Royal Flush Lucky - Week 13 - December 2, 2003 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** POSTSEASON LOWDOWN 6 GMs have clinched a postseason berth: 1) Zach has clinched the Steamroller - CONGRATS! 2-6) Shiv, Clark, Vesh, Cals, Brodz - in a mad scramble for RFL bucks (125 down to 20 for 2nd place down to 6th in the regular season). 1 GM is in a tiny bit of danger: Wang - OUT if loses to Gary, AND if Joepa beats Shiv, AND if Joepa outscores Wang by 64 pts. 1 GM is in a little more danger: Gary - a loss to Wang opens the door for Joepa, Drew and Ali; a tie with Wang means a Joepa win - plus having Joepa outscore Gary by 12 - would allow Joepa to snatch Gary's current 8th seed Joepa needs a win and probably a healthy number of points to take aim at the Wang-Gary loser. Drew needs to run up the score on Richard, AND Gary to lose to Wang, AND Joepa to lose or tie against Shiv. Ali needs to score roughly 137 pts in beating Joebob, AND a Gary loss, AND a Joepa loss or tie. 5 GMs have been eliminated from playoff consideration: Joebob, Stan, Richard, Mike and Tarang. IF THE REGULAR SEASON HAD ENDED YESTERDAY... Making the playoffs: #1 seed: Zach, Spunk Monkeys 10-2-1, 662 pts scored #2 seed: Shiv, Big Brown Boys 8-4-1, 577 #3 seed: Clark, Manchester United 8-5, 598 #4 seed: Vesh, Dirty Sanchez 8-5, 584 #5 seed: Cals, Love Touch 7-5-1, 580 #6 seed: Brodz, The Axis of Evil 7-5-1, 543 #7 seed: Wang, BoyzInTheChineseHood 7-6, 645 #8 seed: Gary, West Coast Offense 6-6-1, 593 Participating in the Scrub Bowl tournament: 9) Joepa, samurai pengiuns 6-7, 582 10) Drew, Midget Tossers 5-7-1, 581 11) Ali, Wet Noodles 5-7-1, 490 12) Joebob, Chocolate Love 5-8, 618 13) Stan, The Belching Brides 4-7-2, 545 14) Richard, Spankin It... 4-7-2, 537 15) Mike, Angry Starfish 5-8, 519 16) Tarang, The Hustlers 3-9-1, 560 But since the regular season did not end yesterday, PLAYOFF PROJECTIONS appear again in the Weekly Warble. RIDERS OF THE PINE These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 19 J Fiedler (The Hustlers) 9 J Bettis (Spankin It...) and S Bryson (Midget Tossers) 10 C Conway (Wet Noodles) 11 B Shaw (The Axis of Evil) 10 M Robinson (Manchester United) 7 B Franks (The Belching Brides) 8 J Reed (samurai penguins) 74 points... 14-2 this week, 195-10-3 through 13 weeks. GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM, WHEN TO FOLD 'EM Highest scoring team: Spunk Monkeys - 50.9 ppg Lowest scoring team: Wet Noodles - 37.7 ppg Toughest defense: Spunk Monkeys - 38.9 ppg Softest defense: Chocolate Love - 51.5 ppg League scoring average: 44.3 ppg (up from 43.8 thru last week; last year 47.6) Now on to WIR #13! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS 5 Card Draw Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK The Axis of Evil 7 5 1 3 543 601 W3 Chocolate Love 5 8 0 5.5 618 670 L1 Angry Starfish 5 8 0 5.5 519 614 L4 The Hustlers 3 9 1 7 560 614 L4 7 Card Stud Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 10 2 1 - 662 506 W2 Big Brown Boys 8 4 1 2 577 543 W2 BoyzInTheChineseHood 7 6 0 3.5 645 548 W4 West Coast Offense 6 6 1 4 593 577 W2 Texas Hold 'em Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Manchester United 8 5 0 2.5 598 542 W1 Dirty Sanchez 8 5 0 2.5 584 556 L2 Wet Noodles 5 7 1 5 490 569 W1 The Belching Brides 4 7 2 5.5 545 574 T1 Indian Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Love Touch 7 5 1 3 580 543 T1 samurai penguins 6 7 0 4.5 582 571 L2 Midget Tossers 5 7 1 5 581 590 L1 Spankin It... 4 7 2 5.5 537 596 L1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 13 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** The Axis of Evil 57 (7-5-1) samurai penguins 38 (6-7) pregame spread: TAoE by 5 Just as the oddsmakers predicted, Brodz put together a starting lineup just good enough to win - for the 3rd game in a row. Despite being the 4th lowest scoring team in the league, The Axis of Evil has now guaranteed themselves a spot in the playoffs. And no