Ali's HTTA dropped a bench point heartbreaker to Tim's CB to fall back to the pack at 6-2. Brodz and Wang rejoined the vanguard. Tim, Cals, Clark and Gary are now 1 game back at 5-3. The current #8 seed team is Kevin's Minnesota Nice - 1 point scored ahead of Adam's CBH. Joebob is also at 4-4, but is 39 points behind MN. Shivan, Stan and JoePa are at 3-5 and need to start making their move. Vesh set the new All-Time RFL Single-Game Scoring Record this week... but he, Wally and Richard have essentially been reduced to the dreaded "backs against the wall/must win situation" position.

PHILLY CHEESESTEAKS

Highest scoring team: Heirs to the Ayatollah - 52.9 ppg
Lowest scoring team: The Everyday Tokers - 24.8 ppg
Toughest defense: TheDeterminedSperm... - 30.1 ppg
Softest defense: The Everyday Tokers - 48.1 ppg
League scoring average: 38.7 ppg
Teams with most 50-yard bonus pts: All Jacked Up (78), CBotR (78) and TAQAP(tm) (78)
Teams with least bonus pts: The Everyday Tokers (39) and CB (54)
The Harold Carmichael Division split 4 contests with the Mike Quick Division, while the Na Brown Division *SWEPT* the Chris T. Jones Division.
The Harold Carmichael Div continues to lead the way with 20 wins. The woeful Chris T. Jones Div is a combined 13-19.
Enough random babbling... on to WIR #8!

****************************
**** GAME OF THE WEEK ****
****************************
Curly Back Hair 67
The Everyday Tokers 27

Adam's Curly Back Hair won this season's Battle of RFL Rookie GMs handily - as Steve and Stephen combined for all the points CBH would need. Charlie and Tim also came up with 9s for Adam - who sent Jed Weaver in to play TE. Richard countered with Wilbert Montgomery at RB - and with 12s from Randy and Martin. Richard's first depth chart maneuver backfired - as Keyshawn's 3 was wasted on the bench behind Terrence Wilkins' 0. After starting out 1-3, Adam has now evened CBH's record at 4-4. The Everyday Tokers are now 1-7 and basically need to win their last 8 regular season games to make the playoffs... not gonna happen.

b'lein 12 sdavis 18 garner 9 oronde 6 tdwight 9 Jed X mare 13
brunell 3 Wilbert X kaufman 0 moss 12 twilkins 0 fauria 0 gramatica 12
----------------------------------------------------------------------
%$!@#& 39
Crazed Beagles on the Run 25

%$!@#& has now won 3 in a row (2 were of the scrub variety) as Edgerrin appears to have recaptured the dominating form he clearly had lost in Weeks 5 and 6. Elvis and Steve also did well for Gary, but the other four %$!@#&s are doing their best to undermine %$!@#&'s season. Wally has now dropped 4 consecutive contests (and 6 of 7) - as the Crazed Beagles on the Run campaign in 2000 has apparently gone the way of Bill Bradley (or John McCain). Peyton and Sebastian did ok, but sitting Sammy Morris behind WDunn and/or KFaulk (and going without a TE) left the Beagles with little hope of winning. Luther Broughton was Wally's 6th OL.
Scrub dubya for Gary (2-0)

elvis 6 ejames 18 pritchett 0 morton 3 qadry 3 bjornson 0 christie 9
peyton 9 wdunn 3 kfaulk 3 marcus 3 yancey 0 Luther X jan'ski 7
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Heirs to the Ayatollah 42 (20)
Carpet Bombers 42 (30)

Tony Martin's bruised pinky toe got Eddie Kennison's 3 into Tim's starting lineup to tie Ali 42-42 in regulation. This Clash of Titans then went to bench points... Moe caught a 2-pt conversion for Ali, and Trent tossed 3 scoring strikes for Tim on Sunday. So Heirs to the Ayatollah had Wayne needing to make up 7 points against Carpet Bomber Lamar in Monday Night Madness. Lamar quickly put up 21 points as the Dolphins raced out to a 30-7 lead on the Jets, but Chrebet then started abusing the 'phins' secondary - as the Jets came from behind to win 40-37 in OT. Unfortunately for Ali... Chrebet came up 2 TDs short - as vINTy threw 3 to Laveranues Coles, Jermaine Wiggins and Jumbo Elliott! Ali's Garcia for Moulds trade worked well, but wasn't quite enough to pull out a dubya this week.
Scrub Loss for Ali (1-2)

