Losses by Brodz and Wang to their arch-nemeses (Joebob and Tim) gave Ali just the opening he needed to reclaim the lead dog position with 5 weeks left in the regular season. Heirs to the Ayatollah sits alone at 7-2. *SIX* teams (Gary, Clark, Tim, Brodz, Wang and Cals) are right on Ali's heels at 6-3! Adam is the 5-4 team currently holding the #8 position. Joebob is the other 5-4 team - 26 pts behind Adam.
The crack RFL Statistics Crew also researched the fact that - in every presidential election going back to 1996 - whenever Brodz wins between 10/29 and 11/4, the incumbent party wins the presidency. Therefore Brodz' defeat in this past week's GOTW signals a victory for George Dubya! Oh, and the Redskins lost their last home game before the election last night, as well.

SPOOKY

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 55.0 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 26.6 ppg
Toughest defense: TheDeterminedSperm... - 31.6 ppg
Softest defense: Minnesota Nice - 47.8 ppg
League scoring average: 38.8 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: Heirs to the Ayatollah (87), All Jacked Up (87) and Fresh Squeezed (87)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (45) and Carpet Bombers (63)
The Frankenstein Division *SWEPT* all 4 contests against the Casper the Friendly Ghost Division (the 2nd week in a row this division has been blanked!), while the Headless Horseman Division split 4 matchups with the Dracula Division.
The Frankenstein Div is a combined 24-12. Do you think picking #1-#4 made a difference this year?!? How hard was it to pick EJames, SDavis, MFaulk and EGeorge?!? The lowly Casper the Friendly Ghost Div is a combined 13-23.
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #9!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 36
Na Brown's Boys 43

We can only imagine the horror in Camp Brodkin as the results came in for this contest. The Determined Sperm Which Squirm Like Worms With Firm Stern Perms got a strong game from MHarrison. Brodz also guessed right on the free agent PK. But who could have imagined that SKing would outscore Garcia?!? Does Joebob have his sights on his first GM of the Year award? The difference in this game was Na Brown's Boys' 18-0 advantage in the running game. Joebob has now won 4 in a row (after starting the season 1-4). Brodz' 5-game winning streak is kaput. The Blair Witch lined up at WR for NBB.

garcia 6 watson 0 pr'tice 0 har'son 12 green 0 tonyg 6 nedney 12
king 12 levens 15 bettis 3 cris 6 Witch X walls 0 lindell 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%$!@#& 41
Nasty Pimps 33

%$#@ing A! What the %$#@ is going on?!? %$!@#& has now won 4 in a row (3 scrubs, though)! Elvis worked it for another dozen - as he leads the AFC in TD passes. Edgerrin also chipped in 15 for Gary, and Kimble Anders appears to be the 3 ppg replacement for Errict that Gary has been searching for for 3 weeks. Terrell Owens stretched his lead in overall WR points, but just like the Niners... TO has no support from his Nasty Pimp teammates. After starting the season at 2-0, Shivan has dropped 6 of his last 7.
Scrub Win for Gary (3-0) - as Richard's bench scored more than 0.

elvis 12 ejames 15 anders 3 morton 0 pickens 0 rkelly 0 c'stie 11
favre 0 alstott 3 pittman 6 muhsin 0 towens 18 roland 0 daluiso 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Curly Back Hair 31
Black Ops 19

The low score of this game reminds me of the WIRs I've been formatting and posting from the '96 season. If the 50-yard rule hadn't been passed 8-3, the score of this game would have been 22-13! Fug-lee!! Stephen, Charlie and Oronde were three-of-a-kind for Curly Back Hair. SDavis did his job in holding off LCenters' bid at Monday Night heroics. JoePa had better get Terrell Davis and Fred Taylor cranked up soon - or this season will pass BO BY!
Scrub Win for Adam (1-1)

b'lein 0 sdavis 9 garner 9 oronde 9 tdwight 0 mitchell 0 mare 4
gannon 0 centers 6 ftaylor 6 boston 0 holt 3 sloan 0 hanson 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Heirs to the Ayatollah 72
Minnesota Nice 57