GM would *want* to face Brodz (the Belichick of RFL) in a postseason showdown. Peyton, S Alexander and Javon led Brodz' team this week - while B Engram was rested once the game was in hand. JoePa was the giant slain by Dave this week. Neither samuari penguin RB was able to waddle into the endzone in this contest, nor was a penguin WR able to belly-flop into the endzone in this game, nor was the penguin TE able to lean his way in for 6. After winning 4 straight (taking his record from 1-4 to 5-4), losing 3 of his last 4 has put Joepa in a most dire set of circumstances regarding recapturing his invitation to the postseason. peyton 17 shauna 13 shipp 2 engram 0 javon 11 wycheck 0 stover 14 brady 10 tyrone 5 cdillon 2 tholt 6 smoss 4 mcmike 1 omare 10 -------------------------------------------- Boyz In Th Chin Hood 80 (7-6) The Hustlers 53 (3-9-1) pregame spread: BITCH by 4 Despite having been eliminated from playoff contention last week and despite facing the 2nd top-scoring offense in the league, the rookie Tarang put up a fierce fight before succumbing in Sunday Nitro action. J Smith and K McCardell had a lot of ground to make up, but unfortunately for The Hustlers... there are no bonus points for career milestones (both of Tarang's WRs hit 700 career receptions in Sunday night's game). C Portis ran all over the Raiders to very nearly match M Faulk's 3-TD performance. Wang made the right call in figuring C Chambers would be able to expose the DAL CBs, but P Price only hitting for a deuce against HOU was pathetic. The positive sign for Peerless (and Alge) was the resurrection of M Vick. Boyz In The Chin Hood's win and season-to-date point total should have a playoff spot clinched. So Wang must hope to avoid injuries in Week 14 - and more importantly hope that his team hasn't peaked too soon. maddox 9 sdavis 6 mfaulk 26 price 2 chmbrs 23 heap 2 wilkins 12 garcia 2 portis 24 jjax 1 jsmits 14 keenan 4 fauria 2 cahney 6 -------------------------------------------- Love Touch 42 (7-5-1) The Belching Brides 42 (4-7-2) pregame spread: LT by 11 Why did Cals pickup J Rice? More importantly... why did Cals start Rice in such a crucial game? Didn't Cals learn his lesson from starting Tim Brown 16 times last season - for a meager 58 pts worth of #1 WR production (although I Bruce unofficially snatched that title away from Tim midway through last season)? Rice had scored 21 pts in 7 starts (lower ppg average than Ti Brown last season) when Wang unceremoniously dumped Jerry onto the free agent scrap heap. Luckily for Cals, his Vikes saved his bacon this week. Stan needed a win, and he needed to score big. The Belching Brides did neither. A season that looked so promising for Stan at 4-3-1 has fallen apart - much like the demise of the Kerry-Tiki-Charlie backfield. The yards were up there for a while. The TDs were never quite there. And everything came crashing down this week - leaving Stan out of the playoff picture. The Belching Brides have gone 0-4-1 over the last 5 weeks. Not even stellar performances from the 3 pass-catchers (Chad, Deion and Itoola each hit paydirt) could save Stan. c'pep 13 kevan 2 rice 1 warrick 3 rmoss 15 graham 0 hall 8 kerry 7 tiki 1 cgarner 1 deionb 9 chadj 12 mili 6 graham 6 -------------------------------------------- Big Brown Boys 56 (8-4-1) Dirty Sanchez 34 (8-5) pregame spread: BBB by 3 In the all-important battle for 2nd place overall (and 125 RFL bucks), Shiv's Big Brown Boys drubbed Vesh's Dirty Sanchez. The oddsmakers pointed out that Shiv would need to choose his WRs and RB/WR wisely... Shiv did indeed bench the struggling T Hambrick in favor of a 3rd WR. And all 3 of Shiv's big, brown WRs hit for double digits right in Vesh's face. And other than his PK, those were basically all the points Shiv would get this week. The oddsmakers also predicted that Vesh would not have many WR pts to bring to the table, and Vesh indeed lost due to the difference in WR pts this week. On the side where