Roundball Freakish Legends Week 2 September 16, 2003 **** RFL WEEK IN REVIEW **** DEMERITS FOR ALI, RICHARD UNDER CONSIDERATION Check Wang's Weekly Warble section below for more details. REALITY TELEVISION TAKES OVER THE WORLD The Real World, Road Rules, Surf Girls, Survivor, Big Brother, American Idol, Joe Millionaire, Streetball... what's next?!? During Commish Wang's exile to England last football season, there were reality shows set in Heathrow airport and a hair cutting salon! Watch for similar shows to hit our airwaves any time now. But one can't help but feel a little for the streetball legends. These guys got mad skillz, but for whatever reason... just can't keep their heads on straight enough to stick it out in The Association. Let's all hope that Skip To My Lou will stick with the Heat this season. What I can't figure out... when the And 1 tour came to Oak-town, why didn't I see Cals or Joebob trying out to take on the Streetballers?!? After all these years honing their game in Allston and Los Altos (and points before and in between)... certainly Cals could have broken The Professor's ankles with a dazzling dribbling display. Or the Brown Wonder could have dunked on Main Event. BENCH TEAM! These guys' asses languished on their respective teams' pines last weekend: 14 J Fiedler (The Hustlers) 14 TJ Duckett (Spunk Monkeys) 14 M Williams (Manchester United) 14 S Moss (samurai penguins) 12 P Warrick (Love Touch) 1 F Jones (West Coast Offense) 5 M Andersen (BoyzInTheChineseHood) 74 points... 31-1 through 2 weeks. HALF-MAN/HALF-AMAZING Highest scoring team: Midget Tossers - 68.5 ppg Lowest scoring team: Wet Noodles - 25.5 ppg Toughest defense: Midget Tossers - 31.5 ppg Softest defense: The Axis of Evil - 66.5 ppg League scoring average: 44.1 ppg (up from 42.8 last week; last year 47.6) ...on to WIR #2! -------------------------------------------- STANDINGS Sik Wit It Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK The Hustlers 1 1 0 - 92 84 L1 Angry Starfish 1 1 0 - 87 94 W1 Chocolate Love 0 2 0 1 90 110 L2 The Axis of Evil 0 2 0 1 67 133 L2 Hot Sauce Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Spunk Monkeys 2 0 0 - 119 80 W2 BoyzInTheChineseHood 1 1 0 1 90 98 L1 West Coast Offense 1 1 0 1 87 87 L1 Big Brown Boys 1 1 0 1 81 74 L1 Alimoe Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Manchester United 2 0 0 - 99 73 W2 Dirty Sanchez 1 1 0 1 82 88 W1 The Belching Brides 0 1 1 1.5 89 93 T1 Wet Noodles 0 2 0 2 51 86 L2 Escalade Division Team W L T GB PF PA STK Midget Tossers 2 0 0 - 137 63 W2 -nameless- 1 0 1 0.5 86 75 T1 samurai penguins 1 1 0 1 81 89 W1 Love Touch 1 1 0 1 73 84 W1 -------------------------------------------- WEEK 2 IN REVIEW **************** ************************** **** GAME OF THE WEEK **** ************************** Manchester United 48 (2-0) Big Brown Boys 30 (1-1) pregame spread: MU by 6 Not much Monday Night magic for Shiv in this game - as the Big Brown Boys trailed 48-27 with Troy Hambrick aiming to make up that 21 pt deficit. Not only did Hambrick post a number reminiscent of Dallas' other Troy, but Shiv's beloved G-men took a devastating body blow from Bill Parcell's new crew - in Giants Stadium. Clark came to his senses between Tue and Sun - and didn't bench Edgerrin in favor of Moe. But hindsight clearly shows that Moe should have been started over Amos - as PIT was bound to fall behind big to KC and need to run pass play after pass play. Injuries continue to dig a deeper hole for Shiv - as D Boston joined M Vick on the Big Brown Boy injured reserve list. With Joey-CRogers dropping 23 pts (29-6) from Week 1 to Week 2, there was only so much Alge could do. Once Man U had this one in the bag, Clark pulled his foot off the pedal - resting Koren for future