Ridiculously Fancy Leotards - Week 7 - October 21, 2003 Guest Writer: Shivan Desai, GM Big Brown Boys **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** BLUNDER IN BOSTON I have never seen so many grown men cry. I have never had so many people look at me with pure hatred and disgust as I jumped for joy. I was behind the bar that magical Thursday night, dishing out drinks to a shitload of drunken Sox fans ready to go down to Fenway and riot like the best of them. That is of course, until 5 outs were left. 5 little outs could have sent this city into a state of joy that I am sure no BU alum has ever seen. But after Pedro and Little and Boone collectively ripped out the hearts of countless Sox fans, all that was left was a bar full of people in awe and shock. Some cried, some got angry pounding their bottles down and leaving, and some just stayed there with their head in their hands in disbelief. I, of course, was ecstatic. Never in my life have I watched a series so intently, just because the people of Boston’s hatred for the Yankees fueled my love for the Bronx Bombers. It was difficult at times: being yelled at, shoved, even almost run over because I sported my team’s logo. At the bar that Thursday night, I didn’t hide the fact that I was a Yankees fan at all. Sure, my tips suffered, but it was worth it. Being here all summer I had to deal with certain Massholes that thought every Sox/Yankees series was for the championship. And when it came down to it, the best two teams in the American League played for a chance at the World Series. Curse or no curse, the Sox were not destined to win that series. This past weekend, while the city was in mourning, I was out celebrating. Yet, when I went downtown to watch Game 1 on Saturday night, I still managed to hear a couple of YANKEES SUCK chants in the bars. Now, c’mon…how pathetic is that! Given the fact that a team that “sucks” just beat the Sox. Sour Grapes anyone? SHIV NEEDS JOB As many of you know, I will be graduating this year with a BSBA (Bachelor of Science in Business Administration) from Boston University. Give me a job. Please. BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 14 J Kitna (samurai penguins) 14 G Hearst (The Belching Brides) 12 S Mack (The Axis of Evil) 12 J Reed (Love Touch) 7 B Finneran (The Belching Brides) 0 C Lewis (Spunk Monkeys) 0 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 59 points... 14-1-1 this week, 105-4-3 through 7 weeks. I LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVE CAKE Highest scoring team: Spunk Monkeys - 52.3 ppg Lowest scoring team: Wet Noodles - 36.1 ppg Toughest defense: Manchester United - 35.9 ppg Softest defense: Chocolate Love - 49.9 ppg League scoring average: 42.7 ppg (up from 42.3 thru last week; last year 47.6) .....on to WIR #7! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Bondage Leotard Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Angry Starfish 4 3 0 2 308 314 W2 The Hustlers 3 4 0 3 298 280 W1 The Axis of Evil 2 4 1 3.5 257 345 W1 Chocolate Love 2 5 0 4 300 349 L1 Sleeveless Leotard Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 6 1 0 - 366 281 L1 Big Brown Boys 5 2 0 1 303 266 L1 West Coast Offense 3 3 1 2.5 298 297 L1 BoyzInTheChineseHood 2 5 0 4 285 311 L4 Pink Dance Leotard Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Dirty Sanchez 5 2 0 1 333 286 W1 Manchester United 5 2 0 1 291 251 L1 The Belching Brides 3 3 1 2.5 296 292 W2 Wet Noodles 2 4 1 3.5 253 281 L2 Crotchless Leotard Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Midget Tossers 3 4 0 3 349 326 W1 samurai penguins 3 4 0 3 294 316 W2 Love Touch 3 4 0 3 283 284 L2 Spankin It... 2 3 2 3 270 305 W1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 7 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Chocolate Love 37 (2-5) The Hustlers 68 (3-4) pregame spread: CL by 3 In a battle for brown supremacy, Tarang’s