ali: chrebet 18 moe 2 couch/horne/rison 0
tim: lsmith 21 tgreen 9 natrone/tmartin/longwell 0

c'pepper 10 mfaulk 9 rsmith 3 moulds 12 rice 6 wycheck 0 delgreco 2
warner 3 watters 9 tyrone 15 jsmith 0 kennison 3 mili 0 peterson 12
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All Jacked Up 29
TheDeterminedSpermWhichSquirm... 58

This matchup had all the makings of a Game of the Week. The Determined Sperm Which Squirm Like Worms With Firm Stern Perms and All Jacked Up were both 5-2 - and sitting in the #2 and #3 seeds respectively. Clark was having trouble deciding which starting spot to concede a 0 - RB #2 or TE. Picking up Saint WR Keith Poole was just that important! In the end, Clark went with TJones at RB #2 - while dropping DCarswell. Both ended up scoring 3. Keith Jackson stepped in at TE for Clark. MHarrison caught 2 long TB bombs for Brodz, blackjacking for the winners of 5 in a row. Tony G also continued his torrid TE scoring pace. Recent acquisitions JGarcia and JGreen (from HTTA) were not a factor this week, but JGarcia should provide Brodz with the consistent and high-quality QB scoring he needs for a run at Ali over the balance of the season. The Sperm and HTTA face-off in Week 11.

greasy 12 tjones 3 egeorge 0 dhayes 3 herman 0 WhoaNellie X anderson 11
garcia 9 mand'son 9 prentice 3 harrison 21 green 0 tonyg 12 pstoy' 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Black Ops 38
Fire in the Hole 57

In a rematch of last season's Aglione Bowl, Wang got the best of JoePa again. This time, JStewart put up a huge 26 on Thursday night against the vaunted Bucs D. Fire in the Hole was then able to cruise across the finish line - even with the WR pair coming up lame (again). Black Ops' trio of Rich, Fred and Torry were three-of-a-kind. But yet another week of Terrell Davis MIA helped result in JoePa's 4th failed mission in his last 6 weeks. JoePa has only managed to have Fred and Terrell start together twice in 8 weeks - going 1-1 in those games. Interestingly enough, Fred and Terrell only managed 3 pts TOTAL in those 4 player-games. FITH snapped its 2-game losing streak.

gannon 9 centers 0 ftaylor 9 boston 3 holt 9 sloan 0 hanson 8
flutie 9 emmitt 12 stewart 26 small 0 thrash 0 sharpe 6 richey 4
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nasty Pimps 27
Na Brown's Boys 39

After 2 MiB losses to Team Desai last season, Joebob was able to recapture the Presidency of IFEJ with the victory in this contest. Na Brown's Geezers won for the 3rd consecutive Sunday - as head geezers JBettis and CCarter combined for 30. King, Holcombe and Walls never got off their rockers. Terrell Owens continues to lead RFL in WR points. Going with Kent Graham as QB and going without a PK sent signals to Nasty Pimps' fans that this team is packing it in for the season. News that Michael Vick will NOT be entering next year's RFL Draft apparently has yet to reach Shivan's ears. Chris Boniol kicked off for Shiv.
Scrub dubya for Joebob (1-0)

graham 0 alstott 0 pittman 6 muhsin 6 towens 9 roland 6 Boniol X
king 0 holcombe 0 bettis 12 cris 18 ed 6 walls 0 elam 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------
TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm) 31
Fresh Squeezed 45

Stan was looking to even his record at 4-4 against a Fresh Squeezed team that had scored 24 and 26 pts the last 2 weeks. But Cals was able to snap out of his 2-game funk by getting a pair of 18s from Biakabutuka and Bruce. Rod's foot-long performance moved him within 2 pts of TOwens for the #1 RFL WR scoring spot, but The Armchair Quarterback Adventure Playset (tm)'s Eagle triplets (Autry, Lewis, Akers) didn't quite remind anyone of the Romanian Bronco triplets (Elway, Davis, Sharpe) of 1998. Cals was able to overcome the lack of production from his own Krispy Kreme triplets (Blake, Price, Harris).