Minnesota Nice scores 59 and 57 in the past 2 weeks, and what do they have to show for it? 2 scrub losses! Kevin's lack of good, clean living these past 14 days is clearly to blame. MN men Ricky, Keyshawn and Derrick combined for 42. Newly acquired QB Fiedler even chipped in 9. But on Monday Night... with 3 points to makeup... SAlexander and KHeppner fell flat against their Titan counterparts. Heirs Frank and Al outscored Stephen and Krissy 15-3. All 7 starters scored for Ali. Marshall Faulk mercilessly battered MN's D for 4 TDs. The Moulds acquisition from Brodz also paid off for the 2nd week in a row.
Scrub Loss for Kevin (1-3)

c'pper 6 mfaulk 30 rsmith 6 moulds 6 chrebet 9 wycheck 6 dgreco 9
fiddler 9 cmartin 3 rw''ms 12 key 12 alex'er 18 alex'er 0 khepp 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All Jacked Up 43
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 10

The mind games Clark played on Stan to trick Stan into starting JFazande ended up being overkill as Ready Freddie scored all the points Clark would need to win this one going away. vINTy, Tiki and Eddie also put up a Damien for All Juiced Up. Jermaine, Sucks, Keenan and Chad got tangled up in The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm)'s little horsies-on-springs.

vINTy 6 tiki 6 egeorge 6 dhayes 0 warrick 0 freddie 18 anderson 7
mcnair 3 fazande 0 jlewis 6 horn 0 keenan 0 chad 0 akers 1
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Carpet Bombers 47
Fire in the Hole 27

After upsetting HTTA in Week 8, Tim changed 5 of his 7 starters (Watters and Mili were the only 2 holdovers) to take on FITH in Week 9. Tim's lineup manipulations exhibited the Torre Touch - as Clarpet Blombers scored their 3rd highest total of the season, and every Blomber (except Mili) inflicted damage. Last minute subs Lamar and Ryan outscored the previous starters (Wheatley and Peterson) 17-6. On the other hand, Wang's last minute roster gyrations (Dawkins and Mort in for Thrash and Stoyanovish) evened out 10-10.

trent 9 watters 12 lsmith 9 cjohnson 6 shepherd 3 mili 0 l'well 8
flutie 0 emmitt 6 stewart 8 mathis 3 dawkins 3 sharpe 0 mort 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazed Beagles on the Run 45
Fresh Squeezed 48

With the bench points advantage, all Wally needed on Monday Night was 50 yards or a TD from Wussey Thigpen. But no... Wussey's shrunken sac (I honestly could not find him listed on any injury report!) kept him out of action - resulting in Rosemary's Baby getting a start at WR, and Flaming Snoopies getting loss number 7 on the season. Cals won his 2nd in a row - as all 7 Fresh Squeezed starters scored. Jamal and Amani led the way with a pair of dozens.
Scrub Loss for Wally (1-4)

peyton 9 wdunn 12 smorris 9 freeman 0 Baby X riem'ma 0 jan'ski 15
blake 3 jamala 12 biaka 3 toomer 12 ibruce 6 jackie 6 stover 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Everyday Tokers 41
Merry Munching Merkins 31

The change-of-scenery deal bringing Dayne to TET for Keyshawn inspired both players to their highest production levels of the season. Indeed... starting Dayne over Enis this week was *the* move that enabled Richard to garner his first non-scrub victory of his RFL career. Brunell and Moss also contributed nicely. After setting the RFL single-game scoring record last week, Vesh's Mmm returned to their pre-drug-induced non-winning ways. Aside from last week's 84, Mmm had not scored more than 36 all season. The League's online drug-testing system - consisting of having each player go to RFL.com and click "yes" or "no" to, "Was your performance today enhanced by drugs?" - is under investigation.

brunell 9 dayne 12 kaufman 0 moss 9 twilkins 0 bubba 0 gr'tica 11
bj 6 rich'son 0 dillon 12 tibrown 0 albert 0 dilger 9 v'jagt 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------

RFL PLAYOFF PICTURE

Looking to the end of the regular season, here are the 8 teams expected to make the playoffs, their projected records, and their projected seed positions.

