Not since 1993 (Cals' End Zone Bones) has a team completed the RFL Daily Double - capturing the Steamroller and Aglione Bowl in the same season. Well... was there any doubt heading into the playoffs that Ali's Heirs to the Ayatollah would accomplish the feat this year? After 63-40 and 57-27 laughers in the quarters and semis, Na Brown's Boys pushed Heirs to the edge before 7 Del Greco Monday Night Football points gave Ali a 52-49 Aglione Bowl XI victory.

SPECIAL IN THIS ISSUE of WIR: COMMISHES (#1 AND #2) CHAT IN THE RFL GM PROFILES SECTION!!!

WHO DAT SAY DEY CAN BEAT DEM BRIAN'S BUMS?!?

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 53.4 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 27.4 ppg
Toughest defense: (tie) Heirs to the Ayatollah and Fresh Squeezed - 35.5 ppg
Softest defense: Minnesota Nice - 44.1 ppg
League scoring average: 38.7 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm) (174), AJU & NBB (165)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (81), %$!@#& (114) & CB (123)
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #17!

****************************
*** AGLIONE BOWL XI ***
****************************
Heirs to the Ayatollah 52
Na Brown's Boys 49

Joebob's Na Brown's Boys had the 49-45 lead heading into Monday Night Madness action, but Ali had Frank and Al going against the scrubby Cowboys. Dallas held Heirs to the Ayatollah to only 1 pt in the first half, but then Del Greco busted out for 6 in the 3rd quarter. Ahman Green, who got his first start in Week 6 (and finished as the #13 RB with only 9 starts), led Joebob's crew. NBB *would* have won if Joebob had given Kerry Collins the start at QB. Marshall Faulk scored 96 pts in 3 playoff games for Ali. The RFL MVP and Playoff MVP categories will not appear on the postseason ballot. Midseason trade acquisition (from The Determined Sperm...) Eric Moulds posted the 6 pts HTTA would need to win this one.

c'pper 3 mfaulk 33 rsmith 0 moulds 6 chrebet 3 wycheck 0 dgreco 7
king 5 bettis 3 green 21 cris 3 ed 9 mangum 0 elam 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All Jacked Up 34
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 66

Marvin Harrison's 24 pts catapulted him over Rod Smith and Terrell Owens for a 1st team All-RFL spot. Mike Anderson's 15 held off a late-season charge from Fred Taylor for a spot on the 2nd All-RFL team. Tony G and "The Doctor" also combined for 15 for Brodz in The Determined Sperm...'s Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl victory. Tiki and Eddie combined for a blackjack - as All Jacked Up finished #2 in RB scoring on the season. Derrick Mason also contributed 9 to Clark's effort.

greasy 0 tiki 12 egeorge 9 dawkins 0 mason 9 freddie 0 anderson 4
garcia 3 moreau 6 mand'son 15 har'son 24 conway 0 tonyg 9 nedney 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Carpet Bombers 23
Minnesota Nice 24

Keyshawn Johnson claimed Tangerine Bowl MVP honors as he led Kevin's Minnesota Nice to a rather scrubby consolation game victory. Getting only 6 RB pts allowed AJU to pass MN for 2nd overall, but 6 was enough for CMartin to tie with RSmith for the last RB spot on the Honorable Mention All-RFL squad. Aaron Brooks finished tied with Air McNair at #13 in QB pts - with only 5 starts (compared to McNair's 16). Tim's Carpet Bombers actually beat out Cals for top PK scoring honors. The CB QB trio of KWarner, CBatch and TGreen also finished just 4 pts behind HTTA for the QB scoring title.

warner 3 lsmith 12 tyrone 3 jsmith 0 tmartin 0 c'ford 0 l'well 5
brooks 6 cmartin 6 tallen 0 key 9 alex'er 0 alex'er 0 brien 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fresh Squeezed 42
Fire in the Hole 26

Wang's scrubby FITH dropped their 3rd straight postseason contest - this time to Commish predecessor Cals. Kordell and Amani combined for all the offense Fresh Squeezed would need. Cals finished 3rd in WR pts and 2nd in PK pts. Wang finished 2nd in TE pts, but DEAD LAST in WR pts.

kordell 15 jamala 6 biaka 0 toomer 15 ibruce 0 jackie 0 stover 6
kitna 6 emmitt 0 stewart 3 cjohnson 9 djax 0 sharpe 0 wilkins 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Black Ops 38
Nasty Desais 13

After recording his 2nd 2-game winning streak of the season (the 1st came in Weeks 1 and 2), Shivan decided to change things up and go with the throwbacks for Scrub Bowl XI. Needless to say, the idea backfired quite badly as Black Ops drubbed Team Desai/Nasty Pimps. Nasty Pimps did manage to finish #2 in overall WR scoring. Fred Taylor once again led the way for JoePa's BO - for the 6th time in the last 7 weeks. Fred's 129 pts over the last 7 weeks landed him on the Honorable Mention All-RFL team - ahead of such notables as RSmith, CMartin, SDavis and CGarner. The Scrub Bowl benching of Gannon almost cost him his Honorable Mention spot, though.

