Rock's Former Legends - Week 16 - December 23, 2003 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** BACK IN BLACK Cals vs. Wang... RFL's beloved founder vs. current heavy-handed dictator, BU student vs. lab TA, Nickerson field loser vs. winner, broomball chicken vs. champion, U of Michigan roommates... who could have dreamed up such a matchup in Aglione Bowl XIV (that's "14" for those of you Roman numeral-challenged)?!? Cals has not appeared in an Ags Bowl since winning #5 over Drew Wagner. That 5th season of RFL action was also Wang's first. In his franchise's 6th season, Wang finally made it to his 1st (and only) Ags Bowl - beating Joepa in Ags Bowl X. Cals has gone 3-1 in Ags Bowls - winning II, IV and V while losing III. Since Cals appeared in 4 consecutive Ags Bowls (2 through 5), no GM has been in more than 2 Ags Bowls in a row (Brodz lost 7 and 8; Joebob lost 11 and 12; Clark won 12 and lost 13). RFL BUCKS DISTRIBUTION Regular Season: 1st: 200 - Zach 2nd: 125 - Shiv 3rd: 75 - Cals 4th: 50 - Wang 5th: 30 - Clark 6th: 20 - Vesh Postseason: 1st: 125 - Cals/Wang 2nd: 75 - Cals/Wang 3rd: 50 - Brodz/Zach 4th: 25 - Brodz/Zach 5th: 25 - Clark/Shiv RIDERS OF THE PINE These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 20 J Plummer (Love Touch) 28 O Smith (The Hustlers) 15 D Staley (Dirty Sanchez) 15 D Givens (The Belching Brides) 13 T Pinkston (samurai penguins) 6 E Kinney (Spunk Monkeys) 9 G Anderson (Wet Noodles) 106 points... 16-0 this week, 242-11-3 through 16 weeks. STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN Highest scoring team: Spunk Monkeys - 51.6 ppg Lowest scoring team: Wet Noodles - 37.8 ppg Toughest defense: Spunk Monkeys - 39.7 ppg Softest defense: The Axis of Evil - 48.8 ppg League scoring average: 45.0 ppg (up from 44.8 thru last week; last year 47.6) Now on to WIR #16! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Led Zeppelin Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK The Axis of Evil 8 7 1 4 685 781 L1 Chocolate Love 8 8 0 4.5 758 774 W3 Angry Starfish 8 8 0 4.5 706 728 W3 The Hustlers 5 10 1 7 752 762 L1 AC/DC Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 12 3 1 - 826 635 L1 Big Brown Boys 10 5 1 2 725 667 W1 BoyzInTheChineseHood 10 6 0 2.5 809 660 W7 West Coast Offense 6 9 1 6 711 725 L3 Boston Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Manchester United 9 7 0 3.5 715 708 W1 Dirty Sanchez 8 8 0 4.5 735 749 L5 Wet Noodles 6 9 1 6 605 715 W1 The Belching Brides 4 10 2 7.5 637 744 L3 Whitesnake Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Love Touch 10 5 1 2 804 705 W3 samurai penguins 7 9 0 5.5 677 704 W1 Midget Tossers 6 9 1 6 718 744 L2 Spankin It... 5 9 2 6.5 660 722 L1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 16 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** #3 Love Touch 85 (10-5-1) #7 The Axis of Evil 62 (8-7-1) pregame spread: LT by 1 previous encounter: TAoE won 38-37 in Week 7 Brodz is the undisputed best gameplanning GM in RFL, but no gameplanning can beat the offensive firepower Cals has peaking at the most opportune time. Take a look at the buzzsaw called Love Touch: Culpepper-Moss are fighting for playoff positioning, Cals somehow has A Train playing with heart, Kevan has Garrison out of the way AND is playing for a contract, P Warrick or C Lee at WR #2 - it doesn't seem to matter as either seems good for 10ppg, D Graham is good for a TD about every other week, and the PK does ok - as long as WA doesn't get shutout. Daunte and Randy combined for 32 against The Axis of Evil - just 2 points off their best performance of the season. The 36 for Cals RBs... simply the best RB game for Cals all year long. C Lee filled in quite well as an emergency starter for P