After 3 weeks, 3 teams are 3-0:
Mahatma's Minions (Wally) - Aglione Bowl runner-up last year, top-scoring team this season so far
Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant (Wang) - Aglione Bowl champion 2 seasons ago, 2nd highest scoring team so far this season
Short-Changed Bastards of Persia (Ali) - Steamroller and Aglione Bowl winner last season, top-ranked defense so far this season

OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM

After 3 weeks, 3 teams are 0-3:
Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids (Adam) - ranked #8 and #10 by Foge and Cals coming out of the Draft. Brodz, *PLEASE* get this guy's ass in gear!
Invasive Species (Stan) - ranked #14 and #15 in the preseason polls. This guy *loves* trying to pull his ass out of early season fires!
Pimps de la Nast (Shiv) - #1 and #6 in preseason projections. Will need some time to recover from loss of Terrell.

GRANNY DOES YOUR DOG BITE? NO, CHILD, NO

The Itzhak Perlman division swept all 4 from the Midori division, and the Anne-Sophie Mutter division went 3-1 against the Vanessa-Mae division.

Highest scoring team: Mahatma's Minions - 55.7 ppg
Lowest scoring team: Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids - 22.0 ppg
Toughest defense: Short-Changed Bastards of Persia - 21.0 ppg
Softest defense: Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids - 54.7 ppg
League scoring average: 35.6 ppg (last year 38.7)

6 teams with all 9 QB bonus pts: Cals (BIG SURPRISE HERE!), JoePa, Clark, Brodz, Shivan, Vesh
4 teams with no QB bonus pts: Kevin (0 QB pts total!), Adam, Stan, Wang

Getting to the bloody point... on to WIR #3!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Mahatma's Minions 55
Uffdalators 13

Kevin's Uffdalators were more Uff than 'dalators this week - as Wally's Minions drubbed them by 42. Wally's calming influence over a Minion squad on the verge of imploding was most clear in the production out of RBs Faulk and Dayne. Marshall scored 6 more than he did in Weeks 1 and 2 combined. Dayne did the same. Kevin barely scraped together enough pts to get into double figures. The 0 from Hasselbeck was no surprise, but the 0s from Tim Brown and AToomer were quite unpleasant to behold. RFL took a few leaps backwards in this contest - as the concept of the forward pass was forgotten. The bright spotlight of GOTW for 2 consecutive weeks obviously wore Uffdalators down. Mahatma's Minions look to continue their run at a 17-0 season next week against nemesis Vesh's Cleveland Steamed.

brunell 0 mfaulk 27 dayne 12 rod 3 isaac 0 walls 6 elam 7
h'beck 0 rw''ms 6 dillon 3 tib'n 0 amani 0 sharpe 3 kasay 1
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Blue Collar Workers 19
Jersey Juggernauts 17

Where to begin... after being featured in last week's GM Profile, John and his ''Juggernauts'' went out and played an absolute stinker. Mistake #1... starting vINTy's goose-egg over TGreen's 15. This was an exception to prove the theorem learned by GM Richard last week. 0s from MHarrison and JThrash (after combining for 45 in Week 2, and 0 in Week 1)?!? Everyone knows the key to RFL glory is consistent goodness! Dunn finishing with 99 yds and Harrison finishing with 49?!? A *winner* gets that last yd! Right, vINTy?!? When you're on the 1 inch line, sneak it in! And lastly... cutting Jacquez, having him picked up by the opposition, and not only having him hand a copy of your playbook to your opponent... but to have Green score the decisive 3! Ouch! But let's give a little credit to those pesky Blue Collar Workers. No one can deny that GM Brad is putting in some good old-fashioned hard work and elbow grease to convert his team of undrafted scrubs into a squad worthy of their team name. Congrats on franchise victory #1!
Scrub win for Brad (1-0).

weinke 3 ogary 0 rand'son 0 jj 0 green 3 becht 0 cortez 13
vINTy 0 dunn 9 bus 6 har'son 0 thrash 0 ejohnson 0 hollis 2
--------------------------------------------------------
Having a Hard Time 59
Everyone Go Deep 32

