PLAYOFF PROJECTIONS IN THE WEEKLY WARBLE!!! Reject Fastbreaking LeBron - Week 10 - November 11, 2003 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** I'VE GOTTA COME CLEAN I fell for the hype. I made a mental note to sit a spell in front of my telly last Wednesday for LeBron-'Melo I. As Jim Rome put it so well... with LeBron and Carmelo both sucking, it was just another Cavaliers-Nuggets game. And there I was... sitting there like a sucker... hoping that something magical would happen. IT'S A GREAT TIME OUT! At least the Warriors are playing some solid ball. If I'm not careful, this *lifelong* Knicks fan might turn into a Warriors fan! But with new additions Van Horn and Mutombo, the Knicks are showing some signs of life this season. If only McDyess would stay healthy once he gets back... ...and if only the Mavs would take that awful Allan Houston contract off the Knicks' hands! RIDERS ON THE PINE These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 13 C Pennington (The Axis of Evil) 21 M Williams (Manchester United) 16 W Dunn (Spankin It...) 13 R Gardner (Angry Starfish) 12 E Kennison (Dirty Sanchez) 10 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) 11 M Andersen (Spankin It...) 96 points... 16-0 this week, 149-8-3 through 10 weeks. THE HEAT! MY GOD, THE HEAT!! Highest scoring team: Spunk Monkeys - 49.0 ppg Lowest scoring team: The Axis of Evil - 38.1 ppg Toughest defense: Spunk Monkeys - 38.6 ppg Softest defense: Chocolate Love - 49.0 ppg League scoring average: 43.6 ppg (up from 43.5 thru last week; last year 47.6) Now on to WIR #10! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Cavaliers Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Angry Starfish 5 5 0 3 420 462 L1 The Axis of Evil 4 5 1 3.5 381 489 L1 Chocolate Love 4 6 0 4 469 490 W2 The Hustlers 3 6 1 4.5 436 424 L1 Warriors Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 8 2 0 - 490 386 W1 Big Brown Boys 6 3 1 1.5 447 414 W1 West Coast Offense 4 5 1 3.5 439 458 L2 BoyzInTheChineseHood 4 6 0 4 474 442 W1 Grizzlies Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Dirty Sanchez 7 3 0 1 454 408 W2 Manchester United 6 4 0 2 423 387 L2 The Belching Brides 4 5 1 3.5 422 426 L2 Wet Noodles 4 5 1 3.5 382 428 W2 Clippers Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Love Touch 6 4 0 2 447 402 W3 samurai penguins 5 5 0 3 454 435 L1 Midget Tossers 4 6 0 4 449 467 W1 Spankin It... 2 6 2 5 388 457 L3 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 10 IN REVIEW ***************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Wet Noodles 46 (4-5-1) Spankin It... 45 (2-6-2) pregame spread: WN by 6 Drew-Mike-Zach demonstrated their infinite wisdom in picking this matchup as GOTW! Ali had a 46-28 lead heading into Monday Night Madness, Richard had 4 roster spots going in MNF action... would Richard's trio of Iggles (McNabb, Thrash, Chad) be able to score the 19 pts he needed for sweet, come-from-behind, Monday Night victory? Who would Richard call up to take TO's starting spot? This would turn out to be pulsating, throbbing MN hysteria for the entire 60 minutes (after quite the boring 1st half). To answer the 1st question... Spankin It...'s 3 am-iggles came up just a bit short (1 more yard for Chad would have given Richard a tie). As for the 2nd question... Richard tabbed former Warrior (and still a pouting pseudo-superstar) Gilbert Arenas - wearing "0" on his jersey, of course - to fill in for TO. Demerit for Richard - as he left the bye'ed TO in his starting lineup and left TonyG on the bench behind Chad. TO's spot could have been given to W Dunn (win for Richard) or Tim Brown (tie). Ali's ass was saved by Marvcus Pollard. With new toy Dallas Clark not so shiny anymore, Peyton has come back to old, reliable Marvcus. Losing Marvin H in the same game probably also pointed Peyton back to Marvcus, as well. The Wet Noodles O-line also protected P Ramsey - as Ramsey enjoyed his 1st sack-free game of the season. And when E George scores a TD, you've gotta