Please join the WIR Editorial Staff in congratulating the RFL2k Steamroller Trophy Winner (and prohibitive Aglione Bowl XI favorite):
Ali Eslambolchi and his Heirs to the Ayatollah!
Will HTTA be able to avoid the upset bug that has felled the last three #1 seeds in the first round?!? Minnesota Nice is Ali's opponent in the quarterfinals this week. Last year Kevin's DCIAC took down #1 seed SLAB (Brodz) in the quarters!
Two *BITTER* rivalries will also be featured in this weekend's playoff action:
#3 Na Brown's Boys (Joebob) vs. #6 Fire in the Hole (Wang), and
#4 TheDeterminedSperm... (Brodz) vs. #5 Fresh Squeezed (Cals).
The other playoff matchup is:
#2 All Jacked Up (Clark) vs. #7 Carpet Bombers (Tim).
The Playoff (and anti-playoff) brackets can be found in the Wang's Wingin' It section - after a special Cals' Corner section - below.

DROP AND ROLL!!!

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 52.5 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 27.9 ppg
Toughest defense: Na Brown's Boys - 33.5 ppg
Softest defense: Minnesota Nice - 44.8 ppg
League scoring average: 38.9 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: All Jacked Up (138), TAQAP(tm) & HTTA (135)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (75), CB (96) and %$!@#& (99)
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #14!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Na Brown's Boys 38
Fresh Squeezed 10

The League is investigating the Fresh Squeezed organIzation after this pulp-less performance in GOTW. Starting JHarris and TSeder against TB? Starting Amani against the 'skins' DBs? Naming Biakabutuka as a starting RB - knowing that his painful pinky toe wart would keep him out of action?!? Something is certainly amiss! Apparently Cals did *NOT* want that rematch with Commish #2 in the quarterfinals after all! From potentially hosting #6 FITH (or #7 CB) in the quarters, FS must now travel all the way to Leominster as the #5 seed!
Joebob's Na Brown's Boys were led by Ahman's 15. With the #3 seed, NBB will get to host the scrubby FITH in the quarters.

king 0 green 15 bettis 6 cris 6 ed 3 mangum 0 elam 8
vINTy 6 jamala 0 shicks 0 toomer 0 ibruce 3 jackie 0 seder 1
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%$!@#& 33
All Jacked Up 36

The boneheaded play by UMich alum Grbac at the end of Monday Night cost %$!@#& this game. A TD pass would have tied the game at 36 (completing a most improbable 30-pt comeback) - with %$!@#& winning 6-3 on bench pts! Elvis and Troy *did* manage to surprise with 27 in Monday Night action. Kimble got shutout to kill the rally. Clark had the winner of NBB-FS nipping at his heels for the #2 seed, but managed some supreme WR finagling (trading for and starting JRice - over DHayes/DMason/HMoore) to hold off Joebob by 10 pts. Behind the venerable Rice's dozen... Tiki, Eddie and Gary kicked in a Damien for All Jacked Up. Clark heads into the postseason with 4 straight wins. %$!@#& ends the regular season with 5 consecutive defeats. Edgerrin is still in the running for RFL MVP - stirring up the debate: Can RFL's MVP come from a team with a losing record?

elvis 15 ejames 3 anders 0 morton 3 trbrown 12 dmoore 0 c'stie 0
gus 3 tiki 6 egeorge 6 dawkins 0 rice 12 freddie 3 anderson 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly Back Hair 33
Heirs to the Ayatollah 54

Ali didn't need to leave his starters in for the whole game - as Heirs to the Ayatollah clinched the Steamroller last week. But citing the fact that the last 3 #1 seeds have all lost in the quarterfinals, Ali defended his "running up the score" as purely "keeping the engine humming." Ali was especially happy to see Al get his right foot back in gear. Faulk and Smith are #2 and #3 in RB scoring (trailing Edgerrin) - and look primed for their quarterfinal game. HTTA closes out the regular season with 6 straight wins.
After looking like a potential playoff team at 5-4, Adam's Curly Back Hair has gone 0-5 to fizzle out at 5-9. SDavis was a gamer with a fractured forearm, but 0s from Beuerlein and Becht trumped Moulds' 0.
1/2 Scrub Loss for Adam (1-2.5) - as Adam and Wang tied in bench pts.

