CNN, ABC, CBS and NBC have all declared Ali's Heirs to the Ayatollah as the 2000 Steamroller Winner! UPN still feels that Carpet Bombers could make up the 2 games (and 95 pt) difference between HTTA and CB.
With the passing of Week 12, so ended the slate of inter-divisional matchups. The Breast Division led the way with a +10 against the other divisions. The Thigh Div was 2nd at +4 - while the Leg (-6) and Giblets (-8) divisions proved to be the lagging foursomes.
Perhaps the most fierce intra-divisional contest remaining will be Joebob vs. Cals in Week 14.
Clark will have two tough matchups: Adam (Week 13) and Gary (14) - with only 1 playoff spot available for these 3 teams.
Kevin will look to ease past Shivan and JoePa to hang on to his postseason berth.
THE PLAYOFF PICTURE can be found in the Wang's Wingin' It section below.

WELL, HOG GRAVY AND CHITLINS!!!

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 53.7 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 26.7 ppg
Toughest defense: TheDeterminedSperm... - 34.8 ppg
Softest defense: The Everyday Tokers - 43.3 ppg
League scoring average: 38.9 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: All Jacked Up (123), HTTA & NBB & FS (117)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (63), Carpet Bombers (81) and %$!@#& (87)
The Breast Division split 4 games against the Giblets Div, and the Leg Division was even (at 2-2) with the Thigh Div.
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #12!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 29
Fresh Squeezed 21

The League's latest attempt at pregame bravado (this time from Cals) once again was met with cold revenge on a dish. The Vulture's scorn for The Sperm's RB stable of scrubbiness brought out standout performances from Hoover and Anderson - as they combined for 9. Fresh Squeezed knew they were in trouble when they started 2 castoffs from the super scrubby FITH - Peabo and Amani. Amani actually shook off last week's concussion to get 100 yds, but no other non-PK scored more than 3 for Cals. Tony Gonzalez drove relentlessly to the hole for Brodz - dunking twice in Cals' mug.
Scrub Win for Brodz (2-1)

garcia 0 hoover 3 mand'son 6 har'son 0 lcoles 0 tonyg 15 nedney 5
blake 0 jamala 3 bryson 0 toomer 6 ibruce 3 jackie 0 stover 9
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%$!@#& 39
Black Ops 70

%$!@#& was looking good to snap out of their 2 game skid. They were up 39-22 heading into Sunday Nitro. Hold FTaylor (vs PIT) to 9 and THolt (vs Deion & Co.) to 6, and victory was theirs. The usually valid assumption being that LCenters would be held to 0. But Gary's apparent lack of good, clean living led to a MONSTER (some might say Edgerrin-like) game from Fred. In an interview after the game, Fred revealed that he was operating with a purpose - to avenge the most recent "death" of fellow Black Ops RB Terrell Davis. Centers and Torry then poured on a dozen more on Monday Night. Elvis, Johnnie and Qadry were trip-9s for %$!@#&. Johnnie's TD came as he very nearly juked Sehorn out of his pants. Boston put up 9 in support of Fred - as JoePa retained his Commander-of-Cambridge trophy (JoePa, Gary and Wang went 1-1 against each other this year).
Scrub Loss for Gary (3-2)

elvis 9 ejames 6 anders 3 morton 9 qadry 9 dmoore 0 c'stie 3
gannon 6 ftaylor 36 centers 6 boston 9 holt 6 sloan 0 hanson 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly Back Hair 21
Minnesota Nice 22

All Adam needed was a TD + 50 yds (or 150 yds) from Stephen Davis during Monday Night Madness to overcome his 22-15 deficit. SDavis had the game-winning TD for Adam, but thanks to a holding call on Thrash 5 yds behind the play... the TD was called back. JGeorge then tossed a TD pass to Thrash on the very next play. For the rest of MNM, SDavis was in and out of the game... hurt shoulder, hurt forearm, hurt wrist, hurt pinky, plucked back hair, etc. The yds were piling up, but no TD looked likely. At the final buzzer, SDavis was 44 yds short. After getting blanked last week, Derrick Alexander resumed his fine Y2K campaign for Minnesota Nice. Kevin was not so fortunate with the quadrilateral of goose-eggs from Drewe, Terrelle, Keyshawne and Rickey.
Scrub Win for Kevin (2-3)

b'lein 6 sdavis 6 garner 6 oronde 0 tdwight 0 becht 0 mare 3
bledsoe 0 cmartin 3 terrelle 0 key 0 dalex'er 9 dudley 0 brien 10
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Heirs to the Ayatollah 66
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 49