battles. Clark, with his 2 pairs (Seabags and Steelers), clearly has the strikers to be in the running for the Steamroller and Ags Bowl this season. Unless Vick and Boston come back in fine form, Shiv looks like he's in for yet another all hype, no cahones season. h'beck 15 ejames 13 amos 3 heinz 8 koren 0 brady 2 cahney 7 joeyh 4 fredt 4 troyh 3 crogers 2 chrebet 4 alge 9 akers 4 -------------------------------------------- Boyz In Th Chin Hood 40 (1-1) Dirty Sanchez 52 (1-1) pregame spread: BITCH by 4 Wang was overrun by strong performances from a handful of former employees. Ahman and Moulds were 2 of Wang's leaders from last year's CitA squad. CMartin and SSharpe were also on recent teams of Wang's. And to top it all off... Wang brought in Kordell as a rookie. After Wang and Cals sat in The Big House to see Kordell hit that Hail Mary against Ty Law and UMich, Wang (alleged circumvented a rule or 2 and) started "Slash" as a WR back in the day when passing/rushing/receiving yds were all combined. Vesh demonstrated his infinite wisdom in starting Kordell over JBlake. Perhaps Vesh knew that SEA would purposely go out of their way to knock Blake out of that game. Vesh's passing D also did a great job in keeping Brooks, Rice, Chambers and Heap in check. Wang is an abnormal Chambers TD outburst away from being 0-2. abrooks 9 mfaulk 10 sdavis 8 rice 2 chmbrs 5 heap 0 elling 6 kordell 6 ahman 15 martian 1 moulds 13 trbrown 2 sharpe 8 v'teri 7 -------------------------------------------- The Belching Brides 43 (0-1-1) -nameless- 43 (1-0-1) pregame spread: TBB by 1 Stan was trailing by a fairly hefty margin (43-25) heading into Monday Night Madness, things were looking pretty grim at the half, but then we had to buckle up for a fantastic finish. Normally you'd expect Kerry and Tiki to be able to combine for 19 pts in a game. Tiki should be good for close to 12 ppg, and Kerry should be able to hit for about 9 ppg. But the G-men really struggled against the Dallas D until they seemingly wore down (and until Roy Williams and Terence Newman forgot that they are supposed to be playmakers). Kerry hit for big pass play after big pass play (including 3 TD tosses). Tiki struggled getting his yds, but ran in the crucial 2 pointer that finally pulled Stan even. But then Stan couldn't get that last point to claim victory. The Belching Brides got left at the altar by Tiki and Charlie this week - and ended up kissing all their sisters (or brothers?). kerry 14 tiki 4 cgarner 5 cjohnson 7 donte 8 booba 1 kbrown 4 mcnabb 6 wdunn 4 tibrown 0 TO 8 lcoles 16 tonyg 0 wilkins 9 -------------------------------------------- West Coast Offense 39 (1-1) samurai penguins 57 (1-1) pregame spread: WCO by 10 JoePa's penguins took round 1 of the 2k3 Kommandant-of-Kappasig competition and evened their record at 1-1 thanks to solid numbers from Brady, Dillon and Holt. Gary's triplets (Gannon, McAllister, Horn) were supposed to be better, but got outpointed 33-19. penguin McMichael's TD also was a deathblow to the West Coast Offense - as Gary's O is kind of sputtering similar to that of OAK's. Gary's cause was not helped by Keyshawn's key TD drop. BJ then looked to Keenan for all future redzone opportunities. After 2 weeks, the 4 starts Zach and Gary have given to OAK TEs Jolley and Teyo have resulted in 1 total pt (for Jolley). The oddsmakers were looking to see some improvement from JoePa's RBs - and Dillon/Green were indeed able to ramp up from 8 to 13 pts. Ike looked pretty good in running up an additional 11 on Monday Night - against G-men fan, Gary, no less. gannon 2 deuce 11 keyshawn 6 horn 6 ibruce 3 jolley 0 j-kow 11 tbrady 14 dillon 10 wgreen 3 tholt 9 ike 11 mcmike 7 mare 3 -------------------------------------------- Spunk Monkeys 60 (2-0) The Hustlers 