b'lein 0 sdavis 3 cgarner 6 oronde 6 jef'son 3 becht 0 mare 15
c'pper 3 mfaulk 6 rsmith 18 moulds 0 chrebet 9 wycheck 3 dgreco 15
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Carpet Bombers 25
The Everyday Tokers 33

A win would have meant playoff seed #4 or #5, but Carpet Bombers appeared to tank this one on purpose - to get out of HTTA's playoff bracket. KWarner tossing INT after INT, and RProehl fumbling and bumbling against the weak Panther D?!? Starting Crawford at TE *AGAIN*?!? C'mon, Tim! But let's not take anything away from W #4 for The Everyday Tokers. Who would have thought that this team would win after seeing RMoss get shutout on Thursday Nitro? Indeed... in Richard's 3 previous Ws, Moss scored 12, 9 and 12 pts. In this impressive victory over CB, Brunell and TWilkins stepped up with a blackjack - to go along with 9 pts from #2 All-RFL PK Martin.
Scrub Win for Richard (2-2) - as TET lost to CBH/FITH in bench pts.

warner 0 watters 12 tyrone 3 jsmith 6 proehl 0 c'ford 0 l'well 4
brunell 9 dayne 3 kaufman 0 moss 0 twilkins 12 bubba 0 gr'tica 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 92
Crazed Beagles on the Run 59

A Gonzalez TD catch at the end of Monday Night - rather than his getting tackled at the Pats' 7 - would have meant 101 pts for Brodz! Rather than *obliterating* Vesh's 6 week-old All-Time RFL Single-Game Scoring Record by hitting triple digits, Brodz had to settle for easing past Vesh for the new record. Interstingly... under the "old" yardage rules, Vesh would have scored 78 back in Week 8 - and Brodz would have scored 77 this week. Brodz also claims that Mike Anderson's 39 pt performance sets a new single-game scoring record for a single player. Cals and/or Joebob, can we get an official ruling? The Determined Sperm... enter the playoffs with 3 straight wins. Outstanding performances from WDunn and KFaulk went unnoticed for Crazed Beagles on the Run. Wally's 2-game winning streak comes to an end - as the Beagles' 2 highest scoring weekends (62 in Week 2 and 59 this week) both resulted in scrub losses.
Scrub Loss for Wally (1-5). 5 SCRUB LOSSES!!!!!

garcia 10 hoover 3 mand'son 39 har'son 9 conway 9 tonyg 12 nedney 10
peyton 9 wdunn 24 kfaulk 9 freeman 9 yancey 0 riem'ma 0 jan'ski 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Black Ops 62
Minnesota Nice 59

In a game that could have resulted in Minnesota Nice moving up to the #6 seed, Kevin's pushovers finished the weekend as they started it... with a quarterfinal invite to Tehran. FITH backed into an improbable comeback win over Vesh to grab the #6 seed, and MN fell 18 pts short of passing the free-falling CB for the #7 seed (MN and CB would tie at 609 in pts scored, they did not play each other this year, their net scrub records were the same, and Kevin would have won Tiebreaker #4 - total pts allowed). Black Ops' Fred Taylor and David Boston laid waste to the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Even Peabo Bryson got into the act with 3 pts for JoePa.
Scrub Loss for Kevin (2-4)

gannon 6 ftaylor 27 peabo 3 boston 21 holt 0 sloan 0 hanson 5
brooks 18 cmartin 18 jmoore 0 key 0 alex'er 12 alex'er 0 brien 11
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nasty Pimps 24
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 25

Stan really needed to run up the score in this game to get into the Playoffs. As it turned out, Stan needed 112 pts this week to nab the last playoff spot. Kevin's Minnesota Nice and Stan's The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm) both finished the regular season at 7-7. This result brings up an interesting question: should total points scored or head-to-head record be tiebreaker #1 when it comes to playoff positioning? The long-standing RFL rule has total pts scored as the #1 tiebreaker. Kevin had the advantage here. But... in Week 1, Stan defeated Kevin on the field of battle 28-27. Should this rule be changed before next season? Shiv's Nasty Pimps led this contest 21-16 heading into Sunday night's action. Shiv had Favre going - while Stan had JAllen. Favre got a TD pass - but then got pulled... as the Packers were mercilessly pounding the hapless Bears. JAllen did have 9 pts worth of hap in him - as he ripped off 173 yards of prevent-defense induced yardage. Pimp Ottis failed to produce any pts for Head Pimp Shiv.
Scrub Win for Stan (2-1)

favre 3 ottis X pittman 6 muhsin 3 towens 3 roland 0 daluiso 9
batch 0 jallen 9 chad 0 keenan 6 rod 0 chad 3 akers 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fire in the Hole 33
Merry Munching Merkins 32

