HTTA was able to dodge the #1 seed upset ball in this year's quarterfinals - as Ali moved into the semis past Kevin. HTTA will host Brodz' #4 seed TDSWSLWWFSP for a spot in Aglione Bowl XI. Brodz did the tushy whacking against Cals. In the other semi, Clark's #2 seed AJU will host Joebob's #3 seed NBB. AJU held off Tim's CB - while NBB bended-but-didn't-break against FITH.

IF ONLY WE COULD BUY POINTS IN RFL!!!

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 53.2 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 27.8 ppg
Toughest defense: Na Brown's Boys - 34.3 ppg
Softest defense: Minnesota Nice - 46.0 ppg
League scoring average: 39.1 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: AJU & TAQAP(tm) (150), HTTA & NBB (141)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (78), %$!@#& (105) & CB (108)
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #15!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 35
Fresh Squeezed 24

The question for Cals now is: are the RFL Gods finished punishing him for all those years of hubris? Fresh Squeezed now has 3 losses and a scrub win in the last 4 weeks - leading to the humbled email from FS HQs on Monday. Edgar Bennett and Huntley combined for 0 touches - let alone 0 yards and 0 points. vINTy also pulled himself out of the Sunday Nitro game - with Fresh Squeezed needing at least a dozen pts to keep their Aglione Bowl hopes alive. Cals has not been in the Aglione Bowl since '94. Mike Anderson led The Determined Sperm... into the semifinals with 18. Tony Gonzalez also continued to produce for Brodz - scoring 6 or more for the 9th time in his last 10 starts. The only glitch for The Sperm was starting Dilfer over Garcia's 21.
Playoff scrub win for Brodz.

dilfer 6 hoover 0 mand'son 18 har'son 0 conway 0 tonyg 9 nedney 2
vINTy 0 bennett 0 huntley 0 toomer 15 ibruce 3 jackie 0 stover 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Na Brown's Boys 52
Fire in the Hole 46

All Wang needed was a QB sneak on 1st and goal from the 1/2 yd line... but the sissy-boy FITH QB handed the ball off to Stumblin' Sammy Morris instead. The rest of the Fire in the Hole team then instantly lost all respect for their QB - and went down in a humiliating defeat against Joebob's Brown Bumblers. Two 0s from the QBs aside... this game came down to the TEs: Mangum (NBB) 6, Sharpe (FITH) 0. Shannon will be shipped off to the glue factory at the end of the season. Easychair Ed and 'crepit Cris gave Na Brown's Boys even more of an edge at the WR matchup. NBB now takes their 10-game winning streak into Los Altos to face AJU.

king 0 bettis 0 green 18 cris 9 ed 12 mangum 6 elam 7
robj 0 emmitt 15 stewart 9 thrash 3 djax 9 sharpe 0 wilkins 10
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Heirs to the Ayatollah 63
Minnesota Nice 40

Heirs to the Ayatollah continued their jihad towards Aglione Bowl XI by being mean to Minnesota Nice. MFaulk put up his biggest pt total of the season (perhaps claiming the lead in the race for RFL MVP), and Daunte bolstered his own case for MVP. Kevin received fine performances from his trio of Saints (Brooks, Allen and Brien). But getting only 9 pts total from CMartin, DAlexander, Keyshawn and the TE prevented Kevin from having any shot at a 2nd consecutive upset of the #1 seed in the quarterfinals. Ali must now gear his high-wire act for a visit from Brodz and his Determined Sperm.

c'pper 16 mfaulk 33 rsmith 3 moulds 0 chrebet 6 wycheck 0 dgreco 5
brooks 9 cmartin 3 tallen 11 key 0 alex'er 6 alex'er 0 brien 11
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All Jacked Up 57
Carpet Bombers 50

Carpet Bombers were within one last 12-yard TD run from Tyrone to pull this one out. With 3 minutes left in the OAK-NYJ game, Tyrone did get 2 final cracks at the TD from the Jets' 20, but he could only get to the 14. Tim was also undone by his Head Bombardier Kurt - as Warner has only posted 3 pts over the last 2 weeks. Clark was led by Eddie's double-dozen. Sean Dawkins also improved his season scoring total from 9 to 24. Tiki chipped in 9 more - as Eddie and Tiki give All Jacked Up the #3 and #18 RBs in the League.
Playoff scrub loss for Tim.

