Beginner's Guide to the RFL Week in Review

Fine upstanding citizens of the RFL community,

As I scan the roster list, I see that RFL has taken on 3 rookie general managers, including RFL's second Leominstrosity and my former elementary school mate, Sean "Andoo" Anderson. It is to you, the rookies, who I am primarily addressing as I re-release the comprehensive BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO THE RFL WEEK IN REVIEW (aka RFL WIR) which was composed by myself (Dave Brodkin) back in the fall of 1997. You should carry the guide with you everywhere. This user's guide will help you obtain maximum joy from a publication ranked 3rd on USA Today's list of "most highly anticipated publications by its readers" right after Wall Street Journal and Playboy Magazine. The Chief Editor of RFL WIR is your own commissioner, Patrick J. Callery, who received a Pulitzer Prize for a 1993 edition of "Cals' Corner" documenting the societal consequences of rotisserie football drug abuse.

So, my fledgling GM's, let me link you to RFL's illustrious past & reveal the subtle nuances of the WIR.

I. THE HISTORY OF RFL: RFL's inaugural season occurred in the hallowed halls of Boston University's Warren Towers Floor 12C back in the Fall of 1990. At the first floor meeting, Minnesota transplant scholar & 1204C resident, Patrick Callery, approached 12C members about his visionary concept of a rotisserie league w/ managers choosing NFL players for their own personal team. Not wanting to offend the awkward Minnesotan, 10 members conceded the $10 entry fee, including: myself, my roommate Joseph Pynadath, Snehal Desai, and this year's missing element Andrew Wagner. Note: '97 rookie Dylan Steeg roomed w/ Snehal Desai that year, but declined the offer to manage a franchise.

The playoff championship was won by the formidable combination of Albert Aglione & Snehal Desai. Aglione was best known for his remarkable lack of social graces & ability to walk up dorm hall walls w/ a leg on either side. He would flunk out after freshman year due to his remorseless Sega habit, but his name would forever be eternalized by his RFL playoff victory. The Aglione Bowl (RFL's playoff championship) remains the most coveted prize of RFL GM's. The Steamroller trophy (regular season championship) was named for the team GM'ed by Phil Brickman, 1203 resident & esteemed philosopher.

Through the following 4 years, RFL would add BU alumni: Stan Wilson, Lance Harry, and David Wang. In the post collegiate era, the likes of Josh Veshia, John Wilson, Tim Purwin and Kevin Archibald would add their names to the mix. The all-star 1997 rookie class included: Dylan Steeg, old friend Ed Seto, Clark Goebel, Chris Carroll, Joe Parker, & Shivan Desai who has already marked his name in infamy.

One must read the WIR intently to uncover all of it's subtlety. Here are some helpful hints:

II. WEEKLY RITUALS:

THE ACRONYM RFL: when you read the first line of the WIR, you may find yourself saying, I thought RFL stood for rotisserie football league, NOT ROTTING FISH LEFTOVERS! Well, you'd be wrong. RFL stands for something different every week, a testimony to the breadth of RFL's realm. RFL is an unbounded entity, equivalent in magnitude to life itself.

DIVISIONAL NAMES: You may also have noticed that the divisions have different names every week. Again, this is a reflection on RFL's infinitude. The divisional names may also have deeper meanings about the GMs within each division.

GOTW: Every week, Cals picks what is considered the most critical tilt as GAME OF THE WEEK. In most cases, this game bears no more significance than any other game, but it's a nice excuse to fuel rivalry tension & make a pretty player comparison chart.

WEEKLY ALL-STARS: The best performers of the week are recognized. Callery adds up the totals for the "would be all-star team" and then insults the league for an unworthy showing.

III. TERMINOLOGY

Here are some terms that you'll see scattered through future WIRs

IFEJ = Indians for Equal Justice. This radical brown supremacist group, led by the evil Joseph Pynadath, has been a hindrance to RFL throughout the years. Pynadath has rallied past support from fellow Indians by falsely alleging that specified RFL aficionados have persecuted GMs of his race & making unfulfilled promises of a better life. All coups have been thwarted by RFL administration.

Scrub: (adj) Mr. Callery will tell you the undeserved scrub win is one in which the team scores in the lower half of all teams and a scrub loss is one in which the team scores in the upper tier. The actual meaning protrudes much deeper. As a child, Callery was often verbally abused by his older brother, who degradingly referred to our commissioner as, "scrubs". As a result, Patrick suffered from extreme childhood insecurity and spent his early life unable to form human relationships of any kind. Having overcome this insecurity to become the leader of a powerful thriving rotisserie football league, Callery has lashed out by deeming the ultimate display of injustice as the scrub win/ scrub loss. Only later, was an actual definition applied.

IHS = Inflated Head Syndrome: (n) A medical condition. Trash talk has been the lifeline of RFL from the beginning of time. If your trash talk shows an elevated opinion of your own team, you will subject yourself to the label of "having a case of IHS".

Dibs: (n) A claim of rights to an RFL free agent.

Multi-dibsed: (adj) Describes an RFL free agent who has had multiple GMs place dibs on their services.

Out-dibsed: (v) Losing the rights to an RFL free agent's services after having placed dibs.

Fictional RFL bucks: (n) The form of currency used to pay the RFL entry fee and to reward winning GMs after the post-season. Fictional RFL bucks are actually real, causing much confusion to indebted GMs.

RFL Hotline: (n) The telephone number RFL GMs and fans can call during the event of an RFL emergency. The RFL Hotline phone lines are manned for approximately 2 hours a day. If nobody answers, GMs may leave a message and someone will get back to them during the next WIR.

IV. CALS' CORNER: [now called ''WANG'S WINGIN' IT'']

In this portion of WIR, the self-proclaimed guru (Commissioner Callery) gives a brief dissertation on the state of RFL, parallel to a United States President's "State of the Union" Address. Unfortunately, the corner is often a means for Callery to flaunt his own IHS.

V. OTHER IDIOSYNCRASIES:

Celebrity Cameos: You'll note that when naive GMs do not replace starters who are injured or on a bye week, celebrities will often fill the shoes. For instance Geddy Lee (over-the-hill lead man of classic rock band, Rush) has started a handful of RFL games as kicker & QB in place of missing elements. Other celebrity RFLers have included Wilford Brimley, Guns N' Roses guitarist Slash, and The Bar (of David Letterman fame).

Controversies: Controversy & RFL have run hand in hand for 8 years. Epic controversies such as the Terry Glenn controversy, Brent Jones controversy, & the financially consequential Bam Morris controversy have set precedents for our current rule book which has been sculpted into a fine tuned score ruling machine. May you learn the saga of past conflict and participate in your own controversy in RFL's modern age.

VI. RECORD BOOK:

The League has long awaited an all-time RFL record book from the delinquent Callery. It should be noted that the single game record belongs to Callery's Z-Bomb with 74 points in week 1 of '93. The single season scoring record belongs to Luscious Brodkin and always will. The record for youngest General Manager belongs to.... uhhhh forget it, he doesn't need any more press.

Enjoy.
Brodz

©1999-2000 RFL Inc.
All rights reserved.

Revised: September 25, 2000