wily Hustlers rejected whatever love the chocolate was willing to give. Heading into Monday Night, CL needed a hefty performance by Trent Green in order to steal the win, but that just didn’t happen. T-Rang up a lot of points this week for his highest scoring outing of the season with solid performances from Garcia, Portis, Keenan, and especially from the reemerging Terry Glenn who put up a Week 7 leading 22 points off of 3 TDs and some yards. Chocolate Love just can’t seem to get a break as they have the 6th highest scoring team in the league but are in a dismal 2nd to last place. The Week 9 Match-up between The Hustlers and The Big Brown Boys will determine who wins the IFEJ cup. green 10 rwilliams 5 pittman 4 amani 3 lelie 2 fauria 0 ganderson 13 garcia 12 portis 14 betts 0 tglenn 22 keenan 13 conwell 2 feely 5 -------------------------------------------- Midget Tossers 53 (3-4) Boyz In Th Chin Hood 51 (2-5) pregame spread: MT by 8 This is what Monday Night Madness is all about. Going into Monday night, BITCH was looking to upset MT with a solid performance from RFL vet. Jerry Rice. Unfortunately, our 40 year old friend could only manage to scrape up 4 points off a questionable KC pass defense. Things really started to look up for BITCH as T-Sopo led the Raiders down the field, but he was only able to hook up with Rice once during the entire 95 yard drive. T Henry led the way for MT aided by solid performances from each position. Contrary to popular beliefs, punting to ball into the stands does not reward a player with RFL points, but in my opinion, it was J-Shock’s 7 that gave MT the win. On the upside for BITCH, Brooks had his best performance of the season. MT tossed those midgets with pride, but BITCH just tossed the salad. Scrub loss for the Wanger. bj 7 thenry 21 jlewis 5 muhsin 4 abryant 3 shockey 7 jbrown 6 abrooks 16 sdavis 1 pprice 2 rice 4 chmbrs 7 heap 11 wilkins 10 -------------------------------------------- The Belching Brides 50 (3-3-1) Manchester United 38 (5-2) pregame spread: TBB by 1 Man U was wearing a little thin this week with both Ward and James having a bye. Joey G unfortunately could not participate in the Dallas pass attack, which could have put Man U over. Solid performances by the otherwise underachieving WRs on The Belching Brides, and having G-men as your starting QB and RB don’t hurt either. With a full roster, Man U can be something to reckon with, but TBB has won two in a row and is determined to make the playoffs. kerry 7 tiki 6 cgarner 5 donte 10 chadj 13 booba 1 cundiff 8 bulge 14 moe 10 joeyg 0 dez 2 koren 3 ricks 0 cahney 9 -------------------------------------------- Dirty Sanchez 52 (5-2) Wet Noodles 21 (2-4-1) pregame spread: DS by 17 Dirty Sanchez apparently caught Ali’s team Wetting their Noodles a little too much and managed to cover the spread. Vesh continues to tear it up on the points scale, with ahman and troy brown leading the way. The WN didn’t have faith in Tuna’s new star QB. Quincy’s ass languished on the bench with 12 points. It takes TDs to win, and the WN only managed to score one for the week. With half the season gone, the lowest scoring WN have to figure out a way to put some points on the board. Marvin Harrison is going to have to come up huge in order for Ali’s bunch to make a playoff push. Vesh will likely ride that brown mustache all the way to the playoffs with the way his team is playing. chandler 4 ahman 11 martian 5 streets 8 troyb 13 sharpe 4 v'teri 7 ramsey 5 egeorge 3 kfaulk 3 kevinj 3 rods 1 byron 0 l'well 6 -------------------------------------------- Spunk Monkeys 42 (6-1) samurai penguins 54 (3-4) pregame spread: SM by 6 Down 27 points going into Monday Night, the Samurai Penguins could not have been sitting well on their lead. We have all seen Priest put up Godly numbers before, and 3 TDs and 150 yards offense could have won it. Unfortunately for SM, the Raiders D