gus 3 tiki 9 egeorge 24 dawkins 15 mason 3 freddie 0 anderson 3
warner 3 lsmith 9 tyrone 9 jsmith 12 tmartin 3 c'ford 0 l'well 14
----------------------------------------------------------------------
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 59
Merry Munching Merkins 29

Stan now moves past Kevin in the Overall Standings - as The Armchair Quarterback Advanture Playset (tm) club sets their sights on passing CB, FITH and FS by season's end. All 7 starters scored for Stan - as TAQAP(tm) scored 44+ for the 5th time in the last 6 weeks. RBs Jamal Allen and Jamal Lewis combined for 30. Jamal McNair scored more than 6 for only the 2nd time in 14 starts. Eminemenem lost for the 7th straight time - as the RFL Gods continue to work on that pound of flesh for Vesh's past transgressions.
Fannie Mae was installed as signal caller for Mmm by Dan Snyder.

mcnair 9 jallen 18 jamall 12 sucks 6 rod 3 chad 6 akers 5
Fannie X rich'son 6 dillon 3 tibrown 6 albert 0 dilger 0 v'jagt 14
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%$!@#& 51
The Everyday Tokers 27

TET had a 6 pt lead going into Monday Night's action, but Richard only had TWilkins standing in Edgerrin's (and Christie's) way. Christie got the 6 to even the score for %$!@#&, and then Edgerrin put up the 24 for Gary's margin of victory. Edgerrin's overall pt scoring lead was trimmed from 13 to 4 by Marshall. Everyday Toker WR RMoss extended his WR pts lead to 11 over Rod, but %$!@#& actually won the WR pts matchup in this contest.

elvis 6 ejames 24 pritch 0 trbrown 6 qadry 9 dmoore 0 c'stie 6
brunell 6 dayne 0 kaufman 0 moss 11 twilkins 0 bubba 0 gr'tica 10
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Black Ops 45
Crazed Beagles on the Run 25

JoePa's BO had a 12 pt lead heading into MNM, but Wally's Beagles had Manning and Riemersma going against BO's Peabo. 9 each for Manning and Riemersma should have been enough to counter a potential 3 from Bryson... but Bryson got an Aikman - while Wally's Monday Night duo got blanked. Fred Taylor continued his romp up the RB charts for JoePa. Fred's blackjack landed him at #6 at the conclusion of this weekend. Yancey scored a nice surprise for the Beagles this week.

gannon 6 ftaylor 21 peabo 8 boston 0 holt 9 sloan 0 johall 1
peyton 0 wdunn 6 kfaulk 0 freeman 3 yancey 9 riem'ma 0 jan'ski 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly Back Hair 28
Nasty Pimps 33

After Shiv's fast 2-0 start, the Nasty Pimp season came crashing down with a 1-6 stretch. Shivan has now begun rebuilding the fragile egos of his troops by winning 2 of his last 3. Perhaps the Pimps will be a force once the rebuilding is complete 2 or 5 years down the road. TOwens is a keeper, but the other 11 Mac Pimpys should all be thrown back. For some strange reason, CBH RB SDavis failed to hit double digits against Dallas. The long arm of the League Office is investigating. The other 6 Back Hairs also underwhelmed. Adam has now lost 6 in a row, and Curly Back Hair is hitting terminal velocity in their fall towards finishing 15th. At the very least, Vesh will break their fall before hitting rock bottom.

b'lein 3 sdavis 9 cgarner 3 oronde 3 hines 3 becht 0 mare 7
favre 3 priest 0 pittman 0 muhsin 6 towens 12 roland 0 daluiso 12
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
Team ---- ADD ---- DROP
brodz: add chris hetherington, drop bernie parmalee
brodz: add andre rison, drop robert wilson
stan: add jermaine wiggins, drop raymont harris
stan: add wade richey, drop neil o'donnell

missed dibs:
-none-

be sure to check:
The RFL Transaction Page
...for a complete listing of transactions.