Warrick. So with the game in hand, Cals made sure D Graham saved his potential TD for the Ags Bowl. Heading into Sunday Nitro action, Brodz needed roughly 22 pts each from Peyton and Javon. Peyton came up totally lame in his biggest game of the season - while Javon actually showed up and came strong. The bad sign for The Axis of Evil was when Rudi could only manage a deuce against STL. Once Daunte, Moss and C Lee got the party started for Cals on Saturday, Brodz needed a stronger start Sunday morning from the Notre Dame walk-on. Brodz would have beaten either of the other 2 semifinalists - and the 62 Brodz scored this week was his top offensive output of the season. c'pep 14 atrain 14 kevan 22 clee 11 rmoss 18 graham 0 hall 6 peyton 2 shauna 19 rudi 2 engram 9 javon 19 ksasser 6 stover 5 -------------------------------------------- **** THE **** OTHER **** SEMIFINAL **** #1 Spunk Monkeys 47 (12-3-1) #4 Boyz In Th Chin Hood 60 (10-6) pregame spread: SM by 8 previous encounter: SM won 45-37 in Week 4 If RFL playoff game outcomes were based on sportsmanship, Wang certainly wouldn't have won this one. Sources in the Spunk Monkeys camp reported that Wang and Zach had a phone conversation just before the MIN-KC game Saturday afternoon. Reportedly Zach concluded the call wishing Wang "good luck", but Wang went out of his way not to reciprocate. Lamented Zach, "I wasn't surprised by his [Wang's] lack of class. Everyone around the League knows he's bush. I told Priest to go out and punk his ass. It's too bad Priest's teammates didn't follow his lead." Wang had no defense for his actions, "I wanted the dubya. I'm not going to wish good luck for my opponent. What if that good luck turns into 14 pts for Zach?!? Perhaps the good luck Zach sent my way turned into those unexplained points for Maddox, DeShaun and Chambers! I'll gladly thank Zach for wishing me well, but I ain't gonna wish any opponent good luck - ever!" Zach was done in by M Bennett and his WRs. Who knew that the Vikes would get a big lead on the Chiefs - and that Onterrio would be the one with the hot feet? And with TEN and SEA putting up lots of points (as expected) on HOU and AZ... how could D Mason and D Jackson only total 2 pts?!? Wang got a grand total of 2 catches from Chambers, Wayne and Heap. Luckily for BoyzInTheChineseHood, Chambers' catch was for a TD. But why did Wang go out of his way to pickup superstar K Washington as soon as he heard that P Warrick was out - only to leave Kelley on the bench? The oddsmakers said that Wang would need his RBs to outscore Zach's by a significant margin - and they did to the tune of 32-24. air 11 priest 23 mbennett 1 dmason 2 djax 0 becht 1 edinger 9 maddox 12 mfaulk 20 foster 12 chmbrs 7 rwayne 0 heap 0 wilkins 9 -------------------------------------------- Manchester United 52 (9-7) Midget Tossers 48 (6-9-1) pregame spread: MU by 5 The oddsmakers expected Manchester United to bust out this week, and Clark's squad did indeed post their highest point total since Week 13. More was expected from Bulger, Edgerrin and Koren... but apparently Clark didn't want to cover the spread. At least Clark made the right call in starting B Westbrook over Moe or Marvcus Robinson. Manchester United has now moved to the top of the Barclaycard Premiership table. So much more was expected from Midget Tossers this season - especially after their hot 2-0 start. After a Week 7 win to snap a 4-game bender, Drew had the 2nd highest scoring team - seemingly setting the tone for a strong 2nd half of the season. But Drew went 1-2-1 over the next 4 weeks - never scoring more than 37 in any of those games, limped into the playoffs at 6-7-1, and has now lost 2 more. What's that smell? ...Drew's rotting WRs. Pee-you! bulge 