GM Gary was having a hard time picking between starting Keenan or Snoop. In the end, Everyone Go Deep went with the correct starter. But since Snoop was a DNP, Gary would have gotten Keenan's 6 anyway - unless he moved Ike ahead of Keenan in his d chart. GM Richard won this game with 33 from his RBs, but NO ONE in their right mind would have expected Priest to get the 30 and Edgerrin to get the 3. Sources close to Having a Hard Time HQs reported that Priest had been on the trading block as recently as Sunday morning - for Jamal Lewis and Sylvester Morris. But GM Richard has perhaps learned another valuable RFL lesson - sometimes the best trade is one where you ask for too much, get mocked by your peers, don't make the trade, and then have your trade-bait guy light up the scoreboard. Kennison had one of those games (NEGATIVE yds) where MINUS 3 pts are called for. HAHT ''backup'' QB Gannon outscored ''starter'' Favre this week. One more lesson learned? Never pick 2 QBs so equal in RFL talent. You'll more often than not start the wrong guy.

favre 16 ejames 3 priest 30 joey 0 ek'son 0 pollard 9 v'jagt 1
peyton 12 watters 0 tjones 3 freeman 2 keenan 6 dudley 0 todd 9
--------------------------------------------------------
Boobies! 61
Pimps de la Nast 59

Oh, the Monday Night insanity... Shiv's Pimps held the slim 56-55 lead on Cals' Boobies! with a (seemingly) favorable Chrebet vs. concussed Hearst matchup. And what should happen on the Niners' 2nd drive? Kevan Barlow comes in to give Hearst a blow - and very nearly runs Garrison out of a starting job. But Hearst gets another series - and re-establishes himself as the Niners' #1 RB. So... Hearst breaks the 100 yd barrier - leaving Chrebet in a hole where only a TD on the final drive will provide Shiv with a deserved victory. But due to some atrocious clock-(mis)management during the final Jets' 2-minute drill, CMartin got the last TD - instead of Chrebet. DCulpepper and THolt led the way for Cals' Boobies!, but TPinkston stepped up with a huge 9 - perhaps knocking GCrowell out of a job. The loss of Terrell Davis continues to look like a torpedo in Pimps de la Nast's hull. 30 for KWarner and CLewis were for naught as the Pimps got nipped by the Boobies!.
Scrub loss for Shiv (0-1).

daunte 15 hearst 6 tallen 3 holt 12 pinky 9 bubba 6 akers 10
warner 18 comella 0 tyrone 9 cris 9 chrebet 3 chad 12 l'well 8
--------------------------------------------------------
Black Knights of the Charles 27
Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant 64

The Devil went down to Georgia 'cause he was looking for some RFL playing time. He got it at RB #1 for the Black Knights of the Charles, but was held scoreless. Wang saved his soul and won the shiny fiddle made of gold. GM JoePa's revolving door at WR #2 landed on BSchroeder this week (after stops on MWestbrook and QIsmail before), and Schroeder actually tied for team-high honors - with Captain Sisko's deep space 9. JoePa is still one victory away from tying Lance ''Bear'' Harry for 16th on the all-time RFL victories list. In the past week, GM Wang sifted through piles of trade offers for CMartin and LTomlinson. Sources in the BUBE camp tell us that Wang rejected separate offers of Rob Johnson, Jeff George, Wade Wilson and Gary Hogeboom. Kitna's 6 were the 1st QB pts of the season for BUBE, but those elusive QB bonus pts (the Cals rule) have still evaded GM Wang.

abrooks 9 devil X b'nett 3 muhsin 0 sch'der 9 riemer 0 wilkins 6
kitna 6 cmartin 15 lt'son 24 keyshawn 3 boston 3 byron 3 mgram 10
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Dude 35
Invasive Species 19