********************************************************
WANG'S WINGIN' IT
====== ======= ==

Playoff Bracket:

Quarters	Semis	Aglione Bowl XI
#1 HTTA
#8 MN
	HTTA
#4 Sperm	Sperm
#5 FS		HTTA/Sperm
		AJU/NBB
#2 AJU
#7 CB	AJU
	NBB	3rd Place
#3 NBB		*********
#6 FITH	Consolation	HTTA/Sperm
	***********	AJU/NBB
	MN
	FS	5th Place
		*********
	CB	MN/FS
	FITH	CB/FITH
		7th Place
		*********
		MN/FS
		CB/FITH

anti-playoff Bracket:

Quarters	Semis	Scrub Bowl
#9 TAQAP(tm)
#16 Mmm
	TAQAP(tm)
#12 CBH	NP
#13 NP		TAQAP(tm)/NP
		%$!@#&/BO
#10 %$!@#&
#15 TET	%$!@#&
	BO	11th Place
#11 BO		*********
#14 CBotR	Consolation	TAQAP(tm)/NP
	***********	%$!@#&/BO
	Mmm
	CBH	13th Place
		*********
	TET	Mmm/CBH
	CBotR	TET/CBotR
		Last Place
		*********
		Mmm/CBH
		TET/CBotR

Playoff Game Tiebreakers:

During the regular season... if two teams tie with respect to starter points and bench points, the game is declared a tie. In the playoffs, the tiebreaker system below is employed:
1) BENCH POINTS
2) TOTAL YARDS (PASSING, RUSHING, RECEIVING) BY STARTERS
3) BENCH YARDS
4) COIN TOSS

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Tim Purwin, GM, Carpet Bombers
*************************************************

Tim Purwin was the Chief Resident Researcher of the U of Michigan's Porous Media Lab when Wang seduced him with the dark powers of helming an RFL squad in 1995. Tim recently hit the Powerball jackpot of $180M - with a ticket purchased for Wang. But since Wang did not insist on having the tickets FedEx'd to CA before the drawing, Tim and Teresa have been emailing the Carpet Bomber depth charts (sporadically) from internet accounts all through Western Europe.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: In your first season of RFL action ('95), your Dirty Digs won the Steamroller. How did that happen?

Tim Purwin: My lack of experience prevented me from labeling Tiki Barber as a loser. Also I had Favre, Carter, Moore, Sharpe, and Pegram in their prime that year. I still pinch myself when I recall Erric Pegram scoring 3 TDs in one game.

RFL: Explain the name of your team.

TP: You mean the Digs? They were named by a Tunisian rapper named Melik Sahroui, he outdid Snoop by misspelling AND mispronouncing the word "dog." The Carpet Bombers was my favorite replacement name when the Eastern Michigan Hurons became politically correct (It was during the Gulf War). The EMU Emu's was my second choice, but they are now the Eagles.

RFL: Why haven't we heard from your teams since then?

TP: We have not yet begun to fight! The talent level in SE Michigan for competent coaching is bleak. How would you like to have Wayne Fontes in your corner?

RFL: Clarpet Blombers were picked #4 in the Combined Preseason Poll. Why has your team underachieved this year (including your 57-50 loss to AJU in this season's quarterfinals)?

TP: Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

RFL: Please tell the League about some of your previous Draft strategies. And what was your strategy in the Draft this year?

TP: I usually like to load up on Tight Ends and create a shortage if possible. I used to always pick last or nearly last so that I would try to get two sure fire WRs (there are only about 4 per draft and Robinson and Freeman weren't on the list this year), but that strategy has only worked once. This year I had the top 5 ranked EJames, MFaulk, SDavis, KWarner, EGeorge. I was pleased to see Warner fall to me at 5 and wound up getting it from Eddie George on Sunday. I thought that a sure fire QB would be rare this year, and it has been the last few weeks. In the second round I had Garner and Wheatley both ranked well ahead of Jimmy Smith but saw that my enemies all had RB's already and took Smith with hopes of Garner or Wheatley. After 3 rounds, it's a mixture of needs and best player. This was the first year that I had more than one RB that I was not ashamed to play. It appears that the "put all your eggs in one basket strategy may be the way to go. Vesh - Davis, Elway, Sharpe and HTTA - Smith, Culpepper. Perhaps Black Ops had an even chance to win the Steamroller with TDavis and FTaylor.

