched (or booby-trapped) - leaving Boobies! in the hands of some moronic alien invader with no idea of how to run an RFL franchise?

The truth is out there... somewhere.

THE ROAD TO THE AGS BOWL GOES THROUGH TEHRAN

Ali's Heirs to the Ayatollah clobbered everyone last season in double dipping the Steamroller and the Aglione Bowl titles. After getting off to a 5-6 record, all indications pointed to Short-Changed Bastards of Persia not even making it to the Playoffs this year. But... much to the chagrin of Joebob, SCBoP has indeed climbed their way into a postseason spot - taking aim at their Ags Bowl XI victims in the quarterfinals.

IN: Wang 13-1, Joebob 11-3, Richard 9-5, Clark 8-6,
Cals 8-6, Kevin 8-6, Ali 7-7, Gary 7-7

OUT: Vesh 7-7, John 7-7, Stan 7-7, JoePa 6-8,
Brodz 5-9, Brad 3-11, Adam 3-11, Shiv 3-11

Tiebreaker notes...
3-way tie at 8-6:
Clark (1-0) beat Cals (1-1)
Cals beat Kevin (0-1)
Clark and Kevin did not play each other.

5-way tie at 7-7:
Ali (2-1) beat Vesh and Stan, lost to John, pts edge on Gary
Gary (2-1) beat Vesh and Stan, lost to John
Vesh (2-2) beat John and Stan, lost to Ali and Gary
John (2-2) beat Ali and Gary, lost to Vesh and Stan
Stan (1-3) beat John; lost to Ali, Gary and Vesh

3-way tie at 3-11:
Brad (2-0) beat Adam and Shiv
Adam (1-1) beat Shiv, lost to Brad
Shiv (0-2) lost to Brad and Adam

Highest scoring team: Mahatma's Minions - 48.6 ppg
Lowest scoring team: Blue Collar Workers - 27.6 ppg
Toughest defense: Mahatma's Minions - 31.1 ppg
Softest defense: Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids - 44.3 ppg
League scoring average: 37.3 ppg (last year 38.7)

Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #14!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Cleveland Steamers 24
Invasive Species 16

The combination of having their playoff future on the line AND the GOTW spotlight was too much for Invasive Species to handle - as IS bottomed out with their lowest pt total of the season. But thanks to a strong defensive effort, Stan very nearly pulled out the win that might have given him the #6 seed in the playoffs. IS shutout the star Cleveland Steamers RBs (Ahman and Emmitt) - and even came up with 9 RB pts of their own (courtesy of Sister Christian)! But Vesh was able to shutout all 3 of Stan's pass-catchers and back into 6 pts from The Snake (when Greasy DNP in Denver's most crucial game of the season - to date). Stan might have cursed Plummer's 6 for the entire offseason had Conwell not scored on Monday night. For Vesh, JSmith and TrBrown picked up the slack of the RBs - and for MStover. Stover failed to kick a FG for the first time in 39 games. Both Vesh and Stan now head to the scrub bowl.
Scrub win for Vesh (1-2). Stan was 3-1.

plummer 6 emmitt 0 ahman 0 jsmith 9 trb'n 3 conwell 3 stover 3
flute 3 centers 0 sister 9 to 0 tglenn 0 dclark 0 dawson 4
---------------------------------------------------------------
Other games:

Blue Collar Workers 26
Boobies! 29

The WIR Editorial Staff hereby retracts *every* negative comment ever written about Mr. Pinkston. How could the Staff have been so blind when it came to the tremendous WR skills he so obviously possesses. Whatever you do in the playoffs, Cals... *please* don't start Pinkston against me! When ?5 ran in a TD for the Steelers late in the game against the Ravens, everyone thought it was 6 for Fuamatu-Ma'afala. But upon further review... the jersey # was 35 (Kreider) instead of 45 (Fu). 6 for Fu would have given Brad and his Blue Collar Workers the edge they needed to hang onto a win through MNMadness. But Torry passed the 50 yd mark early in MNF's 4th quarter to claim this win for Cals. Suzy Kolber suited up at QB for Boobies! - and failed to score. Brad finishes his rookie regular season at 3-11 - and will take aim at this season's worse half in an attempt to tack on a few more wins.
Scrub win for Cals (1-2). Brad was 2-1.