To be honest... Wang was trying to finish with the #7 seed. FITH had identified AJU as the team least likely to embarrass Wang in the Playoffs. But with MN threatening to drop FITH to the #8 seed - and with CB losing to TET... Wang ordered JR Redmond to sit out Monday Night (to get Emmitt's 9) and DBledsoe to outscore TRichardson. If Duce had stayed healthy, Vesh would have had a fine RB duo in Staley and Dillon. But Mmm now heads into the anti-playoffs as the best 2-12 team in League history. Aside from QB BJ, Merry Munching Merkins has talent at every starting position (OK, maybe Richardson is a below average #2 RB).
1/2 Scrub Win for Wang (2.5-0).

drew 6 stewart 9 emmitt 9 thrash 3 graham 3 fauria 0 wilkins 3
bj 0 rich'son 3 dillon 18 tibrown 3 albert 3 dilger 0 v'jagt 5
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have suffered much humiliation at the hands of my two most fearsome nemeses the last couple weeks, particularly yesterday. Na Brown secretly infiltrated my ranks as a secret special double agent and sabotaged this week's effort. Pynadath's other most noteworthy SECRET WEAPON also found his way onto my roster last week, and is currently the subject of intense scrutiny. Those of you who have been around a while know of which SECRET WEAPON I speak. Meanwhile, Dave Brodz' backfield has proceeded to spit into the face of my perceived wisdom by putting up game-breaking numbers since I chastized them in CALS' CORNER in Week 11. As a result of this public humiliation, this afternoon I am going into self-imposed exile. Na'il Diggs (the anti-Na) will run the team in my absence.

Have I learned a lesson? Well, let's look at the benefits of the two extreme sides of RFL wisdom. My ideological opposite, Commissioner David S Wang, has succeeded to approximately the same degree as I have so far this year with an entirely different formula. He forecasts himself as the underdog EVERY week, and self-deprecates his team as "scrubby FITH." I have seen few instances where FITH has appeared in print without the prefix "scrubby." Lesson: IHS (Inflated Head Syndrome) can inflict more misery than it can obtain riches, if it is not handled judiciously. The most serious example of the perils of IHS is that it puts you in direct conflict with the RFL Gods. Wang has obviously decided to submit to the will of the RFL gods, and in return receives favors in the form of Scrub Wins. In the early years, I dominated the League partly due to my successful defiance of the RFL gods, but alas they have surpassed my simple powers long ago. OK, enough hocus pocus. I now return you to your "sacrifice 3 goats at midnight with Mars and Jupiter aligned" Commissioner's publication. I shall return!!!
-Commissioner #1

====== ======= ==
WANG'S WINGIN' IT
====== ======= ==

FINAL OVERALL REGULAR SEASON STANDINGS:

Rank	Team	Record	Pts Scored
1	HTTA	12-2	735
2	AJU	10-4	587
3	NBB	10-4	577
4	Sperm	9-5	656
5	FS	9-5	559
6	FITH	9-5	507
7	CB	8-6	609
8	MN	7-7	591
9	TAQAP(tm)	7-7	504
10	%$!@#&	6-8	483
11	BO	5-9	542
12	CBH	5-9	521
13	NP	5-9	471
14	CBotR	4-10	524
15	TET	4-10	390
16	Mmm	2-12	468

Playoff Bracket:

#1 HTTA
#8 MN

#4 Sperm
#5 FS

#2 AJU
#7 CB

#3 NBB
#6 FITH

UN-playoff Bracket:

#9 TAQAP(tm)
#16 Mmm

#12 CBH
#13 NP

#10 %$!@#&
#15 TET

#11 BO
#14 CBotR

Playoff Game Tiebreakers:

During the regular season... if two teams tie with respect to starter points and bench points, the game is declared a tie. In the playoffs, the tiebreaker system below is employed:
1) BENCH POINTS
2) TOTAL YARDS (PASSING, RUSHING, RECEIVING) BY STARTERS
3) BENCH YARDS
4) COIN TOSS

******************************************
Final Look at the Regular Season Standings
******************************************

Rank	Record	Pts Scored	No Scrubs
1	Ali 12-2	Ali 735	Ali 12-2
2	Clark 10-4	Brodz 656	Tim 10-4
3	Joebob 10-4	Tim 609	Kevin 9-5
4	Brodz 9-5	Kevin 591	Brodz 8-6
5	Cals 9-5	Clark 587	Clark 8-6
6	Wang 9-5	Joebob 577	Joebob 8-6
7	Tim 8-6	Cals 559	Cals 8-6
8	Kevin 7-7	JoePa 542	Wally 8-6
9	Stan 7-7	Wally 524	Adam 6-7-1
10	Gary 6-8	Adam 521	Wang 6-7-1
11	JoePa 5-9	Wang 507	JoePa 6-8
12	Adam 5-9	Stan 504	Stan 6-8
13	Shiv 5-9	Gary 483	Gary 5-9
14	Wally 4-10	Shivan 471	Shivan 4-10
15	Rich 4-10	Vesh 468	Rich 4-10
16	Vesh 2-12	Rich 390	Vesh 3-11

No Scrubs = what the record would have been without scrub decisions

Ali: undisputed Steamroller champion
Clark: finished 3 seeds higher than "expected"
Joebob: finished 3 seeds higher than the #s indicate
Brodz: should maybe have finished one spot higher
Cals: finished 2 seeds higher than "expected"
Wang: should be 4 or 5 slots lower, and not in playoffs!!!
Tim: deserved a finish 4 or 5 spots higher!!!
Kevin: deserved a finish 4 or 5 spots higher!!!
Stan: finished 3 spots higher than "expected"
Gary: finished 3 spots higher than "expected"
JoePa: should have been a spot or 2 higher, but still not in playoffs
Adam: should have been 2 or 3 spots higher, but still not in playoffs
Shiv: should have finished 1 spot lower
Wally: should have been right on the edge of making the playoffs!
Richard: just about right
Vesh: a tossup with Richard for the cellar

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Joseph V. Pynadath, GM, Na Brown's Boys
*************************************************

by Ace RFL Interviewer, David Brodkin

When I first met Joseph Pynadath 10 years ago as my freshman roommate, he was a mere shell of the person he is today. His skin still glistened a deep brown hue, but he was bashful & even needed my assistance in meeting the female population of Warren Towers. Our first night in the dorm room, he thanked me profusely for introducing him to the ladies. I told him not to worry about it, and then I saw his first sign of assertiveness. "No Dave!", he retorted, "thank you for all your help!!" Never would I have imagined that this would be the #1 lady killer on the Boston University campus by 1994 & become the most outspoken GM in RFL history. Whatever the topic, Joe has an opinion which he is always willing to state. Joe has invited controversy in his conflicts with both of the League's commissioners and nearly all of its GMs. Take a seat before you read this interview, because there are no holds barred as Joe spouts off his opinions, philosophies, & demands. Also, you may want to set off a block of time because as always... Joe has a lot to say.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Joseph my friend, so good to see you.

Joseph Pynadath: Dave, likewise. It's really been too long.

RFL: It amazes me. You've come so far from that skinny little brown kid who walked into our Warren Towers dorm room 10 years ago from this September.

Joebob: I sure have, Dave, I sure have. I'll tell you, RFL has really done wonders to transforming that "skinny little brown kid" to the RFL machine that you see here today. You know as well as I do, the ego boost one can get by being an RFL GM and hanging with NFL star players. Have you ever seen the movie "Any Given Sunday," Dave?

RFL: Yeah, I gave it two and a half sperm.

Joebob: Well, then you got a glimpse of my life. Boy, compare that life to my pre-BU life, milking cows and working in the leather mills in Johnstown, NY.

RFL: You really did undergo a remarkable transformation. But what about the little people, Joe? Now that you have reached such superstar status as a high-profile RFL GM, it seems if you have lost touch with the grass roots. You are quite comfortable living the Hollywood RFL lifestyle, but will you return one day to pay tribute to the people of Johnstown?