42 (1-1) pregame spread: SM by 7 As the oddsmakers predicted, Priest was able to keep Spunk Monkeys rolling - running up a quarter on the PIT D. The bookies wondered aloud if Tarang would be able to start some help for JGarcia and CPortis. McCardell's 9 was nice, but a 2nd consecutive single from PPrice?!? For the 2nd straight week, Zach got 0 pts from his RB/WR and TE slots. But 22 and 25 from Priest - plus having a WR step up (DMason in Week 1, DJackson this week) - was all Zach would need. After a nice beginner's luck win for Tarang last week, the rookie was put back in his place by the defending Ags Bowl champs. In addition to not having much support for Garcia and Portis, it didn't help Tarang that his 2 superstars dropped 22 pts (39-17) from Week 1 to Week 2. Bryant and Glenn swapped sixes on Monday Night. mcnair 5 priest 25 boerigter 0 dmason 5 djax 19 teyo 0 mbryant 6 garcia 10 portis 7 tglenn 6 pprice 1 keenan 9 clewis 2 feely 7 -------------------------------------------- Love Touch 35 (1-1) Wet Noodles 25 (0-2) pregame spread: LT by 2 A couple times every season we get real stinkers. This contest certainly counts as stinker #1 of 2k3. Cals regained a bit of his lovin' feeling in improving to 1-1. But to get 29 pts from Culpepper/KBarlow/RLindell - and a grand total of 6 from the other 4 starters (one of whom was named Randy Moss)? 3 pts in 2 games from A Train? 2 total pts from 2 weeks of RB/WR and TE starts? The League is investigating Cals' TE manuevers again - as he dropped the scoring Jed Weaver in favor of non-scoring, fellow UMich alum Riemersma. Allegations of point-shaving shroud Love Touch HQs more deeply. Ali started KWarner over PRamsey - a "decision" that directly resulted in turning a win into a loss. But was it indeed a "decision"? Or was Ali neglecting his team again (like last year)? The oddsmakers didn't think Ali could undercut his 26 pt output from Week 1, but thanks to starting a benched QB... Wet Noodles actually managed to INdo themselves. c'pep 11 atrain 3 kevan 10 rmoss 1 schrder 2 riemrsma 0 lindell 8 warner 0 egeorge 2 emmitt 3 marvinh 9 rods 4 pollard 0 l'well 7 -------------------------------------------- Midget Tossers 82 (2-0) The Axis of Evil 24 (0-2) pregame spread: MT by 3 All the bettors in RFL land put huge amounts of cash money on Drew's Midget Tossers - driving the spread from 3 early in the week all the way up to 53 pts just before kickoff. And all those betting on Drew still came away winners! Drew's WRs are still a weakness, but 48 RB pts (Jamal with lots of yds and a coupla TDs, Travis with 3 TDs and an incredible shortage of yardage) can cure a lot of what ails Drew's WRs. Brodz's WRs inexplicably scored even less than Drew's. The injury to TAoE's DDriver should have meant more pts for Javon against the inept Lions D, but Javon dropped from 10 Week 1 pts to a single pt against DET. Not that it made any difference in the long run, but Brodz' PK also had 7 pts vanish into thin air thanks to blocks. A positive sign for Brodz was that Shaun demonstrated the potential to be more consistent this season. bledsoe 12 thenry 19 jlewis 29 cconway 4 thrash 4 shockey 6 jreed 8 peyton 6 salex'er 9 smack 1 javon 1 n'cutt 3 kinney 1 mgram 3 -------------------------------------------- Angry Starfish 55 (1-1) Chocolate Love 51 (0-2) pregame spread: AS by 11 Joebob tried to complete a come-from-behind victory on Monday Night with A Toomer looking to put up 18+ on the Cowboys. Amani ended up scoring a very respectable 13, but it wasn't enough - as Mike's Chocolate Starfish ended up clenching a 55-51 victory. Mike got Krispy Kreme dozens from WRs Plaxico and RGardner - and a baker's dozen from his PK. The 12 from Gardner was a great sign for Mike - as a full season with a