mcnabb 3 ftaylor 9 peabo 6 boston 0 holt 6 sloan 6 jhanson 8
favre 0 alstott 0 pittman 3 muhsin 6 towens 0 roland 0 daluiso 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 36 (6+)
%$!@#& 36 (6)

Thanks to his bench stocked with Patriots, Stan was able to claim the inaugural thewanger.com Bowl. Jermaine Wiggins was named MVP. Edgerrin could not reclaim the top-scoring spot from Marshall, but finished strongly for Gary's %$!@#&. Joe Horn finished as the #17 WR in overall pts - and helped lead The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm) to a #1 finish in team WR scoring.

TAQAP(tm)'s bench: tglenn 6 jwiggins 3
%$!@#& bench: troybrown 6 plummer/pritchett/pickens 0 bjornson X

mcnair 3 jallen 3 jamall 5 sucks 9 rod 3 chad 3 akers 10
elvis 3 ejames 18 anders 0 morton 3 qadry 6 dmoore 0 c'stie 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazed Beagles on the Run 43
Merry Munching Merkins 19

PManning and KFaulk each posted a dozen to split MVP honors in the Candlepin Bowl. Wally's Crazed Beagles' top scoring position was a 3rd place finish at QB. Vesh now has finished with the League's worst record in 3 of the last 5 seasons. Granted... Vesh missed the Draft in '97 and played the season with leftover free agents - and the Romanians of last year finished the season at 13-4 (but with neither the Steamroller nor the Aglione Bowl). Brian Grayeski suited up at WR in MRobinson's and AFreeman's stead.

peyton 12 wdunn 3 kfaulk 12 BGrayeski X yancey 0 riem'ma 6 jan'ski 10
bj 3 rich'son 3 dillon 0 tibrown 6 albert 0 dilger 0 v'jagt 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly Back Hair 21
The Everyday Tokers 19

Ick. Randy Moss claimed the Smoke-a-Bowl MVP - as he failed to get 50 yds or a 2nd TD to help guide TET to the loss. Moss did manage to finish #1 in WR pts - giving Richard's Everyday Tokers one of their 2 team honors. Gramatica's place on the All-RFL 2nd team is the other. Curly Back Hair WR Shawn Jefferson's TD kept FITH from escaping the basement in WR scoring. Adam finished 5th in overall RB scoring.

b'lein 0 sdavis 6 cgarner 0 oronde 0 jef'son 6 becht 0 mare 9
brunell 7 dayne 0 shaun 0 moss 6 twilkins 0 bubba 0 gr'tica 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
Team ---- ADD ---- DROP
wang: add ki-jana carter, drop rashaan salaam

missed dibs:
-none-

be sure to check:
The RFL Transaction Page
...for a complete listing of transactions.

********************************************************
WANG'S WINGIN' IT
====== ======= ==

Playoff Bracket:

Quarters	Semis	Aglione Bowl XI
#1 HTTA 63
#8 MN 40
	HTTA 57
#4 Sperm 35	Sperm 27
#5 FS 24		HTTA 52
		NBB 49
#2 AJU 57
#7 CB 50	AJU 43 (3)
	NBB 43 (3+)	3rd Place
#3 NBB 52		*********
#6 FITH 46	Consolation	Sperm 66
	***********	AJU 34
	MN 53
	FS 37	5th Place
		*********
	CB 54	MN 24
	FITH 26	CB 23
		7th Place
		*********
		FS 42
		FITH 26

anti-playoff Bracket:

Quarters	Semis	Scrub Bowl
#9 TAQAP(tm) 59
#16 Mmm 29
	TAQAP(tm) 29
#12 CBH 28	NP 44
#13 NP 33		NP 13
		BO 38
#10 %$!@#& 51
#15 TET 27	%$!@#& 10
	BO 40	11th Place
#11 BO 45		*********
#14 CBotR 25	Consolation	TAQAP(tm) 36 (6+)
	***********	%$!@#& 36 (6)
	Mmm 29
	CBH 19	13th Place
		*********
	TET 29	Mmm 19
	CBotR 60	CBotR 43
		Last Place
		*********
		CBH 21
		TET 19

*************************************************
RFL COMMISHES' FIRESIDE CHAT: Patrick Callery and David Wang
*************************************************

Commish #2 David Wang: As the season has come to a close, what is your final judgment on your 50-yd rule?

