Reality Farm Laborers - Week 14 - December 9, 2003 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** THE REGULAR SEASON ENDED YESTERDAY Making the playoffs: #1 Zach, Spunk Monkeys (11-2-1, 718 pts scored) - 200 RFL bucks #2 Shiv, Big Brown Boys (9-4-1, 632) - 125 RFL bucks #3 Cals, Love Touch (8-5-1, 652) - 75 RFL bucks #4 Wang, BoyzInTheChineseHood (8-6, 688) - 50 RFL bucks #5 Clark, Manchester United (8-6, 631) - 30 RFL bucks #6 Vesh, Dirty Sanchez (8-6, 629) - 20 RFL bucks #7 Brodz, The Axis of Evil (7-6-1, 577) #8 Drew, Midget Tossers (6-7-1, 635) Participating in the Scrub Bowl tournament: 9) Gary, West Coast Offense (6-7-1, 626) 10) Joebob, Chocolate Love (6-8, 674) 11) Joepa, samurai penguins (6-8, 609) 12) Mike, Angry Starfish (6-8, 576) 13) Ali, Wet Noodles (5-8-1, 521) 14) Richard, Spankin It... (4-8-2, 578) 15) Stan, The Belching Brides (4-8-2, 568) 16) Tarang, The Hustlers (4-9-1, 650) FASHION RECAP Falcons' red jerseys - yes. Pats' silver jerseys - no. Dolphins' orange jerseys - yes. Iggles' black jerseys (with dark green helmets) - no. Browns' brown jerseys (with orange pants) - maybe. Cowboys' throwbacks - no, because they lose everytime they wear them. RIDERS OF THE PINE These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 9 B Favre (Angry Starfish) 17 E James (Manchester United) 13 C Buckhalter (samurai penguins) J Bettis (Spankin It...) 12 M Booker (Chocolate Love) 9 Q Morgan (Spunk Monkeys) 2 B Franks (The Belching Brides) 14 R Longwell (Wet Noodles) 76 points... 15-1 this week, 210-11-3 through 14 weeks. DANCING ON THE CEILING Highest scoring team: Spunk Monkeys - 51.3 ppg Lowest scoring team: Wet Noodles - 37.2 ppg Toughest defense: Spunk Monkeys - 38.6 ppg Softest defense: Chocolate Love - 50.1 ppg League scoring average: 44.5 ppg (up from 44.3 thru last week; last year 47.6) Now on to WIR #14! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Bale the Hay Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK The Axis of Evil 7 6 1 4 577 657 L1 Chocolate Love 6 8 0 5.5 674 701 W1 Angry Starfish 6 8 0 5.5 576 647 W1 The Hustlers 4 9 1 7 650 637 W1 Milk the Cows Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 11 2 1 - 718 540 W3 Big Brown Boys 9 4 1 2 632 570 W3 BoyzInTheChineseHood 8 6 0 3.5 688 581 W5 West Coast Offense 6 7 1 5 626 620 L1 Slop the Hogs Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Manchester United 8 6 0 3.5 631 599 L1 Dirty Sanchez 8 6 0 3.5 629 628 L3 Wet Noodles 5 8 1 6 521 625 L1 The Belching Brides 4 8 2 6.5 568 664 L1 Cut the Calves Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Love Touch 8 5 1 3 652 588 W1 Midget Tossers 6 7 1 5 635 631 W1 samurai penguins 6 8 0 5.5 609 626 L3 Spankin It... 4 8 2 6.5 578 650 L2 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 14 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Manchester United 33 (8-6) Angry Starfish 57 (6-8) pregame spread: MU by 10 The transfer of David Beckham to Real Madrid has clearly had a negative impact on Machester United - causing a chain reaction on the roster resulting in the weakening of Clark's bench. Sure, Clark got off to a hot 4-0 start this season... but as the season has worn on, the Man U bench has gotten worn out. Clark's footballers will enter the postseason having lost 6 of their last 10. Will they be able to flip the switch? If any GM is capable of getting his team to switch gears for the postseason, it would be Clark - as Dude was awful finishing off the 2001 regular season (0-4) before winning Ags Bowl XII. The spotlight of GOTW brought out the best in Mike's "Soccer Made in Germany" ringers. Flying all the way in from Stuttgart were QB Jake Scheisskopf and WR Rod Dummbutte - to teach their American teammates the nuances of that game we call soccer. LT and Plaxico clearly were the quick learners. To answer the previewers questions... yes, Mike pushed Clark harder than Man U wanted in order to try to earn 2nd place RFL bucks. No, Clark did not choose his RB (Moe over Edgerrin) wisely. Yes, LT ran roughshod all over DET. Angry Starfish Texans A Johnson and B Miller were the ones who looked hungover against JAX. mh'beck 4 moe 2 mrob'son 8 hiney 3 koren 1 boo 9 dbrien 6 