decided (somewhat) to show up on Monday night. Getting nothing out of Teyo Johnson either, the Monkeys spunked it up for their first loss of the season. The penguins receiving core busted out and Brady was able to throw on a tough Miami D. JoePa’s won two in a row after a dismal start of the season and has slain the giant monkey; good outlook for the next couple of weeks if his team can perform like they did this week. air 13 priest 15 tjduck 2 dmason 2 djax 1 teyo 0 edinger 9 tbrady 11 wgreen 3 smoss 12 tholt 15 ike 0 mcmike 6 mare 7 -------------------------------------------- West Coast Offense 54 (3-3-1) Angry Starfish 59 (4-3) pregame spread: WCO by 2 Wow, Monday Night Mayhem. What a difference one year can make. Last year, being down by 6 with Rich Gannon to lead the comeback would have been cake. But, it’s a year later, and he’s a year older. All WCO needed was a combined 7 points from Gannon and Jolley for the win. Gannon gets hurt, and so do the hearts of countless WCO fans. Had Holcombe gotten the start, WCO would have won by 1. Angry Starfish got good outings from their role players, but also a surprising 11 out of Drew Bennett. LT and Deuce are beginning to look like they did last year, but Favre won the battle of the Veteran QBs. On the upside for WCO, they might have found a real keeper in Houston RB Dominick Davis. Scrub loss for WCO. gannon 1 deuce 18 ddavis 11 jhorn 13 ibruce 7 jolley 0 j-kow 4 favre 11 LT 18 andrej 4 drewb 11 gardner 7 bmiller 0 elam 8 -------------------------------------------- Love Touch 37 (3-4) The Axis of Evil 38 (2-4-1) pregame spread: LT by 14 What happened on Sunday was Evil. Axis RB Brian Westbrook returned a punt 85 yards for a TD against the pathetic Giants to boost his point total to 15. This gave the Axis a surprising 33 points from their RBs alone. With Manning having a bye, Brodz was hoping Thunder Chad would get a little playing time in, but that just didn’t happen. Love Touch regretfully left Josh Reed on the bench in his breakthrough performance, otherwise it would have been a win for them. Decent performances by each skill position for Love Touch, but they fell one point short. Scrub win for the Axis of Evil. daunte 11 osmith 7 warrick 8 rmoss 8 mccants 1 declark 1 jhall 1 chadp 0 salex'er 18 w'brook 15 driver 3 bshaw 1 XXXX 0 mgram 1 -------------------------------------------- Big Brown Boys 29 (5-2) Spankin It... 40 (2-3-2) pregame spread: BBB by 5 Monday Night Madness yet again. Spankin It… was down by one heading into MNF with three starters ready to contribute for the win. All three put up points, and Richard went on to get the victory over the 2nd place team. The BBB really got Spanked in this one. Only two starters for Shiv’s team managed to show up this week, as the need for Vick is growing tremendously. The second straight week of double figures from Hambrick and Steve Smith for Shiv. Warrick dunn finally got some points and TO made it happen against the trash-talking Bucs. McNabb’s troubles continue, and Richard might want to think of benching Donovan until he gets his head on straight. joeyh 0 troyh 10 ssmith 14 boston 0 mccareins 1 alge 2 akers 2 mcnabb 1 wdunn 10 tibrown 2 TO 14 lcoles 3 tonyg 5 mort 5 -------------------------------------------- SHIV'S SUNDAY SHAMING ====== GIANTS ANGER FANS With another wretched loss this past Sunday, the New York Giants are angering fans worldwide. Some are calling for the firing of Fassel. Some are calling for an end to the season. Some are calling for Jeremy Shockey to be the star player on special teams with his obvious punting abilities. One Giants fan was heard saying that the Giants would break the record for ways in which to lose a game. This sucks, and I’m sick of it. Prediction: it will end soon. ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: Joshua Veshia, Dirty Sanchez ************************************************* RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Vesh apparently has not come to grips with the Sox' loss to the Yankees. It's just a game, Vesh!!! This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 92 S McNair (Spunk Monkeys) 74 J Garcia (The Hustlers) 67 B Favre (Angry Starfish) RB 112 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 105 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 81 T Henry (Midget Tossers) 78 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 67 R Williams (Chocolate Love) 66 L Tomlinson (Angry Starfish) 66 S Alexander (The Axis of Evil) WR 74 T Holt (samurai penguins) 72 R Moss (Love Touch) 68 M Harrison (Wet Noodles) 53 D Mason (Spunk Monkeys) 53 C Johnson (The Belching Brides) 52 K McCardell (The Hustlers) TE 42 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 36 T Gonzalez (-) 28 A Crumpler (Big Brown Boys) 28 J Shockey (Midget Tossers) PK 64 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 64 J Elam (Angry Starfish) 60 J Wilkins (Boyz In The Chin Hood) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 16 A Brooks (Boyz In The Chin Hood) RB 21 T Henry (Midget Tossers) 18 D McAllister (WCO), L Tomlinson (AS), S Alexander (TAoE) WR 22 T Glenn (The Hustlers) 15 T Holt (samurai penguins) TE 11 T Heap (Boyz In The Chin Hood) PK 13 G Anderson (Chocolate Love) ************** Week 7 total: 116... disappointing -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** Midget Tossers (3-4, 49.9) vs. The Belching Brides (3-3-1, 42.3) Drew Edge Stan B Johnson -> K Collins J Lewis <- T Barber T Henry <- G Hearst A Bryant -- C Johnson C Conway -> D Stallworth J Shockey << ? J Brown -- B Cundiff Both of these teams are coming off of wins and they are hungry for another. As of now, The Midget Tossers seem to be starting B Johnson over Bledsoe this week, so the tilt has to go to my man Kerry Collins. However, the duo of Lewis and Henry can be very difficult to beat. With Shockey at the helm, and TBB starting Grady Little at TE, MT is going to tough to beat. ***Drew tosses belching brides. MT by 8*** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: Angry Starfish (4-3, 44.0) by 1 over Boyz In Th Chin Hood (2-5, 40.7) Mike is without Favre, but LT and Plaxico should be able to carry the load. Wang lost a tough one last week and won’t be able to get over it. Brooks won’t be able to pass on Carolina’s D. Manchester United (5-2, 41.6) by 3 over Dirty Sanchez (5-2, 47.6) Ed James will run all over Houston and Bulger will continue to star for Clark. Vesh is going to miss Ahman too much this week. samurai penguins (3-4, 42.0) by 7 over Wet Noodles (2-4-1, 36.1) JoePa has Brady and Holt, and Dillon can always be a factor. Ali could get a huge game from Harrison against Houston but E George has to get his head out of his ass. Spunk Monkeys (6-1, 52.3) by 21 over Spankin It... (2-3-2, 38.6) Zach is out to avenge his Week 7 loss with Air and Priest. Richard is without Dunn and Coles. Unless McNabb can get something going, TO will have a lot of slack to pull in order for this not to be an embarrassment. Chocolate Love (2-5, 42.9) by 9 over West Coast Offense (3-3-1, 42.6) Green will be in a shootout against Buffalo, and Ricky is going to bust out in San Diego. Maybe even the idiot liquored up kicker will have a good outing against Houston. WCO needs a huge outing from their WRs in order to have a chance. The Axis of Evil (2-4-1, 36.7) by 2 over The Hustlers (3-4, 42.6) Manning is up against Houston and Shaun Alexander is in Cinci. Looks good for Brodz. Tarang’s team is up against some great defenses and will need a big game out of Garcia to win it. Love Touch (3-4, 40.4) by 1 over Big Brown Boys (5-2, 43.3) Cals needs Minnesota to beat up on the Giants to win it with Culpepper and Moss. The Vickless Brown Boys are about as big as the Giants right now. Besides, I never win when I’m favored. GO BIG BLUE!