1) Heirs to the Ayatollah 12-2 - no surprise here
2) Carpet Bombers 11-3
3) All Jacked Up 11-3
4) TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 10-4
5) Fresh Squeezed 10-4
6) Minnesota Nice 8-6
7) Na Brown's Boys 8-6
8) %$!@#& 8-6

The following teams would appear to be left out of December Dementia:

9) Fire in the Hole 7-7 - ugh.
10) Curly Back Hair 5-9
11) Nasty Pimps 5-9
12) Crazed Beagles on the Run 4-10
13) Merry Munching Merkins 4-10
14) Black Ops 4-10
15) TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 3-11
16) The Everyday Tokers 2-12

It would seem that spots 6-9 are the most volatile. But with the recent overhaul of the TET running game (and Vesh's cavalier attitude towards drug-policy compliance), all 16 teams truly appear to be capable of winning/losing each week.

FITH and CBH are probably the 2 teams with the best chance of crashing the party. MN, NBB and %$!@#& are obviously the teams with the most tenuous holds on the edge of the cliff.

3 teams look to be favored to win the rest of their regular season games: Heirs to the Ayatollah, All Jacked Up and Carpet Bombers.

3 teams appear to be in a struggle to win again over the last 5 weeks: Curly Back Hair, The Everyday Tokers and The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm).

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Dave Brodkin, GM, TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm...
*************************************************

By Joseph Pynadath (interview conducted just before Joebob's 43-37 GOTW victory over Brodz on Sunday)

Dave Brodkin, one of the founding dinosaurs of RFL, is yet again a favorite for the first Ags Bowl of the 21st century. As a former roommate and co-GM of/with this young man, I've come to appreciate the talents of this GM year in and year out. From his days as an aspiring intramural QB to his claim as the most gifted center in intramural football history, I've seen Dave grow from playboy to responsible, loving father and dad. (Brushes tear from eye). Dave's continuous support for integration of the Indian RFL to Pat's evil Minnesota RFL empire helped pave the way for IFEJ's hostile takedown of Pat's dictatorial regime. Dave and I are tied together in one more way - in what has been deemed The Greatest Game in RFL History - HAWAAW downed Luscious Brodkin in the 1996 Ags Bowl. Ah, what good times those were. The one flaw that Brodkin has always exhibited - his blind love for the Red Sox. I can't even count the number of cases of Sam Adams that Dave has had to purchase for us due to the Sox' constant failures against the Mighty New York Yankees (2000 World Series Champs - as well as 96,98,99 and 22 others. It's great to be a fan of theirs). Enough about the Yanks - on with the interview. Take a peek into the life and times of one of RFL's greatest legends.

NOTE TO WANG - It may be time to create a TV show showcasing Sports Century's Greatest RFL GMs.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Well Dave - here we are again. You and I have sure been through a lot together over the years (chuckle, chuckle). Let me start by saying you look great!

Dave Brodkin: I have a new shampoo that puts a shine on my remaining hair (patting head).

RFL: Well, it sure works for you! Let's get right into it. Is this the year for The Sperm? Does your team have what it takes to win the Ags Bowl?

DB: The Aglione Bowl is mine, Joe! Let's just say that I've got a couple diamonds in the rough up my sleeve.

RFL: Oh, I don't doubt that! What are your thoughts on the RFL season so far? We'll start with THE COMMISH. Thoughts?? Good job? Bad Job? Hate him? Love him? Where do you stand on this?

DB: Well, how can you not love The Commissioner? Some of the statistics that he comes up with require algorithms beyond the scope of Fields' Prize winning mathematicians. The induction of Commissioner Wang has revitalized an aimless League (as the former Commissioner Callery understandably suffered a chronic case of RFL Commissioner burnout). Wang is a dedicated and highly principled GM, and I can commend him for standing by his vote, but... that doesn't take away from the fact that the 50 yard rule sucks! The beauty of major league baseball and the former RFL is its connection to its own history. The constancy of its scoring book allowed us to compare Foxy Brown of '99 to Dancing Clowns of '91 to Luscious Brodkin of '96 etc. Now we have lost that. It was anticlimactic when Vesh's amazing performance broke Z-Bomb's 74 point record because we knew it was going down anyway. They didn't say that about Roger Maris when McGwire made his run...

[Commish's comment: Let's keep the facts straight... even without the new 3-pt line, Vesh would have broken Z-Bomb's old single-game scoring record. As for McGwire-Maris... McGwire (andro) and the balls were juiced.]

RFL: I hear your pain, brother. I wouldn't go so far as to let Cals off the hook that easily though - Let's face it, he just plain sucked at the end of his career as Commissioner. We won't dwell on that though. OK, the loss of Snehal from RFL?