jaked 6 LT 25 rodg 8 plaxico 8 andrej 0 miller 1 elam 9 -------------------------------------------- West Coast Offense 33 (6-7-1) Boyz In Th Chin Hood 43 (8-6) pregame spread: WCO by 8 This matchup held most of the playoff implication intrigue - particularly if Wang was able to win. And win Wang did - although an I Bruce TD at the end of the 1st half for Gary kept things quite interesting until late in the 4th quarter. The West Coast Offense loss meant Gary had left the back door open for samurai penguins, Midget Tossers and even "Ali's" Wet Noodles. But Joepa's penguins and "Ali's" Noodles lost their Week 14 contests - leaving Drew as the only GM with a chance to catch Gary from behind. Had Isaac scored 17, Gary could still save himself - but again I Bruce couldn't quite get the job done. Gary was unhappy with Richard's leaving of the Bus on the bench - as Bus in for the IR'ed W Dunn would have meant a Drew-Richard tie this week - which would have meant that Gary held on to his 8th seed. But perhaps Gary did not do Richard the courtesy of sending a thank you card after Richard went Bus-less against Gary in Week 13. And perhaps this faux pas led to Richard rolling over for Drew in Week 14. flute 11 deuce 5 jmorton 2 isaac 7 horn 6 fjones 0 kasay 2 abrooks 7 sdavis 10 mfaulk 8 price 3 rwayne 1 heap 0 wilkins 14 -------------------------------------------- The Hustlers 90 (4-9-1) The Belching Brides 23 (4-8-2) pregame spread: TH by 4 The oddsmakers expected Tarang to "upset" Stan, but certainly not disrespect the elder GM in this manner! But then again... Tarang finally got his catalyst, L Betts, back into the starting lineup. Had the oddsmakers known that Betts would have been activated and started this week, perhaps The Hustlers would have been installed as a much larger favorite. In the 3 games Ladell has started for Tarang, The Hustlers are 3-0 - while scoring 78, 68 and 90 pts (1 pt of those 236 coming from Ladell himself). That's the potential Foge saw when tabbing Tarang as the preseason #1 team. Without Betts as a starter, Tarang is 1-9-1! The end of the season probably can't come soon enough for Stan. The Belching Brides have gone 0-5-1 to close the regular season. Even team leader Chad J was shutout this week. News has come out regarding an illness in The Belching Brides' HQs. The RFL family hopes things are well for Stan on that front. Perhaps Stan will get another shot at the high-falutin' rookie GM in the Scrub Bowl tourney. I seem to recall only one game in RFL history where a GM scored more than 90 (Brodz in 2k1 or y2k?). garcia 30 portis 44 betts 0 jsmiff 9 keenan 5 mricks 1 cahney 1 kerry 1 tiki 7 cgarner 3 deionb 5 chadj 0 mili 0 graham 7 -------------------------------------------- Love Touch 72 (8-5-1) Dirty Sanchez 45 (8-6) pregame spread: LT by 9 In an all-important battle for RFL bucks, Cals touched up Vesh for half a dozen dozens. The oddsmakers correctly figured that the Love Touch duo of Culpepper-Moss would regain their touch against the visiting Seabags. Kevan stepped up in a Bay Area perfect storm (injury to Hearst, Cardinals in town, SF passing game shut off after running up the score in the 1st half). And P Warrick nearly lifted a dozen from Vesh's back pockets. After scoring 39 and 34 pts in weeks 12 and 13, Vesh was able to get things turned around a bit against Cals. But closing the regular season with 3 straight defeats has cost Dirty Sanchez 105 RFL bucks (Vesh was in 2nd place after Week 11). Just when Vesh seemingly has gotten his WR corps on a bit of an uptick, Ahman and Shannon - Vesh's studs for most of the season - have seemingly grown a bit disgruntled. These 2 will face off again in the quarterfinals, so perhaps Vesh was playing opossum in this one. c'pep 14 kevan 16 warrick 11 rmoss 19 clee 3 graham 1 hall 8 bj 10 ahman 11 martian 5 n'cutt 1 kennison 10 sharpe 4 v'teri 4 -------------------------------------------- Big Brown Boys 55 (9-4-1) samurai penguins 27 (6-8) pregame spread: BBB by 1 We said it all along... losing Vick for this extended period of time was a crime against everyone who loves football. But perhaps Vick's absence will cause us to appreciate his studliness that much