mcnair 3 dautry 6 jallen 3 rod 12 tglenn 0 chad 0 akers 7
blake 0 jamala 3 biaka 18 price 0 ibruce 18 jackie 0 stover 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Minnesota Nice 59
Merry Munching Merkins 84

Normally when an RFL club scores 53 on Sunday, the GM can rest #6 overall RB CMartin on Monday Night. But this was no normal weekend. Vesh received career-game performances from CDillon (27) and AConnell (30) - as the pair had previously mustered a total of 24 and 9 TOTAL points respectively through the entire 1st half of the season! Dillon set the NFL record for single-game rushing yardage, Connell put up 211 yds and 3 TDs, and Merry Munching Merkins now has the undisputed RFL single-game scoring record. Kevin was able to match BJ's 9 with Bledsoe, Dillon with Ricky Williams, and TiBrown's dozen with DAlexander, but Minnesota Nice's CMartin was unable to match Connell's 30.
Scrub Loss for Kevin (1-2)

bledsoe 9 cmartin 6 rw''ms 27 djackson 0 alex'er 12 alex'er 0 khepp 5
bj'son 9 rich'son 0 dillon 27 tibrown 12 albert 30 dilger 0 v'jagt 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Who's Scoring?

Below is one numerical representation of the scoring so far in the RFL2k season - broken down by position.

QBs: 27 guys, 772 pts /16 /8 = 6.03 ppg per QB (5.15 at last season's end)
RBs: 42 guys, 1661 pts /32 /8 = 6.49 ppg per RB slot (3.84)
WRs: 51 guys, 1368 pts /32 /8 = 5.34 ppg per WR slot (2.97)
TEs: 17 guys, 255 pts /16 /8 = 1.99 ppg per TE (1.29)
PKs: 31 guys, 902 pts /16 /8 = 7.05 ppg per PK (7.02)

QB1 = 88 pts kwarner
QB16 = 21 pts egrbac
................67 pt diff

RB1 = 121 pts mfaulk
RB16 = 45 pts malstott
................76 pt diff

RB17 = 44 pts manderson
RB32 = 15 pts mpittman
................29 pt diff

WR1 = 86 pts towens
WR16 = 33 pts dboston
................53 pt diff

WR17 = 30 pts dhayes
WR32 = 15 pts keyjohnson
................15 pt diff

TE1 = 42 pts tgonzalez
TE16 = 3 pts dsloan
................39 pt diff

PK1 = 72 pts mstover
PK16 = 27 pts schristie
................45 pt diff

Below is the ranking of each franchise in terms of overall scoring by position.

QB	RB	WR	TE	PK
tim 97	ali 181	stan 141	brodz 42	wang 77
ali 85	adam 180	brodz 120	ali 30	tim 76
joepa 75	kevin 180	shivan 119	wang 30	cals 72
clark 68	gary 131	cals 114	cals 26	brodz 64
wally 63	clark 117	joepa 99	joebob 24	gary 61
adam 42	brodz 116	vesh 93	vesh 18	vesh 61
wang 42	wang 115	wally 90	clark 15	joepa 59
cals 42	tim 111	richard 90	wally 15	clark 58
shivan 41	cals 101	joebob 89	stan 15	joebob 58
brodz 37	vesh 93	ali 78	shivan 14	richard 54
richard 33	joebob 90	tim 75	gary 6	adam 51
kevin 33	shivan 78	kevin 69	adam 6	ali 49
joebob 30	wally 75	clark 60	kevin 6	wally 48
vesh 30	stan 42	adam 50	richard 3	stan 46
gary 27	joepa 33	gary 48	joepa 3	kevin 42
stan 27	richard 18	wang 33	tim 2	shivan 26

*************************************************
RFL GM Profiles: Adam M*****, GM, Curly Back Hair
*************************************************