Stan's still got that damn shovel in his hand, and the Invasive Species RB situation continues to worsen. Jamal Anderson was supposed to return to his '98 form this year (16 TDs, 2165 yds!), but now he's out for the season. NGoings was given a shot by Seifert to take over for Biakabutt, but perhaps Huntley will get a long look next week. Stan's air attack still holds promise, but recovering from an 0-3 start (with JAllen as RB #1) will tax Stan's GM skills to the fullest. Picking up Maurice Smith might help a little. Clark has temporarily recovered from the loss of McCaffrey in Week 1. CConway has put up 15 in the last 2 weeks. Dude also backed in to 9 pts from Shaun Alexander when Duce couldn't go against the Cowpokes. If Eddie's toe can heal, and if Clark can pair a 2nd WR with Conway (no, Oronde doesn't count)... Dude's invitation to the postseason will be in the mail.

fiddler 6 mack 6 salex'der 9 conway 6 oronde 0 cam 0 j'kow 8
flute 3 jamala 0 goings 0 towens 6 dalex'der 3 dclark 3 richey 4
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Short-Changed Bastards of Persia 32
Cleveland Steamers 23

After GM Vesh's strong Week 1 performance that conjured up images of the revered Steamroller-winning Romanians of 1998, Cleveland Steamers have run out of steam the past 2 weeks - and are now resembling the rundown, last-place Romanians of last year (and '97 and '96). Production from Griese/Ahman/JSmith has dropped from 54 to 21 to 15 from Week 1 to 3. A crucial matchup with Wally's Minions awaits. Another loss could send the Steamers spiraling to yet another last-place finish. GM Ali's Bastards continue to do it with defense. Ali learned well last season that defense wins championships. Mix in a blast from the past (JRice) with a young stud (McNabb), and the Short-Changed Bastards of Persia could be right back in the Steamroller/Aglione Bowl picture this year. The fact that Moss is still averaging only 2 ppg must scare all the GMs remaining on the SCBoP schedule.
3 bench pts from Hines outpointed Gary's pointless bench to help keep Ali from ''dropping'' to 3-0 in scrub decisions.

mcnabb 9 ma'son 0 garner 0 moss 3 rice 15 damon 0 hall 5
greasy 6 ahman 6 jjax 0 jsmith 3 trb'n 0 conwell 0 stover 8
--------------------------------------------------------
Fighting Poopy Diapers 44
Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids 13

The Rappin' Rabbis supply of juice is obviously running low. 0s from Moulds and Freddie really hurt. Moulds has yet to score this season! Think the Bills kept the wrong QB?!? JGarcia also managed only 3 for Adam. No RFL club can win on Tiki and a PK alone! CBuck's dozen paced Baby Brodz' attack this week. Tony G also finally scored what should be the first of 10ish TDs this season. After scoring only 13 in Week 1, the Fighting Poopy Diapers appear to be getting their stank going. If Brodz can get SDavis and JHorn performing up to their expectation levels, FPD will be looking towards a return to the Aglione Bowl. Brodz has not been to the Ags Bowl since Chortling Tushy Whackers' 42-18 loss to John Wilson's Landlord Luggage in '97. Brodkin Citgo Machine provided Brodz with his only RFL championship - in '92.

elvis 9 sdavis 3 correll 12 pathon 0 horn 3 tonyg 9 gand'son 8
garcia 3 tiki 6 prentice 0 moulds 0 hakim 0 freddie 0 omare 4

DIBS PRIORITY

The topic of dibs seems to be the most popular in this section of the WIR. This week I would like to discuss the order in which teams' dibs are processed. Before this season started, ''we'' modified the existing tiebreaker rule for playoff seeding (namely, HEAD-TO-HEAD RECORD was moved ahead of TOTAL PTS SCORED). In ranking the bottom teams for dibs priority levels, I do *not* believe a similar method would make sense.