stable QB situation should result in a really nice season for RodG. The Angry Starfish front office's decision to insert Andre Johnson into the starting lineup (in place of A Twain) resulted in the margin of victory. R Williams and the liquored-up PK each hit for 15 for Joebob's Love of Brown Goodness, but the 3 total pts from Anquan, MarTayB and W Walls(???) doomed Joebob to a 2nd consecutive defeat. There are 2 givens in RFL: 1) Wang doesn't get WRs, and 2) Joebob doesn't get TEs. JoePa also seems to have problems with TEs, but McMike might fix that problem this year. favre 8 LT 6 andrej 4 plaxico 12 rgardner 12 bmiller 0 elam 13 tgreen 5 rwilliams 15 aboldin 3 amani 13 martayb 0 walls 0 v'jagt 15 -------------------------------------------- WANG'S WEEKLY WARBLE ====== ====== ====== I would like to propose a new policy whereby a GM demerited thrice in one season would NOT be invited to return the following season. A bunch of you current GMs would like to see the league drop to 14 GMs. This could be a way to get there. Under the newly proposed policy, Ali and Richard would've been demerited once each for this past weekend. It's cliche to say that membership in RFL is a privilege - NOT a right. League Founder Cals is probably the only GM with a lifetime membership in RFL. Joebob and Brodz (GMs since Year 1) seemingly are at the top of the 2nd tier - with Stan (in since Year 2) right on their heels. In addition to their longevity, these 4 guys clearly take pride in their franchises - giving their all week in and week out. But what about GMs who don't manage their teams every week? Should we be content to collect their 50 RFL bucks every year and have a warm body at the draft? I don't think so. Personally... nothing disappoints or annoys me more than a negligent GM. I'm referring to GMs who "drop off" for weeks at a time - or for the balance of a "lost" season. Another major annoyance is a GM who doesn't name his team - or keeps the same team name despite knowing that league "policy" is to pick a new name each year. Some might have thought that I rode Ali pretty hard last season for allowing his team to coast from Week 1 through Week 7. But after leaving 2 bye week "starters" in his lineup for Week 6 and leaving 4 bye week starters in his Week 7 lineup, enough was enough. This past week... who didn't know that K Warner had been benched in STL? How many RFL GMs would have left P Ramsey on the bench and K Warner in the starting lineup this past Sunday? Sorry, Ali... but if you can't run your team yourself, ask someone else to step in for you. As for Richard (and his yet-to-be-named team)... the league site tells us that Richard hasn't touched his team since AUGUST 18! This simply is not acceptable RFL GM behavior. I know you're busy with work and home life and all, Richard... but like Ali, I know there are people you could ask to run your team for you. RFL is about COMPETING in fantasy football world. It's not about rolling your helmets onto the field, or mailing it in, or otherwise being wholly negligent - effort-wise. ANY COMMENTS ON THIS PROPOSED DEMERIT SYSTEM? ************************************************* RFL GM Profiles: Zach Abad, Spunk Monkeys ************************************************* Zach Abad, GM of Spunk Monkeys is currently at the beginning of his 2nd RFL campaign. After a 1-5 skid dropped Zach's record to 5-6 in his rookie season, Zach's Fat Bastards were able to ride 3 of his beloved Raiders (C Garner, J Rice, S Janikowski) to the #3 seed in the playoffs (8-6 regular season record, 4th highest scoring team) and an Aglione Bowl championship victory over Brodz' Furious Gefilte Fish. RFL Week in Review Editing Staff: Zach, you won the Aglione Bowl in your rookie season. How did you prepare for