Stan's heroic, late run at a playoff spot might have come to an end against Heirs to the Ayatollah. 49 was The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm)'s 3rd highest total of the season, but Ali's charges were averaging 52.5 ppg heading in to this contest. Rod and Jamal led the way for Stan, but Air and Sucks picked a bad week to post a Robert Parish. Ali's Viking duo raped and pillaged their way to a Bettis this week. Moulds also knocked down a late Hail Mary attempt by TAQAP(tm), and Marshall returned a week early from his knee replacement surgery to pile on 12 more. Jerry Rice was the only starter not to score for Ali. The WIR Editor wonders why Joebob does not have Rice and Fryar on his team.
Scrub Loss for Stan (1-1).

c'pper 15 mfaulk 12 rsmith 21 moulds 9 rice 0 wycheck 3 dgreco 6
mcnair 0 dautry 9 jlewis 12 horn 0 rod 15 chad 3 akers 10
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All Jacked Up 67
Nasty Pimps 15

In Gus Clark trusted - yanking Fiddler at the last minute before kickoff. Good thing, too... Fiddler lasted 1 whole play against the Jets! Nasty Pimps were All Jacked Up as Frerotte single-handedly defeated Shiv's hungover crew. Eddie George chipped in 24 for Clark - to move into a 7th place tie (with Curtis Martin) for RFL RB scoring. DHayes had a TD incorrectly spotted at the 1-inch line against Minny. The TD then went to Beuerlein on a QB keeper. Shiv's Pimps were led by 6 from Mary's beau. Sidenote: Cameron Diaz is SSSMOKIN' in Charlie's Angels!

gus 27 tiki 6 egeorge 24 dhayes 0 dmason 3 freddie 0 anderson 7
favre 6 alstott 0 pittman 3 muhsin 3 ike 0 roland 0 daluiso 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Carpet Bombers 21
Na Brown's Boys 56

Tim's 4-game winning streak came to an abrupt halt against Na Brown's Boys - as Joebob ran his own W streak to 7! Joebob and Ali appear to be running neck-and-neck for GM of the Year honors. Perhaps the winning votes will be captured by the winner of Aglione Bowl XI! Carpet Bombers switched from the Twin Tyrone to the Triple Smith attack (Antowain, Lamar and Jimmy). Fittingly... they combined for 3 pts. Joebob's 3rd-ranked WR duo, EMcCaffrey (6th overall) and CCarter (7th), combined for 30. The highly-anticipated CAR TE duel between Tim's CCrawford and Joebob's KMangum never materialized - as Mangum pulled out in favor of Marvcus Pollard. No winner was declared - as Crawford and Pollard both repeatedly missed each other badly.

trent 12 antowain 0 lsmith 0 jsmith 3 tmartin 0 c'ford 0 l'well 6
king 6 green 9 bettis 3 cris 12 ed 18 pollard 0 elam 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazed Beagles on the Run 34
Merry Munching Merkins 24

In a battle of the League's 2 most losingest clubs, Vesh was up 21-34 heading into MNM with Pepe Le Pew and Albert Connell. Le Pew was not able to see any action behind JGeorge, but Connell was gobbling up large chunks of yardage against the Rams' efense. In the end, with the inside track at the #16 seed on the line... Albert was able to come up 54 yds and a TD short - thereby pulling out the L for Mmm. Wally's 7-game losing streak came to an end - as Freeman and Riemersma picked a most inopportune time to hit paydirt. The win dropped Crazed Beagles all the way to #14 - as TET played through to #15.

peyton 9 wdunn 3 kfaulk 0 freeman 6 marcus 3 riem'ma 6 jan'ski 7
PepeLePew X rich'son 3 dillon 3 tibrown 9 albert 3 dilger 0 v'jagt 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Everyday Tokers 22
Fire in the Hole 50

In Week 2, Brodz trampled Adam 72-25 in this season's other Sponsor vs. Protege contest. Cals picked Richard as his upset special in this game, but Fire in the Hole was finally able to scratch their losing itch. Everyday Toker Moss was running wild and free all day long against CAR's D, but MIN's "TDs for everyone" policy meant only one for Moss this week. Wang benched numerous points (KCollins' 18 and PWarrick's 9), but still managed to scrape past his former softball manager. TET Gramatica held onto his #2 PK spot in overall PK scoring. Richard's QB Brunell had a TD pass to JSmith taken away after a questionable instant replay review.

brunell 3 dayne 0 kaufman 3 moss 12 twilkins 0 bubba 0 gr'tica 4
rj'son 12 stewart 9 emmitt 0 tmathis 0 thrash 9 sharpe 12 jeffhall 8
----------------------------------------------------------------------

We have made it to the Week of Turkey-day games:
NE Patsies at DET Liedowns, and
NFC West (to-be) rivals Vikes at Cowboys

The precedent set earlier this season regards FREEZING depth for positions affected by these games. The following GMs need to freeze the noted positions (barring last-minute roster spasmatic impulses) by Thursday morning:

Gary WR TE
Adam QB RB
Ali QB RB
Clark WR PK
Wally RB
Richard QB WR
JoePa TE PK
Stan WR
Kevin QB
Joebob WR
Wang RB
Vesh PK
Cals WR TE

Tim, Brodz and Shiv currently have no Turkey-day players.