By David Brodkin

I first met Adam M***** back in the fall of '74 as a part of my playgroup. While I began to learn foreign concepts such as "cooperation with peers," Adam systematically terrorized every member of the playgroup with violent behavior toward other boys and forcing kisses on unsuspecting girls. The playgroup mothers were terrified that Adam's mother would simply never pick him up... leaving them to a lifetime of horror. As Adam's interpersonal skills improved over the years, I was proud to watch him fulfill his potential. Of his many accomplishments, he boasted the nastiest fastball in fast-pitch wiffleball history. This fastball landed on the barrel (for a strike) a meager 3% of the time, but when it did, you knew you had been victimized by M*****'s plastic thunder. After his wiffleball career peaked in the Summer of '91, he began to pursue a career in journalism. A couple of Ivy degrees later, Adam is now reporting for the Congressional Quarterly in Washington D.C. The funny thing about it? He's getting paid to do what he does best. Harass people. Let's turn the tables and make Mr. M***** the interviewee. In this compelling conversation, we take a deeper look into this colorful rookie G.M., known for his willingness to interrupt anybody at any time - and for his excess body hair.

RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Did your experience in "playgroup" bear any influence on your current practices as an RFL general manager? If so, how?

Adam M*****: You'll notice that I don't have a single player with more than two illegitimate children, and not one person accused of murder. I wanted to pick players who I felt had a strong sense of family, and loyal relationships. It's a wholesome strongly-bonded team.

RFL: Do you feel that the playgroup mothers had legitimate reasons to fear your company?

AM: Yes. I am a recovering stalker. I used follow a girl long enough until I found the right time to grab her and kiss her. It peaked at age 3. Of course, those were different times in the 1970s. That behavior was much more acceptable back then.

RFL: What were your preconceptions of RFL? Did it live up to your expectations?

AM: Originally, I was afraid that one of the GMs might have more or curlier back hair than I do, and that my team would be defunct from the get-go. The performance of my team I think shows a fair sense that I do have the curliest back hair (patting own back). Also, i was glad to learn that some people were so incompetent, that I could do only one hour to an hour-and-a-half of preparation right before the draft and still compete.

RFL: Is there anything significant about the design of your recently constructed Curly Back Hair Headquarters located in Washington D.C.?

AM: My rug (on the floor). It holds the back hair in place, and hides that and other debris well enough that I really never have to clean or vacuum.

RFL: What would an Aglione Bowl mean to you? Is there a special place where you might place it?

AM: Where do I begin? I can't imagine the feeling; it's something I've dreamed about since I first heard of it almost a decade ago. I've cleared a special place for it: just above my toilet, from where I've done my most effective RFL thinking.

RFL: What is the greatest sport? Do you most enjoy playing or spectating?

AM: (chuckling) Ah, duh. Wiffleball, of course. It can't get much better than playing at the Brodkin wedding in my hotel room with full-on fast pitches. I have a scar -- to this day -- signifying the event. Boce is a close second. Spectating, that is. I also like to watch people play fantasy football, more than playing.

RFL: As a reporter for Congressional Quarterly, you have unprecedented literary experience for a rookie general manager. What is your unobjective assessment of the quality of trash talk among league G.M.s? Pulitzer Prize literature or Grammatically-Inferior Babble?

AM: It's pissy-shit. I think the GMs have their heads too far up their asses to adequately trash talk. Sure, once in a while they'll spew something, but it's so rare. Besides, all the owners know they couldn't out talk me, so they probably just shut up.

RFL: Hypothetical Situation: Thirty years from now you have gained fame as an international wiffleball phenom, and a young brash Adam M***** clone pops a mike in your face, and asks you to explain your life's failures. What do you do?

AM: I'd slap him, spit on his face and then answer the question. By then it will be clear that - though I have the greatest fastball ever - I couldn't hit the ground if I threw it there, let alone hit a target. That's my greatest failure. That, and not taking Marshall Faulk with the second pick, which is okay, because I foresee him getting hurt.

RFL: RFL has been a long-standing mecca of racial diversity, while this is hardly the case in the NFL. According to your mother's coffee table book, "Great Jews in Sports", the last great Jewish running back was Bernie Feldman who ran padless back in the Roaring '20s. Can you explain this disappointing trend? Do you expect an influx of great Jewish running backs in the near future?

AM: There are yeshivas making great strides. But we have allied ourselves too long with Indians to be our offensive line. While their bulk is tremendous, they just haven't been able to open the holes that would allow Jews to show their speed and jumping ability. They say there is a Jim Brown-caliber Jewish running back in every generation. Only now are we starting to cultivate that talent. It will pay off soon. Keep a lookout for Moises Rosenbaumstein.