gus 9 fu-ma'la 0 lamar 0 kevj'son 0 chambers 0 pollard 12 mort 5
suzy X hearst 6 antowain 3 tholt 3 pinky 9 bubba 0 akers 8
---------------------------------------------------------------
Mahatma's Minions 65
Having a Hard Time 38

This was a ''statement game'' for Joebob, and the self-proclaimed guru made his point loud and clear. With 2nd place (and a difference of 25 RFL bucks) on the line, Mahatma's Minions were able to easily engineer a come-from-behind triumph on Monday Night - with IBruce and MFaulk running rampant all over the 'aints defense. After surrendering the highest scoring team honors to BUBE for 1 week, Joebob made sure to reclaim the belt heading into the Playoffs. For the 3rd time in the last 4 weeks (and 7 times so far this season), the Having a Hard Time WRs failed to score. RDayne was the only Minion who failed to score for Joebob. Richard will need to crank up the running game and get some production from the WRs to do damage in the postseason. Despite all his WR woes, Richard still finished only 1 pt behind Cals for 4th overall in regular season team scoring.
Scrub loss for Richard (0-1). Joebob had no scrub decisions.

brunell 6 mfaulk 12 dayne 0 rod 12 isaac 21 carswell 3 elam 11
favre 9 priest 12 tom'son 3 oronde 0 w'brook 0 wycheck 3 v'jagt 11
---------------------------------------------------------------
Black Knights of the Charles 40
Fighting Poopy Diapers 39

In this week's only game with neither team headed to the Playoffs - or with any hope of making the Playoffs, RFL saw its most thrilling finish of the week. Baby Brodz' Fighting Poopy Diapers (with a 33-18 lead heading into MNF action) could not manage to avoid last place in the Irv Cross Division - as Sir Avery Brooks capped a highly improbably comeback script by crossing the 200-yd mark late in the 4th quarter (without allowing Joe Sucks to crack the 50-yd barrier). Brooks' dozen - coupled with Sir Jeff's 10 - enabled JoePa's Black Knights of the Charles to overcome Sucks' single TD and win this one by one. JoePa was able to overcome 0's from his RBs by getting a pair of 9's from Sir Billy and Sir Qadry. Baby Brodz quite surprisingly got 12 from Elvis against the Steelers, but fell quite short in production from the RBs and WRs/TE.
Scrub loss for Brodz (1-4). JoePa was 2-2.

brooks 12 bennett 0 kfaulk 0 sch'der 9 qadry 9 riemer 0 wilkins 10
elvis 12 sdavis 6 pittman 0 graham 3 horn 6 tonyg 3 edinger 9
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dude 22
Short-Changed Bastards of Persia 51

Dude continues to finish poorly - averaging a mere 28 ppg over the last 4 games (all losses, obviously). On the opposite end of the spectrum, Short-Changed Bastards of Persia are averaging 44.7 ppg over their last 3 games - with Randy Moss surging up the WR scoring list. The (un)fortunate injury to Watters clearly has Clark more upbeat heading into the Playoffs. Shaun Alexander will be back in Dude's starting backfield. The big question for Clark now is whether to start Stacey or Eddie alongside Shaun. Ali's club's postseason fortunes clearly hinge on Randy Moss. If he wants to play, SCBoP should win. If Moss doesn't want to play, SCBoP might not have even a chance to win. You would think the presence of Ali ''Phil Jackson-level guru-ness'' Eslambolchi and JRice would instill more of a mature/professional attitude in Randy. But I guess Randy will always just be Randy.
Clark was 1-0 in scrub decisions. Ali was 2-2.

fiedler 0 smack 6 eddie 0 conway 6 djax 3 cam 0 seabass 7
mcnabb 9 mand'son 0 garner 6 rmoss 18 rice 9 kbrady 0 hanson 9
---------------------------------------------------------------
Pimps de la Nast 32
Jersey Juggernauts 27