All other positions' depth can be adjusted until the normal Sunday morning 10am (CA time) deadline.

THE PLAYOFF PICTURE
*** ******* *******

Team	W	L	GB	PF
x Heirs to the Ayatollah	10	2	-	644
Carpet Bombers	8	4	2	549
Fresh Squeezed	8	4	2	514
Na Brown's Boys	8	4	2	504
All Jacked Up	8	4	2	503
Fire in the Hole	8	4	2	456
Minnesota Nice	7	5	3	507
The Determined Sperm Which Squirm...	7	5	3	497
---- ---- ---- ----
%$!@#&	6	6	4	436
Curly Back Hair	5	7	5	453
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm)	5	7	5	420
z Black Ops	4	8	6	440
z Nasty Pimps	4	8	6	386
z Crazed Beagles on the Run	3	9	7	427
z The Everyday Tokers	3	9	7	320
z Merry Munching Merkins	2	10	8	404

x - clinched playoff spot
z - eliminated from BCS consideration

HTTA appears to be the only team that has clinched a playoff spot - AND has virtually locked up the Steamroller. 2 testers - against %$!@#& and AJU - remain.

The 8-4 teams (CB, FS, NBB, AJU & FITH) are most likely safely into the playoffs. But 2 losses by any of these teams - combined with 2 wins from %$!@#&, some wins by MN and TDPWSLWWFSP, and perhaps some POINTS SCORED "magic" - could result in a tumble out of the postseason.

The 7-5 teams (MN and TDPWSLWWFSP) are both favored to win their last 2 regular season games - and clinch their playoff spots. BO might be able to knock MN out in Week 14.

At 6-6, %$!@#& *must* at least win one of their last 2 (against HTTA and AJU) - and hope for *lots* of bizarre things to break their way. If %$!@#& can win both games, they will still need a team above them to perform below expectations win-loss-wise and points-scored-wise.

The 5-7 teams (CBH and TAQAP(tm)) are still mathematically alive, but their chances of making the playoffs are worse than hitting the Powerball numbers.

BO, NP, CBotR, TET and Mmm have been eliminated.

Gary: should lose to Ali, then crucial game against Clark
Adam: close matchup with Clark, then a loss to Ali
Ali: should come out on top against Gary and Adam
Clark: 50-50 games with Adam and Gary

Tim: should beat Wally and Richard
Brodz: should beat Richard and Wally
Wally: should lose to Tim and Brodz
Richard : should lose to Brodz and Tim

JoePa: 50-50 with Stan, then perhaps 50-50 with hurting Kevin
Shiv: 40-60 with hurting Kevin, 50-50 with Stan
Stan: tossups with JoePa and Shiv
Kevin: not favored by much over Shiv and JoePa (what's CMartin's deal?)

Joebob: should beat Vesh, Week 14 GOTW vs. Cals
Wang: should lose to Cals, not favored by much over Vesh
Vesh: should lose to Joebob, close game with Wang
Cals: should beat Wang, Week 14 GOTW vs. Joebob

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Ali Eslambolchi, GM, Heirs to the Ayatollah
*************************************************

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: You joined RFL in 1998. What can you tell us about the name of your team, why exactly you picked that name, and how that team performed?

Ali Eslambolchi: "The Sallad" was picked because of my deep hatred for the Dallas Cowboys organization, everything it stood for, and, most of all... its top worm, Jerry Jones. As such, I wanted my team to carry philosophies and policies exactly the opposite of Dallas. I first thought about "The anti-Dallas," but that would have been too obvious and boring. "Sallad" (Dallas read backwards) sounded good, and it did the job in terms of opposite team philosophies to the Cowboys.
The Sallad went 7-7 in the Steamroller race, and they went on to upset Pat's Tres Butt Nast in the first round of the Aglione Bowl playoff! They ended up losing the final two games of the year and settling for a 9th place overall standing.