that game? What was it about your team that brought destiny to your side? Zach Abad: [blushed like a bride the morning after really getting it for the first time, coyly signaled that there'd be no comment] RFL: What is your breakfast of champions for a Sunday of RFL action? ZA: That's easy... 2 bacon egg and cheese biscuits and 2 sausage McMuffins. I tried to go with the McGriddles this year, but I'll have to go back to what works after the poor performance of the Raiders these last 2 weeks. RFL: Hopefully we'll all still be playing RFL in 10 years. That said... how many Steamroller trophies (regular season champion) and Aglione Bowls will you win over that time? ZA: I see myself winning no less than 5 over that time period. My style is immaculate... my defense is inpregnable... I want to eat your babies. Whoa sorry, got a little carried away there. RFL: Why are you a Raiders fan? Why not the Niners? Or the Rams? Or the Chargers? Or any other team? ZA: I'm a born and bred Oakland boy. I stay true to my area. RFL: Let's say the 1st 4 picks of the draft went Ricky, LaDainian, Priest and Marshall. Given your alleged hatred of the Broncos... do you take Portis at #5? Or do you go Vick or Deuce or Shaun Alexander? Had you been playing RFL a few years back, would John Elway have ever been your starting QB? ZA: Unfortunately you can't always start 3 players from your favorite team and ride them to the championship. As much as it would have pained me, you have to take the best player available. You know like Michael Bennett. ;) RFL: Who are your favorite football players of all time? ZA: I'd have to go with Todd Marinovich and Jay Schroeder for their committment to excellence. Seriously... even though his career was very short, it would have to be Bo Jackson for his sheer dominance in Super Tecmo Bowl. RFL: What should we know about your Spunkey Monkeys? How far will they take you this season? ZA: Well it looks like Priest was a steal so far, but it's way too early to make any predictions. RFL: For the guys in the league who don't know... please tell us where you went to college - and tell us 1 or 2 interesting things about your college years. ZA: I went to Cal Poly. If i can remember it, it probably wasn't that interesting. RFL: Tell the rest of the league something about Mike (GM, Angry Starfish) that we should know - that perhaps he wouldn't want us to know. ZA: Mike has a thirst for Malt liquor. In college he would routinely down 2 or 3 40s a day. He once did the hundred club using Old English for all 100 shots. Not coincidentally his rapping career began at the same time. Get enough beer in him and he'll be bustin rhymes like 50 Cent. RFL: Tell the rest of the league something about Drew (GM, Midget Tossers) that we should know - that perhaps he wouldn't want us to know. ZA: Drew was voted Most Popular in high school. What's funny is his twin brother was voted Best Looking. He got the brains, and his brother got the looks. Of course his class was only 53 people. Slim pickins in Biggs, CA. This has been an RFL interview. The rights to all proceeds made from this interview belong to the RFL WIR and exclusively to the RFL WIR. ******************************************************** SEASON POINTS LEADERS ********************* QB 28 J Garcia (The Hustlers) 25 D Culpepper (Love Touch) 23 M Hasselbeck (Manchester United) RB 47 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) 39 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 38 T Henry (Midget Tossers) 33 A Green (Dirty Sanchez) 28 C Portis (The Hustlers) 28 R Williams (Chocolate Love) WR 25 H Ward (Manchester United) 23 C Chambers (BoyzInTheChineseHood) 22 L Coles (-nameless-) 22 D Jackson (Spunk Monkeys) 21 T Holt (samurai penguins) 18 C Johnson (The Belching