Commish #1 Patrick Callery: There has been a lot of ambiguity among league constituents regarding my role in this rule change. Yes, I am the one who proposed it. But to me, it was a ludicrous rule to implement without a corresponding fix to QB points. I made the crucial mistake of not specifically requesting that both rule changes be on the same ballot... I got Butterflied! So I campaigned for the revote, because I did not want to see "gimme" bonus points for RB/WR without easier QB points.

#2: It was obvious that the majority of the 13 voter-eligible GMs wanted WRs and TEs to play a bigger role in the overall scoring. The 8-3 vote (with 2 abstentions) was a clear mandate. I think they reasoned that a higher percentage of their WRs and TEs could hit the 50-yd barrier - and neglected the impact of a smaller set of RBs who would benefit from the rule change. A full statistical analysis of this rule's impact will appear in the RFL2k Year in Review.

#1: Why do you think the league shot down the QB rule?

#2: I sense that my fellow GMs feel that QBs score enough as it is - and that the 3 bonus pts for every 50 yds over 300 is a rule that makes RFL unique. Only 6 GMs voted in favor of changing the QB yardage levels.
What rule changes will comprise your platform for RFL-2001?

#1: I've got an extensive legislative lobbying agenda for next year. Priority one will be to change the tiebreaker rules. I think installing head-to-head as the primary tiebreaker will return a true sense of independent rivalries to the league. Second on my agenda is to take what we've learned from the yardage rule this year and make it work to the best interests of a majority of league GMs. 50 yards is as easy as Shivan's girlfriend.

#2: Yes, I agree that head-to-head should be the #1 tiebreaker (ahead of total points scored) for postseason positioning. I also agree that we *have* learned much from the 50 yard rule this season - AND without compromising the outcomes of any crucial contests. We can now move forward to make RFL even better next year. Just imagine if RFL had stayed in the "Dark Ages" for another year. We'd all still be playing below the rim and shooting set shots.
I don't know Shiv's g-friend personally, but I'm sure she's a fine, upstanding, young woman - who can also evaluate RFL talent better than he can.

#1: Hey, speaking of rule changes, I'd also like you to establish more proactive rules of voting majorities. To install a new rule you've got to have a majority of votes in the league, regardless of how many GMs turn out to vote. That means, 9 votes minimum to pass a new rule. A non-vote is a no-vote. I'm sorry to say, but you really botched that vote, you pulled a serious Dubya on everyone. There is validity to putting the Spirit of RFL above the Letter of RFL.

#2: Hmmm... should I go over this AGAIN?!?!? Can the voting masses be so easily confused by one voter's dissenting email? Yes, I suppose so.
OK, one more time... here's why 7 was the magic number for passing a rule change before this season:
1) We have 16 GMs total,
2) 2 GMs were rookies (so I did not give them voting privileges),
3) I recused myself,
2) so that leaves 13 voting GMs.
3) The simple majority of 13 is 7.
4) So... 7 *explicit* "yes" votes were needed to pass a rule change.
I "pulled" nothing on anyone. I was initially upset at how the vote turned out, but in the end... I *truly* feel that the voters did the right thing. We put in one "interesting" (and as it turned out... "minor") rule change, we were able to see how the rule affected things, and now we can move forward with more minor tweaks to make this League more fun for everyone.
What are the major changes you have observed in the League - and the way RFL is played - since you spawned this entity back in your adolescent youth in Minnesota?

#1: It's mostly the same. A bunch of idiots seeking glory in the achievements of others. One evolutionary aspect I've noticed is that I've stopped winning titles ever since you arrived in the league. Are you messing with my mojo?

#2: [dropping Cals doll and pins] Hunh? What? Nooooo... of *COURSE* not! How silly of you to think that! Anyway... I thought someone else was messing with *MY* mojo. After all, I "gave" that W back to Kevin that was rightfully his. All that got me was 2 wins over the last 6 weeks!
But then on December 20 everything made sense. Richard handed the reins to me as player/manager of the Sony Coed Softball team back in October, and we won our first ever league championship on 12/20!
Let's switch gears... What are the best team names in the history of RFL?

#1: The team name is an important fixture in RFL. For many teams, more preparation time is spent brainstorming and researching possible team names than draft picks. As a result, we've had some brilliantly colorful names. I'll admit it has been refreshing to see an overall decline in the percentage of teams using juvenile bathroom humor innuendo.

#2: Hear hear!! We are all respectable *men* now. Well... except for Joebob.

#1: A favorite name? End Zone Bones, for personal reasons. I'd like to see some of us put together a list of some of the all-time greatest though.

#2: I guess you and the other respected League Elders (Brodz and Stan) should tackle that assignment. From my perspective... I liked Tim's Fiends Uv Carnal Knowledge. And as WIR Editor... I also prefer any team name shorter than 20 characters.
Why has it been so long since your last Aglione Bowl triumph ('94) and Steamroller ('96)?