the sun does shine for Vesh, Ahman might be due to peak again during the playoffs. As for performances in this game, Vesh got nice games from C Martin (1st TD of the season) and Sharpe. Sharpe has recaptured his fine form from the good ol' days and is trying to hold off T Gonzalez for 1st team All-RFL honors. jblake 3 fredt 6 mccar'ns 11 boston 11 ssmith 10 alge 2 akers 13 bj 3 ahman 3 martian 9 n'cutt 3 kennison 1 sharpe 7 v'teri 8 -------------------------------------------- Chocolate Love 55 (5-8) Spunk Monkeys 75 (10-2-1) pregame spread: CL by 2 Some potential controversy was averted in this game. On Sunday, Joebob inexplicably called RFL HQs repeatedly early in the morning - as the late-to-bed Commish #2 didn't think to turn off his cell's ringer. It seems that Joebob picked up B Forsey, but when attempting to get him into the starting lineup... yahoo refused to allow such a sneak-attack move. But such a maneuver is allowable under RFL rules, so #2 had to send an email to Zach informing him that Forsey was indeed in for M Pittman. Somehow Forsey got loose on the AZ D and put up 11 more pts than Pittman - putting Zach behind 55-51 heading in to Monday Night Madness - instead of being up 51-44. Spunk Monkeys had Air McNair and D Mason going in Madness action, but with Air lame with a calf thing... Zach was in danger of needing 5 pts from D Mason (with Volek at QB) against that fierce J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS D. But after a pregame berating from GM Zach about being a MAN, McNair suited up and clinched the Steamroller for Zach - making Zach the 2nd consecutive GM to win a Steamroller the season after winning the Ags Bowl (Clark did it last year). green 9 rickyw 8 forsey 14 amani 12 anquan 1 declark 1 v'jagt 10 air 11 priest 22 bennett 6 dmason 13 djax 18 teyo 1 edinger 4 -------------------------------------------- Angry Starfish 36 (5-8) Wet Noodles 39 (5-7-1) pregame spread: AS by 10 More potential controversy was avoided in this game - as E George stepped up to the challenge. With Ali riding off into the sunset, rookie Tarang was given the reins to Ali's beast. Tarang instantly came up with some moves designed to get Wet Noodles back into serious playoff contention - attempting to bring in free agent superstars T Pinkston and K Dilger for C Conway and G Anderson. But with Ali inadvertantly blocking all League attempts to shore up his roster, Tarang had to play 5-card draw without the ability to draw any cards. Tarang's key move was getting superstud DAL QB Q Carter in for the woeful P Ramsey. Tarang was also able to light a fire under Marvcus Pollard's lame ass. And then on Monday Night... E George was able to overcome a 36-35 deficit - to deflect QCarter/PRamsey, JJurevicus/CConway, RLongwell/GAnderson controversy. Mike's Angry Starfish was sitting pretty at 5-4 a few weeks ago. But 4 straight losses have booted Angry Starfish right where the sun don't shine - making it 2 straight seasons for Mike without a sniff of the postseason. Angry Starfish continued their WR struggles - as A Johnson and T Taylor decided it was their turn to not play for GM Mike this week. favre 11 LT 13 ttaylor 1 plaxico 6 andrej 1 miller 2 elam 2 quincy 13 egeorge 4 j'vicius 0 marvinh 11 rods 1 pollard 8 l'well 2 -------------------------------------------- Midget Tossers 60 (5-7-1) Manchester United 63 (8-5) pregame spread: MT by 1 The oddsmakers went 2 out of 3 in analyzing this game. They said Midget Tossers' RBs and WRs were due - THenry, JLewis and MMuhammad all came to play. They said Manchester United's Edgerrin would not crack 20 pts for the 3rd straight week - he didn't even come close. What the oddsmakers were wrong about was making Midget Tossers the fave. Drew did manage his highest pt total since all the way back in Week 2, but 60 was not enough - as Clark (thanks to 6 from his Monday Night PK) tallied his highest total of the season. J Kitna has been a godsend for Drew - replacing