For example... let's say that after Week 2 six teams are tied at 1-1 (with 5 teams each at 0-2 and 2-0). Clearly the 0-2 teams have not gone head-to-head (and the same is true of the 2-0 teams), so obviously fewest pts scored is the primary tiebreaker. But what of the 6 1-1 teams? What if Team A beat Team B, but Teams C, D, E and F have not played any of the other 1-1 teams? Does Team B deserve to jump to the head of the dibs queue of 1-1 teams? With such a small sample of head-to-head games between the tied teams, I do not think this tiebreaker rule makes sense. At the *end* of the season, if 6 (or even 2 or 3) teams have the same record - and they've all played each other... that's when the head-to-head tiebreaker makes sense.

So for this season... I am keeping things the same for dibs queue tiebreaker.

HEALTHY FRANCHISES

Much has been written about Savior Wally as he has stepped in to stabilize the Mahatma's Minions franchise. Prior to Wally's appearance on the scene, the League Sages were considering merging Minions with Pimps de la Nast to form a single, more concentrated (and hopefully more healthy) IFEJ ''presence.'' Minion players were concerned about Joebob's increased focus on spellchecking his GM Profile columns - while losing focus on the day-to-day ''operations'' of his club.

''There was a week where Joebob was learning how to use Word's spellchecking function that we didn't have a single all-night hookers and gin session!'' proclaimed Minion captain Dorsey ''Gotta party, no time to study the playbook'' Levens.

''Now that GM Wally has taken over running the team... we've got our parties back, we've had our honorary captains - like Bam Morris, Cecil Collins and Mark Chmura - come back to the 'compound', and we're all feeling much more 'energized' - on and off the field," explained Minion Mark Brunell. ''I even played 3 series with a severe concussion last game!" Brunell went on to add.

NOT SO HEALTHY

With the firming up of the Minion club also comes a new target for the League Office. When GM Adam drafted his Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids, the League generally looked the other way. ''Adam's in the process of moving out of DC, he's flying to Israel to get married, he's going to spend a year or 2 working over there, but he's going to be able to maintain his team - thanks to email and the website,'' offered Adam's sponsor Brodz.

While Adam did draft numerous players with severe injuries (Jamal Lewis and Sylvester Morris out for the season at the time of the Draft; and Tiki, EMoulds, Marvcus Robinson, Freddie Jones and OMare all with serious health issues on Draft Day), Adam did show signs last season of having the GM skills to transform his roster into a playoff contender. The League has been patient during his wedding and honeymoon period, but the League now states for the record that the honeymoon is over.

The League wants to see Adam fix up his team. Brodz has promised to assist in apprising Adam. Brodz explained that he couldn't do so in good conscience before facing off on the battlefield. But now with the head-to-head 'W' safely in his back pocket, Brodz can move forward in getting the Rappin' Rabbis back on their 'Roids.

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Patrick Callery, GM, Boobies!
*************************************************

You could make a case that Patrick Callery and RFL are synonymous with one another. The founder of RFL was a marquee GM at one point of his career and is a consistent voice of reason for the League. Sounds like a fairy tale ripe for Hollywood. Young Minnesota boy finds fame in fantasy football? Well, is life ever this rosy?? Not in this case. Cals has fallen on some hard times: RFL mediocrity, a lack of respect from all GMs and the Commish, even an erosion of skills on the turf itself. Let's take a peek under the covers of this one time legend.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Pat, I know we go way back, but I have to say - What the hell happened in the draft?? M. Alstott?? G. Hearst?? T. Allen?? Has the game passed you by? Or has married life softened your killer instinct?

Patrick Callery: When I woke up that morning, I thought it was 1996.

RFL: Uh... OK. It seems the days of the great End Zone Bones and ZBomb teams are long over. The days of opposing GMs waking up on Sunday morning in a cold sweat knowing that they're going up against a Cals coached team are gone. Have you pondered retirement?

PC: I consider myself the Michael Jordan of RFL. Sure, I won lots and lots of titles, but for some reason retirement just doesn't suit me. So I will proceed to play into my old age and make a mockery of my own name and legend.

RFL: Well, you're off to a great start. Now, switching gears a bit. Rumors from the weekly flag football outings have been trickling in saying, and I quote, "Cals just ain't the same. He's lost a step and his QB glory days from BU were clearly a reflection of his superior wide receivers." Are these the statements of lesser athletes that are merely bitter at your skills? OR have you been relegated to "last pick of gym class" status?