Brides) 18 P Burress (Angry Starfish) 18 A Toomer (Chocolate Love) TE 20 A Crumpler (Big Brown Boys) 9 S Sharpe (Dirty Sanchez) 8 J Shockey (Midget Tossers) PK 25 J Elam (Angry Starfish) 24 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) 19 S Janikowski (West Coast Offense) -------------------------------------------- RFL ALL*STARS ************* QB 15 M Hasselbeck (Manchester United) RB 29 J Lewis (Midget Tossers) 25 P Holmes (Spunk Monkeys) WR 19 D Jackson (Spunk Monkeys) 16 L Coles (-nameless-) TE 9 A Crumpler (Big Brown Boys) PK 15 M Vanderjagt (Chocolate Love) ************** Week 2 total: 128... Prime Objective -------------------------------------------- NEXT WEEK's ACTION **** GAME **** OF **** THE **** WEEK **** Angry Starfish (1-1, 43.5) vs. The Axis of Evil (0-2, 33.5) Mike Edge Brodz B Favre <- P Manning L Tomlinson -> S Alexander A Johnson -- S Mack P Burress <- J Walker R Gardner <- B Shaw B Miller <- E Kinney J Elam <- M Gramatica 3 Houston Texans starting in a single RFL matchup?!? Tell us it ain't so! With Mike starting Andre Johnson (over A Twain) and B Miller... and Brodz with S Mack, it looks like the unspeakable will be spoken. Who knows? Maybe 3 Cowboys (out of the currently owned QCarter, THambrick, ACason, JGalloway, ABryant, TGlenn) will get started in a single matchup later in the season? Back to Mike against Brodz... Peyton probably would normally be favored over Favre, but Brett looks to light up the AZ D this week - while Manning faces the Jags. At RB#1, Brodz should be slightly favored - with SAlexander running against STL while Mike has LaDainian facing off against Ray Lewis. At RB/WR, 2 of the aforementioned Texans (A Johnson, S Mack) are facing the Chiefs. S Mack, being a RB, would normally be favored. But the Texans will most likely be playing catchup, so A Johnson pulls even in this matchup. Burress and Gardner are flat out better than Javon and B Shaw (or D Northcutt) - no matter the matchup. B Miller is a slightly better TE (it's not even clear that E Kinney will get more catches than Shad). And we can't pick M Gram until it's clear that TB rediscovers how to block for placekicking situations. **** Is Brodz up to the challenge? We'll see, Mike by 11 **** -------------------------------------------- Other Tilts: samurai penguins (1-1, 40.5) by 4 over Boyz In Th Chin Hood (1-1, 45.0) JoePa can claim the Kommandant of Kappasig trophy with a win in this one, and his RBs are due for a big game. Wang will be missing S Davis. The Belching Brides (0-1-1, 44.5) by 7 over Dirty Sanchez (1-1, 41.0) Stan's RBs are due, and the PK situation can't get any worse. Vesh's QB situation is getting uglier and uglier. Spunk Monkeys (2-0, 59.5) by 10 over West Coast Offense (1-1, 43.5) How many times can Priest compensate for Zach's zeroes at RB/WR and TE? Gary should be able to make a game of it, but it doesn't look like he's got quite enough ammo. The Hustlers (1-1, 46.0) by 3 over Wet Noodles (0-2, 25.5) Tarang should get better numbers from JGarcia, Portis and PPRice. Is Ali dwelling in a Kavir? Will he take the reins of this rudderless, sinking vessel? Manchester United (2-0, 49.5) by 9 over Love Touch (1-1, 36.5) Clark should be able to win his 3rd straight without breaking too much of a sweat. Cals has too many question marks outside of Culpepper-Moss-PK. Midget Tossers (2-0, 68.5) by 15 over Big Brown Boys (1-1, 40.5) Drew should score closer to 55 than 82 this week. Even a Joey-CRogers explosion against the Vikes shouldn't be enough for Shiv. Chocolate Love (0-2, 45.0) by 8 over -nameless- (1-0-1, 43.0) Booker's bye week should indirectly help Joebob figure out his WR2 and RB/WR mess. If Richard doesn't address his QB situation (and we doubt he will), Joebob gets 1st win of season.