#1: The gods despise me. I still hold more titles than anyone else in this league.

#2: Ah... playing *that* card again, are we?!? What happened to Fresh Squeezed this year?

#1: I might ask the same of scrubby FITH. Your revolving-door policy at WR, while bringing about Ags Bowl glory last year, has proven to be your demise this year. Just look, you lost Amani Toomer to me, for free!

#2: I'll admit that I made a bad call on Amani. But he was heading into a bye week - and he had just gotten concussed and benched the 2 weeks prior to the bye. Who in their right mind would pick him up under those circumstances?!?
What was your strategy in the Draft this year?

#1: Dave, I hear snoring. Is that our readers falling asleep?

#2: Oops! Sorry. My assistant slipped that old question's index card into our chat unbeknownst to me. Back along the Amani vein... I have convinced myself that I do not know how to scout WR talent. What scouting trends - good and bad - have you discovered about yourself?

#1: I read the box scores and look for scrubs who haven't been picked up yet. I could have had Mike Anderson but I passed, thinking he was too scrubby for even my low standards. Who knew TD would be gimpy the rest of the year?

#2: Will we be seeing more of "The Vulture" in the coming years?

#1: There would be no vulture if you stopped dropping quality players. Does the name Jon Kitna sound familiar to you?

#2: Hey... Kitna scored 6 in both of his starts for me! After waiting until round 7 to pick a QB, I'll take 6 from that spot every week! What will your attitude be towards the RFL Gods in the near future?

#1: Passive defiance.

#2: Who are your role models?

#1: I don't have role models. I forge out my own goals and methods based on the wisdom I've gathered over the years, and the potential growth opportunities I see. I'm not sure anyone out there is fit to advise me.

#2: Please state for the League your 3 best sports - and a true assessment of your playing ability in each.

#1: There has, historically, been a pervasive effort throughout the league to attempt to equate, or at least compare, RFL skills to athletic skills. These are two totally separate qualities, and I am convinced that the most serious egghead can conquer RFL if he sets his mind to it. That said, my fellow GMs who have played various sports with me can attest to my abilities in such pursuits as hoops, football, etc. You yourself must remember the pounding your team of vagabond TAs took at the hands of the Wilding. I do have, however, an athletic pursuit that is scarcely understood around the league... that is my blossoming mountaineering skills.

#2: Ah... it's amazing how warped your perception of the Wilding-TA game has grown over the years. I'll just let it go for now, but let's just say that a couple players on my team were promised certain "things" from Ms. Moody (now Mrs. Daniel - an employee of Timex in Little Rock) to throw that game.
Moving on... who should be the next Commissioner of RFL? When should this happen?

#1: Why do you ask? Are you burning out? Dave, despite what the detractors say, RFL would die if you left the post. You think Pynadath would be man enough to step up?

#2: I'm not "burning out," but I *would* like to see more guys step up and volunteer to write WIRs. These past 2 seasons have come at good times for me. Work has been in a down cycle during the last 2 football seasons, and my g-friend has not been around on Sundays/Mondays... but I foresee time conflicts on the horizon next year.
Pynadath? No.

#1: To be the Commissioner you have to love the game enough to devote several weekly behind-the-scenes hours to its success. One candidate I have prodded at for years is our good friend Dave Brodkin. But now that he's in med school, I can foresee him turning the way of Dr. Drew Wagner... let's hope he is not so quick to abandon GMship at the hands of academia. I am certain that Joe Pynadath, outspoken as he is, would inadvertently bring about the destruction of the league through his callous lack of scruples and shoddy work ethic. Here's a name, though, that has been turning heads all year: Ali Eslambolchi. His stock has certainly risen throughout the year, and I'm sure he has the skills to do the job. He's even learning the finer aspects of the trashtalk arts. The question is whether he'd be willing to devote the necessary manpower.

#2: An interesting nominee indeed. Perhaps I'll get Ali to write a couple WIRs next season - and the League can get a better understanding of the fellow.
It was fun. The Year in Review will be out in a few weeks. Ballots (and perhaps a little questionnaire) will hit your inboxes within a week. Later - and have a jolly New Year's!

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
167 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
130 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
110 Rich Gannon (Black Ops)

RB
265 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
230 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
192 Eddie George (All Jacked Up)
170 Mike Anderson (The Determined Sperm...)
162 Fred Taylor (Black Ops)
150 Robert Smith (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
150 Curtis Martin (Minnesota Nice)

WR
155 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
144 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
143 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
135 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
114 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
111 Torry Holt (Black Ops)

TE
99 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
60 Shannon Sharpe (Fire in the Hole)
51 Freddie Jones (All Jacked Up)

PK
135 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
126 Martin Gramatica (The Everyday Tokers)
121 Mike Vanderjagt (Merry Munching Merkins)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: December 30, 2000