more now that we have him back. Don't ever forget those last 12 Vick-less Falcons games! From Shiv's perspective, Vick's return came at a perfect time. J Harrington and J Blake more than did their jobs in holding down the Big Brown fort until General Vick's return. And just as Harrington and Blake have collapsed, Vick is now completely ready to shoulder Shiv's load. Shiv is getting a ton of GM-of-the-Year support. When you consider all the obstacles put in Shiv's path coming out of the draft, it's truly amazing that Big Brown Boys enters the postseason as the #2 seed! JoePa seemed headed for some GM-of-the-Year consideration of his own after staunching a 1-4 start with 4 wins in a row in weeks 6-9. But a 1-4 finish has bookended the 4-game winning streak - leaving JoePa on the outside looking in yet again. JoePa's franchise has struggled mightily since losing in Ags Bowl X (1999 season). But when your 2 top picks (W Green and C Dillon) combine for a total of 55 regular season pts, that's a huge hole you've dug for yourself. You pick RBs in rounds 1 and 2 and their point total equals Javon Walker... you're most likely not going to make the playoffs. vick 17 fredt 15 mccar'ns 4 boston 3 ssmith 3 alge 3 akers 10 brady 3 tyrone 9 cdillon 2 tholt 1 smoss 3 mcmike 0 jreed 9 -------------------------------------------- Spunk Monkeys 56 (11-2-1) The Axis of Evil 34 (7-6-1) pregame spread: SM by 2 Zach is the other GM most worthy of GM-of-the-Year consideration. Zach's hands-off approach isn't that new to RFL, but usually such an approach results in way more losses than Spunk Monkeys has experienced. In a league where micromanagement has always been king, Zach has spent his 2 seasons with basically 1 lineup - only plugging in bench players when starters are out on byes. The one added wrinkle in Zach's 2nd season has been his amazing patience with M Bennett. After winning 3 straight in Weeks 11-13 to guarantee The Axis of Evil's appearance in the playoffs, Brodz clearly eased off the gas in this one. P Manning and S Alexander only ran basic plays for half the game, M Shipp and D Driver relaxed in their street clothes, and J Kleinsasser even let R Moss catch a few balls. There were 2 negative repercussions, though... the loss cost Brodz 50 RFL bucks (4th place to 7th), and now Brodz must face a reVICKalized BBB team - instead of a peaked-too-soon BITCH club. air 19 priest 15 bennett 6 dmason 9 djax 4 teyo 0 edinger 3 peyton 5 shauna 9 engram 5 bshaw 0 javon 8 k'sasser 0 stover 7 -------------------------------------------- Chocolate Love 56 (6-8) Wet Noodles 31 (5-8-1) pregame spread: CL by 15 Tarang did the best he could with Ali's roster, but how does the saying go? You can't make a foot-long, sturdy Rod out of a wet noodle. Joebob deserves credit for playing out the string and pounding on the hapless Noodles. "Ali" still had an outside shot at making the playoffs before this game started. Had Wet Noodles come up with 115 more pts, they would have taken the 8th seed away from Drew. Joebob finished the regular season as the 3rd highest scoring team, but again... Joebob (the Dennis Green of RFL) forgot all about playing defense - figuring he could outpoint every opponent with Trent, Ricky, Trung, Amani, Anquan, Desmond and the liquored-up PK. But a 4-2 finish will rarely be enough to rescue a 2-6 start. Spies in Chocolate Love HQs reported a Foge Fazio sighting. Foge, world-reknown for his defensive coordinating wizardry, apparently interviewed with Joebob to take over D play calling duties from the ol' ball coach. But given the immense egos of Joebob and Foge, we find it hard to believe that these 2 gentlemen could ever work together on the same team. green 16 rickyw 4 trung 4 amani 1 anquan 13 declark 1 v'jagt 17 quincy 4 egeorge 3 cconway 3 marvinh 7 rods 6 pollard 1 garya 7 -------------------------------------------- Midget Tossers 54 (6-7-1) Spankin It... 41 (4-8-2) pregame spread: MT by 11 There went Drew again... horsing around with tight ends on a Sunday morning... Drew was shakin' 'em like Polaroid pictures. And all that for C Fauria? Drew probably would have been better off conceding the 0 at TE and picking up a WR to start in