RFL: In 1999 your Jock Itch United squad struggled to a 6-8 record - 1 game out of a playoff spot and 12th overall. Foge Fazio had you pegged #1 coming out of the Draft:
http://www.thewanger.com/rfl/foge99.html
What happened?

AE: Well, the year kind of started in a weird fashion. First of all, I was picked 16th in the Draft Lottery. The two guys that I was really banking on to carry the rest of my team were my #1 & #2 WRs in Antonio Freeman and Terrell Owens. As you remember, last year was the year that Jeff Garcia took over for Steve Young in SF. It turned out that TO was the guy who lost the most in this transition. Also, Antonio Freeman had a subpar year in GB. The 'United never really got a decent pair of RBs all year long... partially because their GM had his head too far up his ass to make decent pickups and take advantage of opportunities. Given that, I think that a 6-8 record was more than anyone could ask for with that squad.

RFL: For RFL2k, Foge dropped his expectations of your organization (#8)... and now you are on the verge of claiming your first Steamroller. How do you explain this turn of events?

AE: Pure luck! With 16 teams in the league at this time, the talent pool gets pretty diluted. As we have seen in the last couple of years, teams who have made key pickups in the middle of the year, or ones that have had great performances from their low draft picks in the second half of the season have gone on to do well in the Steamroller and Aglione Bowl. I think with this year's team, a number of gambles paid off... namely the pickup of Culpepper, who, for all intents and purposes, is a rookie QB. Another surprise for the HTTA this year was the unbelievable performance of Jeff Garcia. His trade to "The Sperm" brought Eric Moulds into a very weak (11th in the League) WR corps on the HTTA. Although Eric has been relatively effective in terms of bringing some WR pts to the HTTA, the "coming out" of players like Robert Smith, Frank Wycheck, and Daunte Culpepper has been key to HTTA's success, particularly after Marshall Faulk went down with a knee injury. I am still hoping to get Faulk back in the lineup in time for the playoffs, as I *will* need him for potential games with Aglione Bowl darkhorses like the Clarpet Blombers, Minnesota Nice, All Jacked Up, etc.

RFL: Who are your favorite players - from your 3 teams?

AE: I would have say that my favorites are Marshall Faulk and Robert Smith from this year's squad... mainly because they are so versatile both in the backfield and as receivers. I also like Gary Anderson, my kicker from two years ago, and James Stewart from last year's squad.

RFL: Which players would you be happy never to own again?

AE: Keyshawn Johnson. In my opinion, Johnson is really a #2 WR in the RFL. The problem with him is that he is able to generate a lot of enthusiasm around himself and set the expectations just high enough so he is drafted early onto RFL squads... and then he consistently fails to deliver on those expectations.

RFL: Please state for the record: 1) the name of your employer, 2) what division you work for, and 3) what exactly you do for a living.

AE: I work for an obscure computer and printer company called Hewlett-Packard. In my two positions at HP since 1996, I have served in one common capacity: as a pee-on. My theory is that anyone who works for large corporations here in our great country, from janitor to CEO, is a pee-on. In my opinion, a pee-on is someone whose expertise is exploited to generate huge profits and make more money for pee-ons above him. But seriously...
Pat Callery and I started almost at the same time and in similar positions at HP: Manufacturing Development Engineer. Our roles were basically to introduce new (faster, smaller, cheaper) printed circuit assembly technologies into HP product divisions. To say it in English, we spent a lot of time soldering +beep+ on a board and doing destructive tests on the assembly and doing failure analysis on it. In the last couple of years, I have been on the corporate mechanical engineering team working with the rest of HP on ME-related issues.

RFL: What interesting anecdotes can you tell the League about any of our brethren?

AE: Sorry to disappoint you on this one, but I really don't know enough about our brethren to have any anecdotes... and Pat has managed to maintain a squeaky clean image at HP [Commish's note: WHAT?!?!? What about the disappearing lunches from the group fridge? What about that beeping when Cals naps face-first on his keyboard? What about the alarms going off when Cals tries to stream pornographic material from his office to the *WORLD*?!?] such that I haven't seen anything worth mentioning about him either. I am looking forward to meeting more RFL GM's so I can identify their sore spots for future exploitation...

RFL: What can you tell us about your childhood? Where did your life begin? How did you find your way to the here and now?