Joebob: You don't beat around the bush do you, Dave? (heavy sigh). Your observation is probably right. I HAVE lost touch with the little people. Why? Well, let's just say being the only brown kid working on the farm and running a leather press didn't exactly make me a popular kid in Johnstown. The ridicule, the stonings, I could go on and on. Bottom line, it wasn't an easy time. Now that I've gone on to fame and fortune, I have a hard time forgiving my town and the "little people" in that town. Will I go back and pay tribute to Johnstown? Will Dylan Steeg be drunk on St. Patrick's day? There's your answer.

RFL: Well obviously the people of Johnstown are not members of the Na's Brown Boys posse. If you were to give a shout out to your posse, who would you be shouting to? What would you shout?

Joebob: I'd like to give a shout out to all my former players over the years, all the former RFL GMs - especially Johnny Smirstek, Al Aglione, Josh Keely, Steve Texierea, a Big shout out to the entire Widing organization, and of course Air Britt and Nodes - "WAD UP, Y'ALL!!!" They'll all know what I mean Dave. Basically "Wad Up" means love and peace and thanks to the heavens. I learned it from some of my players.

RFL: You bring back a lot of old school RFL names. Scientists & theologists have long argued about the origin of RFL. I don't mean to get so existential on you, but is our universe simply a mechanism for all human beings to live in a world of RFL? or is RFL simply a world within our universe?

Joebob: ooooh, you're playing with fire with that question, Dave. OK, I'll bite. At this point in time, RFL is merely a world within our universe. Can it be the other way around? Absolutely! Why isn't it? Dave, you know I hate to point the finger but... this really is where a strong yet fair commish can make a difference and take RFL to a new level. I won't say any more than that.

RFL: So are you saying that you do NOT subscribe to theory that God created RFL in four quarters? It seems that you fall in line with the hard core Darwinists who say that RFL was a gradual evolution from a hack rotisserie league in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Joebob: Indeed Dave. The evolution of RFL is strikingly similar to the evolution of man. You can compare the Neanderthal men ("cavemen" for the layperson) to the Rotisserie league started by a young Patrick Callery in a dark, damp, smelly basement in St. Paul, MN. Now, go ahead and compare today's human species to the Neanderthal man, and I think that will put into perspective how far our League has developed. Original RFL - nothing more than a bunch of kids playing football dungeons and dragons. RFL Today - You have yourself a slick, sophisticated, billion dollar business that's pumping life through humanity.

RFL: Joe, you are obviously a true RFL historian. But in recent years, you have made claims to RFL guruhood. Please tell me that you're just mocking the egotistical self-proclamations coming from the overly inflated head of Patrick Callery.

Joebob: Of course, Dave! My claims to RFL guruhead were nothing more than an attempt to ground Mr. "My head is in the clouds" Callery. The message I'm trying to get across to everyone is this - if this jackass can proclaim to be a guru, why can't everyone be a guru? Unfortunately, it seems our "beloved" Commish Wang has felt threatened by my mock proclaimed guruhood and has gone out of his way to slam me every moment he gets. Dave, I hate to say this but it's personal now. We'll see who gets the last laugh, though. As for Cals' head - unfortunately Dave, between us, I don't think my little ploy has helped.

RFL: RIGHT ON! I'm a guru, too!!!! (pumping fist) Your ploy certainly hasn't done anything to relieve the swelling of Mr. Callery's head, but I do appreciate your attempt to help his case. As for Commissioner Wang, I sense some resentment there. Can you give us your official statement on your relationship with the Commissioner?

Joebob: (heavy sigh). Dave, I don't know if resentment is the word. Bewilderment may better describe my feelings. Let's face it, I've shed a lot of blood and tears for this League over the years. For a new Commish to go out of his way to humiliate myself and my team - well, that's just out of line. Again, I think it goes back to his fear of my influence on the rest of the League. This is the first time I've discussed my feelings publicly, so I apologize if I get emotional.

RFL: (offers tissue)

Joebob: Dave, I'll let you be the first to hear this - I'm considering moving the NBB franchise to another league next season because of Commish Wang. (brushing back tears) It breaks my heart to be even considering this, but I cannot survive in such an acrid environment. At the same time, the NBB players have really taken offense to Commish Wang's ploys and have used it as motivational fodder throughout our season. I just hope that the Commish and I can resolve our differences. A public apology from him to myself and my squad would go a long way.