believe that Ali's gonna win. Borderline demerit for Ali - as everyone knew Kevin Johnson had gotten benched (and now released) by CLE. ramses 10 egeorge 8 cconway 3 marvinh 7 kevinj 0 pollard 11 garya 7 mcnabb 13 bus 3 thrash 3 arenas 0 lcoles 13 clewis 1 hanson 12 -------------------------------------------- Boyz In Th Chin Hood 69 (4-6) The Axis of Evil 39 (4-5-1) pregame spread: BITCH by 5 Bookies all over RFL-land were hating the "BITCH by 5" spread posted by Drew-Mike-Zach. Money was pouring in on Brodz to cover. With S Davis hurt, Wang managed to claim DeShaun on waivers... but he'd still be facing TB. And Marshall Marshall Marshall was finally making his comeback, but against Ray Lewis - not the ideal return date. But sure enough... Wang bumbled his way into starting the right RBs. With the way the BITCH WRs having been performing of late, Wang needed his running game to get going again. Brodz got off to a hot start with Peyton and Shaun Alexander. Marcel even ran for lots of yards, but failed to hit paydirt. As MNF got underway, Brodz was trailing by 31 - with his pass-catchers looking to score about 4 TDs. Instead of 4 TDs... Driver, Javon and LJ combined for a single point. BITCH is now the 2nd highest scoring team in RFL - setting them up nicely if they can use tiebreakers to get into the playoffs. The Axis of Evil continues to struggle putting points on the board, so Brodz will need to work some magic to go 3-1 down the stretch against 4 teams that should be favored to beat him. maddox 12 mfaulk 14 rudij 23 chmbrs 1 price 2 heap 2 wilkins 15 peyton 12 shauna 11 shipp 5 driver 1 javon 0 ljsmith 0 stover 10 -------------------------------------------- The Belching Brides 35 (4-5-1) Chocolate Love 55 (4-6) pregame spread: TBB by 1 Tiki's not bumbling or stumbling, but he sure is fumbling a lot. Also not helping Stan's cause was Chad J's TD that got overturned at the end of the CIN-HOU game. But when Kerry and Tiki combine for a meager 13 against ATL, you don't deserve to win. Joebob made sure that The Belching Brides would go down - and go down hard - by unleashing Trent and Anquan and Desmond for 36. Only 1 Chocolate Love RB has scored more than 10 pts in a game since Week 3 - Arlen Harris' 22 in Week 8. After R Williams averaged 14.3ppg for Joebob in the 1st 3 weeks, Ricky is averaging less than 7ppg in his last 6 starts. If Joebob ever gets his running game cranked up again, Chocolate Love is capable of doing serious damage in the postseason. Stan is now in danger of falling out of the playoff picture. C Garner's status could have a major impact on The Belching Brides' postseason plans. But with the Raiders' problems this season, Garner might have lost touches to the other Raider RBs anyway. kerry 4 tiki 9 cgarner 0 calico 7 chadj 5 booba 0 graham 10 tgreen 16 rickyw 3 pittman 4 amani 1 anquan 12 declark 8 v'jagt 11 -------------------------------------------- Dirty Sanchez 41 (7-3) Angry Starfish 36 (5-5) pregame spread: DS by 1 After having a couple of Monday Night Miracles break in his favor, Mike has now tasted bitter Monday Night Misery a couple of times. With Favre taking the field to protect a 14 pt lead against Ahman, Mike thought he was sitting pretty. But then the rains came. Favre couldn't get a grip, and GB's gameplan turned to Ahman. Favre managed 5 pts for Angry Starfish, but Ahman rumbled and rampaged his way to 24... leaving Mike 5 treadmarks behind. Had Plaxico not flat out dropped a 1st quarter TD pass, Mike could have won this one... but we all know that Plaxico doesn't like playing for certain GMs (or 1 GM in particular). A Johnson, T Taylor and B Miller were all almost as lousy as P Burress. Vesh was so confident in Ahman's ability to overtake Priest's 20 Sunday pts that he suited up Robert Parrish (wearing "00" of course) at WR. That's a borderline demerit for Vesh. A Green now leads Priest by 5 pts in RFL's overall scoring race. LaDainian scored 23 for Mike, but came in 2nd in this game - and fittingly came in a losing