AE: My life began in Tehran, Iran 35 years ago. I had a relatively quiet childhood through 5th grade, at which point my family decided to make the move to the good old U. S. of A. in 1976 (probably before some of our fellow RFL GMs were born!). We stayed in the U.S. for four years, at which time I was taking advantage of less strict school rules and policies and cutting school regularly to play pool in tournaments in the local community center. I managed to excel in pool, but my grades in school were starting to reflect that. This, coupled with difficulties for Iranians living in the U.S. during the hostage crisis of 1980, forced my family to return to Iran... for a *short* stay. Well, given that the Iran-Iraq war broke out a week following our return to Iran, and that I was a couple years away from being eligible for the compulsory military service, our short stay turned to be 9 years long! 3 years of college and 2.5 years of military service during the war later, I found myself on an Alitalia flight from Tehran through Rome and Milan, to Los Angeles. My first home was in Gilroy, California (Garlic Capital of the World), and I eventually moved north to San Jose, Santa Clara, and now, Los Gatos.
My second job out of college (San Jose State) was at HP, where I crossed paths with Pat, and the rest is history...

RFL: How has your approach to the RFL season (Draft, regular season, postseason, offseason) changed over your 3 years?

AE: I have learned to keep my eyes open for opportunities which may or may not pay immediate dividends. I have learned that keeping one or two spots on the RFL 12-man roster for "investment" purposes not only does no harm, but is a crucial element of success late in the season and in the postseason. I have also learned to take comments and recommendations from so-called "talent gurus" with a grain of salt, and use my own gut feel to choose talent as need be. RFL has also allowed me to expand my NFL enthusiasm outside the 49ers (and this is a good time to do that!) and all over the league.

RFL: What is your favorite NFL team? Who are your 5 most favorite NFL players of all-time?

AE: My favorite team happens to be our local team, the Niners. I like their team philosophy, their personnel, and their game plan. I guess having peed next to Jerry Rice and Roger Craig during a Warriors game at the Oakland Arena also tighted my bond with this franchise. 5 most favorite players of all-time:

1. Jerry Rice
2. Steve Young
3. Terry Bradshaw
4. Troy Aikman (a true gentleman amongst a bunch of corrupt, low-class weasels)
5. William Floyd

RFL: What rule changes would you like to see in RFL next season?

AE: I'd like to see more points awarded to QBs and TEs for each TD pass thrown and received. The impact of doing this is earlier draft picks for these two roster spots. In other words, it would not be as big a no-brainer to use your top draft picks to pick RBs and WRs.

RFL: Who's your Baba? And where are those pesky 40 thieves?

AE: Baba in Persian means father, but I will interpret it as an idol. My idol is James Bond, 'cause he seems to be able to get the babes in the most dire of circumstances. 15 of the 40 thieves are living in different parts of the country, wanting to steal the Steamroller and Aglione Bowl from me. The remaining 25 are still in the shadows, waiting to be identified.

RFL: Any closing comments?

AE: Yeah, I'd like to thank the RFL for giving me the honor of being featured in a WIR. I would also like to thank our Honorable Commish for doing just an outstanding job running this League. I look forward to meeting the other GMs soon. Good luck to all in the balance of the 2000 season (except my weekly opponents).

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
118 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
94 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)
89 Rich Gannon (Black Ops)

RB
170 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
163 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
126 Charlie Garner (Curly Back Hair)
123 Ricky Williams (Minnesota Nice)
120 Stephen Davis (Curly Back Hair)
117 Robert Smith (Heirs to the Ayatollah)

WR
108 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
108 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
107 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
105 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
96 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
83 Ed McCaffrey (Na Brown's Boys)

TE
69 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
60 Shannon Sharpe (Fire in the Hole)
42 Frank Wycheck (Heirs to the Ayatollah)

PK
102 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
86 Martin Gramatica (The Everyday Tokers)
85 Mike Vanderjagt (Merry Munching Merkins)
85 Gary Anderson (All Jacked Up)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

Adam	Advantage	Clark
SBeuerlein		GFrerotte
SDavis		EGeorge
CWarren		TBarber
OGadsden		DMason
TDwight		DHayes
ABecht		FJones
OMare		GAnderson

Adam *must* win his last 2 games to have a shot at making the Playoffs. Clark faces 2 tough foes (Adam and Gary) down the stretch to position AJU for the postseason - if not hang onto his December Dementia invite altogether.
Curly Back Hair comes into this game with its #2 RB duo (behind HTTA) in tatters. BYE BYE, CGarner - and SDavis is all dinged up. Eddie George is also a little hurt for All Jacked Up. Tiki Barber might actually be the best back on the field for this contest. The WR starters in this game don't exactly strike fear into any DB's heart, but Freddie should give Clark a clean sweep in pass-catcher advantages. GFrerotte and GAnderson should also outscore SBeuerlein and OMare. With CBH's season on the line, it's hard to imagine how they will manage to defeat AJU.

**** Where's that Dan Snyder $, Adam?!?: AJU by 10 ****

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: November 21, 2000