DB: This is a devastating blow to the Institution. Only 3 original dinosaurs left. But I'm sure these 3 will remain forever. And the influx of new blood has shaped the face of a currently thriving League.

RFL: Your strongest competition?

DB: Competition??? (with disgust) Please, Joe!!! Who can possibly compete with such genius???? You insult me!!!

RFL: (Chuckling) Touche Dave, Touche! Who would be on your RFL "Dream Team" if you drafted again today?

DB: I'll keep Garcia, Harrison, & Gonzalez... and add a couple others. How about Marshall Faulk & Edgerrin James? Give me any kicker. We'd beat Lithuania by at least 20.

RFL: Let's move on to a slightly different topic. Rumor around the League is that you are about to become the first ever RFL GM Dad! Obviously I know all about it since I'm the child's Godfather, but maybe you can share with the rest of us what's going through your mind right about now in regards to your new responsibility?

DB: The rumor is true. My sperm swim well. And I can't wait to be a dad.

RFL: OK, the obvious question. Will your child follow in your footsteps and continue the rich Brodkin tradition of RFL GM excellence?

DB: Funny you should ask. As my wife & I sat down to do some family planning, we considered my own future as an RFL GM quite heavily. The demands of such a high-pressure position take their toll on an individual. By the year 2020, I would like to retire to a cushy administrative role. Hence, we decided to produce an heir to the Brodkin RFL dynasty.
To all you Sperm fans out there: our first ultrasound is November 2nd. We'll find out if our first born is a candidate to break the gender barrier!

RFL: Dave, many in the League may also not be aware that you were recently married. Now, I don't need to dive into the RFL archives to remember that you were quite the ladies' man at all the RFL functions (chuckle, chuckle). Hell, what RFL GM isn't!!! Seriously though, Dave - how has marriage impacted your life? ...not only on the RFL gridiron BUT also your days as a playboy?

DB: Oh, those were the days, Joe (chortles). As I recall, there were so many ladies that the excess overflowed out of room 1202C into the Warren Towers hallway. That was actually beneficial to such vultures as Donald Nodes, Albert Aglione, and Patrick Callery - who fed off our prolific lady magnetism. But Joe, those days are long time past. Married life is great, and it's time to start securing my presence in the human gene pool for years to come.

RFL: (chuckling) Oh, that wily Pat Callery sure was a vulture - just begging for anything he could get!! Disgusting creature. Dave, I'm going to steal an interviewing concept used in an earlier interview where I just throw out terms and get your immediate response on it. Ready?

RFL: Brown

DB: supremacism

RFL: Golden Arm

DB: Brodkin

RFL: Ags Bowl

DB: sugar

RFL: Wang

DB: power

RFL: Shivan

DB: dancing

RFL: Dylan

DB: all natural ingredients

RFL: Let's take another turn in this interview path - Baseball and the Sox. How does it feel to be the fan of a team that is continuously beaten to a pulp by the Yankees?

DB: Fuzzy math (in catatonic state)

RFL: (in slight bewilderment) OK, let's continue - Following up on this question - it can't be fun watching the Rocket simply dominating his way through the World Series? What is going through your mind seeing the Rocket in pinstripes?

DB: Fuzzy math (in catatonic state)

RFL: (shaking head in frustration) Looks like you shut the door on that vault. Anyway, Dave - your comments regarding the Commish were, shall we say, rather PC. C'mon, it's just me & you - What do you REALLY think about the Commish and his new "Reign of Terror." You can't honestly think it's still a democracy??

DB: What? (waking out of catatonic state) Oh, you want to know about the Commissioner? I think he's doing a great job. Now if you're talking about evilness Joe, I think you should take a look in the mirror.

RFL: (looking aghast) Whoa now, Dave! Let's leave that talk for on the field this Sunday. The sudden influx of another Leominsteronian caused some concern in the RFL community. Happy with the introduction of Adam? embarrassed perhaps? Couldn't care less? Would do it again in a heartbeat?

DB: Incidentally, the proper term for a native of Leominster is "Leominstrosity." I'm quite proud of Mr. Marlin's performance thus far. With a mouth as big as his, I knew he would succeed. Mr. Marlin & I recently celebrated the 153rd birthday of Johnny Appleseed (another Leominster native).