cause. bj 11 ahman 24 martian 3 n'cutt 1 parrish 00 schobel 1 conway 1 favre 5 LT 23 andrej 1 travist 3 plaxico 0 bmiller 0 cundiff 4 -------------------------------------------- samurai penguins 28 (5-5) Midget Tossers 31 (4-6) pregame spread: sp by 1 This game was the matchup of the GMs at the end of 1st round of the draft who took 4 RBs with picks 15 through 18. And it was the RBs who absolutely decided the outcome of this one. JoePa is having *serious* problems with his backs. Pick #16 C Dillon's bad attitude was supposed to've been fixed by getting paid last year. But with Marvin Lewis cleaning up the Bungals, Dillon's 'tude clearly shows that he knows he's on his way out with the next pile of rubbish - whether his groin is really hurt or not. Pick #17 W Green is having issues with the hippie lettuce. JoePa sat William out of this contest on suspension - and is hoping Green will come back next weekend with a clear head. Replacing Dillon and Green in the samurai penguins lineup were C Buckhalter and I Hilliard. Ike managed a mere single on Sunday, but Buckhalter had a chance at Monday Night Manliness with JoePa trailing by 4 pts. Alas, C-Buck only came up with one free throw - leaving JoePa a trey short and bringing an end to samurai penguins' 4-game winning streak. Drew's RBs did indeed win this one. Pick #15 T Henry somehow came up with a solid 4 against Dallas, and Pick #18 J Lewis put up 13 on STL in Sunday Nitro action. Midget Tossers were quite lucky to get a win this week - as 3 of his starters took on the Cowboys. To get 7 total pts from Bledsoe, Henry and Moulds must've made Drew ecstatic - a state of ecstasy which perhaps masked Drew's WR problems for 1 week. No Midget Tosser WR has hit double digits yet this season. Even Vesh's sordid assortment of WRs has hit double digits twice. JoePa would've won had he started J Porter instead of Ike. kitna 7 b'halter 1 ike 1 tholt 2 smoss 15 mcmike 1 omare 1 bledsoe 2 thenry 4 jamall 13 moulds 1 abryant 1 shockey 2 joshb 8 -------------------------------------------- Spunk Monkeys 45 (8-2) Manchester United 34 (6-4) pregame spread: SM by 1 For a game most in RFL-land would have picked to be GOTW under normal circumstances, the end result was quite underwhelming. Priest scored 20, Hines scored 15, and the rest of the scrubby scrubs flopped around on the field like so many fish on the deck of Deion's American Sportsman boat. Yeah... Air McNair also hit double digits, but this was his 3rd lowest output of the season. There's plenty of second-guessing to go around in this one. For the Spunk Monkeys, Zach figured M Bennett at SD was a solid play for Bennett's 2k3 debut. Ummm... TJ Duckett scored 2 TDs on the G-men. For Manchester United, Clark figured that J Galloway vs. BUF was a better pick over Moe at the SD Super Chargers. Ummm... Moe hit paydirt twice for the Vikes. That's basically 2 own goals for each side. The loss of overall points probably won't affect Zach's run at the Steamroller, but Clark might regret losing those Moe points come playoff berth-deciding tiebreaker time. Zach wins the clash of Raider fans. Commitment to excellence? air 10 priest 20 mbennett 2 dmason 5 djax 2 becht 2 edinger 4 bulge 2 edge 3 joeyg 1 hiney 15 koren 5 imili 1 dbrien 7 -------------------------------------------- Big Brown Boys 60 (6-3-1) West Coast Offense 44 (4-5-1) pregame spread: BBB by 0 Shiv whines about getting 17 (instead of 18) T Hambrick points last week... the RFL gods grant that 18th T Hambrick point to the Big Brown Boys this week. Ask, and ye shall receive! How you like them apples?!? Drew-Mike-Zach figured this one would be a lot closer than it actually turned out. One could suppose that there are plenty of explanations for the larger than expected margin... J Blake outpointing Holcomb by 8, F Taylor outpointing Domanick by 8, D Boston actually producing solidly (2nd time in double digits in 7 starts), Steve Smith hitting double digits for the 3rd time in 4 weeks, and Gary's I Bruce getting