RFL: What exactly would you need to hear Commissioner Wang say in this public apology?

Joebob: This is something the NBB players and myself have discussed quite often. You have to understand that the players and I usually BBQ after practice so this is the kind of post practice conversation that pops up. Anyway, the NBB organization would need to hear something similar to the following in order for our relationship with the Commish to begin to mend:

"RFL GMs, over the past 3 months, I have committed one of the most serious crimes that a Commish could ever commit. I let my personal agenda cloud my judgment in my treatment of the NBB organization, as well as the rest of the League. I would like to apologize to the NBB team for constantly ripping the organization and slamming their families every day via email. No one deserves to go through what NBB has gone through in having to fight not only other RFL teams week in and week out, but also to have to fight an evil commish who was acting on pure hatred towards them. My derogatory emails were an obvious mistake and again were a result of my insecurities - for not only my own team, but also my hold of the commissioner position. GM Joe 'Guru' Pynadath has assembled one of the most powerful teams we have this season and has reminded all of us yet again what it means to be a true guru. While all of us mocked his drafting what we thought were 'old-timers,' he quietly stuck by them and boy, are they having the last laugh. He has carried his organization with class and has used the utmost savvy in molding this squad to be the powerhouse that it is. I can only hope that Joe and the NBB squad will forgive my actions and we can work together to improving our league."

RFL: President Clinton spent the past 8 years as a mediator in the Middle East process without gaining any ground. Which of the 2 current candidates would be better suited to broker a peace contract between you and Commissioner Wang? Why?

Joebob: Quite frankly, Dave, I don't feel that either of the 2 candidates have the ability to broker a peace contract between myself and the Commish. But there is someone out there who I feel would be the right man for the job. Not only is this person known by both Wang and myself on a personal note, but he also has several years of RFL GM experience. Add to this the fact that he is out of the League, and you now have a neutral party. But that's not what really makes this individual stand out. What makes this person the ideal candidate for this job is his patience, his ability to listen and keep the focus on the issues, his amazing restraint from tirades. That's what makes someone a successful peace broker. You've probably already guessed who it is, Dave - that's right - Lance Harry.

RFL: Well, I suppose Lance Harry would make a suitable candidate for leader of the free world. You actually exhibit some of the characteristics that Lance embodied. For instance, you have always been known to be quite outspoken. Is this a facade, Joe?

Joebob: Whoa, Dave. (chuckling) You don't mince words, do you? Dave, the outspokeness is no facade. No, indeed. You've known me for quite some time now. I've always been for the betterment of boththe human race and the League.

RFL: Your opinions range from bold to outrageous, and as a result... everyone has an opinion about you. Are you just trying to appeal to the masses? Do you want people to hate you and/or love you?

Joebob: Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Dave. As I'm sure you're well aware, I've been working towards a political career for some time now. I was recently voted in as trash management supervisor for my residence in CA.

RFL: Congratulations!

Joebob: Who knows where I'll be 1 year from now. Do I want people to hate or love me? Who doesn't want the people to love him? I'm a people person. I like to believe that the mass consensus is that Joe is putting out ideas - although sometimes controversial - that have the people as the priority. Am I loved right now? Maybe without the derogatory lies from the Commish, I would be.

RFL: C'mon Joe, do you really believe all the things that you say?

Joebob: Absolutely. One thing I hold to very strongly are my convictions. You have to growing up brown.

RFL: Speaking of brown... some see it as the color of justice & liberty, while others tend to think that it is the personification of poopiness. Prejudice against your skin color is a recurrent theme in your daily musings. Are you hiding behind your brown skin?

Joebob: That's a great question, Dave. I don't believe I am. If anything, I want people to forget about the brown and look at Joe. You may be thinking, "Joe, then what the hell is IFEJ???" Well Dave, IFEJ is not something that I wanted to start - but the times demanded it in order to stop the then-evil Commish Cals from his acts of inequality throughout the League.

RFL: What's the deal with the recount on my battle with Heirs to the Ayatollah and the elimination of Laraveneau Coles's 100 points? Doesn't a manual recount leave much more room for error? Why did Ali have to get so snippy about it?