Moulds' place. But in the end... Midget Tossers got the win and the points they needed to overtake Gary and secure the first postseason berth in franchise history. Drew won the Scrub Bowl last year. Let's see if he can have another 3-0 postseason - this time with the "big boys". We all know what a stickler for protocol and etiquette Richard is. Thanks again for buying the pizzas for Draft HQs this season, Richard! After rolling over for Gary in Week 13, Richard was expecting a simple thank you note, email or phone call. But we hear Gary sent no form of thanks at all Richard's way. So, even though Paris Hilton is kinda fine - in a slutty way... she's no J Bettis. And Paris didn't score the 13 pts Gary needed to fall ass backwards into a playoff spot. kitna 7 thenry 15 jamall 28 moulds 0 muhsin 3 fauria 0 josh 1 mcnabb 14 philton X joeyg 0 TO 17 coles 3 tonyg 4 mort 3 -------------------------------------------- WANG'S WEEKLY WARBLE ====== ====== ====== I think I've made it pretty clear that I am wearying of GMs who don't manage their teams up to a certain standard. I think I came pretty strong with my proposed demerit system. GMs responded rather strongly against my proposal. And I'm lucky to get any sort of response from any WIR at all. So... instead of slapping demerit stickers on GMs' helmets, I figured I had to step up the verbal assaults in the WIR game recaps. This verbal assault increase clearly led to Ali going on hiatus. I understand that there are so many aspects to life that are more important than RFL, but how much of an effort does it really take to start 7 non-byed, non-IRed players each week? Sure, sometimes a questionable player or even a probable player might be a last-minute scratch. Sometimes a perfectly healthy player will get hurt in pregame warmups. Sometimes family emergencies cause lapses in RFL GMing. But no demerits would ever be given for those cases. But after family and career, certainly a GM worthy of membership in RFL can find time late Friday afternoon or Sunday morning to freshen up his starting lineup for the week. If you don't even have time for that, perhaps you should allow someone else to take your place. I don't like GMs who don't manage their teams week in and week out. But this practice we strive for in RFL is certainly not common to most fantasy leagues. Nearly every other league has GMs who bail when things have gone a little too poorly. We can ask for certain things, and we can strive for certain things. But that certainly doesn't mean we'll get or achieve those things. ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: ************************************************* RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Sorry, really busy with *real* work this week. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 152 S McNair (Spunk Monkeys) 151 D Culpepper (Love Touch) 138 P Manning (The Axis of Evil) RB 206 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 188 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 168 C Portis (The Hustlers) 164 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) 160 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 141 D McAllister (West Coast Offense) WR 153 R Moss (Love Touch) 137 T Holt (samurai penguins) 112 C Johnson (The Belching Brides) 104 H Ward (Manchester United) 103 M Harrison (Wet Noodles) 100 D Jackson (Spunk Monkeys) 100 K McCardell (The Hustlers) TE 80 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 75 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) 48 T Heap (BoyzInTheChineseHood) PK 137 J Wilkins (Boyz In The Chin Hood) 136 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 93 A Vinatieri (Dirty Sanchez) 93 D Akers (Big Brown Boys) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 30 J Garcia (The Hustlers) RB 44 C Portis (The Hustlers) 28 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) WR 19 R Moss (Love Touch) 17 T Owens (Spankin It...) TE 9 B Williams (Manchester United) PK 17 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) ************** Week 14 total: 164... Soo-wee! -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** #2 Big Brown Boys (9-4-1, 45.1) vs. #7 The Axis of