10 edge 8 w'brook 9 hiney 12 koren 0 boo 9 dbrien 4 kitna 7 thenry 3 jamall 25 moulds 1 muhsin 4 imili 4 josh 4 -------------------------------------------- Dirty Sanchez 51 (8-8) Big Brown Boys 54 (10-5-1) pregame spread: DS by 4 Vesh was down 16 heading into Monday Night Madness action, but Ahman was not able to get Dirty Sanchez over the hump. With Favre throwing the ball all over the field on the hapless Raiders, Ahman was doomed to a single token TD late in the 4th quarter. Vesh has now lost 5 in a row! BJ's previous high this season was 12, but he loses style pts for throwing so many INTs. The oddsmakers thought Vesh might have a shot at winning the WR battle in this one, but S Smith snuck one in for Shiv - and that TD proved to be the game-winner. Big Brown Boys got a huge game from Fred (#10 among RFL RBs), and made a nice call in picking up King Rex for the start at QB. But M Vick also would've been good for 10. Vick even hit Alge for a TD! Ever since Shiv whined about Ham-bone not getting an 18th pt in Week 9, Troy hasn't even sniffed getting into the end zone. Shiv will now take on Clark for 5th place RFL bucks (25). bj 20 ahman 13 martian 6 n'cutt 3 ek'son 5 sharpe 1 v'teri 3 rex 10 fredt 18 h'brick 2 mccar'ns 4 ssmith 10 alge 6 akers 4 -------------------------------------------- Angry Starfish 67 (8-8) The Hustlers 36 (5-10-1) pregame spread: AS by 12 Portis was not able to suit up for Tarang this week - dashing the rookie GM's hopes of winning the Scrub Bowl. The Hustlers did indeed have a RB to take Clinton's place, but Tarang chose to go with prolific DAL WR T Glenn over 28-pt scoring Onterrio. Stick with those DAL WRs, Tarang! They'll pay off for you one of these days. Despite missing 3 SF starts, J Garcia is still #5 among RFL QBs - just 1 pt behind T Green and 9 behind Manning. What do you know?!? A WR came to play for Mike - and it was Plaxico! Rod Gardner also came to toss a TD pass, but Mike left Rod on the bench behind Travis Tritt. LaDainian came strong to answer his Pro Bowl snubbing. LT is on schedule for 2nd-team RFL honors - just behind Priest and Ahman. Even A Twain got 102+ yds rushing for Mike, and secret weapon A Gates kicked B Miller aside. Favre made sure Mike covered the spread - as the game would have been a push had Favre not played (due to dad's passing). favre 19 LT 17 atwain 7 plaxico 14 ttaylor 0 gates 3 elam 7 garcia 13 portis 0 terryg 3 jsmiff 0 keenan 13 mricks 0 cahney 7 -------------------------------------------- Chocolate Love 41 (8-8) Spankin It... 33 (5-9-2) pregame spread: CL by 9 With Joebob's running game grinding to a halt (things just haven't been the same since B Forsey's appearance in Week 13), Chocolate Love's passing game had to step up this week. MarTay Booker and Anquan were the proteges Joebob groomed to carry the load this week - combining for a stellar 23 pts. Ricky Williams will probably need 50 pts in Week 17 to pass C Portis and have a shot at Honorable Mention All-RFL. Richard packed it in for the season a while back. The Rolling Stones frontman was called in to pick up blitzes this week. green 4 rickyw 6 booker 10 amani 3 anquan 13 declark 0 v'jagt 5 mcnabb 7 mickj X joeyg 3 TO 1 coles 17 tonyg 3 mort 2 -------------------------------------------- The Belching Brides 29 (4-10-2) samurai penguins 37 (7-9) pregame spread: TBB by 6 You've got to hand it to disciplinarian Joepa. With the danger of his samurai penguins dropping into the dreaded Avoid-Last-Place Bowl hanging over this contest, Joepa didn't give in to one of his players trying to bend the team's rules. So Joepa benched C Buckhalter's ass (right beside C Dillon's ass) and took on Stan with only 6 players. Perhaps the fact that Stan was 0-6-1 