RFL: You've lived in Michigan all your life. Why? What would it take to make you consider moving closer to an ocean?

TP: That's not quite true. I served 3 patrols UNDER the ocean deterring peace in the late 1980s. I lived two years each in Groton, CT and Rochester, NH. My family and the Wolverines all live in Michigan. I could live near the ocean again, but might prefer the mountains if I make a change.

RFL: You have only met 2 fellow RFL GMs - Commish #1 and Commish #2. What are your honest opinions of these 2 gentlemen?

TP: I think you pretty much summed it up yourself with the words "dishonest" and "opinionated."

RFL: Please state for the record: 1) the name of your employer, and 2) what exactly you do for a living.

TP: 1) Calsonic North America, and 2) I observed myself in action this morning and noted that I made coffee, drank coffee, and kept an eye on the clock so that I could alertly announce when lunch starts. The other people there seem to be in the automotive heat exchanger business.

RFL: What does Teresa need to do to make you into a respectable gentleman?

TP: I can't believe that Teresa has such abilities. She has tried cajoling, hollering, and threatening. All to no avail.

RFL: What is your favorite NFL team? Who are your 5 most favorite NFL players of all-time?

TP: I have no favorite NFL team. When I was a kid I rooted for the Lie Downs because my Mother did (still does, poor girl). I do root against Sallad though. I have become disenchanted with the entire pro world with all of the strikes and strife and all.
Favorite Players:
1) Dick Buttkiss - Had to be tough when he was a kid.
2) Refrigerator Perry - Did the most with the least talent.
3) Charlie Sanders - An old Detroit Lion TE that made catches.
4) Billy "White Shoes" Johnson - Houston WR that taught the NFL to dance.
5) Fran Tarkenton - Never won a Super Bowl but was a great QB.

RFL: Who are your role models?

TP: Don't know that I am too big on role models, but Jim Morrison is one guy that I have always liked. My favorite authors are Charles Dickens and Edgar Allen Poe. I like the classics, 1965-72 were the best years for cars and music.

RFL: Please state for the League your 3 best sports - and a true assessment of your playing ability in each.

TP: 1) Hackey Sack - Hardly a competitive sport, but great fun, and many amazing saves and kicks are made by fairly ordinary people.
2) Fishing - Probably should be number 1 - My favorite fish to catch is Bass. I fish for Smallmouths in the Huron River all summer, and for Largemouth when I get on a lake. I have in my possesion a 9 lb. 11 oz. Largemouth that I caught on a Michigan lake and a trophy for a winning small fishing tournament that my brother hosted this past October. This statement should cause any informed reader to believe that I am one hell of a bass fisherman or one hell of a liar (use purple worms in Michigan).
3) Snow Skiing - Found the missing case of Miller Lite at Steamboat a few years back and won $1500 that I split with my partners. Our roommates didn't believe it either until we showed the case to them in the refrigerator. We had great difficulty convincing the contest purveyors that we wanted the case more than we wanted the money, but finally they gave it to us.

RFL: Who should be the next Commissioner of RFL? When should this happen?

TP: Myself or Vesh - this should be effective immediately!

RFL: What changes would you like to see in RFL next year?

TP: An honest commissioner is about the only improvement that could be to the RFL. I enjoy it a lot despite my annual dues submission. I am open to all rules changes submitted by the membership (I voted against the 50 yard rule, but supported the Commish, that it had passed). When I review a proposed rule change the most important factor is often "how much work will it create for the Commissioner?" I do not want to saddle the Commish with any more work. I wouldn't mind investigating a couple of possibilities.
1) Make the draft order be the opposite of the final Week 14 standings. New Joiners (and anyone else willing to give up their current position) enter a lottery for whatever the empty positions are. I think that last year's losers should have the best chance to draft Marshall Faulk.
2) Perhaps we should give everyone a surcharge and subscribe to a scoring service to reduce the load on the unpaid, albeit dishonest and opinionated, commissioner. I don't even know if this is available in the manner that we need it.

RFL: Any closing comments?