PC: All I know about that is Clark never picks me for his team anymore. Why? I am sure it either is due to a slower 40, my receding hairline, or that mess of hazardous chemicals I left in his garage. I do remember beating a certain "Brown Blunder" for a couple touchdown catches recently though.

RFL: Well, if you want to brag about beating Krishna who has played football for all of 2 weeks - that's your choice. Moving on - Chris Wienke. A former classmate, teammate and friend. Tell us a little bit about what goes through your mind seeing him as an NFL star and now, more importantly, an RFL star.

PC: Well, his skills have obviously eroded since high school. Although I'm not sure if that might just be due to the weaker supporting cast he has now. I mean, how can he ever put up the same numbers with people like Nick Goings in his backfield, when he once had me back there?

RFL: Is there any bitterness at Wienke hogging the spotlight at Cretin-Durham? Could that be you QB'ing the Panthers this year?

PC: I was never interested in playing QB in Cretin's "west-coast style" offense. I was much more comfortable at the helm with the Wilding, where I was once compared to a young Jamelle Holieway. I've never been an NFL-style passer, which is part of why people like Clark have twisted the rules to keep me from exceling at QB in our weekend pick-up games. Too dangerous on the run.

RFL: Intersting comparison. Being a former Commish yourself, has Dave Wang crossed the line with some of his emails? Is RFL still a democracy?

PC: I love the way the league has prospered and expanded during Wang's tenure. And nobody can deny that he does a superb job of keeping troublemakers in line. But I do have to question his authoritarian methods of imposing his own interpretations of rules. So yes, I believe he has already crossed the line toward ending democracy in the RFL. At least we still have the email list and the WIR interviews as our last refuge of free speech in this League.

RFL: What is Wang - One of the greatest leaders of our time OR Deranged Tyrant? And why?

PC: Both. He's like that genius that nobody ever quite understood, and thus, was never quite appreciated. At the same time his ruthless dictatorship has broken the will to fight of so many young brave-hearted RFL GMs. Lately though, he has certainly opened up to us, showing his sensitive nature in the wake of recent family and national tragedies.

RFL: You've known Commish Wang for quite some time. What is your favorite and least favorite memory of Mr. Wang?

PC: Now Joe, I don't want to get into a Wang-bashing session here. He is a good man and a good friend. I have many wonderful memories, from his EE lab section at BU, brews at the Dugeaux (that's Dugout for you uncultured slobs) and the grad student happy hours, Michigan football games, Sunday BBQ and FB etc. But if you really want to know my least favorite memory, just take a mental journey with me back to the apartment we shared for a year and a half in Ann Arbor. Picture yourself entering the bathroom after he's been in there for an hour or so, and realizing with horror that the toilet does not flush as powerfully as advertised.

RFL: Please provide a 1 word answer to the following... RFL

PC: SUCKS

RFL: Clark

PC: INTERCEPTION

RFL: Ali

PC: BUDDY

RFL: Burritos

PC: LA COSTENA

RFL: Nickerson Field

PC: WILDING

RFL: Toilet Paper

PC: HELP!

RFL: Grizzly Adams

PC: SUNSET

RFL: Spitter

PC: B&D

RFL: Patrick - as always, it's been a pleasure interviewing you and best of luck in your season.

Interviewer Closing: In interviewing Patrick, I found a lost soul clinging to the glory days of his youth. It seems he can't live without the adulation of millions of fans that he grew so accustomed to during his Wilding and RFL Commish days. At the same time, one must admire his continuous efforts to reclaim that glory no matter what the cost is to his legedary status. One must applaud Cals for what he will always mean to our League. This interviewer still firmly believes that Cals *IS* RFL.