The Madness in the Boobies! and BKotC victories was decided later in the evening, but the Madness generated by Shiv and his QB (KWarner) was hands-down much more scintillating! Pimps de la Nast were down 27-14 heading into the contest between Warner and Jersey Juggernauts' defense. John's spot in the Playoffs was on the line. Warner methodically threw TD after TD - piling up more and more yardage. And it took less than 3 quarters for Warner to come up with the 15 pts he needed to send John packing for the scrub bowl. Shiv's RB, WR and TE situation is in a shambles. What the hell happened to Cris Carter this year?!? John's Juggernauts will look back on this loss - and the loss to BCW in Week 3 - as the primary culprits for not making the Playoffs in his rookie season. If Bettis ever gets his strained butt muscle in gear, John should challenge Vesh for the scrub bowl championship.
Shiv was 0-1 in scrub decisions. John was 3-0.

warner 18 tyrone 0 tdavis 3 chrebet 3 cris 0 chad 0 l'well 8
green 6 wdunn 3 gay 0 thrash 0 mhar'son 3 ej'son 6 hollis 9
---------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone Go Deep 46
Uffdalators 33

Kevin came into this game needing a win to secure the #4 seed in the Playoffs. All he needed in the Madness was 12 for Ricky and 7 for Carney - quite modest numbers considering the Saints should find themselves in a high-scoring affair with the Rams. However... ABrooks and WJackson got all the numbers - dropping Uffdalators all the way down to the #6 seed. Everyone Go Deep was able to offset Uffdalator RB CDillon's 18-pt outburst with huge numbers from his Colts. In fact, Peyton's and Dominique's combined 36 was enough to defeat Kevin's full set of starters. And with James Stewart on the mend (and then hurt again; and then ok again), Gary has made the postseason with essentially the starting 7 he envisioned exiting the Draft. DRhodes has been roughly the same as a RWatters. Dudley/Alge is a wash. Kevin's issues are QB (still) and an alarming downward WR trend.
Scrub loss for Kevin (1-3). Gary was 3-2.

peyton 15 jstew 3 dominic 21 keenan 3 freeman 0 alge 0 nedney 4
vanpelt 3 rw''ms 3 dillon 18 tibrown 0 amani 6 sharpe 0 cahney 3
---------------------------------------------------------------
Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids 12
Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant 30

Wang sensed that BUBE was headed for a huge letdown - and his players didn't disappoint. This week's 30 is the lowest output of the season. The last time BUBE dipped below 43 was Week 7 (when 35 was enough for a scrub win). For only the 2nd time this season, BUBE did not have a starter in double figures. The big question now is, ''Will BUBE be able to turn it on again for the Playoffs?'' This was supposed to be the week for Garcia, Tiki, Moulds, Freddie and Mare to come together and score the peppy 'roids for Adam. Unfortunately for the Rappin' Rabbis, Adam failed to get the good stuff through U.S. Customs in time for the game. Sources close to the State Department report that GM Wally pulled some strings to get Adam hung up in JFK. Wally is reported to have said, ''I want BUBE overconfident at 13-1 heading into the Playoffs. A loss this week might have brought BUBE into too much focus.''
Scrub win for Wang (2-1). Adam was 1-1.

jgarcia 3 tiki 6 chapman 0 hakim 0 moulds 3 freddie 0 mare 0
gannon 6 cmartin 6 duce 6 "kevin" 6 boston 3 byron 0 cortez 3

FINAL OVERALL REGULAR SEASON STANDINGS:

Rank	Team	Record	Pts Scored	regular season ''winnings''
1	BUBE	13-1	653	175 RFL bucks
2	MM	11-3	680	100
3	HaHT	9-5	578	75
4	Dude	8-6	555	50
5	Boobies!	8-6	579	30
6	Uffda	8-6	599	20
7	SCBoP	7-7	499
8	EGD	7-7	482
9	CS	7-7	554
10	JJ	7-7	463
11	IS	7-7	461
12	BKotC	6-8	485
13	FPD	5-9	495
14	BCW	3-11	387
15	RRR	3-11	423
16	Pimps	3-11	464

Playoff Bracket:

#1 BUBE
#8 EGD

#4 Dude
#5 Boobs

#2 MM
#7 SCBoP

#3 HaHT
#6 Uffda

anti-playoff Bracket:

#9 CS
#16 Pimps

#12 BKotC
#13 FPD

#10 JJ
#15 RRR

#11 IS
#14 BCW

Playoff Game Tiebreakers:

During the regular season... if two teams tie with respect to starter points and bench points, the game is declared a tie. In the playoffs, the tiebreaker system below is employed:
1) BENCH POINTS
2) TOTAL YARDS (PASSING, RUSHING, RECEIVING) BY STARTERS
3) BENCH YARDS
4) COIN TOSS

******************************************
Final Look at the Regular Season Standings
******************************************

Rank	Record	Pts Scored	No Scrubs*
1	Wang 13-1	Joebob 680	Wang 12-2
2	Joebob 11-3	Wang 653	Joebob 11-3
3	Richard 9-5	Kevin 599	Richard 10-4
4	Clark 8-6	Cals 579	Kevin 10-4
5	Cals 8-6	Richard 578	Cals 9-5
6	Kevin 8-6	Clark 555	Vesh 8-6
7	Ali 7-7	Vesh 554	Brodz 8-6
8	Gary 7-7	Ali 499	Ali 7-7
9	Vesh 7-7	Brodz 495	Clark 7-7
10	John 7-7	JoePa 485	JoePa 6-8
11	Stan 7-7	Gary 482	Gary 6-8
12	JoePa 6-8	Shiv 464	Stan 5-9
13	Brodz 5-9	John 463	Shiv 4-10
14	Brad 3-11	Stan 461	John 4-10
15	Adam 3-11	Adam 423	Adam 3-11
16	Shiv 3-11	Brad 387	Brad 2-12

*''woulda coulda shoulda'' team's record without scrub decisions

Wang: 2 out of 3 was good enough
Joebob: 1 out of 3 wasn't; but also had #1 defense
Richard: earned #3 seed; last in WR scoring, though
Clark: lost last 4; ''O'' and scrub record indicate 7 or 8 seed
Cals: basically seeded correctly; no selection committee favoritism
Kevin: lost out in tiebreaker; but got 1/4 date with WR-less HaHT
Ali: pretty much right on; here come the defending champs!
Gary: #s indicate most undeserving playoff team; 3 slots too high
Vesh: should romp in scrub bowl; deserved playoff spot
John: rookie GM ''screwed'' by tiebreaker; gotta like that!
Stan: amazing this team was so close to claiming #6 seed
JoePa: should have been 2 spots higher; but still not in playoffs
Brodz: Baby Brodz pays dues; might've deserved playoff spot
Brad: knew how to work tiebreaker against Adam and Shiv
Adam: #s say #15 across the board; worst ''D'' means unlucky
Shiv: deserved maybe 3 or 4 notches higher; far cry from Foge's #1

********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
151 Kurt Warner (Pimps de la Nast)
143 Peyton Manning (Everyone Go Deep)
139 Jeff Garcia (Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids)

RB
164 Marshall Faulk (Mahatma's Minions)
138 Priest Holmes (Having a Hard Time)
135 Shaun Alexander (Dude)
129 Ahman Green (Cleveland Steamers)
123 Corey Dillon (Uffdalators)
120 Ricky Williams (Uffdalators)

WR
129 Terrell Owens (Invasive Species)
120 Marvin Harrison (Jersey Juggernauts)
116 Rod Smith (Mahatma's Minions)
105 Randy Moss (Short-Changed Bastards of Persia)
99 Tim Brown (Uffdalators)
99 David Boston (Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant)

TE
56 Tony Gonzalez (Fighting Poopy Diapers)
54 Marcus Pollard (Blue Collar Workers)
42 Bubba Franks (Boobies!)

PK
109 Jason Elam (Mahatma's Minions)
106 Jeff Wilkins (Black Knights of the Charles)
102 Sebastian Janikowski (Dude)

be sure to check:
The Season Points Leaders Page
...for a more complete listing of scoring leaders.

Clark	Advantage	Cals
KCollins		CWeinke
SAlexander		GHearst
EGeorge		ASmith
DJackson		THolt
CConway		TPinkston
ABecht		BFranks
SJanikowski		DAkers

In Week 8 Clark obliterated Cals 44-18, but that game took place with Boobies! missing Culpepper and Holt on their bye week. Cals will apparently be without Daunte again for this contest, but a Holt coming off a week where IBruce scores 3 TDs should make a big difference for Cals.
The return of Shaun Alexander should do wonders for the Dude backfield - and put an end to Clark's slide over the last 4 weeks. Between the QB and RBs, Dude should have at least a 6-pt advantage.
Holt and Bubba should give Boobies! an edge in the pass-catching department. The big question here is, ''Which TPinkston will show up?'' Will it be the Pinkston who struck for 9 pts each in Weeks 3 and 14? Or will it be the Pinkston who was shutout in his other 8 starts?
Cals is 5-1 over the last 6 weeks, but the apparent loss of Culpepper might be too much to overcome.