shutout for the first time this season. Gary's West Coast Offense was severely hampered by the bye week of Deuce and J Horn. Domanick, Keyshawn and J Morton balled solidly, but not well enough to win this clash of Giants fans. jblake 13 fredt 20 troyh 1 boston 10 ssmith 10 alge 1 akers 5 kellyh 5 ddavis 12 keysh 10 ibruce 0 jmorton 8 freddie 3 j-kow 6 -------------------------------------------- Love Touch 50 (6-4) The Hustlers 47 (3-6-1) pregame spread: LT by 2 The difference in this game... can you say, "bye bye, Clinton Portis"? Cals got a strong Herschel from Culpepper and Moss (how many draft picks do the Vikes still owe the Cowboys from the H Walker trade?) - while Tarang continues to deny the influence L Betts has on his club when Ladell is in the starting lineup. The Hustlers average 73 ppg when Betts is in the lineup. Without Betts in his starting lineup, Tarang is averaging 36.25 ppg - LESS THAN HALF! Through 10 games Cals has had 16 Culpepper/Moss starting slots. Love Touch has gotten double digits from 13 of those 16 slots. In Love Touch's other 54 starting spots... Cals has gotten double digit production a mere 5 times - J Plummer (1), A Thomas (2), K Barlow (1), J Hall (1)! League Historians are checking to see if there has ever been a more top-heavy team in RFL history. Tarang got double digits from J Jackson (nice pickup), J Smith (nice patience) and K McCardell (nice comeback from RFL oblivion). But going out of your way to pickup a BUF TE who is facing the vaunted DAL D?!? ...highly questionable. c'pep 21 atrain 3 warrick 3 rmoss 13 jreed 1 erron 0 jhall 9 dcarr 9 jjax 10 tglenn 1 jsmits 11 keenan 12 mc'bell 0 elling 4 -------------------------------------------- WANG'S WEEKLY WARBLE ====== ====== ====== PLAYOFF PROJECTIONS Based on current record, current scoring average, and balance of schedule... 1) Zach, Spunk Monkeys, 12-2 current top scoring team in RFL, therefore should go 4-0 down the stretch 2) Vesh, Dirty Sanchez, 10-4 3-1 projected down the stretch, loss would be to Cals 3) Clark, Manchester United, 9-5 loss to Drew leads to 3-1 finish 4) Wang, BoyzInTheChineseHood, 8-6 current #2 scoring team in RFL, already lost to #1, so 4-0 projected 5) JoePa, samurai penguins, 8-6 only loss to Joebob in 3-1 finish 6) Cals, Love Touch, 8-6 2-2 finish, losses to Wang (rarely actually happens) and Vesh 7) Shiv, Big Brown Boys, 7-6-1 1-3 finish, win over Stan 8) Joebob, Chocolate Love, 7-7 #3 scoring team, 3-1 finish, loss to Zach 9) Drew, Midget Tossers, 7-7 3-1 finish, only loss to Zach 10) Gary, West Coast Offense, 6-7-1 2-2 finish, wins over Tarang and Richard 11) Mike, Angry Starfish, 6-8 1-3 finish, only win over Ali 12) Tarang, The Hustlers, 5-8-1 2-2 finish, wins over Stan and Richard 13) Stan, The Belching Brides, 5-8-1 1-3 finish, win over Brodz 14) Ali, Wet Noodles, 4-9-1 2nd lowest scoring team, doesn't play Brodz, 0-4 finish 15) Brodz, The Axis of Evil, 4-9-1 lowest scoring team leads to 0-4 finish 16) Richard, Spankin It..., 2-10-2 3rd lowest scoring team, doesn't play Brodz or Ali, 0-4 finish ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: ************************************************* RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Vesh, we're still waiting by the phone... This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 108 S McNair (Spunk Monkeys) 99 D Culpepper (Love Touch) 99 P Manning (The Axis of Evil) RB 153 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 148 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 112 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) 109 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 100 S Alexander (The Axis of Evil) 92 T Henry (Midget Tossers) WR 115 R Moss (Love Touch) 109 T Holt (samurai penguins) 85 H Ward (Manchester United) 83 M Harrison (Wet Noodles) 78 K McCardell (The Hustlers) 73 S Moss (samurai penguins) TE 45 T Gonzalez (Spankin It...) 44 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 42 T Heap (BoyzInTheChineseHood) PK 