Joebob: Boy, there sure have been some strange things happening this season, huh Dave!?! First off, these kinds of things wouldn't have happened in the old days, that's for sure. The elimination of the 100 points for Coles was preposterous. It reminded me of Wang's dictatorial law on not changing GB RBs on Monday. Where's the democracy in that??? As for Ali, rest assured Dave, he'll get his. Oh, will he ever!!

RFL: Joe, your humor reigns supreme. Have you considered a career in stand-up comedy?

Joebob: (Chuckling) Funny you should ask. I've been moonlighting at Rooster T. Feathers Comedy Club in Sunnyvale, CA the past 3 months. I'm still waiting for my big break. I'm a relative newcomer in the biz (that's Hollywood slang for "business"), so I know it will take some time. Cals - you may not want to show up since you're the basis of my entire routine. It's just nice to have something to fall back on if the RFL game passes me by.

RFL: Joe, when you spoke at the rehearsal dinner at my wedding, I laughed so hard I nearly split my side. The rest of the room sat in dead silence. Have you found a target audience at Rooster T. Feathers that can appreciate your brash straight-talkin' Indian sense of humor?

Joebob: Dave, your rehearsal dinner taught me quite a bit about the entertainment business - and what a cold world it could be. But I'll tell you, I sure grew up in a hurry. Let's face it, when I'm on stage, it's no holds barred. I'm coming after you, and I'm going to shock you. What happened at your dinner was a shame. I think it's safe to say that I was 5 years ahead of that crowd in terms of comedy. Someday they'll pop in a videotape of that evening and they'll say - Wow, that Indian kid sure is funny! As for my audience at Roosters, well... I'll be honest, Dave, it's been tough going. I don't know if they're ready to accept an Indian "Seinfeld." I average around 2 or 3 people an evening. 1 when Jackie doesn't show up. But I think we'll begin to see a change pretty soon. I can see the light. I'm making some material changes to focus more on the Commish and Cals.

RFL: OK Joe, game time. I say a GM's name. You say the first boy-band or type of cheese that comes to mind. ...Clark

Joebob: Swiss - everything he does has holes in it (i.e. - RFL teams, his logic, his zone coverage strategies in our weekly football games, his offensive strategies).

RFL: Ali

Joebob: New Kids - How the mighty do fall!

RFL: Wally

Joebob: Rotten cheese - everything he tries to do just smells funny.

RFL: Stan

Joebob: American Cheese - Nothing fancy - just solid, good old US boy all around.

RFL: Gary

Joebob: N'Sync - I get him mixed up with Tim and I get N'Sync mixed up with Backstreet.

RFL: Shivan

Joebob: Milli Vanilli - Did he really make ANY decisions on the past Team Desai teams??? (plus Snehal actually had a Milli Vanilli CD in college!!)

RFL: Tim Purwin

Joebob: Backstreet Boys - Team always looked so polished in the beginning.

RFL: That's funny, Tim Purwin always makes me think of feta. Who is Na?

Joebob: Dave, I'm so glad you asked this question. So many people are under the impression that NBB is named after the NFL football player Na Brown. It couldn't be further from the truth. The story of Na is actually a famous Indian fable. Back in 400 B.C., there was a young Indian lad, named Aftab who was robbed from his cradle by a band of monkees known in India as the Na Monkees. Well, these Na Monkees ended up raising little Aftab until his teen years. When realizing that he looked nothing like the other Na Monkees, Aftab escaped back to civilization - where he was taken in by the Maharaha of Chenai. Having no name that he knew of, Aftab took on the name of "Na" to honor the monkey tribe that raised him and "Brown" to honor his pigmentation tendencies. What happened to Na Brown after that is actually quite a tale Dave, but maybe for some other time. I will give you a bit of a hint though. Let's just say that those pesky Na Monkees weren't quite ready to let him go just yet. But I digress.

RFL: As always, it's been a pleasure chatting with you. Do you have anything else you'd like to get off your chest?

Joebob: Dave, I just want all the evil in the League to go away. Let's just all try to enjoy these last few weeks of competition and may the best team win. Thanks for the opportunity to express myself to the League.

RFL: Joe, I appreciate your frank discussion on all of these matters. Excellent seeing you again & good luck to Na Brown & all his boys.