TP: Do you think that anyone has read this far?

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
143 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
109 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
107 Rich Gannon (Black Ops)

RB
206 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
202 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
156 Eddie George (All Jacked Up)
152 Mike Anderson (The Determined Sperm...)
150 Robert Smith (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
141 Fred Taylor (Black Ops)

WR
137 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
126 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
122 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
120 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
114 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
98 Ed McCaffrey (Na Brown's Boys)

TE
90 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
60 Shannon Sharpe (Fire in the Hole)
51 Freddie Jones (All Jacked Up)

PK
122 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
112 Martin Gramatica (The Everyday Tokers)
106 Mike Vanderjagt (Merry Munching Merkins)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

Ali	Advantage	Brodz
DCulpepper		JGarcia
MFaulk		MAnderson
RSmith		BHoover
EMoulds		MHarrison
WChrebet		CConway
FWycheck		TGonzalez
ADelGreco		JNedney

In Week 11's GOTW, Brodz lost 50-31 to Ali under very controversial conditions. Laveranues Coles had been awarded Iran's 100 electoral votes (to give Brodz an apparent 131-50 victory), but then Ali's brother - the current Shah in Tehran - pressured Iran's High Court to "silence" all of Iran's electorates.
Fast forward to Week 16... The Determined Sperm... will travel to Tehran once again to face HTTA and the most rabid fans in RFL today. HTTA exile JGarcia will look to lead Brodz' squad to the promised land - and he has the pass catching weapons to do just that. But just as Brodz' RBs had a huge advantage over Cals' RBs in the quarters... Ali's super duo of MFaulk and RSmith is poised to run Brodz ragged.
And you know what they say... "you can't win the Aglione Bowl without a superior running game." Simply refer to Aglione Bowl X when Wang's FU won with Mario Bates and Byron Hanspard. JoePa's duo of Edgerrin and Ricky Williams didn't stand a chance!
Robert Smith should be the key in this one.

**** In the Game of the Millennium: HTTA by 2 ****

********************************************************
**** THE **** OTHER **** SEMIFINAL ****
#2-All Jacked Up (11-4, 42.9) vs. #3-Na Brown's Boys (11-4, 41.9)

Clark	Advantage	Joebob
GFrerotte		SKing
EGeorge		JBettis
TBarber		AGreen
SDawkins		CCarter
DMason		EMcCaffrey
FJones		KMangum
GAnderson		JElam

Clark and Joebob did not faceoff in the regular season.
While everyone knows that the other semifinal contest is the "real" Aglione Bowl XI, the winner between AJU and NBB will have 1 week to Tonya Harding all the key players of the HTTA-Sperm victor. NBB certainly has the network in place to do the necessary deeds - as OJ, Lawrence Phillips and Cecil Collins have all already arrived in Tehran for "advance scouting."
Wonder Bread Boy Clark will try to do it the old-fashioned way - with foreign objects and substances on gameday between the white lines.
Although AJU is scoring at a slightly higher clip than NBB over the last 4 weeks, Joebob's lineup has fewer potential "holes" (King, Mangum) than Clark's (Tiki, Dawkins, Mason). As long as no one goes off for AJU, Joebob should win. Eddie and Freddie look to be the keys for Clark.

**** In another semifinal nailbiter: NBB by 3 ****

Other Tilts:

FAVE	SPREAD	DOG
Consolation Bracket:
Minnesota Nice (7-8, 42.1)	8	Fresh Squeezed (9-6, 38.9)
Carpet Bombers (8-7, 43.9)	4	Fire in the Hole (9-6, 36.9)
Losers' Winners' Bracket:
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) (8-7, 37.5)	7	Nasty Pimps (6-9, 33.6)
Black Ops (6-9, 39.1)	5	%$!@#& (7-8, 35.6)
Losers' Losers' Bracket:
Curly Back Hair (5-10, 36.6)	6	Merry Munching Merkins (2-13, 33.1)
Crazed Beagles on the Run (4-11, 36.6)	1	The Everyday Tokers (4-11, 27.8)

Lineups due by 9am Pacific SATURDAY!!!
(but preferably by friday!)
RFL Hotline: (408) 955-4695

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: December 12, 2000