98 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 88 J Wilkins (Boyz In The Chin Hood) 74 J Elam (Angry Starfish) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 21 D Culpepper (Love Touch) RB 24 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 23 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) and R Johnson (BoyzInTheChineseHood) WR 15 S Moss (samurai penguins) 15 H Ward (Manchester United) TE 11 M Pollard (Wet Noodles) PK 15 J Wilkins (BoyzInTheChineseHood) ************** Week 10 total: 124... Jump stop my ass -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** Love Touch (6-4, 44.7) vs. West Coast Offense (4-5-1, 43.9) Cals Edge Gary D Culpepper << D Flutie A Thomas >> D McAllister P Warrick -> D Davis R Moss <- J Horn J Reed -> I Bruce D Graham -> F Jones J Hall -- J Kasay Grinding out a 2-2 finish to the season should be enough for Cals to make the playoffs. Gary - on the other hand - will most likely need to go 3-1. Culpepper at OAK should provide a huge advantage for Cals vs Gary's magic Flutie at DEN. Gary might want to consider K Holcomb vs AZ. Cals' big problem is at RB and RB/WR. A Train is the normal starter at RB, but with STL invading Soldier Field... da Bears might be playing catchup shortly after the opening kickoff. Onterrio has been banished to Cals' doghouse. Will Cals turn to K Barlow on Monday Night against the beleaguered PIT D? Gary's RB duo is pretty set with Deuce (vs ATL) and Domanick (at BUF). But with 4 WRs deserving of PT (Horn vs ATL, I Bruce at CHI, Keyshawn vs GB, and J Morton at CIN), maybe Gary will give a start to Keyshawn or Morton if Domanick isn't 100%. Cals has no such WR depth. After R Moss (at OAK)... there is P Warrick (vs KC), J Reed (vs HOU) and D McCants (at CAR). If Cals starts only 1 RB, Josh or Darnerian will have to appear in the lineup. There are no choices to be made at TE. Gary has an interesting choice to be made at PK: Seabass has been Gary's PK every week except for his bye week, but with Kasay vs WA and J-kow vs MIN... the choice might need to be Kasay. How many pts can Daunte and Randy run up on OAK? Will get Cals get any pts from his non-Vikes? How big of an edge will Gary get at the RB slots? Can Gary's QB and Horn keep things close against Culpepper-Moss? *** WCO's depth and balance make the difference, Gary by 5 *** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: Big Brown Boys (6-3-1, 44.7) by 8 over Boyz In Th Chin Hood (4-6, 47.4) Shiv seems to've plugged his QB and WR holes nicely with J Blake and Steve Smith. Wang's RBs are due for a huge letdown. The Axis of Evil (4-5-1, 38.1) by 1 over The Belching Brides (4-5-1, 42.2) Brodz' push for 3 upsets in 4 games starts this week as Peyton and ShaunA lead the charge. Stan's team seems to be coming unglued - and headed for a bad finish. Chocolate Love (4-6, 46.9) by 10 over Dirty Sanchez (7-3, 45.4) Joebob has been consistently scoring 50+ pts of late without much from Ricky or Amani. Those 2 are due. BJ has stabilized Vesh at QB, but Ahman's due for an unfantastic game - and Vesh's WRs are full of woe. samurai penguins (5-5, 45.4) by 6 over Angry Starfish (5-5, 42.0) JoePa is taking a lot of heat in Happy Valley, but nothing that'd stick if only his RBs would start producing again. Mike's team has been rather subpar 5 of the last 6 weeks. Spunk Monkeys (8-2, 49.0) by 2 over Midget Tossers (4-6, 44.9) Zach's WRs are bound to explode again... but RB/WR, TE and PK remain sore spots. Drew's Bills are at home against HOU, so maybe an upset is in the works here. Manchester United (6-4, 42.3) by 3 over Wet Noodles (4-5-1, 38.2) Bulger should bounce back for Clark at CHI, but can Clark solve his RB riddle? Ali's been doing it with smoke, mirrors and M Harrison - what if Harrison's hammy hurts too much? The Hustlers (3-6-1, 43.6) by 4 over Spankin It... (2-6-2, 38.8) Will Tarang get J Garcia back for MNF against PIT? He definitely gets C Portis back from a bye. Will Richard get his Chiefs back in the starting lineup?