This has been an RFL exclusive interview. For an audio recording, please send a blank cassette, 75 cents, and a self-addressed-stamped envelope to:
Joe Speaks
37 Mountainshire Drive
Worcester, MA 0160x
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
127 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
109 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
101 Rich Gannon (Black Ops)

RB
182 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
169 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
147 Robert Smith (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
134 Mike Anderson (The Determined Sperm...)
132 Charlie Garner (Curly Back Hair)
132 Eddie George (All Jacked Up)

WR
126 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
123 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
120 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
111 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
110 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
87 Cris Carter (Na Brown's Boys)

TE
81 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
60 Shannon Sharpe (Fire in the Hole)
51 Freddie Jones (All Jacked Up)

PK
116 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
102 Martin Gramatica (The Everyday Tokers)
100 Gary Anderson (All Jacked Up)
100 Al Del Greco (Heirs to the Ayatollah)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

Brodz	Advantage	Cals
JGarcia		VTestaverde
MAnderson		SHicks
BHoover		DBennett
MHarrison		IBruce
CConway		AToomer
TGonzalez		JHarris
JNedney		MStover

In Week 12's GOTW, Brodz scrubbed his way by Cals 29-21. Brodz has since gone on to score 67 and 92 the last 2 weeks. Cals has put up 35 and 10. Intense hard feelings exist between these 2 clubs - emanating from GM Cals' harsh criticism of Brodz' RB corps. A quick glance at this week's starters reveals Brodz' fine duo of Anderson and Hoover - compared to Skippy and Donnell for Cals! The RFL Gods work in wondrous ways!!
Aside from The Determined Sperm...'s huge RB advantage, Cals should be able to make up a little ground in the WR matchup. That 1 step forward should turn into 2 (or 4) steps backwards when comparing TEs. As for the QBs and PKs, it'd be a futile exercise in splitting hairs.

**** The East Coast represents: TDSWSLWWFSP by 19 ****

********************************************************
**** THE **** OTHER **** FEATURED **** QUARTERFINAL ****
#3-Na Brown's Boys (10-4, 41.2) vs. #6-Fire in the Hole (9-5, 36.2)

Joebob	Advantage	Wang
SKing		DBledsoe
JBettis		Emmitt
AGreen		JStewart
CCarter		JThrash
EMcCaffrey		DMayes
MPollard		SSharpe
JElam		JWilkins

In Week 1's GOTW, Wang scrubbed his way by Joebob 22-18. Joebob started the season 1-4 before recovering to win 9 straight to close out the regular season. Wang's 5-0 start has since given way to a 4-5 finish. Intense hard feelings exist between these 2 clubs - emanating from GM Joebob's bitter memories of his oppressive childhood. Commish #2's dislike of Joebob takes root in the grading job Wang lined up for Joebob. Joebob's lackluster professionalism resulted in Wang's need to REgrade every problem set - AND perform sexual favors for the not-so-lovely course lecturer Ms. Grace.
This was not the quarterfinal matchup Wang was hoping for. Aside from Shannon Sharpe, every positional matchup could arguably be in Joebob's favor. Joebob should be able to win this one by merely rolling out the NBB helmets onto the field. Scrubby FITH's only hope might be a 4 TD performance from the TE that *some* might say looks like a bronco.

**** Opressed brown folk everywhere, unite!: NBB by 8 ****

#1-Heirs to the Ayatollah (12-2, 52.5) vs. #8-Minnesota Nice (7-7, 42.2)

HTTA beat MN 72-57 in Week 9. Ricky Williams is no longer playing for Kevin. Ali is at full strength. HTTA will try to pound MN with the running game (MFaulk, RSmith and DCulpepper). MN will try to counter with DAlexander, Keyshawn and the mercurial Aaron Brooks.
Ali simply has too much firepower to lose just yet... HTTA by 6.

#2-All Jacked Up (10-4, 41.9) vs. #7-Carpet Bombers (8-6, 43.5)

AJU snuck by CB in Week 5 by the score of 38-36. Ricky Watters came up 3 yards short on Monday Night for the last 3 pts Tim needed. AJU and CB are both having WR issues. Clark will be going with SDawkins and DMason. Tim will have JSmith and ???. CB *seemingly* has the QB edge with Warner over Frerotte. AJU has the TE edge with Freddie over Crawford.
The upset that isn't really an upset... CB by 2.

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All rights reserved.

Revised: December 5, 2000