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
48 Peyton Manning (Everyone Go Deep)
43 Kurt Warner (Pimps de la Nast)
36 Donovan McNabb (Short-Changed Bastards of Persia)

RB
48 Marshall Faulk (Mahatma's Minions)
39 Curtis Martin (Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant)
36 Edgerrin James (Having a Hard Time)
33 Ahman Green (Cleveland Steamers)
30 LaDainian Tomlinson (Brooding Unicorn Blithe Elephant)
30 Priest Holmes (Having a Hard Time)

WR
36 Rod Smith (Mahatma's Minions)
24 Marvin Harrison (Jersey Juggernauts)
24 Jimmy Smith (Cleveland Steamers)
21 James Thrash (Jersey Juggernauts)
18 Amani Toomer (Uffdalators)
18 Jerry Rice (Short-Changed Bastards of Persia)

TE
18 Bubba Franks (Boobies!)
12 Tony Gonzalez (Fighting Poopy Diapers)
12 Chad Lewis (Pimps de la Nast)

PK
31 Jose Cortez (Blue Collar Workers)
30 Sebastian Janikowski (Dude)
26 Jason Elam (Mahatma's Minions)

be sure to check:
The Season Points Leaders Page
...for a more complete listing of scoring leaders.

Cals	Advantage	Wang
DCulpepper		JKitna
TAllen		CMartin
GHearst		LSmith
THolt		KeyJohnson
GCrowell		DBoston
BFranks		BChamberlain
DAkers		MGramatica

Once again the Commissioners of RFL collide! The fact that League Historians cannot ever recall a Wang victory over Cals (regular season, postseason, consolation bowl, or preseason) has been written about each year at this time. Even Wang's Aglione Bowl champion Ferocious Underwear of '99 were clobbered by Cals' Wide Open Beavers 46-18.
The matchups outlined above indicate once again that ''Capt. Ahab'' Wang should fail in his quest for his Moby Dick.
Culpepper-Kitna should give Cals at least a 9 pt edge at the QB spot.
Wang will have a tough choice picking 2 starting RBs between CMartin, LSmith and LTomlinson. TRichardson, MAlstott and Antowain Smith are pushing TAllen and GHearst for touches out of the Boobies! backfield. Wang should have a 3-6 pt edge in the running game.
But where BUBE should fall short is in the pass-catching trio. Cals' THolt/GCrowell/BFranks trio should outscore Wang's Keyshawn/DBoston/BChamberlain group by 6-12. And Cals has the apparent luxury of going with TPinkston again over Germane.

**** Cals wins the Clash of Commishes again!, Boobies! by 4 ****

15-Invasive Species (0-3, 25.0) by 13 over 1-Blue Collar Workers (1-2, 23.3)
Stan's long climb back into playoff contention starts this week. Brad gets a little more respect from the bookies.

2-Mahatma's Minions (3-0, 55.7) by 12 over 14-Cleveland Steamers (1-2, 40.7)
Joebob's pass catchers should overwhelm Vesh's. Vesh's only edge should be at QB.

13-Rabbis Rappin' on 'Roids (0-3, 22.0) by 9 over 3-Having a Hard Time (2-1, 45.7)
On paper this looks like a good matchup for Adam. Richard's passing game needs to find a way to hold its own.

11-Uffdalators (2-1, 34.7) by 11 over 5-Black Knights of the Charles (1-2, 31.0)
Kevin's running game should dominate. JoePa has a huge edge at QB - and needs better WR/TE production.

6-Dude (2-1, 39.0) by 1 over 10-Everyone Go Deep (2-1, 35.3)
RJohnson is due to bust out for Gary. Clark should win if Cleeland outscores Dudley.

9-Pimps de la Nast (0-3, 39.7) by 2 over 7-Short-Changed Bastards of Persia (3-0, 30.3)
A 3-0 team that scores 9.3 ppg *less* than an 0-3 team?!? Chad is Shiv's edge. Ali needs a TD (or 2) from MAnderson.

8-Fighting Poopy Diapers (2-1, 31.3) by 25 over 12-Jersey Juggernauts (1-2, 27.0)
CBuck could give Baby Brodz a huge edge at RB #2. TonyG's edge at TE is distinct. Will John get 20+ from Thrash? Looks like he'll need it.

©1999-2001 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: October 2, 2001