coming into this matchup aided Joepa in his decision to take a stand with his players, but The Belching Brides were favored by the oddsmakers this week - even had Joepa gone with a full complement of starters. Stan was down 14 entering MNF madness - with C Garner and Bubba looking to KO Tyrone. Wheatley could only score 3 for Joepa, but Garner (dropped passes) and Franks (Favre completing TD passes to the other 2 GB TEs) came up just a little short for Stan. T Holt has virtually sewed up his 1st team All-RFL spot. wright 4 tiki 5 cgarner 8 deionb 1 chadj 6 booba 1 graham 4 brady 8 tyrone 3 c-buck X tholt 13 smoss 3 mcmike 0 jreed 10 -------------------------------------------- West Coast Offense 27 (6-9-1) Wet Noodles 39 (6-9-1) pregame spread: WCO by 3 Gary brings Domanick back into the lineup and shifts Matt Millen's bud over to cover for I Bruce - but leaves the magic Flute in at QB... curious. The West Coast Offense GM isn't going to garner any respect from his peers with questionable decisions like that - no matter how devious the scheming can be proved to be. And it doesn't help that Gary lost to Ali/Tarang - with the Wet Noodles roster frozen since Ali bailed. The oddsmakers predicted Wet Noodles would score 40 in this one, and indeed they hit for 39. Tarang gave up 2 pts in starting K Faulk over C Conway, but got those 2 pts back in choosing the GB PK over the TEN one. E George is actually tied for 16th among RBs. We would have thought he'd be lower, but apparently he's snuck in some points here or there over the course of the season. If you add Eddie's 82 to Shaun Alexander's 171, you'd still be 1 pt behind Priest! flute 1 deuce 5 ddavis 9 jmorton 2 horn 2 fjones 0 kasay 8 qdog 8 egeorge 4 kfaulk 0 marvinh 5 rods 8 pollard 3 l'well 11 -------------------------------------------- WANG'S WEEKLY WARBLE ====== ====== ====== New cell # for #2: (408) GAP-BUFF Also... the WIR Editing Staff will be flying back from the Deep South on the 30th, so expect an impact on WIR 17 (perhaps delayed until the 31st or 1st). In case of an emergency, I can be reached in MS at (662) 234-7841 - if there's no cell coverage there. And by emergency, I mean the other 5 GMs fighting for RFL postseason bucks. ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: ************************************************* RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Sorry, really busy with *real* work this week. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 172 D Culpepper (Love Touch) 163 S McNair (Spunk Monkeys) 160 P Manning (The Axis of Evil) RB 254 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 217 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 204 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) 192 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 188 C Portis (The Hustlers) 171 S Alexander (The Axis of Evil) WR 182 R Moss (Love Touch) 161 T Holt (samurai penguins) 129 C Johnson (The Belching Brides) 126 M Harrison (Wet Noodles) 120 H Ward (Manchester United) 116 K McCardell (The Hustlers) TE 95 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) 86 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 59 T Heap (BoyzInTheChineseHood) PK 155 J Wilkins (Boyz In The Chin Hood) 149 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 107 D Akers (Big Brown Boys) 107 J Elam (Angry Starfish) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 20 B Johnson (Dirty Sanchez) RB 25 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 23 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) WR 19 J Walker (The Axis of Evil) 18 R Moss (Love Touch) TE 9 B Williams (Manchester United) PK 11 R Longwell (Wet Noodles) ************** Week 16 total: 125... More Than a Feeling -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** AGLIONE **** BOWL **** XIV **** #3 Love Touch (10-5-1, 50.3) vs. #4 Boyz In Th Chin Hood (10-6, 50.6) Cals Edge Wang D Culpepper <- A Brooks A Thomas -> M Faulk K Barlow <- D Foster R Moss << C Chambers C Lee -- P Price D Graham -- T Heap J Hall -> J Wilkins previous encounter: BITCH won 42-33 in Week 12 Digging up the League Scrolls from the first 8 years Wang was in RFL should reveal that Wang lost each head-to-head matchup with Cals. But Wang beat Cals for the first time last year, and then again earlier this season. However... the likelihood that Wang can make it 3-in-a-row is virtually non-existent once one examines the matchups for this showdown. Taking a look at Cals' Love Touch... Culpepper-Moss at AZ: definite potential for this duo to eclipse their high-water mark (34 combined pts) for the season - especially since OAK rolled over for GB ...meaning MIN will need to beat AZ to win the division A Train at KC: the Vikes showed how to run on KC on Saturday, and CHI has been running the ball much better of late Kevan vs SEA: Seabags not exactly known for their run D, and Barlow is playing for a new contract next season C Lee at TEN: HOU didn't exactly have trouble passing on TEN last Sunday D Graham vs BUF: due for a TD - and NE has some serious revenge on their minds J Hall vs PHI: SF showed how to move the ball on PHI, WA should be forced to attempt more FGs - instead of scoring TDs P Warrick vs CLE: Warrick is supposed to be available for this game, but C Lee should still be the better option J Rice at SD: could be a sleeper starter for Cals - as Rice should be motivated to do in the GM who drafted him and then unceremoniously cut him For Wang's BoyzInTheChineseHood... A Brooks vs DAL: NO is out of the playoff hunt, DAL might be fighting for playoff positioning M Faulk at DET: is DET grass or turf? STL might have the top seed wrapped up before kickoff D Foster at NYG: the Gints played some tough run D against DAL on Sunday C Chambers vs NYJ: MIA has been eliminated, how motivated will Chambers be? P Price vs JAX: M Vick owes Price one TD T Heap vs PIT: Heap has basically the same chance to score a TD as Cals' Graham J Wilkins at DET: Wang must be praying for 7 FGs - or maybe PATs after 7 Faulk TDs T Maddox at BAL: not unless Wang gets pts for every time Maddox gets sacked R Wayne at HOU: could get start over Chambers or Price The matchups clearly show promise for Cals - and for Wang... not much to be thankful for. **** #1 first, #2 second... LT by 8 **** -------------------------------------------- Equal Bowl (3rd Place): The Axis of Evil (8-7-1, 42.8) by 1 over Spunk Monkeys (12-3-1, 51.6) All 7 of Brodz' starters are playing for playoff spots. Priest might sit for Zach after scoring 1 TD. Apple Bowl (5th Place): Manchester United (9-7, 44.7) by 2 over Big Brown Boys (10-5-1, 45.3) These 2 teams seem pretty evenly matched across the board. Siesta Bowl (7th Place): Dirty Sanchez (8-8, 45.9) by 5 over Midget Tossers (6-9-1, 44.9) The 2 worst sets of WRs face-off. Scrub Bowl 14 (9th Place): Angry Starfish (8-8, 44.1) by 6 over Chocolate Love (8-8, 47.4) Winner finishes season with a winning record! Thorn Bowl (11th Place): The Hustlers (5-10-1, 47.0) by 3 over Spankin It... (5-9-2, 41.3) Tarang should be missing Portis again. Richard is down to 5 cards. Polyester Bowl (13th place): samurai penguins (7-9, 42.3) by 7 over Wet Noodles (6-9-1, 37.8) Joepa probably needs at least 41 pts (hasn't happened since Week 12). Ali/Tarang should be right around 40 again. Prune Bowl (15th place): West Coast Offense (6-9-1, 44.4) by 4 over The Belching Brides (4-10-2, 39.8) Never would have expected these 2 GMs to be in this game.