Evil (7-6-1, 41.2) Shiv Edge Brodz M Vick -> P Manning F Taylor -> S Alexander S Smith -- M Shipp D Boston -- J Walker J McCareins <- B Shaw A Crumpler -- J Kleinsasser D Akers -- M Stover Shiv has some interesting decisions to make in submitting his starters for this quarterfinal matchup. Of course Vick and Alge (at IND) are no-brainers. F Taylor is also a constant - as also D Boston and D Akers should be. But WR#2 and RB/WR are where things aren't so clear. S Smith has been the regular starter at WR#2, and he figures to have a shot at doing well at AZ. J McCareins has looked pretty good of late, also (aside from any fumbling issues). But McCareins at BUF might not be such a good play this week. That leaves the door open for T Hambrick or D Looker or D Hall to step up for Big Brown Boys. DAL will look to run on WA, but will Hambrick do all the running? D Looker should be involved in a shootout against SEA. And Dante Hall faces a DET team that should be punting about 20 times. For Brodz... P Manning, S Alexander, J Walker, Kleinsasser and M Stover are the weekly locks. Just as is Shiv's case, Brodz has some contemplating to do at WR#2 and RB/WR. M Shipp is usually the RB/WR, and against CAR perhaps the score will stay close enough for AZ not to abandon their running game before the 4th quarter. The other options for Brodz are B Shaw (at TEN), B Engram (at STL), D Driver (at SD), T Walters (vs ATL) and Dez White (vs MIN). Engram has been the most productive of late, but is a little dinged up. Driver was supposed to be the class of the group, but didn't show up to his coming out party. Brodz has been fiddling with this group of WRs since Week 1. How will they do in their first game where Brodz is really counting on them? Shiv's WRs are equally as unpredictable. The Colts should be much better prepared for Vick than CAR was, so The Axis of Evil gets the edge both at QB and RB. So Big Brown Boys needs the crapshoot among the WRs to go their way. *** Shiv's mole (Shaun A) turns double agent... TAoE by 1 *** -------------------------------------------- The Other Quarterfinal Matchups: #1 Spunk Monkeys (11-2-1, 51.3) by 2 over #8 Midget Tossers (6-7-1, 45.4) Zach has some injury concerns, but Priest should be enough to compensate. Drew has the RB firepower to matchup well with Priest, but Drew's pass-catchers are about as bad as it gets. Zach's duo of D Jackson and D Mason is due. If one WR steps up for Drew, he might actually have a shot at a huge upset. What will Zach get from M Bennett this week? #3 Love Touch (8-5-1, 46.6) by 11 over #6 Dirty Sanchez (8-6, 44.9) Cals drubbed Vesh in Week 14, and playing at CHI shouldn't slow down Culpepper-Moss at all. Vesh should get a big game from Ahman (at SD), but his WRs are only half a notch better than Drew's. Does Cals get his A Train back on track? Or will C Lee get a start to offset Vesh's BJ? Vesh should certainly keep it closer than 72-45, but Cals should win again. #5 Manchester United (8-6, 45.1) by 8 over #4 Boyz In Th Chin Hood (8-6, 49.1) Clark will get the right players back into the starting lineup (i.e., Edgerrin). The QB decision is a little tricky, though. H'beck should be playing catchup, and Bulger has been throwing quite a few picks of late. Wang's WRs are only half a notch better than Vesh's, and his QB controversy (A Brooks vs. T Maddox) is 10 notches lower than Clark's. The Scrub Bowl 1st Rounders: #16 The Hustlers (4-9-1, 46.4) by 6 over #9 West Coast Offense (6-7-1, 44.7) It's about time that L Betts magic wears off for Tarang, but he's still got some ablazin' guns. How much of a letdown will Gary's team have? #10 Chocolate Love (6-8, 48.1) by 16 over #15 The Belching Brides (4-8-2, 40.6) Joebob has been scoring consistently in the mid-50s of late. Stan will probably be lucky to hit 40. #11 samurai penguins (6-8, 43.5) by 5 over #14 Spankin It... (4-8-2, 41.3) Joepa is due to have a nice game again - now that the pressure's off. Richard has seemingly mailed it in. "It" not being his dues since he has already paid those. #12 Angry Starfish (6-8, 41.1) by 9 over #13 Wet Noodles (5-8-1, 37.2) Mike still has a shot at finishing above .500. "Ali" is taking on tons of water.