Bledsoe at QB. But picking up JDunn to fill in for Shockey? What gives? And the drop Kleinsasser, pickup LJ Smith, drop LJ, pickup Manumaleuna, drop Manumaleuna, pickup J Dunn shenanigans on Sunday caused Drew to be hit with half a demerit. Trying to prevent someone else from picking up a TE, eh? Clark certainly wasn't the GM in need of a TE. With 20 pts in 2 starts, Boo has moved all the way up to 12th in TE pts - just 2 behind Booba Franks. kitna 15 thenry 12 jamall 10 moulds 3 muhsin 10 jdunn 0 josh 10 bulge 13 edge 7 moe 8 hiney 14 koren 7 boo 8 dbrien 6 -------------------------------------------- Spankin It... 30 (4-7-2) West Coast Offense 46 (6-6-1) pregame spread: SI... by 6 The oddsmakers are baffled by Richard's decision to leave J Bettis on the bench this week. Although Bettis' number wouldn't have been enough to win this game, suiting up Amarillo Slim to stay in the backfield to block for McNabb was deemed worthy of half a demerit. A full demerit would have been awarded had this not been Thanksgiving weekend. Richard could have earned a playoff berth with wins this week and next, but now Spankin It... has been eliminated from contention. Gary's win has him in 8th place for now. But with a season-ending matchup with 7th place Wang, a loss could have Gary coughing up his postseason spot to Joepa or Drew or even Ali. West Coast Offense has relied quite heavily on their running game this season - causing some disillusionment among the fans. But when you have Deuce and Domanick to tote the rock - and Gannon/Holcomb at QB, we suppose adjustments were necessarily made. mcnabb 6 aslim X joeyg 1 TO 1 coles 5 tonyg 13 mort 4 kellyh 3 deuce 10 ddavis 18 isaac 8 horn 0 freddie 3 kasay 4 -------------------------------------------- WANG'S WEEKLY WARBLE ====== ====== ====== PLAYOFF PROJECTIONS 1) Zach, Spunk Monkeys 11-2-1, 50.9ppg Has clinched Steamroller, will he call off dogs on Brodz? 2) Clark, Manchester United 9-5, 46.0 Running up score on Mike could mean #2 seed RFL bucks 3) Vesh, Dirty Sanchez 9-5, 44.9 Has lost 2 straight, scoring slightly more than next opponent - Cals 4) Shiv, Big Brown Boys 8-5-1, 44.4 Has Vick back, but facing desperate Joepa 5) Wang, BoyzInTheChineseHood 8-6, 49.6 Facing desperate Gary, projections have Wang facing protege Vick in quarterfinals 6) Cals, Love Touch 7-6-1, 44.6 Tight matchup with Vesh - a few RFL bucks on the line 7) Brodz, The Axis of Evil 7-6-1, 41.8 Upset over Zach possible for RFL's "magic man"? 8) Joepa, samurai penguins 7-7, 44.8 Slightly better ppg ave than Shiv, hoping Wang holds off Gary 9) Gary, West Coast Offense 6-7-1, 45.6 Needs upset over Wang - or Joepa loss to Shiv (and a cooled-off Drew) 10) Drew, Midget Tossers 6-7-1, 44.7 Expected to beat Richard, needs help from Wang and Shiv 11) Joebob, Chocolate Love 6-8, 47.5 Expected to beat Ali, but already eliminated 12) Ali, Wet Noodles 5-8-1, 37.7 Still not mathematically eliminated, loss to Joebob would do the trick 13) Stan, The Belching Brides 4-8-2, 41.9 Hoping not to lose to the rookie 14) Richard, Spankin It... 4-8-2, 41.3 Looking to spoil Drew's hopes 15) Mike, Angry Starfish 5-9, 39.9 Looking to take RFL bucks out of Clark's wallet 16) Tarang, The Hustlers 4-9-1, 43.1 Playing for pride ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: ************************************************* RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Sorry, really busy with *real* work this week. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 137 D Culpepper (Love Touch) 133 P Manning (The Axis of Evil) 133 S McNair (Spunk Monkeys) RB 191 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 177 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 139 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) 136 D McAllister (West Coast Offense) 132 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 130 S Alexander (The Axis of Evil) WR 136 T Holt (samurai penguins) 134 R Moss (Love Touch) 112 C Johnson (The Belching Brides) 101 H Ward (Manchester United) 96 M Harrison (Wet Noodles) 96 D Jackson (Spunk Monkeys) TE 76 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 71 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) 48 T Heap (BoyzInTheChineseHood) PK 123 J Wilkins (Boyz In The Chin Hood) 119 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 89 A Vinatieri (Dirty Sanchez) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 17 P Manning (The Axis of Evil) RB 26 M Faulk (BoyzInTheChineseHood) 24 C Portis (The Hustlers) WR 23 C Chambers (BoyzInTheChineseHood) 18 D Jackson (Spunk Monkeys) TE 13 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) PK 14 M Stover (The Axis of Evil) ************** Week 13 total: 135... flopped a set -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** Angry Starfish (5-8, 39.9) vs. Manchester United (8-5, 46.0) Mike Edge Clark B Favre -> M Bulger L Tomlinson <- E James R Gardner -> M Williams A Johnson -> H Ward P Burress -- K Robinson B Miller -- B Williams J Elam <- D Brien Mike is playing for pride, Clark is playing for regular season RFL bucks (Manchester United could finish anywhere from 2nd to 7th). We have seen how Mike has neglected a certain fantasy baseball team. We hope not to see the same behavior here. The question for Mike is: does Favre deserve yet another start ahead of his understudies? Favre is indeed currently 5th among RFL QBs, but perhaps J Delhomme deserves a shot against ATL? What kind of an option is a thumbless Favre against CHI? Angry Starfish rookie WR A Johnson has somehow taken the #1 WR title away from Plaxico and R Gardner. Will the bright lights of the GOTW wake Burress and Rod up? Clark has 2 of the best QBs in Bulger and Hasselbeck (the SEA one, not the WA one). Only Brodz' duo of Manning and Pennington compares. Clark's only tough call comes at RB/WR. Clark is famous for eschewing the 3rd WR option, but with Moe losing so many touches to M Bennett... perhaps Marvcus "TD machine" Robinson deserves a look this week? Will Mike push Clark hard to earn his 2nd place RFL bucks? Will Clark choose wisely at RB/WR? How many pts can LT run up on DET? How many pts can A Johnson and B Miller score on Monday Night hungover JAX? We've heard Mike has called in some favors from Vfb Stuttgart for the 3rd leg of this Champions League tie... *** English soccer is more attractive than German soccer... Man U by 10 *** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: West Coast Offense (6-6-1, 45.6) by 8 over Boyz In Th Chin Hood (7-6, 49.6) Gary needs the win to assure himself of a playoff spot. Wang is due for a big letdown after last week's 80 pt outburst. The Hustlers (3-9-1, 43.1) by 4 over The Belching Brides (4-7-2, 41.9) Tarang's team is still showing some fight. There's only so much Chad can do for Stan's crumbling squad. Love Touch (7-5-1, 44.6) by 9 over Dirty Sanchez (8-5, 44.9) Cals' Culpepper-Moss connection is due to light up SEA. Vesh is not finishing off the regular season like he'd like to. Big Brown Boys (8-4-1, 44.4) by 1 over samurai penguins (6-7, 44.8) With a playoff spot firmly in hand, will Shiv turn Vick loose in this regular season finale? Joepa has the players to win this one - even without W Green. Will C Dillon be able to score on CIN for Joepa? Spunk Monkeys (10-2-1, 50.9) by 2 over The Axis of Evil (7-5-1, 41.8) We keep picking Zach to lose again, but he refuses. We keep picking Brodz to upset faves, and he complies. Let's see what happens when we favor Zach over Brodz... Chocolate Love (5-8, 47.5) by 15 over Wet Noodles (5-7-1, 37.7) Joebob has been eliminated, but he has the players. "Ali" still has an outside shot at the playoffs, but he doesn't have enough players - certainly not enough to score the estimated 137 he needs to have a chance. Midget Tossers (5-7-1, 44.7) by 11 over Spankin It... (4-7-2, 41.3) Drew is still working his outside angle at a playoff berth. Richard's been knocked out.