**** The QB of the present over the QB of the past: Dude by 3 ****

Wang	Advantage	Gary
TBouman		PManning
CMartin		DRhodes
DStaley		JStewart
KeyJohnson		AFreeman
DBoston		KMcCardell
BChamberlain		ACrumpler
JFeely		JNedney

In Week 11 Wang scraped by Gary 46-42. BUBE was able to overcome 27 combined pts from Manning and Rhodes by putting together 34 from Gannon, Boston and Cortez. Cortez has since gone into the crapper - leaving BUBE's PK duties up in the air. Manning and Rhodes are coming off a huge 36 pt combined effort in EGD's big Week 14 win over Uffdalators. If Gary can get quality minutes from JStewart and the WRs, EGD is quite capable of pulling off the #8-over-#1 upset (an upset that happened 2 years in-a-row before last season). Wang also continues to shudder at the vision of Alge pulling a Marvcus Pollard and adding a dozen to the EGD scoresheet.
For BUBE, tough decisions loom at QB, RB#2 and PK. Gannon has been the man for BUBE. Aside from the 0 in his first start for BUBE, Gannon has completely erased the memories of LaDainian putting up big numbers in a BUBE jersey. But if Culpepper is indeed out again this weekend, who can keep the starting Vike QB on the bench 3 weeks in a row?!? A Train ran roughshod over the Bucs last weekend - calling into question Wang's loyalty to DStaley. And picking between Feely and Cortez... the most either should score is perhaps 5 anyway.
Perhaps this game will come down to Keyshawn vs. Alge.

**** We'll take Keyshawn and hold our breath: BUBE by 4 ****

#2-Mahatma's Minions (11-3, 48.6) vs. #7-Short-Changed Bastards of Persia (7-7, 35.6)

The Minions spanked SCBoP 42-15 in Week 5's GOTW. Ali was missing McNabb that week, and RMoss didn't really feel like playing until 5 weeks later. Joebob was able to gain a small measure of revenge for losing Ags Bowl XI to Ali 9.5 months earlier. Joebob should have quite the advantage in the running game, but Ali's passing game has been on fire 4 of the last 5 weeks.
When it counts, Ali knows how to handle Joebob... SCBoP by 8

#3-Having a Hard Time (9-5, 41.3) vs. #6-Uffdalators (8-6, 42.8)

Richard handed Kevin a 51-45 scrub loss in Week 12. Favre (21) and Tomlinson (12) led the way - while Priest and V-jagt also chipped in 9 each. Tim Brown scored 15 in the losing effort for Uffdalators. As has been well-documented of late, HaHT is not getting points from their WRs. Kevin is not getting QB pts, and his WRs are dropping to HaHT's WRs' level. Favre, Priest and LaDainian can only do so much for Richard. Ricky Williams, Tim Brown and Shannon Sharpe look to make the difference for Kevin.
The upset that isn't really an upset... U by 9.

Other Tilts:

#9-Cleveland Steamers (7-7, 39.6) by 7 over #16-Pimps de la Nast (3-11, 33.1)
Vesh should ride Ahman and JSmith to a relatively easy win. Shiv needs to get some big WR pts to have a chance.

#15-Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids (3-11, 30.2) by 2 over #10-Jersey Juggernauts (7-7, 33.1)
Adam needs Garcia to heal by Saturday night. John could use a nice game from Thrash.

#14-Blue Collar Workers (3-11, 27.6) by 1 over #11-Invasive Species (7-7, 32.9)
Brad's WRs are due - big-time. Stan's RB situation has gotten about as bad as anyone's worst nightmare.

#13-Fighting Poopy Diapers (5-9, 35.4) by 6 over #12-Black Knights of the Charles (6-8, 34.6)
Baby Brodz can't lose 2 weeks in a row to BKotC, can he? JoePa can still finish the season with a winning record.

©1999-2001 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: December 18, 2001