RFL: Please give us a "quantified" analysis on the amount of hair on various parts of your body (with special reference to your back, neck, and buttocks).

AM: The best quantification comes from my shower analysis. If i wait three days to take a shower, my back, neck and buttocks (I won't wash my hair) shed three pounds of hair into the shower drain. The amazing thing is that the amount of hair seems to only increase every year.

RFL: Is it true that you are in the Guinness Book of World Records?

AM: Yes, but it is my book on "How to Obsess on a Broken-Up Relationship for Three Years" of which I am most proud. About the Guinness record, it could be broken by anybody with curly hair and a couple dozen forks.

RFL: But seriously, Adam... is 3 years really enough time to get over a broken-up relationship?

AM: Of course, but the three years is not a record. Okay, I'll describe one of the secrets in my book. Stare at your nose in the mirror. If you stare at your nose long enough, you will find something to obsess over; then your obsession over the girl will subside. I set a record for the longest amount of time staring at my nose over a three year period. But that was when the art was new and records were low.

RFL: Any closing comments?

AM: It's been an honor to be in the League. I feel like I am breaking new ground, showing that people with curly back hair can do anything if they just keep their head forward.

This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR.
********************************************************
SEASON POINTS LEADERS
*********************
QB
88 Kurt Warner (Carpet Bombers)
73 Daunte Culpepper (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
63 Peyton Manning (Crazed Beagles on the Run)

RB
121 Marshall Faulk (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
116 Edgerrin James (%$!@#&)
96 Ricky Williams (Minnesota Nice)
90 Charlie Garner (Curly Back Hair)
90 Stephen Davis (Curly Back Hair)
81 Curtis Martin (Minnesota Nice)

WR
86 Terrell Owens (Nasty Pimps)
84 Rod Smith (TheArmchairQBAdventurePlayset(tm))
78 Isaac Bruce (Fresh Squeezed)
78 Marvin Harrison (The Determined Sperm...)
69 Randy Moss (The Everyday Tokers)
66 Jimmy Smith (Carpet Bombers)

TE
42 Tony Gonzalez (The Determined Sperm...)
30 Frank Wycheck (Heirs to the Ayatollah)
30 Shannon Sharpe (Fire in the Hole)

PK
72 Matt Stover (Fresh Squeezed)
62 Jeff Wilkins (Fire in the Hole)
60 Mike Vanderjagt (Merry Munching Merkins)

be sure to check:
The RFL Season Point Leaders page
...for an expanded list of scoring leaders.

Brodz	Advantage	Joebob
JGarcia		CChandler
TPrentice		JBettis
JWatson		DLevens
MHarrison		CCarter
JGreen		SMorris
TGonzalez		WWalls
PStoyanovich		RLindell

The Determined Sperm... (5 straight Ws) and Na Brown's Boys (3 straight) are 2 of the hottest teams in RFL right now (%$!@#& also has 3 straight victories). Add this recent excellence to the storied rivalry between Brodz and Joebob - and you have a GOTW with all the makings of Clemens vs. Piazza! In Week 4 last season, Joebob's MiB (led by 33 from BJohnson and MWestbrook) triumphed 47-31 over Brodz' SLAB. SLAB recovered in time to win the Steamroller; MiB did not make the playoffs. And we must make the requisite mention of Joebob's Aglione Bowl VII victory over Brodz in THE GREATEST RFL GAME EVER PLAYED.
There is no championship at stake this weekend, but everything else is on the line whenever Brodz and Joebob meet between the white lines. Joebob *should* dominate in the running game, but Brodz has little advantages sprinkled throughout the other 5 starting slots. CCarter and JBettis have found the Fountain of Youth in recent weeks for Joebob. JGarcia, MHarrison and TGonzalez represent the most recent class of gems unearthed by Brodz' superior scouting staff. A closer look at the NFL schedule (Bettis vs. Ravens, Levens vs. Dolphins, Prentice vs. Bungles) reveals that NBB's running game advantage might not be all that.

**** With whiplike and undulating determination: The Sperm by 5 ****

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: October 24, 2000