RFL: The Presidential campaign... many government officials have felt that this new dictatorial attitude shown by Wang is mere posturing to win an At-Large bid. Thoughts on this as well as the other candidates? Who is Team Brodkin leaning towards?

DB: Let's see... we've got a bumbling idiot and an unlikable stiff. What's this Ralph Nader all about? No idea... My views are more aligned with those of the unlikable stiff, so Team Brodkin will take Gore in 2000 by default.

RFL: With the Anniversary of the Wilding championship game coming in a couple of weeks, what are you and your wife planning to do to celebrate this occasion.

DB: My wife, Nancy, and I will be downing a yard of beer at the Sunset Grill... uhhh... on second thought... make that a yard of orange juice.

RFL: Did your wedding ceremony mark the first time a brown wore a yamulka? And if so, any repercussions from that?

DB: There is a special breed of dark skinned Jews who reside on the southern border of the Negev desert. You were mistaken as one of these Jews, and remained unnoticed.

RFL: Ah yes, the Negev desert. I understand that the papyrus is of excellent quality out there. What's your favorite meal after an RFL win?

DB: Bagel with olive cream cheese.

RFL: (In a trance-like voice) Ummmmmm... Bagel w/Olive cream cheese... (snapping out of trance) Sorry about that. Which GM would you most like to see kicked out of RFL? and why?

DB: Right now, I would like to give you a big kick in the tushy.

RFL: OK, Dave - now I'm a little offended. How dare you state that you would want to kick a guru/Pulitzer prize-winning interviewer out of the League, you Bobby Knight, snake-in-the-grass, Jim Rome-loving, Roger Clemens-hating scoundrel!! I think this would be an appropriate time for a public apology after your last statement.

DB: That I would not want. Every Superman needs his Lex Luthor. Every Bill Clinton needs his Kenneth Starr. Every Austin Powers needs his Dr. Evil. And in the same light, I need you Joe. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to kick you in the butt.

RFL: Now that we got that cleared up, final question. What is your biggest regret in terms of how RFL has changed since 1990? What are you happiest about in terms of what's changed?

DB: Well, I was little perturbed that my 3 wildcard ringer rule was shot down 15-1. I curse all you GMs!!!! May the player you drop on your kicker's bye week hit immediate superstardom!!!!!! Ahhh!!! Haaa!!! Haaa!!!!! On the flip side, I am most pleased with the intensity that has permeated to every franchise in the League. It is this group of general managers who make RFL such a mighty institution. God bless all of you GMs! You put the R.F.L. in Rotting Fish Leftovers!

RFL: Dave, as usual, it's been a pleasure - See you on the gridiron this Sunday.

DB: See you at the coin toss, Joe.

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
88 Kurt Warner (Carpet Bombers)
79 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
72 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)

RB
151 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
131 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
108 Ricky Williams (Minnesota Nice)
99 Charlie Garner (Curly Back Hair)
99 Stephen Davis (Curly Back Hair)
84 Curtis Martin (Minnesota Nice)

WR
104 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
90 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
84 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
84 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
78 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
66 Jimmy Smith (Carpet Bombers)

TE
42 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
36 Frank Wycheck (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
33 Freddie Jones (All Jacked Up)

PK
78 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
65 Martin Gramatica (The Everyday Tokers)
64 Mike Vanderjagt (Merry Munching Merkins)
64 Ryan Longwell (Carpet Bombers)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

Wally	Advantage	Stan
PManning		SMcNair
KFaulk		JAllen
WDunn		DAutry
MRobinson		RSmith
AFreeman		TGlenn
JRiemersma		CLewis
SJanikowski		DAkers

This is essentially a playoff game for Wally and Stan - as both teams figure to need to close out the regular season with 5 straight wins to get into the postseason. Wally is 8th overall in team scoring, so finishing at 7-7 should be enough for a playoff spot. Stan is currently 15th in scoring, so an 8-6 record is a must for playoff hopes. The winner lives for another week. The loser can start watching Saturday games - instead of Sunday's. On a normal weekend, TAQAP(tm) should have a slight advantage in the running game. Rod Smith has also been a bright spot for Stan this season - vying for a spot on the All-RFL team. Riemersma's return and Janikowski's getting his mind right gives Wally a tangible edge in the passing and kicking games.

**** Eat hot lead, Red Baron!: Snoopies by 7 ****

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All rights reserved.

Revised: October 31, 2000